Elementary
by LightningHunter
Summary: AU. Use brains, not brawn. Observation and deduction is how you stay ahead. Go further than anyone on the path of ninja or to leave it completely. To build yourself a name even when bereft of a village. Naruto is based on Sherlock Holmes, not a crossover.
1. Adventure I The Demon in the Mist

Well, here it is. LightningHunter's biggest ever production. A story when Naruto uses brain over brawn. A story when Naruto leaves his home. A story when Naruto becomes ...a legend.

May I simply comment on the remarks this story gained. The response has been very positive, and I am pleased to hear so many enjoyed it. I would also just like to say... What the Hell? 173 Hits, and only 3 reviews? That was a preview, and as such, is more open to critical comment. I'm not going to continue screaming about that though, otherwise I would become one of the things I loathe, a person who practically holds their story hostage until they get enough reviews. Usually, an author that needs to that is so sad that they'd enable anonymous reviews, and start reviewing their own fics. The levels of sadness you get on this site is extraordinary. Although, it was quite nice to see someone put the preview into a c2, which I found quite amusing, since it was just a preview.

I'd also like to commend KyuubiWindscar on his fic, The Key, the Gama and the Ugly Sennin, which as he states in his profile "elements from Toad Hermit by LightningHunter." He's perhaps the only person to admit, because as I pointed out in my profile, it seems all the non-bleach related-Reaper fics were started after my one was started. I know most haven't copied me, but some...well, if someone reading this actually reads other Reaper fics, please inform me if the Reaper in it is capable of controlling shadows, or blood, or can summon dead warriors or a black steed. Back to the point, I'd like to recommend The Key, the Gama and the Ugly Sennin, mostly for two reasons, one it was capable of breaking the writer's block I have for Toad Hermit (which will be re-written, and no Sharingan-insaneness this time I'm afraid) and the second reason is that ...it's good, which is more that can be said for half the bollocks you get in the Naruto archives. In fact, I saw a HIGH-SCHOOL FIC with more reviews than any of my stories. Please, for the love of anything holy/scientifIc, please tell me they were all flames! That's hell for a guy's self-esteem!

Well, I've bored you long enough. Time to get on with the story. One more thing, I am unsure of the pairing, if there will be one, but if there is, it won't interfere with the main storyline much. ...is it me, or am I always unsure of the pairing?

* * *

**Elementary**

_a story of a genius_

Adventure I- The Case of the Demon in the Mist

Over glancing over the many things I have recorded in my life, there is little more that strikes me than the sheer intelligence of one man. A man who never let a trifle thing like emotion get in his path- his goal, to fight injustice, and solve their crimes. He gained a pleasure from it, and had a passion for very definite and strict knowledge.

His name was Uzumaki Naruto, a ninja, but certainly, one of the most intelligent ninja alive. Intelligent is a small word for him. Genius, brilliant! I have never seen such brainpower in any other man, and the reason for his intelligence, is because he once was told: "Fun and pranks is all very well, but those who are truly remembered are those with brains."

Grudgingly, I believe, he set down to study, before finding himself entranced in knowledge. But eventually this stopped, and he began to only study the areas that could be of use to him.

However, studying had a slight problem, and although he was relatively strong, his chakra control was below average, although this mostly came from having a demon sealed into his navel, the most powerful of the tailed beasts, the Kyuubi no Yoko.

Recently, Naruto had been informed of the Kyuubi, by a traitor, attempting to kill him and steal a scroll bearing powerful jutsu. Naruto, instead of breaking down like the traitor expected, simply laughed, revealing that not only had he deduced the fact long ago, but also suspected the traitor in the beginning. He had mastered the Shadow Clone Jutsu –also called the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu- from the scroll, and was actually a clone, the real Naruto currently informing an ANBU team of the traitor's location.

Due to his aid in capturing a traitor, saving a Chunnin, and being able to master the powerful jutsu, he was promoted to Genin.

After doing several, uninteresting missions –or perhaps, chores for citizens who were willing to pay- , Naruto and his team were finally given a mission that on the appearance was a simple C-ranked mission, protect a bridge builder from bandits and highwaymen. It was a C-rank mission, but Naruto found several faults in (the bridge builder) Tazuna's story.

However, he did not voice his thoughts, and spent the rest of the day learning all he could about the Land of Waves, Tazuna's destination.

Finally the mission had begun, and the five of them, the copy-nin, the bridge builder, the Uchiha, the genius and the...pink-haired girl had left Konoha.

Naruto allowed his thoughts to stray for a few moments, and they came up with 'First time out of the village...and I can see why it's called Hidden in the Leaves.' He exhaled, before putting his left hand into a pocket on his brown trench coat. His right hand held a cane, but not because of an injury.

However, there was a good reason. After several examinations, he had discovered how to accurately mimic limps, which he did, claiming his leg was weak, and although he could run on it, it caused him a good deal of pain.

His peers at the Academy had often mocked and ridiculed him, saying how could a cripple be a ninja, when Naruto was simply pretending, for the mere purpose of having a trump card. The enemy will always underestimate disabled people.

And now, Sakura had suddenly asked Kakashi whether there were ninja in the Land of Waves. He chalked it up to mere childishness, surely if they had ninja, Tazuna wouldn't need an escort. She couldn't possibly be _that_ incompetent...

Suddenly, a thought struck him, and another link was complete in his chain of thoughts.

"Say," Naruto unexpectedly said. "Mr. Tazuna...why did you come to Konoha in the first place?"

The four people turned to face him, but still walked on, did not stop.

"Huh?" said Tazuna.

"Surely, Mr. Tazuna, if you're building a bridge, shouldn't you have been staying in the Land of Waves? Why did you suddenly decide to come to Konoha? And I also note you had no escort on the way here. Why are you so anxious for protection now?"

"Er...well..." Tazuna stuttered.

"I think Naruto has a valid point," said Kakashi, his visible eye narrowed. "Well, _Mr._ Tazuna?"

"Ah...well, you see..."

Naruto's eyes fell upon a puddle, and the following deduction took less than a second, and he knew what would happen.

Two ninja burst out of the puddle, their chain weapon ripped through Kakashi, before they lunged at Tazuna.

One of them leapt at Naruto, but he threw something into the ninja's face, and the ninja collapsed.

A shuriken flew through the air, and Sasuke pinned the chain to a tree, before punching out the remaining ninja.

"Well, that was quite impressive," said a voice, and Kakashi appeared behind them.

"Kakashi-sensei!" said Sakura. "But how-"

"Replacement," answered Kakashi, before he quickly tied the two ninja to a tree, and beginning his interrogation.

"How did you-hey, what are you doing!?" demanded one, noticing Naruto examine his gauntlet.

"An interesting weapon," commented Naruto. "I've never actually seen a chain weapon like it. And poison coating the claw..." Naruto removed a vial from a pocket on the inside of his coat, before he drew the poison into it. He corked the vial, and held it up to the light, gazing at the liquid death, before he pocketed it.

"If you're wondering why we noticed you, it was simple. There was a puddle there. A puddle on a hot day when it hadn't rained in weeks? You could have hid in a tree and you'd have been hidden better," said Kakashi. "So...who hired you?"

"..." The Demon Brothers were silent.

"Hey," said one. "What was that you threw into my face?" The question was directed at Naruto.

"A special sleeping-gas bomb that lasts two to three minutes," answered Naruto, before he leaned forward. "Was the man who hired you...Gatou?"

The duo shook. "How-How did you know?" demanded one.

"I didn't," said Naruto. "It was a long shot, but you merely confirmed my suspicions." He turned to Kakashi. "Looks like they've answered your question, sensei."

"Gatou...of Gatou Shipping? Interesting...I will of course, be asking why you suspected him, Naruto," said Kakashi, before turning to the Demon Brothers again. "Any other interesting points?"

One hissed and remained silent, but one leaned forward. "Just one thing. The Demon lies further up the road."

* * *

The five had made it to the island, and were off the boat now. A mist still hung in the air, disturbing Naruto, as a mist hides things, whether it is natural or not.

"So, Tazuna...you have a lot of explaining to do," said Kakashi. "Why does Gatou want to kill you?"

"Well-"

"It is rather obvious, Kakashi-sensei," commented Naruto.

"Oh? Care to elaborate?" said Kakashi. His student's habit of knowing just about everything was somewhat annoying. And Sasuke and Sakura were blatantly jealous of this ability he had.

"Gatou runs a shipping company. As the people of this island cannot protect itself, due to lack of ninja, and the fact they have no chance of getting off the island, it is clear he holds a great monopoly over the people, no doubt exploiting them. The bridge that Tazuna will build will unmistakeably open trade routes, and thus ending Gatou's reign."

"True...but why would a manager of a shipping country go so far?" asked Kakashi.

"Gatou's not just a manager," said Tazuna. "He's a smuggler."

"There have been many rumours of Gatou's dealings," confirmed Naruto. "Another advantage for locating here, where no one can reach him."

"But then, what's this demon?" asked Sakura.

"Gatou's army is mostly thugs and the occasional missing-nin. I've never heard anything of a demon," said Tazuna. "I reckon those guys were just trying to scare us."

"What would be the point of that?" sneered Sasuke.

"He's right," said Naruto. "Saying such a thing would only scare civilians at most, and be useless. No, it is much more likely that the word "Demon" is a nickname."

"Who-Who could have "Demon" as a nickname?" gulped Sakura, a shiver running up her spine.

"Demon is a rather common nickname," said Kakashi. "However, all the ninja who bear it tend to be at least A-class..."

"Sensei, have you got a bingo book?" asked Naruto.

"Huh? Oh, yeah," muttered Kakashi, as one hand rummaged through his pouch. He at first pulled out a certain orange book, which was the wrong book, before finding the right one.

Naruto immediately opened it, and started to flick through the pages. Before long, he stopped, and showed the page to the others.

"I found our demon."

"Momochi Zabuza...crap," said Kakashi.

"You sure?" asked Sasuke, barely turning to face Naruto.

"Demon, check. Former Mist shinobi, like the Demon Brothers, check."

"There are other ninja from the Mist who are referred to as a Demon," said Kakashi, turning a few pages.

"True, but this one wants money. And Gatou is very rich," answered Naruto.

Kakashi was silent. A part of him was wondering what to do. The other part of him wanted to ask why Naruto knew so much.

"Team...we're turning back. We're heading out for Konoha."

The genin instantly turned, visibly surprised.

"W-What?" stammered Tazuna.

"You paid us for a C-rank mission. You lied to us Tazuna; this mission is at least an A-rank now. With a former-swordsman from the Mist, the risk is too great for a genin team."

"But this village can't afford even a B-rank!" protested Tazuna.

"Give me one good reason why we should stay," said Kakashi firmly, but he did not expect the teary tirade Tazuna went into, about his poor daughter and grandson.

"That's just pathetic," said Sakura.

And although Naruto and Sasuke were silent, their faces were clear with the reaction to the display.

"Well, I'll ask you guys," said Kakashi. "You three vote on whether we'll go or stay."

"Stay," was Sasuke's answer, before he turned to face Naruto and Sakura, anticipating their answer. 'This is a chance for me to get stronger...I can't just let it go!' he hissed inwardly.

Naruto was the next to answer. "Go. This is a situation beyond us. We have our own duties to perform."

Everyone's gaze turned to Sakura, who looked quite perturbed by becoming the centre of attention.

Currently, she was having a great battle with her thoughts, more precisely, her rational side, and her "romantic" side. 'I might die!' screamed her rational part. 'But if I say "go", Sasuke will never speak to me again!' screamed the romantic part. Eventually, she decided to pick by random, before deciding:

"Stay," she said decisively, trying to mask the hints of fear in her voice.

Naruto and Kakashi sighed, while Sasuke smirked to himself, and Tazuna also sighed- in relief.

"Alright. Let's continue," said Kakashi.

They continued, breaking away from paths and roads to enter the forest, travelling through thick bushes and shrubbery.

"There's a lake here," Tazuna suddenly said. "Right over there," he pointed.

"So I see...how far are we from-" Kakashi froze, and so did the genin, as they heard a noise from a bush very close to their group.

Naruto turned to face his team, and he nodded at Sasuke and Sakura. The three reached for kunai, and warily approached.

The bush rustled again, and a rabbit hopped out.

"Just a rabbit," said Sakura, clearly relieved.

'That fur...that rabbit has been kept as a pet...used for Replacement!' Naruto's eyes widened as his chain of thought went through his head. 'But that means-!'

"Duck!" shouted Kakashi, pulling down Tazuna. A giant zanbato whizzed over their heads, before it embedded itself into a tree trunk. A figure suddenly appeared on it, with his back to them.

From the photo shown in the bingo book, they instantly knew this was Zabuza, the Demon in the Mist.

"You were right Naruto," said Kakashi. "It is Zabuza."

"Well well, what do we have here? My target...two brats and a crippled brat...and the notorious Copy-Ninja, Kakashi of the Sharingan. The man they say has copied over one thousand jutsu with his Sharingan eye."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, before he lifted his headband, and exposed a blood-red eye, with three black comma-like shapes that orbited the pupil.

"You three, protect Tazuna. You can't help me against someone like this."

The genin surrounded Tazuna, different thoughts going through their heads.

'This is the...Demon in the Mist...creepy...I hope Kakashi-sensei beats him...' thought the Sakura.

'Kakashi has a Sharingan eye?' thought Sasuke. 'But that is the kekkai genkai of the Uchiha Clan...my Clan. How does he...could he...?'

'Ah, the swordsmanship of Kiri versus one of the most prized bloodlines of Konoha...sounds quite enjoyable. I'll predict a close, yet victory for Kakashi, unless Zabuza outsmarts him,' were the thoughts of Naruto.

As he began to care less and less about the situation, turning his mind to slightly more mundane activities, he was suddenly tapped on the shoulder by Sakura –if he didn't pretend to be crippled, he was sure she would have hit him- who was startled he hadn't noticed that Kakashi was captured in an unfamiliar jutsu, while a Water Clone stood on guard, as Zabuza was now forced to stand still to hold Kakashi in his water prison.

"Run!" shouted Kakashi. "This battle is over! Get Tazuna out of here!"

'Run?' thought Sasuke. 'We can't run, where will we go?'

"The clone can't travel too far from the original! Your mission is to defend Tazuna!"

"Understood," said Naruto, and he grabbed Tazuna's shoulder and backed away, as he watched the Clone for any movement.

"Naruto!? You're just going to abandon Kakashi-sensei?!" Sakura half-screamed.

"He gave us an order," replied Naruto.

"But don't you remember what he said to us when he gave us the bell test?!"

"Obviously Sakura, I was the one who worked it out within a minute," answered Naruto shortly.

"I meant that he said we should never abandon a teammate!" hissed Sakura, as she glanced over to the Water Clone, which was still motionless.

"That theory doesn't apply to real life. It works fine in fantasy stories, but real life-"

Naruto was suddenly pulled up by Sakura, and she lifted him up to her face –Naruto is shorter than anyone in his team- and she shook him furiously.

"If you don't help, I'll break your other leg!" she shouted at him.

Now that would have been a major blow –quite literally- as not only was Sakura capable of doing so with that insane strength she seemed to gain whenever she was angry, but Naruto had only ever been practised using a cane with his right leg, and he didn't enjoy the idea of having to do the same, only for real, with his left.

"Very well, very well. I'll help," said Naruto clearly disgruntled, before shuffling out of Sakura's reach, slightly ahead of Sasuke.

"You?" sneered Zabuza. "You couldn't lay a scratch on me if my eyes were closed."

"Would you like to test that idea?" asked Naruto, a kunai slipping from his left sleeve and into his hand.

Zabuza laughed -a chilling sound. "Please, do you honestly believe you can defeat me? Even at your age, my hands had already crushed countless opponents."

"That was...you?" started Kakashi.

"Ah, you heard of it," laughed Zabuza manically.

"What happened?" asked Sakura.

"Many years ago...Kirigakure had a very ...unique graduation test."

"What kind of graduation test?" asked Sakura, nervously.

"One of killing," Naruto's voice was that which answered. "You had to kill another graduating student."

"What?!"

"It was a hell of an experience," said Zabuza. "The kids you ate alongside, played with, practically your brothers and sisters...were now your enemy." Zabuza broke into laughter, and the genin felt a very cold shiver crawl up their spines.

"It earned the village the nickname "The Bloody Mist." But the test was eventually abandoned," said Kakashi. "Because one kid, who wasn't even a ninja, killed one hundred academy students."

Zabuza laughed again, and without a doubt, the genin realised that this was that "kid."

"It felt so...so good!" laughed Zabuza.

'So, this is one of the many reasons they give him the title, "Demon of the Mist." But the important thing is now, how to free Kakashi-sensei?' Naruto wondered, before his mind immediately thought of a plan.

He was instantly about to put it into action, when Sasuke sprinted forward, his hands forming the seals for a Katon jutsu, intent on destroying the clone.

"No!" exclaimed Kakashi, Naruto and Sakura simultaneously. Sasuke received a swift punch to the chest, before the clone reached for the zanbato...

Naruto sprinted forward, long having mastered how to run with a cane, and plucked a small object from his coat, and flung it at the clone. Surprised, the clone dropped Sasuke, and tried to avoid it, and was covered in smoke as the bomb exploded.

"What is it? Smoke grenade? Bomb?" asked Sakura, as Sasuke hurried back to the safety of his teammates.

"No. I reached into the wrong pocket, the mementos of my prank days," said Naruto, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

The clone emerged, splattered with rainbow paint, enraged.

"You little-!" The clone lunged forward, and Naruto vaulted over, using his cane to propel himself off the ground. Suddenly, the blunt edge of the zanbato struck him, and he collapsed forward, his cane rolling away.

The clone chopped the cane into two, before walking forwards.

"Die you little cripple!" he roared, his zanbato over his head, before he swung it down.

Sakura screamed, and Sasuke and Tazuna froze, expecting this to be the end for Naruto.

The clone stopped, before it exploded in front of Naruto.

"What the- what happened?!" said Zabuza, after seeing his clone explode for no apparent reason.

"I lied," said Naruto, as he crawled over to the severed pieces of his cane. "You see, that bomb first explodes, covering the person in a chemical. Several moments later, the chemical explodes. I don't have any mementos from my prank days. And..." he picked up the cane's pieces. "And you killed my cane."

He tapped the lower piece of the cane, and a spike burst out of its base, making it look like a strange spear. "It's covered in poison. Test it out for me, won't you?"

Naruto raised the cane-and-spike, and threw it at Zabuza, on perfect aim for his hand that was imprisoning Kakashi. And forced, Zabuza withdrew his hand, infuriated, and he leapt forward, his zanbato ready to kill the boy on the ground.

It stopped.

Kakashi had parried the blade, using nothing but the metal guard on his glove.

"Thanks, Naruto," were the silver-haired ninja's words.

"A pleasure, of course," replied Naruto, before he blacked out from the pain the blunt-edge of the zanbato had given him.

* * *

Naruto opened his eyes, before he blinked rapidly due to the sunlight streaming into his face. Suddenly, a dark figure covered the sunlight. A figure on crutches.

"Ah, you're awake," said Kakashi.

"A few questions. Where am I, where are the others, where is the builder and why are you on crutches?"

"I'll answer those in order. You're in Tazuna's house. The others are probably wandering around the area. Tazuna's downstairs having his breakfast early. And I exhausted my chakra, so I'm a little tired to walk. Any more?"

"Yes. What happened to Zabuza? And what happened to my cane?"

"Oh, I defeated Zabuza. But a friend of his came dressed as a hunter-nin and picked him up. Oh, and your cane's downstairs I think. I uh, "borrowed" the spike to deal with Zabuza. I recall stabbing him with it before his hunter-nin friend pretended to kill him."

Naruto smirked, before he sat up. "Then you'd better hope the hunter-nin is an expert in poisons and antidotes, because that poison is slow, painful and lethal."

"...remind me not to eat anything you cook. If you're okay, come downstairs for breakfast."

"I can't walk without pain. I need some form of support."

"Hokage-sama informed me that you only pretend to need a cane. Just tell the others it hurts you to walk without a cane."

"I've already told them that," replied Naruto.

"Then there's no problem," said Kakashi, a hint of strange triumph in his words. "Your clothes are over there, and if you don't mind me, I'm going to see if I can "befriend" Tazuna's daughter." The jounin actually giggled as he walked out.

"...?"

Naruto arrived for breakfast at a ridiculously late time, at which point everyone was almost finished with their breakfast.

"Good morning," said a woman, whom Naruto correctly assumed was Tazuna's daughter. Naruto nodded respectfully at her, before he seated himself next to Sakura, opposite Sasuke.

"So, how long till Zabuza heals? That is, if he survives the poison?" Naruto asked the jounin.

"About a week. Good, because I should be healed by then as well."

"A week... of boredom," muttered Naruto, disappointed. "What is one to do?"

"Train?" suggested Kakashi, now browsing a novel of Icha Icha Paradise.

"Dull and tedious."

"Sadly, that wasn't an option," replied the jounin.

Naruto sighed. "I cannot possibly live without brain-work."

"What did you do before missions and stuff then?" asked Sakura.

"Well, there was a period I took cocaine," said Naruto idly, starting on his breakfast.

The entire room was now looking at him, faces of shock.

"You what?!" said Sakura scandalised.

"I gave up, if that helps. With the help of two "unique" medic-nin. But then I started suffering from passive smoking," said Naruto regretfully, as he removed a pipe from his coat and lit it. "And that is something to blame our resident Hokage for."

"Stop that!" said Tsunami, clearly concerned for the effect on her son.

Naruto blew a few smoke-rings into the faces of his teammates, before he put his pipe away.

"So, Kakashi-sensei," said Sakura. "What will we be training for?"

"A chakra control exercise," answered Kakashi, as he turned a page of his book in an unconcerned manner.

* * *

It was some time later that Team 7 were in the forest, Kakashi still on crutches, and Naruto reduced to using a poorly carved walking stick.

"The exercise is climbing trees," started the jounin.

"What?" said Sasuke, slight confusion crossing his face.

"But...we know how to climb trees."

The jounin sighed, before he stated. "Climbing without your hands. Climbing using chakra as your support."

He formed a seal, and channelled chakra into his feet, before he slowly began to walk up a tree, until he hung upside down on a branch, facing the genin.

"By practising this, you will waste less chakra on jutsus, rather than squandering a great deal of chakra," instructed Kakashi. "Oh, and one more warning," he said, as he walked down. "Too much chakra, and you'll break the tree bark. Too little, and you won't stick. Use the kunai to mark your progress."

Naruto cautiously approached the tree ahead of him, as his hands formed a seal.

'Too much and you'll break the bark, too little and you won't stick. Of course...this is to be done entirely by trial and improvement. Failed attempts allow you to refine your technique, as well as ever so slightly increasing chakra reserves. It's just like learning a jutsu for the first time...how very intriguing... well, I suppose it would be best to start small, and increase gradually...'

Naruto channelled a small amount of chakra, and began to climb. As predicted, he fell off rather quickly. A quick scan of his surroundings, and Sasuke was somewhat better, to be expected, as he had smaller chakra reserves, while Sakura was happily high up, and was cheering herself.

"Well, I suppose it can't be helped that Sakura has better chakra control than the Uchiha prodigy, or the one going up for the title of Hokage," said Kakashi idly.

'Idiot...' Naruto cursed inwardly. 'By trying to make us angry, we'll simply waste more chakra at a time, and she's no help either,' he thought, looking at Sakura, who now sat at the base of her tree. 'She should be trying to increase her chakra reserves, not sitting doing nothing. Well, teammates help one another, so...'

Naruto shouted over at Sakura that she only was able to climb so well due to the fact she has incredibly low chakra reserves, and should continue climbing to build them up. He then turned away, continuing his own tree climbing.

Sakura than screamed at him, and he fell from the tree again. "NARUTO! JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE JEALOUS DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD INSULT ME!"

"Why would I be jealous? I need large chakra reserves, not reserves the size of a hamster's testicles," replied Naruto –slightly angry at falling-, as he lifted himself up, and wiped some of the soil off his jacket.

Sakura than proceeded to scream at him again, which proved to be incredibly unhelpful to Naruto and Sasuke, who both fell down this time.

* * *

The days began to bleed into one another, and Naruto soon found that the long week was not so long after all. Despite the fact he had to deal with the outbursts of that unpleasant little child –Naruto had temporarily lived in an orphanage, and he had known kids who had seen their parents hacked to pieces, but were still tougher than that little child-, and that there was a fact that death may be approaching soon, the atmosphere was rather ...pleasant. Quite calming in fact.

His rivalry with the Uchiha was simple at most- or at least, Naruto thought so, the Uchiha probably thought different- as all it did was seem to make the two attempt to increase their strength, which was good for the team –but not very good for teamwork.

He had no idea what Kakashi and Sakura seemed to do. Kakashi just seemed to hang around now, even though he had recently recovered from chakra control. Naruto assumed he was still attempting to "befriend" Tsunami, and by the looks of the strange marks now in her frying pan, was doing a very bad job.

Sakura, after "mastering" the tree-climbing exercise, was "guarding" Tazuna, sometimes switching over with Kakashi. Naruto hadn't a clue why Kakashi was foolish enough to assign her to guard duty. Surely, even a chakra-deprived jounin would do better than a genin with below average chakra capacity. She didn't even attempt to impress Sasuke through her training, but still did her usual latching onto him and pleadings.

Although Naruto had to admit, her endless droning were quite nice to fall asleep to. He'd even suggested to her that Sasuke thought night was a romantic setting, thus increasing the amounts of times she talked during the evening, hence increasing the chances of Naruto getting a good night's sleep.

However, there was one time during the week Naruto did not enjoy so much. He met the hunter-nin, quite by accident.

The hunter-nin –whose name was Haku, or at least that was an alias, but Naruto was confident in it being the hunter-nin's actual name- had found him sleeping in a forest, after a particularly exhausting night of training.

He supposed Haku had watched the entire fight between Kakashi and Zabuza, and upon noticing the fact that the cane Naruto was currently using was not the one with a built-in spike, and that the coat full of dangerous gadgets was being used as a pillow, Haku had probably deemed him little threat, and was not even trying to say, rip out his throat.

Naruto of course, prided himself upon noticing that Haku was a boy, upon firstly seeing the laryngeal prominence –or in other terms, the Adam's apple- and after noticing the way the hair was worn and looked –and as he had quizzed Kakashi thoroughly on how the hunter-nin looked- he had realised immediately not only was Haku male, but Haku was the fake hunter-nin.

As well as that, Haku was picking herbs that Naruto recognised. They were used for injuries, and could also be used for poisons. Zabuza was still alive.

Of course, Naruto was not foolish enough to confront Haku. Despite the fact Haku appeared soft, he had little doubt that the false hunter-nin would not hesitate to silence whoever was a threat to himself and Zabuza.

So he only remarked: "I know...you're a boy. But that's the only theory I've ever made when I haven't been completely sure."

On the last night, Tazuna had organised a small party where most of the bridge workers were. Something to commemorate that not only was the bridge to be finished soon, but Tazuna was still alive.

Despite the fact, Team 7 was supposed to be on guard, Naruto had decided to retire for bed early, and accidently found himself invited into the merrymaking. He then accidently found himself in a sake-drinking contest with a burly man, where Naruto had scraped a victory by drinking until he was completely unconscious.

And Kakashi had the wonderful job of lifting Naruto into his bed.

The week was over. Kakashi was full of chakra again, even increasing his reserves as well. He was preparing, mentally and physically for his re-match. Sasuke had increased both his control and reserves. He was raring to go, this time to actually fight. Sakura had increased her control, and very slightly increased her reserves. She was not eager about the fight, but was confident that Kakashi and Sasuke could protect her. Naruto couldn't, due to the fact he was indisposed.

"Tazuna, I swear to God that I will strangle you if Gatou and his stooges don't kill you first," groaned Naruto, as he lay in bed with a painful headache, and he blamed Tazuna and his incompetence in deciding when a party should be.

* * *

"What the- what the hell happened?!" exclaimed Tazuna, as he noticed the beaten bodies of his workers and a mist lingering over the bridge.

"So..." said Kakashi, his eye narrowed. "He's here..."

Sasuke and Sakura stiffened as they heard a familiar laugh echo over the bridge.

* * *

"Gah..." Naruto stumbled groggily out of the bathroom, the walking stick in his left hand. "...can't even...think properly...memo to me...no more sake-drinking contests..." He lurched dangerously, before he righted himself.

Unknown to Naruto, the house was empty. The remainder of Team 7 were with Tazuna, and Inari and Tsunami were currently outside, in danger.

"Listen here you dumb ass duo!" shouted Inari, using language he had heard the guests use at Tazuna's party. "Get away from my mother, or else!"

One of the thugs burst out into laughter, while Tsunami continued to scream at her son to run away.

"You?" choked the laughing thug. "What are you going to do? Cry at me to death?"

"Or else! Or else!" laughed the other. "Who the hell do ya think you are?"

The boy glared at the thugs, defiance evident in his eyes, but he was silent.

"Tell ya what kid, because you made me laugh, I'll let you go," said a thug.

"No! I-huh?" said Inari, noticing a very groggy Naruto approach, his hands carrying both a walking stick and a bottle.

"Oh, hey guys!" waved Naruto, in a drunken manner. "You'll never believe this, but uh, this, this stuff actually helps!" he slurred.

The thugs stared at each other, while Inari and Tsunami were stunned into silence, and Naruto swayed over to the thugs.

"I know you two!" he said. "You guys were at the party! This drink's on me!" And Naruto handed over the bottle.

One of the thugs took a sip, rather cautiously. "Hey, good stuff," he said appreciatively.

"Give me that!" said the other, grabbing the bottle and taking a good swig. "Yeah, really good stuff-"

The two suddenly keeled over, dead.

"That's simply ridiculous," said Naruto in a very sober manner, and he straightened up. "How can anyone have possibly been daft enough to do that? Is it some kind of tradition now that all thugs of criminal organisations must be soft in the head?"

"You were pretending?" said Inari, dumbstruck.

"Well, of course," said Naruto. "Acting is a very useful trait to have, especially in such a dangerous business. And I find danger to be quite exciting." He smiled at the boy, before he continued. "It is quite nice to see that you've toughened up though. Anyway, something tells me that Zabuza is afoot, as it were, and although I'd love to stay, my teammates will be calling."

* * *

Sakura flung a kunai at the ice mirror, hoping that it could crack it and create an exit for Sasuke. But that was to no avail, as Haku simply appeared in the mirror and caught the kunai.

But then, a barrage of shuriken hit Haku, one scratching across the fake hunter-nin's mask.

"That...that must have been Naruto!" said Sakura.

Kakashi, Sasuke, Zabuza and Haku all began to glance around for the boy, but they saw no trace.

'Excellent, he's remaining hidden,' thought Kakashi. 'Now he can attack from long-range, and draw Zabuza and Haku out, which will mean Sasuke can get out of those mirrors. And that means we'll have the advantage this time.'

Kakashi was suddenly broke out of his thoughts as there was a large explosion of smoke near the ice mirror dome.

'Please, don't let him reveal himself...please...' prayed the jounin.

Haku approached the figure in the dispersing smoke...only to leap back as the figure revealed itself to be a log with an exploding tag, which of course, exploded, and Haku quickly began to retreat to the ice dome...just in time, to avoid another barrage of shuriken.

"Psst...Sakura," whispered a voice from...next to...and below Sakura.

"Huh? Naruto?" asked the confused girl.

"I'm using the Cloak of Invisibility to hide myself on the floor," whispered Naruto. "I'm sure that Zabuza and Haku aren't going to be scanning for traces of genjutsu. Now, my plan is that we-"

"Naruto! What are you waiting for!? You have to help Sasuke-kun!" shouted Sakura, grabbing Naruto.

"Hey, wait! What are you-" Naruto was suddenly thrown through the air, into the ice domes. "Doing."

"What are you doing in here?" demanded Sasuke.

"Being trapped in an ice dome with you was not exactly on my list of favourite things to do, Sasuke," remarked Naruto, sounding incredibly casual for someone who had just been thrown through the air. "As a matter of fact, Sakura threw me in here."

"Never mind that! How are we going to get out!?"

"Well, we- oh, did you know your kekkai genkai is unlocked?" said Naruto, as he noticed the blood red eyes of the Sharingan. "But, the thing is, all that sake has had a great toll on me, and quite frankly, I can't think half as fast as I usually do. So, just give me some time, and I'll work this all out..."

"Sadly, you haven't got time," said Haku, before launching a senbon attack.

Senbon from all sides flew, and were suddenly embedded into the two. Naruto gasped, and fell to his knee. He had tried to shield himself, but this was no use.

"I suppose...Sasuke..." said Naruto. "Do you think you could catch him in a Katon jutsu?" he whispered.

"Maybe, but I'd need to time it precisely."

"So, trial and error again..." muttered Naruto. "Well, then, I suppose there's little choice."

After several attempts, they finally got a hit on the masked nin.

"Next time will be dead on," said Sasuke.

"If there is a next time," panted Naruto. "Bloody senbon."

"Time to end this. Now," said Haku, before launching another barrage. This time, all directed at Naruto, who made to dodge, but was suddenly conscious of Sasuke standing over him.

"What the- saved by you? I'll never forgive myself," Naruto trailed off, before noticing that Sasuke was in bad shape.

"My body just moved..." started Sasuke, before he collapsed to the floor.

"For..."

"Naruto..." breathed Sasuke, struggling to lift himself. "Kill...kill my brother for me." Then Sasuke collapsed, and this time, did not get up.

"So...so it's over," were Naruto's only words.

"Is it the first time you have ever seen a comrade die? He-"

"Be silent," Naruto's voice cut through the air like a kunai. "Today is your last, masked ninja. Or also, boy-girl-thing of the forest picking herbs."

Naruto discarded the walking-stick, and his leg straightened out. "Positively, without him, I don't need to pretend to be crippled. First thing is that I will break out of this prison."

"How will you do that?" asked Haku.

"Sasuke not only provided me with a chance at life, but also, a shield."

Naruto seized Sasuke's body and raised it over his head as a shield, before he started to run. Senbon flew at him again, but nearly all were stopped with the "corpse." And Naruto broke out of the dome, and cast down the body.

"Thank you, Uchiha," Naruto said appreciatively. "Your sacrifice will not be forgotten."  
"He's actually...still alive," said the voice of Haku. "I lied."

Naruto's eyes instantly widened. "If he ever finds out...but, goodbye!" Naruto spun around, and a small sphere flew through the air, before it stopped at Haku's feet.

"This is no explosive," said Haku, as he lifted the sphere. "No matter what it contains, it cannot explode."

However, Haku as he took the sphere, forgot that Naruto was right in front of him. And Naruto crashed forwards, and forced Haku to the ground.

"That sphere is a container, not an explosive," said Naruto, one of his hands securing Haku's neck. "Poison. Concentrated enough to kill." He ripped off the mask, and forced open Haku's mouth, before he pressed a certain part on the sphere –which opened it- and he emptied the poison into the gaping mouth.

Haku choked, struggled, froth rising from his mouth, before he heaved and stopped. Dead.

Naruto fell back onto the ground, and sighed, his chest heaved with fatigue. He then lifted himself up again, and headed over to Kakashi.

The fog cleared slightly, and he could see a small man with an army of thugs. Standing in their way was Zabuza, currently trapped by nine dogs, and Kakashi, who looked like he had been preparing a jutsu, but had stopped.

The small man –who he presumed was Gatou- had stopped talking, and had rushed behind his army of thugs. Naruto ran over to Kakashi and Zabuza.

"Something interesting happening?" asked Naruto casually, as his hand reached into a pocket.

"What's that?" asked Kakashi, as he noticed the unusual object Naruto had removed from his trench coat.

"This, sensei, is what some call a bomb. And this bomb uses something called nitro-glycerine," smiled Naruto.

"What?! That'll blow us all up!" shouted Kakashi.

"This is very weak," responded Naruto. "If I aim this just right, I should be able to remove the thugs and at the same time, do minimal damage to the bridge." He threw it through the air, before he fell to the ground, covering his head, and Kakashi followed suit, while Zabuza turned, so the dogs were now exposed to the bomb.

Gatou squealed and ran, as the bomb destroyed his entire army. The explosion, despite being "very weak", was large, and Naruto was blown several yards away, while Zabuza fell down, the dogs disappearing in smoke.

Naruto lifted himself up, and Kakashi and Zabuza did the same, and they all raced to catch the squat Gatou, whom they surrounded.

"Gah...please don't kill me!" pleaded the fat man.

"Okay," agreed Naruto, as he reached into his pocket and withdrew several papers. "Simply sign these, and I assure you no one from Konoha or Wave will touch you."

Gatou read over the papers. "This is to hand over my entire company, business and money!" he shouted furiously.

"That or death. You're welcome to keep those drugs (save the tobacco, Naruto muttered under his breath) and illegal stuff, because you never mentioned those in your company legally."

Gatou thought over that for a few moments, before he reluctantly agreed, and signed over Gatou Shipping to Naruto.

"Good, good," applauded Naruto, before he ripped off the bandages that masked Zabuza's mouth. He then tossed a kunai to the missing-nin, and Zabuza caught it in his mouth.

"Wait, what are you doing?!" said Gatou, alarmed.

"I said no one from Konoha or Wave will touch you," said Naruto. "I never said anything about a missing-nin from Kiri. I am no doubt indirectly responsible for your death now, but I cannot say it is likely to weigh on my conscious."

* * *

Several days later, and the entire Wave village stands by the bridge, the Konoha team with them. Naruto glanced over the horizon; -a repaired cane in his hand- and his eyes saw the zanbato that belonged to Zabuza, now marking his grave.

Zabuza had died from his wounds some time after he killed Gatou, next to Haku, the person he could have called a son.

Kakashi finished his conversation with Tazuna, and everyone made their goodbyes. And Team 7 set along the bridge, at the end of a long adventure, ready to return back to the home of Konoha.

Naruto lit his pipe. "An eventful mission, don't you agree?"

His words were not to anyone in particular, but Kakashi answered, knowing Sasuke and Sakura were too busy, what with Sakura's failed attempts to date Sasuke, and Sasuke's attempts to save himself.

"Rather eventful, for a C-rank," said the jounin. "So...surely smoking that thing is bad for you?"

Naruto glanced over at his fellow genin, before he lowered his voice. "I believe that the massive chakra supply of the fox has given me a healing factor. Any damage will be healed."

Kakashi shrugged. "Your theory."

"My theories tend to be proved correct," replied Naruto.

Meanwhile, the bridge had just been named. The Great Naruto Bridge. But it was also a joke amongst the villagers, to refer to it as "Gatou's End."

* * *

And that was the first part of the adventures of Naruto, how he helped break the grip of a business tycoon over a country, gaining both his first kill, and a wealthy company.

But there is so much to come yet. The tales of how he will become even stronger, cleverer, a true ninja. How he will rise swiftly, only to see a world crash down on him, as he flees from his home, but by accident.

But could never truly return.

But, those are adventures yet to come.

* * *

Long, wasn't it? But it was important to get the Wave mission over and done with. That chapter was over twelve pages in the word processor, so please tell me someone appreciated all that hard work.

As the chapters will be long, I'll give you a sneaky preview.

CH1 - (Wave Mission)

CH2 -(Chunnin Exam Part 1)

CH3 -(Chunnin Exam Part 2)

CH4 -(Sorry, if I told you what happened here, that'd just be too much of a spoiler)

Oh, and yes, Naruto is slightly based on the character of Sherlock Holmes, hence drug-use, and deduction skills, being able to think quickly in a couple of seconds, and references to chains of thoughts. He's got a healing factor, he isn't too bothered. And, SPOILER THAT WAS REVEALED IN PREVIEW he will leave Konoha END OF SPOILER THAT WAS REVEALED IN PREVIEW.

Naruto uses explosives and poisons that he made himself. He doesn't use exploding tags often. The main reason for the explosives is...what else has a genius got to work with? But, he is strong, mostly because he can out-think his opponent, staying more than one step ahead of them.

This story will also have a really good twist when Tsunade shows up. A really good twist and I doubt anyone will guess it.

So, uh, I'm off to work on re-writing Toad Hermit and Reaper of Death.

Yours,

LightningHunter

P.S. I have also decided that...LIGHTNINGHUNTER'S PARODY WILL HAVE ONE MORE CHAPTER! CONTINUE SENDING SUGGESTIONS FOR ME TO PARODY AS I HIT THOSE BAD AUTHORS WHERE IT HURTS!


	2. Adventure II The Missing Faces

Hey, it's LightningHunter again, back with another exciting action-packed chapter of Elementary! Well, not really, but here it is anyway.

By the way, I'll quickly talk about my other fics. Reaper of Death- I've re-written the first two chapters, check them out. Toad Hermit- still re-writing. Parody- still thinking of more humour.

* * *

**Elementary**

_a story of a genius_

Adventure II- The Case of the Missing Faces

Uzumaki Naruto was a man of conflict. Whenever he caught a whiff of something unusual, mysterious and interesting, he would immediately set upon it, often going days without food or sleep. It was this for this reason he ate well on the days of boredom, as he called them.

On such days, he preferred to stay lounging indoors, for he was hardly a man to search for problems, he let trouble and such always find him.

After returning to Konohagakure after The Case of the Demon in the Mist, his first few days were slightly interesting, as he had now taken the company of Gatou Shipping. Naruto spent several days rooting out the corrupt, to ensure his company was neither illegal nor disloyal.

It was hard for him to narrate orders as a twelve-year-old, despite his maturity, so he simply Transformed into an older version of himself. Technically, none of the other executives had asked his age, so therefore he was not lying to them, or pretending to be older than he was.

After those first few days, his days resumed his lethargic schedule, to the annoyance of his teammates, all of whom were much interested by his actions in the Land of Waves.

Kakashi was yet to inform the genin whether they would participate in a very significant event for their ninja careers, the Chunnin Exam. It took place twice a year, never in the same village consecutively. Ninja villages would send their finest genin to participate in a series of trials against other genin, even against each other, to discover the genin who were worthy of the title Chunnin, and those would be promoted.

It was expectant for the host village to have more teams, but in most of those teams it was really quantity over quality.

The genin of Team 7 were to learn of the Chunnin Exam in a most peculiar way. This day, Naruto had arrived to take place in the team's activities, mostly D-ranked missions again, and at the end of the day, after Sasuke had openly criticised Sakura's skills, she found herself trailing Naruto, who was now talking to a small trio of children.

"Ah, Konohamaru," greeted Naruto. "How have you- why are you all wearing trench coats?"

"And? You wear a trench coat!" chirped Konohamaru, before his friends introduced themselves as Moegi and Udon.

"Yes, but I need this coat to store a variety of equipment, poisons, explosives," explained Naruto.

"We have smoke bombs," said Udon flatly, but Naruto assumed this was his regular voice.

"So, come on! Will you play ninja with us!?" shouted Konohamaru.

Naruto shook his head as Sakura arrived in a zombie-like state, obviously affected by Sasuke's words. Naruto would have helped her, but he knew she'd be back to normal in the morning...most likely blaming him for the whole thing.

"Ninja playing ninja? That's ridiculous," scoffed Sakura.

"Hey! Is she like, your girlfriend!" asked Konohamaru, a grin splattered across his face.

"Of course not," reprimanded Naruto. "She is merely a teammate, and I currently have no romantic interests in anyone."

"Yeah, I can see why," said Konohamaru, but he missed Naruto's frantic gestures to stop. "I mean, look at her. That hair- what happened, accident at the bubblegum factory? And that forehead- there's a whole new meaning to the word airhead!"

It was then Konohamaru noticed that the three had started to run away, while a very large aura of anger approached him.

"Save me!" he screamed, as he rushed after Naruto, and overtook him, as Naruto was still pretending to need his cane.

"There's a junction in the alley just ahead. Split up," said Naruto, now in the rear.

"Right, I just-argh!"

Konohamaru had collided with a person in a very unusual outfit, who lifted him off the ground.

"Kankuro, put him down," said a feminine voice behind the outfit-boy, and Konohamaru was able to notice a girl there.

"He ran into me!" protested Kankuro, before turning his attention to Konohamaru. "Why'd run into me you brat?!" he demanded, as he shook Konohamaru like a puppy.

"Hey, put me down!" yelled the boy, attempting to wriggle out of the iron grip.

"Please, there's no need for that," stated a calm voice, and Konohamaru saw Naruto arrive. "If you would, put down Konohamaru."

"Eh? He ran into me!"

"And I'm sure he's very sorry," said Naruto, hobbling a few steps forward. "So, will you put him down?"

"Heh," said Kankuro, a smirk on his face. "Come and take him."

Naruto narrowed his eyes. He knew this sort of type. The bully. And he seemed too keen about Naruto "coming to take him"...Naruto's eyes travelled along the floor, and he suddenly whipped an aerosol out of his pocket, and he sprayed the foam at the floor, and some of it was suspended in the air.

"Ah, chakra strings," commented Naruto. "You must be very skilled with them, and judging from the outfit and ...package, I would presume you are a puppeteer. And as such, you must have a clear knowledge about gadgets and equipment, so..." Naruto withdrew a cylindrical item from his pocket, before he threw it lightly at Kankuro.

Out of instinct more than anything, Kankuro dropped Konohamaru to catch the item. It immediately exploded, but the explosion was small, and all that was produced was smoke.

Coughing was heard before Kankuro emerged from the smoke-cloud, anger evident on his face.

"You-" Kankuro began to edge forward, as his hand reached for the wrapped-up object on his back. Suddenly, he was stopped as a stone hit him in the head.

"Who did that?!" he demanded.

"I did," and Naruto did not even have to turn, knowing Sasuke was there, in fact in a tree. "Get away from them," said the Uchiha, as he crushed a rock with his hand.

"Sasuke-kun!" squealed Sakura, and Moegi and Udon seemed to join her in awe.

"A rock? Your bomb was way more impressive," said Konohamaru.

Naruto smiled thinly, as Kankuro grew more angrier, and began to reach for the object again.

"Stop it Kankuro." A cruel voice cut through the air, and Naruto turned again, to see a most unusual person, on the same tree as Sasuke, who was clearly stunned by not being able to sense the person.

"S-Sorry G-Gaara," stammered Kankuro, and Naruto was surprised to see all the anger vanish in an instant at the sight of this newcomer, Gaara.

"Next time...I'll kill you myself," hissed Gaara, before he disappeared from the branch, and appeared on the ground, a dusting of sand lying where he had been. His eyes turned to Naruto and Sasuke-who had also got to the ground. "I apologise for my teammate's behaviour."

Quite frankly, Naruto thought the tone of voice sounding far more intimidating than apologetic.

"Apology accepted," he said first, as he knew Sasuke would probably challenge the boy. From Gaara's appearance...well, he clearly did come from Suna, the clothes and the band clearly evident of that, but the gourd was off. If the person carried water around, say, for Suiton jutsu, that would be explainable, but water in the desert? He eyed the sand left on the branch. Could this boy use sand for jutsu?

Naruto continued. "You three are in a team, am I correct?"

"Er...y-yeah," said Kankuro.

"For...for the Chunnin Exam?" Naruto asked again.

The girl on the team nodded.

"Who are you?" asked Sasuke, his question directed at Gaara.

"I am Sabaku no Gaara," answered Gaara. "Your name?" The statement was more of a demand than a question.

"Uchiha...Sasuke," answered the Uchiha, pride in his voice.

"And you?"

"Oh, me?" said Naruto. "Naruto. Uzumaki Naruto."

"I will meet you two in the Exam," said Gaara, before his mouth formed a crazed grin. "And I will kill you then."

* * *

Naruto was much disturbed by this meeting. Although Sakura and Sasuke adopted a very laid back personality to Gaara's words (Sasuke didn't believe them, and Sakura thought Sasuke could protect her), Naruto was troubled, because of his observation, Gaara was certainly strong enough to kill them.

Determined to discover more about this Gaara, Naruto sent a few of his employees deliberately on a trip to Suna under the guise of creating land trade routes. Admittedly, that worked well too, and they did make a few. But, they also sent him particularly valuable information about Gaara.

The terror of Suna, it was said. And after hearing it, Naruto now knew the personal danger that his life was in. Gaara was, what some called, the jinchurriku, much like Naruto. He contained Shukaku, the Sand Demon, the One-Tailed. And his seal was clearly nowhere as powerful as Naruto, who had access to a very limited amount of the Kyuubi's chakra. Gaara could not even sleep without the Shukaku taking control of his body, even forming the shape of the great demon out of sand, and unleashing it.

Naruto spent even less time with his team now, mostly stocking up and creating more explosives and tools that could aid him. And when he did show up, he was usually sluggish and exhausted.

And it was on one warm morning on the bridge, when Kakashi confronted him about his lazy attitude and lack of attendance to team meetings.

"Naruto, you haven't been showing up recently," remarked Kakashi disapprovingly.

"Well, I've been somewhat busy, what with becoming the boss of a company," said Naruto to his team. "I first had to change the name-"

"What's it called now?" asked Sakura.

"Uzumaki Inc.," said Naruto. "It sounds quite nice, don't you think? As I said, I first had to change the name, and we're expanding."

"To what?" asked Kakashi, clearly no longer interested, perhaps due to the fact he was reading.

"Well, I thought about making a chain of supermarkets, but that's too much an investment at the moment. So, we're just buying up things. I bought quite a few shops in Konoha, like Ichiraku Ramen, and also that BBQ place that Team 10 go to. I made a few special offers, and those Akimichi will be making me rich...but I also bought quite a lot of shares in something that is very important to you, sensei..."

"Like what?"

"Well, I can give you hints. It's small, orange, and has over one hundred pages."

Kakashi's visible eye was clearly widened, and he slowly put his book away. Naruto suspected Kakashi would use him to get free or limited merchandise, but Kakashi seemed to restrain that urge very well.

And, his excuse had worked perfectly. The rest of his team had no idea what he had been up to, even though, yes, he had been buying up shares in many a company.

"Kakashi-sensei, we heard about the Chunnin Exams!" said Sakura. "Are we going to be entered?"

"Hmm? Oh, here's your passes, as it were," said the silver-haired jounin, handing over the passes. "Sign them, and you're in."

"They actually let rookies into the exam?" asked Naruto, somewhat surprised.

"It took a lot of arguing, but I convinced them without having to even give you a preliminary round," said Kakashi. "Thinking about it, Asuma and Kurenai helped...a little."

"What are our chances of surviving _and _passing?" asked Naruto in a tone that suggested he already knew the answer.

Kakashi started to whistle casually, and began to walk away, before he quickly disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

* * *

"You can drop the genjutsu," smirked Sasuke. "It's obvious, after all this is only the second floor. Sakura, you saw that...right?"

"Huh?"

"You are the team's genjutsu expert here."

"...yeah! I noticed it straight away!" said Sakura.

"So you saw past the genjutsu," said one of the two ninja blocking the door, as the illusion faded away. "But-"

"But this is a complete waste of time," said Naruto, clearly bored. "I came here for a reason which was not this dreary nonsense." He moved closer to the two ninja. "Do you two have relatives who work directly under the Hokage? You two look rather familiar..."

The two "boys" paled, before suddenly leaving, both muttering obscenities under their

breath.

Naruto began to walk away, completely disregarding the other ninja teams still there. He had already noticed the lot, and the only team he could consider a threat was the three that had been right in front of them. Sasuke and Sakura caught up and walked beside him.

"Wait." One of the ninja of the team Naruto had deemed a threat spoke up, a boy with long hair and colourless eyes, a Hyuuga. "What is your name?" The question was directed at Sasuke.

"...I don't need to answer," replied Sasuke, while Naruto sighed at his comrade's arrogance. Acting like such made enemies. And in front of all those teams, that was not wise.

The three went upstairs, and entered a hall, from where they could see the last corridor to the room.

"We're being followed," remarked Naruto, not turning around, but his teammates did. The third member of the team they had just seen was there, a person with large rectangular eyebrows, a sort of bowl cut, and wearing some kind of green spandex training suit.

"Who the hell are you?" said Sasuke, clearly annoyed.

"I am Rock Lee. I wish to challenge you to a fight...Uchiha Sasuke."

Sasuke smirked at Lee. "So you-"

"Consider this for a moment," interrupted Naruto. "Are you sure you want to reveal skills, or get injured straight before the exam?" The question was directed at Sasuke, but as Naruto expected, flatly ignored it.

Less than five minutes later, Sasuke had been beaten, and Lee was ...hugging someone who was either his father, idol, or older clone.

"I've seen many a strange thing in my time," remarked Naruto, as he blew out a smoke-ring. "But that just...I don't know what to say," he continued, pointing the pipe for emphasis.

"Gai-sensei!" Lee suddenly screamed and pointed at Naruto. "It would appear that he is doing the un-youthful act of smoking!"

"You're right Lee! We must save the student of my eternal rival from un-youthful disease and misery!"

The two proceeded to chase Naruto around the hall, determined to end this "un-youthful" habit.

"Er...the Chunnin Exam is going to begin soon, so shouldn't we go?" said Sakura, trying to put an end to the duo's antics.

"Right Lee!" shouted Gai. "Let us go!"

With no more distractions, Team 7 continued down the last passage, and had arrived in front of the entrance when they met another person, but this was Kakashi.

"Oh? You all showed up," remarked Kakashi, leaning against the wall.

"Surprised?" asked Naruto.

"I didn't tell you earlier, but...the Chunnin Exam requires teams of three. If one of you had chickened out, I'd have had to tell the remainder to go home."

"Why didn't you tell us?" asked Sakura.

"Because...if I had told you, you may have felt bound to enter or intimidated into it. This way, you were able to all decide on your own," said Kakashi. "I had a feeling that Sasuke would show up whether he felt he was ready or not, but I was unsure for you two. Sakura, I thought you might feel you weren't ready for such a task, and Naruto, you sometimes like to withdraw when you feel the situation is a waste of time, or completely hopeless."

"Is it?" asked Naruto quickly.

"Er...well, um..." Kakashi scratched the back of his head at the genin's glares. "Well, just, uh, good luck!" He opened the door, and pushed the three in.

Team 7 found themselves in a room full of squads, from all over the Elemental Countries.

"Sasuke-kun!" That squeal was heard, and suddenly something blonde wearing purple latched onto Sasuke. Yamanaka Ino.

"Ah, we must have made a wrong turn, what is this, the denizens of below average intelligence?" said Naruto, as the rest of the "Rookie Nine" appeared.

"Shut up, idiot," said Inuzuka Kiba.

"Idiot? I wonder how you could have come to that conclusion, as I recall, your IQ level is near retardation," replied Naruto, beginning to smoke again.

Kiba snarled, but did not say anything.

"H-Hello," said Hyuuga Hinata, poking her fingers together, while Aburame Shino nodded at them.

Sakura greeted the Hyuuga, while Naruto curtly nodded at her. Anything more would most likely make her blush, what with her obsession with him.

Whereas Naruto simply wasn't interested in the opposite sex yet, meaning Hinata would be trying for a _long_ time, if ever. He was still twelve, something people had a tendency to forget, like Kiba. The imbecile kept trying with every somewhat attractive girl he met.

"You guys got nominated into the Exams too?" said Nara Shikamaru dully, as he arrived with his friend Akimichi Chouji. "Troublesome..."

Shikamaru. The only one in their age group with brain-power that could rival Naruto, but Shikamaru had long since turned his mind to much more mundane things, meaning the most excitement he had was playing games of Shougi.

Naruto re-examined Team 8 and 10. He was not surprised to see that in personality, they were the exact same as ever, but their chakra levels had increased. He supposed none of them had had any life-threatening situations.

He sighed. They would be lucky indeed if even one or two passed the Chunnin Exam.

"You guys should be a little quiet," came a voice behind them.

The Rookies turned, and behind them was a man, perhaps around twenty, with grey hair and glasses. Naruto's assessment was swift. The man looked somewhat intellectual (although he had been looking at Kiba, and anyone would look intellectual compared to Kiba), but although he seemed to give a calming appearance, something seemed ...off. As if it was sinister on the underneath.

"Who the hell are you?" Naruto didn't even have to turn or recognise the voice, that was definitely Kiba.

"Hey, relax, I'm a Konoha ninja, Yakushi Kabuto." Kabuto gestured at his headband. "You guys are the rookies, right?" After seeing a few nods, he continued. "You should really quieten down. Take a look at the other people here. They've been training for this, and rookies will irritate them. Like those Rain nin. They get angry very easily."

"Kabuto-san, you're a genin?" asked Sakura. "You look a little...old."

Kabuto laughed, and this time, Naruto knew it. His every little move, his every word, his tone of voice, the personality. It was all there to relax them, make them not mind Kabuto's presence. With it, Kabuto could easily befriend them. A worthy intellectual adversary, at least. And although he was sure Kabuto was capable of working on his own, something also made him doubt this.

'Think Naruto, think.' And Naruto sub-consciously reached for his pipe and began to light it, more a force of habit than addiction to the drug. 'What could he possibly be interested in us for? Erg...Data, data, data! I can't make bricks without clay.'

"This is actually my seventh time in the Exams," said Kabuto, ignoring the smoke-rings. "That's not funny, these exams are tough."

"Yeah, but seven?" said Shikamaru.

Kabuto laughed again, but sort of embarrassed, and Naruto was even more sure it was an act then. "Well, you know what they say, seven times lucky."

"What happened in those Exams?" Naruto suddenly inquired. "Were you defeated? Were your teammates defeated? Did you forfeit? Or was it something else?"

For a split second, Naruto could have sworn Kabuto was shaken, but it smoothed over almost instantly.

"I forfeit. The second exam is usually survival, and you do get beat up. And sometimes they like to chuck in a preliminary round straight after it, so..." Kabuto trailed off, and changed the subject. "So, since you're rookies, I think I may be able to clue you in on the competition..."

"You have information on the other participants?" said Naruto.

Kabuto nodded, before withdrawing a small deck of cards. "Here's a little example." He shuffled the deck, before removing nine certain cards from seemingly random places in the deck. He laid them on the floor, before cancelling the genjutsu on them, revealing them to be the cards of the Rookie Nine.

He let them take a quick look, before he took them again, covering them with the illusion, and placing them back into the deck.

"You see, I'm rather thorough in my collection," said Kabuto. "You guys have any requests for anyone?"

So, Kabuto was a data-gatherer ... a spy, concluded Naruto. The question was, who was he working for?

"Rock Lee...and Sabaku no Gaara," said Sasuke.

"Oh? You have their names? That's too easy," said Kabuto, easily revealing the cards, showing Rock Lee's card first. "Rock Lee, Konoha shinobi. He's been a genin for a year now, his teammates are Hyuuga Neji and Tenten, and like you guys, this is his first time in the exam. His ability with nin and genjutsu seem to be pretty limited, but he appears to have some real skill with his taijutsu. Wouldn't want to brawl with him, that's for sure."

Sasuke nodded and gestured for Kabuto to show Gaara's card.

"Sabaku no Gaara, Suna shinobi. His teammates are his older siblings, Temari and Kankuro, and this is also his first time in the Exam. I don't know much about his abilities, but look at this...all these missions, and he's returned without ever receiving a scratch."

The Rookie Nine gave a collective gasp. Naruto's eyes were narrowed, yet alarmed. 'Not even a scratch? What is this power of the Shukaku? Hmm...certainly a defense...perhaps related to sand...'

"Oh?" said Kabuto, looking at Naruto. "It looks like you've got a good guess to this guy's abilities. Care to share this theory?"

"A guess?" replied Naruto. "I never guess. It is a shocking habit-destructive to the logical faculty."

"Shocking habit?" said Ino. "That's rich, coming from someone who's been smoking for the last five minutes without even letting us have some air! Get rid of it!"

Naruto simply blew another smoke-ring, deliberately into Ino's face, clearly mocking.

"Why you-!"

"Hey, rookies," said an unfamiliar voice. "Do us a favour, and shut up."

It was a Rain nin, clearly disgruntled by the presence of the rookies. Naruto inwardly snorted, this looked like the person who'd be disgruntled by the presence of just about anyone.

Judging by the expressions most people had, they seemed to expect the rookies to be pushovers, and Naruto was slightly irritated by them now. In fact, he was so irritated, he was about to something that screamed of his childhood, reckless, dangerous, and downright stupid.

"Hey, rain-nin," said Naruto, leaning on his cane. "Do me a favour, and impale that umbrella through your throat."

"You little-!!" shouted the Rain-nin, reaching for his umbrella-like-weapon.

"When I said impale, I did not mean in front of us. Consider the floor, blood stains are hard to remove," replied Naruto, before he turned away, mockingly.

With what must have been a superhuman effort, the Rain-nin controlled his anger, and also turned away.

"Amusing," commented Kabuto. "But just because there's a lot of people in this exam, doesn't mean they're all brilliant. Here's one example, the Sound-nin. Their village is recently formed, and it is unlikely you'll have too much trouble with them-"

'Approaching presences,' thought Naruto. 'Is he deliberately trying to bait the Sound-ninja?'

One of the Sound-nin (hard to describe, what with his face covered in bandages) made to lunge at Kabuto, but suddenly there was an explosion of smoke nearby.

"Stop that!" thundered a voice.

The entire hall now was looking at a man wearing a black bandanna and coat, flanked by several chunnin. "I am Morino Ibiki, the proctor for the first part of the Chuunin Exam...and now, your enemy." Ibiki turned to the Sound-nin, his very presence causing fear. "You listen here. You will not engage other genin unless the exam calls for it, and outside that, it must have been cleared with the team's jounin overseer, and even then, it is not to be a fight to the death. Understood!?"

"Sorry- guess I got over-excited," replied the Sound-nin.

Ibiki snarled at the Sound-nin, before continuing. "Now, get ready...for the written section of your exam."

There was instant uproar, nearly all the people in shock.

"Shut up!" roared Ibiki. "You have been issued numbers on your entry passes, go to the place which corresponds with it!"

'A written test?' thought Naruto, as he walked to his seat, next to Hinata. 'Why on earth would they make a written test? Hmm...bound to be an underlying message to this...and also...isn't Morino Ibiki the person in charge of torture and interrogation in Konoha?'

Ibiki waited till everyone was sitting down, before he continued. "The rules of this test are simple. There are ten questions. You will answer the nine questions first in a limited time, and at the end of this period, you will be given the tenth question. The overseers here will be watching each and every single one of you, and if you are caught cheating once, you lose a point from your final score. Caught cheating three times, you are disqualified, and not only you, but your entire team. You will also be marked as a team, and if one person scores zero...their entire team will score zero. There will be no questions! Now, any questions?"

Someone near the back raised the hand, only to instantly lower it as Ibiki bellowed: "I said no questions!"

The test began in silence, and Naruto yawned, before glancing at the paper.

'What the-? These questions are far too hard for the average genin. Unless...of course. He never said cheating was against the rules, just not to get caught. Let's see, cheat, or just work out the answers...cheating is more enjoyable, but too much hassle,' he decided, before he tiredly sat down to answer the questions on his own.

Numerous other people were cheating in their own way. Sasuke used his Sharingan to copy movements. Neji and Hinata used the Byakugan to see other people's answers. Shino used his kikkai bugs to see and narrate to him the answers. Kiba had put Akamaru on his head, who easily saw answers and barked them to Kiba.

Time whittled away, numerous people getting thrown out, and before long, it was time for the tenth question.

"My, you looked like you were working hard," commented Ibiki, glaring at to the genin. "We must have a good deal of bookworms here. Or some very good cheaters!"

'I wonder who was dumb enough to cheat?' wondered Sakura, who had worked out the answers on her own.

"Now, time for the tenth question," said Ibiki. "But I'd like to add a little rule that I neglected to mention earlier. If you can't answer this question correctly...you'll automatically fail and never be allowed to take the exam again!"

There were several cries of outrage.

"What kind of a rule is that!?" yelled Kiba. "There are loads of people here who have taken the test before!"

Ibiki chuckled sadistically. "True, there are. But I've never been the proctor before. I made this rule just now! I make rules, you follow them! Got that!?"

Kiba sat back down, along with several other people.

"But, I'll give you a chance to drop out. You can either quit now, and get kicked out of this exam, but feel free to re-take future exams. If you don't quit, you'll have to risk your entire ninja future on your ability to answer this question."

There was silence, when suddenly, a person stuck his hand into the air.

"I-I can't take it! I quit!"

One of the Chunnin overseers called out the rest of his team, and they left. Immediately, that event became the catalyst for the reaction Ibiki had wanted, and people began to drop out like flies.

Naruto was completely unconcerned about the whole thing. It was incredibly unlikely that a jounin had the power to halt the promotion to Chunnin permanently. He glanced around the room. Team 8 looked slightly panicky, but determined. Team 10-well, Shikamaru and Chouji probably didn't care, and Ino would follow Sasuke into a dragon's den. The Sand and Sound Trios also looked unconcerned, as well as Kabuto, and Sasuke. Sakura however, looked completely terrified.

If he didn't do something, they'd be failing anytime soon. So, he simply took the pen of the person who had sat on his left –but been disqualified- and discreetly threw it at Sakura, who immediately snapped out of her fear, due to the fact she was now angry.

"Anyone else then?" asked Ibiki, a smile playing on his lips. "Very well then. All of you...pass."

"What?!"

"Huh?"

"What did he say?"

"We passed?" asked Temari, the kunoichi from the Sand Trio. "What about the tenth question?"

Ibiki began to explain. "The first part of this test –heh, most genin wouldn't stand a chance of answering those questions on their own. You were meant to cheat- it was a test of your ability to gather information discreetly. However, the tenth question was much more important, not what it asks, but what it represented. Whether you, would stick with it, for your team's sake. Scum that would back out, to save their own skin at the cost of leaving their teammates behind- scum like that will never become chunnin whilst I am a proctor. So, congratulations, but the exam will only get harder. The-"

Suddenly, something burst through the window, and a purple-haired kunoichi was suddenly standing there, a canvas sign –displaying her name- suddenly rigged up behind her with strings and kunai.

"Hello brats!" she said brightly. "I'm Mitarashi Anko, your next proctor."

"You're also early," commented Ibiki. "Again."

Anko deadpanned, before she started to speak again. "A lot of teams here. Heh, you must be losing your touch, Ibiki. But you kids...I can guarantee that at least half of you will fail in the next portion of the exam!"

"At least half?!" repeated Sakura, alarmed.

"Hurry up then!" she said. "We're going to a place called...the Forest of Death." She then leapt out of the window again, and after seeing Ibiki and the overseers begin to file away, the genin began to file away.

"Hold it, Kabuto," said Naruto, and Kabuto stopped. Naruto did not speak again until the room was empty apart from the two of them. "Who is the Leader of the Sound?"

"How should I know?" asked Kabuto, sounding genuinely confused.

"Judging by the fact you work for him, it's quite likely you would," replied Naruto, eyes narrowed. "And I'm also saying that the Sand is allied with you."

Kabuto chuckled, before breaking out into full-blown laughter. Naruto raised an eyebrow at Kabuto's behaviour, but waited for Kabuto to stop.

"Very impressive, Naruto-_kun_," said Kabuto, grinning manically. "My act didn't even affect the lazy _genius_ Asuma is so fond of boasting about."

"What is your scheme?" asked Naruto, ignoring the comment.

Kabuto laughed again, before his face became deathly serious, yet malicious. "Why don't you figure it out on your own?"

"You will stop this," replied Naruto firmly.

Yet again, Kabuto laughed. "Do you really think, Naruto-kun, after all these months of planning, he will stop just because one genin tells him to? You really are too amusing."

The two began to circle one another, eyes locked in conquering stares, challenging the other to strike, the only noise beside their voices the tapping of Naruto's cane.

"Here's a question you can answer. How strong are you?" asked Naruto.

"Heh. Let's just say, Kakashi would have trouble with me," replied Kabuto. "Now, time for my question."

'So he's mid to high jounin level...he would be a tough challenge, more than Haku, I'd wager,' thought Naruto, before he spoke. "Ask away."

"It's very impressive how you deducted I was acting, and that I'm with Sound...but if you would, inform me how you knew how Oto was allied with Suna."

"You slipped up again, Yakushi," said Naruto. "But I'll answer your question first. It was quite a long shot, but I also got you to confirm it. The fact that Suna sent only one team? This team were not even the same age. It reeked to me of suspicion. Admittedly, Suna had began a "quality-over-quantity" policy, but the fact that the older two could have entered the exam before, and that the younger one, Gaara, the carrier of Shukaku was there, told me there was more to this than met the eye."

"So, you know of Shukaku as well," said Kabuto, almost sounding delighted. "It's quite a thrill to meet such an opponent. But, you said I slipped up...?"

"Of course. You confirmed one of my theories," replied Naruto. "An invasion, isn't it?"

Kabuto, as Naruto expected, broke into laughter again. "You really are a genius, aren't you Naruto-kun? The invasion will not falter though. I will anticipate this greatly," said he, and he turned to follow the rest of the genin.

"Don't turn your back on me just yet Yakushi, or you may find a kunai in it," said Naruto, his voice almost a whisper, but still powerful. "For your sake, do not meet me in the Exam. You will die. Painfully. Or perhaps, an execution? Do you fancy either the Katon Jutsu or the gallows?"

Kabuto turned one last time, a sadistic smile upon his face. "We shall see, Naruto-kun. We shall see."

* * *

Naruto arrived at the Forest of the Death late, just missing someone (probably Kiba) have their blood licked by the demented proctor.

'But Kiba's comes from a clan of dogs. Wouldn't he enjoy that?' he mused, before meeting up with his team.

"Now, before I can send you into the Forest, you'll have to sign these," and Anko brought a stack of forms out of her trench coat. "Consent forms. So, if you die, your families can't complain."

'What is she talking about? We were already informed that entering meant we could die-oh, she's just doing to create fear,' thought Naruto idly, before he signed the form given to him.

Ten minutes later, they had received a scroll, and told to hunt down teams, who could have the opposing scroll. Once they had that, they had to make it to the tower in five days.

The gate opened, and Team 7 entered the Forest of Death.

"What's the plan?" Naruto asked his team.

"Plan?" said Sakura.

"Surely we are not just going to run to the tower and expect to bump into a team on the way. We have to have some plan, some strategy," said Naruto.

"You have an idea?" said Sasuke.

"It hinges on whether we should search for teams, or let them search for us."

"Search for them," said Sasuke, and Sakura immediately nodded.

"Then, perhaps it would be an idea to run around the circumference of the forest to an adjacent gate and then move towards the tower."

Sasuke and Sakura considered that and agreed, after all, they didn't have another plan.

But, running around the circumference meant that they saw something else. Something on the outside of the forest.

"Hey! What's happening!?" Naruto shouted at the Chuunin, who were poring over three bodies.

"None of your business," shouted back one. "Go and continue your Exam!"

But Team 7 saw the bodies. The corpses had no faces, just skin going over the face.

"What the-?" said Sasuke.

"They haven't got faces!" said Sakura, terrified.

"How on earth-?" said Naruto.

"Hey! I said go! Do you want me to disqualify you!?"

"We're going!" said Naruto hastily, before turning and sprinting back into the forest, Sasuke and Sakura following, surprised by the actions of their teammate. The fact that the faces were missing was certainly horrifying, but it wasn't as if they would attack you...

"Naruto!?" yelled Sakura. "What's going on?!"

"Danger. We are in very grave danger," said Naruto grimly. "The plan is changed. We get to the tower, and ambush an arriving team. It's too risky for us to be here, widespread, no help for miles..."

"What danger?!"

Naruto sighed, and directly addressed Sakura. "There is a plot, Sakura. And if whom I suspect now is actually the person behind it, we are likely to be killed."

"W-Who do you suspect?" asked the pink-haired girl, her voice quavering with fear.

"I will say nothing. Not yet, at least. I will simply say that the person I suspect is S-class."

Sakura and Sasuke's eyes widened. Sakura was terrified. She had never known Naruto to be wrong before, and she had a feeling that he wasn't going to break that record anytime soon. Sasuke was also beginning to feel a shiver crawl up his spine. An S-class ninja was on the same level as his brother, Uchiha Itachi, the man who was responsible for the Uchiha Clan Massacre several years previously.

They sprinted through the woods, Naruto expectedly in the rear, but also gazing back to search for the culprit. Seconds felt like minutes. Minutes felt like hours. Tree after tree after tree they passed, and eventually, they stopped, for even ninja need rest.

"A-Are y-you sure someone's there?" panted Sakura.

"Can't you feel that sickly presence?" asked Naruto. "As if death approaches, that fear- we're being hunted like animals."

"Then we should move on," said Sasuke firmly, but his gasps betrayed him.

"Of course," said Naruto. "He meant for this to happen, for us to be tired, worn out, easy prey-"

A gust of wind suddenly blasted through the branches, and Naruto fell off the branch, and Sasuke and Sakura were left alone.

Naruto began to change his body shape in mid-air, to a position that would decrease the damage caused by the fall. And eventually, he landed, but no bruises or broken bones.

He stood upright, before he heard a strange hiss behind him. He turned, and in front of him was a gigantic snake.

"Well this...is annoying," and Naruto instantly reached into a pocket, as the snake lunged forwards. He threw two bombs into the snake's gaping maw, before throwing himself to the ground, his arms over his head.

For a moment, the snake was over him, ready to devour him.

And then the snake exploded.

Naruto wiped snake-fragments of his coat and out of his hair, before he looked up. It would appear it was time to do some climbing.

* * *

"Get away!" Sasuke half-screamed, as he fled up the branches, and the "Grass-nin" began to follow, but suddenly stopped, as a kunai was thrown into the bark above him.

A kunai with an exploding tag.

The "Grass-nin" leapt off the branch as it exploded, and Naruto was there.

"Naruto, get out of there! This guy is way above us! Stop trying to be the hero!" shouted Sasuke, almost hysterically.

"Sasuke, take a deep breath, and calm down. Didn't either of you two notice that this person looks exactly like one of those bodies, but with the face," said Naruto. "That snake summon was yours?"

The "Grass-nin" nodded, a sick grin across his face.

"Since when was the Snake Summoning contract in the hands of Kusagakure?" asked Naruto, eyes narrowed at the "Grass" ninja. "To my knowledge, it has only ever belonged to the Snake Sannin-turned traitor."

The ninja laughed, before pulling off his face -revealing it to be some kind of mask.

"Kukukuku," the snake-man laughed. "It's quite refreshing to meet intelligent people."

"Orochimaru, Snake Sannin, and traitor," said Naruto, on the outside calm and collected, but on the inside, a frenzy.

'He is far stronger than me. I would have trouble dispatching Kabuto, but compare the gap between those two. But why has he targeted us?' Naruto turned his mind around and it came up with the correct answer. 'Bloodlines. His experiments focused on forgotten and lost bloodlines, and of course, he is renowned for trying to learn as much jutsu as possible. So, he wants, the Sharingan. If that is the case, then as much as I hate to say it, I will have to ensure Sasuke's safety.'

"Sasuke, Sakura," Naruto's voice rang out clearly through the trees. "Flee. Get to the tower. Inform all the Konoha ninja you find."

"What?" said Sakura. "But you can't hold him... if Sasuke couldn't..."

"I can certainly hold him longer than Sasuke could," replied Naruto, his eyes not leaving the Snake Sannin. "How long that is though, I have no idea. Flee, now!"

"Will you live?" asked Sasuke, still sounding unconcerned.

"I'll answer that later, preferably. You'll know later."

Almost reluctantly, Sasuke and Sakura fled.

"Kukukuku...Naruto-kun," grinned Orochimaru. "What's there to stop me running after them?"

"I know several reasons, and if you don't know that I know them, you should really talk to Kabuto more. You are the Sound's leader, right?"

"Oh?" Admit it or not, but Orochimaru was intrigued. "Kabuto told you he worked for me?"

"No," replied Naruto. "I deducted it on my own. Maybe you can also confirm something else. I told Kabuto to stop the invasion, and he said you wouldn't listen. Would you?"

"What?!" The Snake Sannin was genuinely shocked. "You know about the invasion?!"

"I also deducted that," said Naruto, a touch of smugness in his voice. "And Suna is your ally, correct?"

"You really are too much," said Orochimaru. "It is therefore unbeneficial to me to stay here, when I should be after Sasuke-kun. As for you...consider your intelligence to why I spared you."

I shall sum up what happened now, as my records begin to have some gaps around this period.

Orochimaru did catch up with Sasuke and Sakura, but Naruto then caught up with him, and with the aid of Shadow Clones and explosives, was able to fight him to a standstill for some precious moments.

During those moments, Sasuke and Sakura discovered Anko, who managed to put her grudge with Orochimaru aside, and summon ANBU teams instead of challenge the snake herself. Completely surrounded, Orochimaru fled, but succeeded in giving Sasuke his Cursed Seal, a process that freaked (for lack of a better word) Naruto out, due to the fact that a fifty year old snake-man was biting a twelve/thirteen year old on the neck.

I admit, even I would be "freaked" out.

Impressed by Team 7's actions, Anko gave them the scroll they needed, and sent them on their way to the Tower, which had no more skirmishes along the way.

They arrived, also seeing numerous other teams, such as Team 8, or the Sand Trio.

Kabuto had been correct, a preliminary round was added –but again, Kabuto dropped out-, and the fight began with a Cursed Seal-affected Sasuke against one of the people on Kabuto's team.

It appeared completely over for Sasuke, but he then revealed a technique that he had styled on Rock Lee's taijutsu, which he partially copied. Sasuke won...barely, before almost passing out due to the damage invoked by the Seal, and the side-effects to the taijutsu.

After asking Shikamaru to tell him of the events in any match he should happen to miss, Naruto went with Kakashi as he proceeded to try to seal up the Cursed Seal, due to the fact sealing did interest Naruto, after all, he did have a demon sealed into his navel.

Sadly, they met Orochimaru again. For a moment, they had feared a fight, and Kakashi formed his Lightning Blade, the Raikiri, when Orochimaru left, but his fell words still rang in their ears.

They were so late when they arrived back; it turned out it was time for Naruto for his fight. The intelligent person against the not-so-intelligent person. Uzumaki Naruto versus Inuzuka Kiba.

Naruto faced off against his opponent and opponent's dog in the arena, but began to speak.

"Well, I'd like to dedicate this to a number of people," began Naruto. "First of all, the Sandaime Hokage, for without him I never would have done a number of things, such as become a ninja, become a genius, start smoking, give up cocaine-"

"Shut up!" roared his opponent, as he sprinted forwards, far faster than Naruto.

Naruto casually dropped a vial onto the ground, which smashed, and a dangerous-looking gas escaped...

* * *

Ah, Kiba is going to be beaten and humiliated. Stay tuned for that.

Oh, if you're wondering what the hell I was doing calling this chapter Missing Faces. Well, that does sound interesting, you have to admit.

And if you're wondering about pairings, I pointed out in the chapter that at the moment, Naruto is uninterested in the opposite sex -no, he is not gay, yaoi fangirls, please go away. The pairing, if any, will happen when he's older, after the time skip. I mean please, he's twelve, becomes thirteen in the one month of training for Chunnin Exams (I guessed that as since at the beginning of the story, they say the Kyuubi attacked twelve years ago, but in the one month, Sarutobi says to Anko that the attack was thirteen years ago.)

And the Kabuto/Orochimaru showdown was just to illustrate Naruto's deduction skills. And also, Naruto is not superpowered, he clearly acknowledged Kabuto would be really tough, and Orochimaru he didn't have a chance against.

Oh yes, now I wish to speak about reviews. Since more than twenty people have put this on their alert list, I'm kinda hoping for more reviews than eight. But try not to review with your words like: "OMG! LOL! UR FIC IZ AWESOM! PLZ UPDATE SOON! LOL!" I mean, when I want to read reviews, I'm hoping that you'll talk about whether you enjoyed the chapter (without saying "LOL UR FIC IZ AWSOME"), your thoughts on it, what you'd like to happen, what you'd think would happen, and how it could be better.

You don't need to write all those things, one or two is enough. But the point of reviews for me now (unlike the young days when I was a young lad early to the days of fanfic writing) is so I know I'm keeping this story in a good direction, people enjoy it, and I enjoy writing it.

Oh god, I think I'm maturing. How will I ever continue LightningHunter's Parody?

Yours,

LightningHunter


	3. Adventure III The Snake and the Sand

Oh, hey everyone. I am back with this new chapter. This AN is small, but when you're done with this chapter, if you don't already do so, I highly recommend that you read the AN at the bottom of the page.

By the way, I don't think this chapter is as good as the previous ones, but don't worry, that's soon to change as I unveil my secret evil twist at the end of the next chapter.

Oh yeah, some people were confused with how Naruto figured out about the invasion. All will be revealed in this chapter.

And if husen is reading this, I was not at all amused by the P.S. ...I'm joking, it's the exact same thing I would have done.

And just before you read the chapter, thanks for those readable reviews. They were practically essays, some of them! If you reviewed Chapter 2, you may find your review has been answered.

Also, Naruto's abilities will go into more detail in the AN, as they are going to change in style, but NOT become super-powered.

* * *

**Elementary**

_the story of a genius_

Adventure III – The Case of the Snake and Sand

The intelligent person against the not-so-intelligent person. Uzumaki Naruto versus Inuzuka Kiba.

Naruto faced off against his opponent and opponent's dog in the arena, but began to speak.

"Well, I'd like to dedicate this to a number of people," began Naruto. "First of all, the Sandaime Hokage, for without him I never would have done a number of things, such as become a ninja, become a genius, start smoking, give up cocaine-"

"Shut up!" roared his opponent, as he sprinted forwards, far faster than Naruto.

Naruto casually dropped a vial onto the ground, which smashed, and a dangerous-looking gas escaped...

Naruto disappeared, and Kiba plunged straight into the gas cloud, before immediately escaping, choking and spluttering.

"Pity," remarked Naruto, now some distance away from Kiba. "If you have stayed in the smoke for a few seconds later, this fight would already be over."

"Ergh!" Kiba finished his coughing and glared up at Naruto. "You'll pay for that!" He hurtled forwards again.

"Oh? Let's go again," said Naruto, as he this time threw a large circular item at Kiba, who ducked it.

"Missed me!" roared Kiba, and he lunged forwards at Naruto's chest...

But the next thing he knew, his attacking hand was holding the same item Naruto had thrown at him.

"What the-?!" Kiba screamed, as the item exploded in his hand, not much force, but enough to damage his hand quite lethally.

"Did you enjoy that?" asked Naruto, now behind him. "It really was just a simple Replacement, and you didn't even expect it."

"Bastard!" Kiba fished a red pill out of his pocket with his other hand and tossed the pill at Akamaru, who caught it in his mouth, and then Naruto watched Akamaru –after some uninteresting jutsus- transform into another Kiba.

"Let's see you fight us now!" shouted Kiba, as he and Akamaru prepared their technique.

"This is not a fight, this is pest control," replied Naruto, eyes narrowed. Although he wouldn't admit it, and he knew he would still win, this had gotten harder.

The two charged at Naruto, their jutsu completed, and now looked like two mini-tornadoes, only with claws instead of the winds.

'I'll never move fast enough...and what can counter that...think Naruto...'

The two mini-tornadoes smashed into Naruto, and he was sent hurtling backwards. He hit the wall, and did not move.

Kiba stopped, and grinned. "Looks like I won."

"Your attacks are insignificant, and tedious," said a voice behind him.

"What?" Kiba suddenly saw the "injured Naruto" burst into smoke, and he spun around to see the real Naruto, looking almost amused by Kiba's attack.

"I've remained on the defensive for too long, I think. Counter-attacking is boring me," said Naruto, the hint of a smirk crossing his face.

He reached into another pocket, and Kiba immediately tensed, ready to move if he saw another explosive.

Yet Kiba did not anticipate any other attack. He did not realise that Naruto reaching into his pocket, was nothing more than a distraction.

Two Shadow Clones burst out of the ground, both lashing out with their cane, one heavy blow causing Akamaru to fall unconscious and revert to his usual form, and the strike caused Kiba to stagger away, as he clutched his head from the blow.

The Clones then grabbed onto Kiba, ensuring he could not escape.

"Did you know, Kiba," said Naruto. "Besides Shadow Clone, and the basic Academy Jutsus, save the ordinary Clone technique, I know no other jutsu." His eyes glinted. "But it doesn't matter, really."

He pointed the cane at Kiba, and the spike burst out of the end, and Kiba paled at the spear-like weapon pointed at him.

"I've given the blade a new poison," called Naruto. "Imagine the damage it could do. I do need to test it anyway."

Naruto sprinted forwards, still making sure to be running with a slight limp, and headed towards Kiba, who had now frozen to the spot...

The odds on Kiba surviving this...were very low. But quite frankly, he didn't really care.

He was now moments away...

Suddenly, Kiba vanished into thin air, and the Clones burst into smoke. Naruto relaxed and stopped, realising what had happened. The sensei, Yuuhi Kurenai, had stepped in to save Kiba. He couldn't figure out why, but he supposed she must have some team bonds...that or they made a good reconnaissance team.

"Winner, Uzumaki Naruto," said the sickly referee, Hayate.

Naruto tapped a part on the cane, and the blade shifted back into the wood.

"Good work Naruto!" shouted Sakura, and a few other people nodded approvingly at him.

Naruto climbed up the stairs again, but this time went to stand next to the Hokage. At least this time he could enjoy a smoke without someone yelling at him.

* * *

One month. One month of training, and Naruto was to face the Hyuuga "genius", Neji. Naruto found it hard to believe he was a genius, as he seemed to have this great belief in fate. Something Naruto thought nonsense, and I quote: "Rubbish, rubbish! Am I to believe that this world is governed by some mystical power? It's pure lunacy." 

After narrating his information to the Hokage, Naruto left for his home, to check really, his information on other villages. Although he had a great deal of data on the main five ninja village, his knowledge was limited with the smaller ninja villages.

He opened a large tome he usually kept sealed into a scroll, and began writing on the page for Otogakure, which was currently blank.

Founded and ruled by Orochimaru (see Missing-Ninja of Leaf). Has conspired with Sunagakure to attempt to destroy Konoha.

And that was all he knew. Although he had easily revealed his information on them to Kabuto and Orochimaru, he hid how hard it had actually been to discover it. His theories had a very small chance of being correct, but fortunately, the two had confirmed it.

It all began when he noticed the small gaps in Kabuto's acting. They were small, but he supposed that he had grown arrogant in his years of spying. Second of all, the data cards. They were obvious, that Kabuto was a spy. But for what village. Spies are created to gather information, and in the ninja world, for attacks. So there, there was a hint of the invasion, but not much to create a theory.

Naruto lived by a very strict code, whenever you remove what is impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, is true.

Iwa and Kumo, at first, were the ones with clear motives. But, Iwa was still replenishing the massive forces they had once had, and were not ready for war. Kumo, despite their interest in Konoha's bloodlines, were not going to risk a war, now when the Hyuuga were powerful and also possess a burning hatred of Kumo-nin.

The other big villages? Kiri was still weak, after the loss of the Swordsmen and their bloodline clans. They would not start a war.

Suna...many would say it was preposterous that Konoha's ally would betray them. But Naruto knew that in this age when all villages more or less detested each other, treaties were not worth the paper they were written on. And as well as that, he had some ...secret information about the situation in Suna. The ninja economy was failing, as the daimyo chose Konoha ninja over his own for his missions. The Kazekage was probably desperate to save his village from a complete economic failure. The fact they should send only three genin, one who was a demon host, the other two considerably older, (and that all should be the Kazekage's children) convinced Naruto even more of this. To his information, the fact was that Gaara was unbeatable in Suna when he went all out. Naruto correctly assumed none had broken through the armour.

But Kabuto had been a spy for several years, so that meant he was not from any of the major five villages.

The small villages that could attack were then Sound, Rain, Waterfall or Grass. Waterfall was immediately ruled out, as their village and forces were far too small to defeat Leaf, even with that strange water-power-up they had in their village.

Grass was also ruled out, being too weak. He had also been unsure of this though, but the fact Orochimaru killed the Grass-nin hinted at saying –no, Grass aren't allied with me.

Sound and Rain was left. He had once, before the Chunnin Exam, tried to send men into the villages, even though of course, he did not know of the invasion then. They hadn't been able to find the Sound village, and as for Rain...well, most of them "disappeared." The only survivor, before he died, revealed that the "leader" Hanzo, was dead.

As for Sound, his men had discovered that the ninja in that country were split in two, half opting to join the leader-whose name was not given- but the other half became traitors to their clans, becoming nothing more than thugs and robbers. But he had also learnt that there was a lot of ninja. A lot of ninja.

He was further confused when Kabuto made references to both Rain and Sound. Rain was just a comment though, and Sound...Kabuto deliberately undermined them, but then was "beaten" by them, therefore intimidating the rookies.

After meeting Orochimaru in the Sealing Chamber, and discovering his want for the Sharingan, Naruto also now believed that Orochimaru, after giving Sasuke the Cursed Seal, intended to send the Sound Genin after him, which Sasuke would defeat, and "discover the power that Orochimaru could give."

Although, if Naruto had been Orochimaru, he would have just kidnapped Sasuke and got it over with.

And the invasion...well, what else could Kabuto be spying for? Surely not just to acquire the Sharingan, when Konoha would just send ninja to hunt them down.

Meanwhile, Naruto needed some information, which was not related to the invasion. He needed to see a Rain-nin.

* * *

The Rain-nin left the hotel and entered the bustling streets of Konoha. His team had failed to pass, and the other Rain-team had been killed, apparently by that creepy Sand guy. But he hadn't liked the other team anyway, so he didn't care much. 

He was going to meet up with his team by the West Gate before heading home. None of them wanted to see the Finals, and the village leader had only requested they bring some...information on certain other ninja participating. They had some information now, and they were leaving.

He strode through the streets, going through a more desolate part of town, before discovering he was now all alone, wandering through a small alley. A small prickle of fear crept up his spine, but he shrugged it off and continued walking.

Suddenly, he felt himself pulled up into the air, and he was suddenly hanging from a tree, a person dressed entirely in black standing from the branch.

"Hey! What the hell is this?! Let me go, you son of a b-"

The person jumped down and grabbed his throat. "I require information. Who is the leader of your village?!"

"...urg...His name is Hanzo!"

"Hanzo is dead!" the person roared. "Give me the real answer!"

"I don't know him, he uh, only relays information through his, uh, guards!"

The person was silent, before: "Then you are no use to me." He drew a kunai, and pointed it at his throat.

"W-Wait, wait! I'll tell you everything! Don't kill me! I don't wanna die!" He broke off, almost sobbing.

* * *

Naruto knew his...method had been harsh, but efficient. He'd given the Rain-nin some compensation, so not all was bad. 

The Rain-nin referred to the leader as a god. The leader had killed Hanzo, his family, friends, and anyone who could sympathise with him. As well as that, the leader had his own enforcer, a powerful kunochi who they all called: "God's Angel." But there were rumours of other powerful ninja who served him.

This was all very intriguing, but Naruto knew, it was time to start training again. He sat back in his chair, brow furrowed in thought, absent-mindedly smoking.

Hyuuga. Byakugan. The best way to start was to analyse the Hyuuga's combat skills. The Hyuuga first of all, used their Byakugan to see completely around them-well, not completely, there was a blind spot, but the Hyuuga lied and said it could see 360 degrees to scare enemies- and thus could easily defend themselves from attacks.

Taijutsu was more or less suicide, unless Naruto was going to at least double or triple his speed.

Genjutsu –unless of course, he had the skill of a Genjutsu Master- was usually hopeless against the Byakugan as well.

Ninjutsu- well, Naruto had to look into whether Neji was capable of using the Hyuuga's Unique Jutsus, the Kaiten, the shield they could make, and the 64-strike...thing. Sadly, Naruto had never found out what it was called, even though he knew what it did.

If Neji knew those techniques, admittedly he was a prodigy. But if he did know the Kaiten, Naruto could use that as a weakness. If he was able to force Neji to constantly use it, Neji would run out of chakra.

Psychological attacks? Naruto almost shivered at the thought. Neji had almost gone mad in his fight against Hinata. He had also discovered what exactly happened in the events with the Hyuuga several years ago after an attempted kidnapping.

But quite frankly, he thought the Cloud's proclamation of war a laughing matter. You fail to kidnap a girl, the kidnapper dies, and you declare war. He actually did laugh at that point. The Leaf should have really said: you, Raikage sir, are a complete imbecile, and I believe that your late brother, the kidnapper, could do a better job of running Cloud. And I mean while he's dead.

Although, the Elemental Countries were so undiplomatic and incompetent that there would have been a war anyway, despite how one-sided it could be.

But, of course, time to consider how to defeat Neji. The best bet was really to throw a load of explosives and hope for the best. He sighed, before standing up. Might as well take a walk, he thought dully. Never know what could happen.

* * *

Of course, when Naruto thought to himself, "Never know what could happen", he certainly didn't expect this. He had walked past the bathhouse, to see an old man getting beaten up by a group of women wearing towels. 

Anyone could have figured out the old man had been spying on them bathing. Although Naruto didn't really understand the point of going to a bathhouse when you could have a bath in your own house, but he supposed they were some part of some massage therapy or something similar which had never interested in him, and probably wouldn't ever.

Out of mere politeness, he asked the old man if he was okay-of course, after the women had finished beating him. The man introduced himself as the world-renowned Jiraiya of the Legendary Sannin with some kind of...dance.

To which Naruto responded with:

"If you peep on women younger than half your age, well, the rumours of Orochimaru's child obsession can almost be applied to you."

To which Jiraiya almost had a heart attack, before protesting that he was only interested in adult women.

And Naruto pointed out that since he was fifty, it was more or less cradle-robbing unless he was looking for forty-year-olds. Something that Jiraiya clearly wasn't doing.

It then followed with quite a lot more arguments between the two, but Naruto eventually told Jiraiya he didn't need to be bothered by him anymore since he was busy trying to think how he could defeat his opponents in the exam.

And suddenly, Jiraiya, after discovering Naruto's name, took it upon himself to become Naruto's new sensei. Yet Jiraiya had a very unusual way of teaching. He'd suddenly decided Naruto had to sign the summon contract for the Toads. Naruto didn't see why he was learning Summoning, but he supposed if he was able to summon a large enough toad Neji would be helpless.

The problem was that the only way he could consummate the contract was to summon the boss of the Toad contract. And although Naruto had a great deal of chakra, his control was bad, and a lot of the chakra he put into carrying out the seals was wasted.

Jiraiya had told him to practise water-walking, but although Naruto was able to master that soon with relative ease, it only very slightly helped.

Until eventually, Jiraiya said:

"Hey, Naruto...have you ever used or felt another kind of chakra?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you talking about Kyuubi?"

"...yeah, so have you?"

"No," responded Naruto. "I supposed the seal would loosen eventually, but I've kept it in check."

"The seal weakens with age. Some people believed that something could happen to you as a kid and maybe you'd be able to meet Kyuubi at an early age, but that's just ridiculous. The seal was too strong, but now, it's weakened, and there's a possibility of even using his chakra."

"Wouldn't that weaken the seal even more?" asked Naruto. "I'm not exactly enjoying the possibility of being controlled by a demon, or letting it free."

"True, but there are going to be times when you'll need to use the demon's chakra. If you don't...well, you might end up dead," replied Jiraiya.

Naruto contemplated Jiraiya's words. It wasn't that some people would consider it cheating, oh no, Naruto was fine with that. It was the possibility of letting Kyuubi break free. Ever since he'd discovered his father- oh yes, he'd easily discovered that the Yondaime Hokage was his father years ago. That was one of the easiest things he'd ever thought out, and the Sandaime reluctantly confirmed it, as well as giving him the full names of his parents, and a little about their backgrounds. He was proud of his heritage, yet didn't really care about the Kyuubi. It rarely affected him, and if it did, it was in the glares of idiotic villagers who knew or understood nothing. But still, the idea of dying was hardly what he called pleasant.

"Very well," sighed Naruto. "And how do you expect me to use the demon's chakra?"

"Isn't it obvious?" And a great grin appeared on Jiraiya's face. "In life-threatening situations!"

Jiraiya then grabbed Naruto, before hurling him into the air. It was as he was falling, that he realised that he was now going off a cliff, into a gorge-like place.

'Sorry, Yondaime,' thought Jiraiya nervously, before walking to the edge of the cliff and looking for Naruto, who he easily spotted, approaching death every second.

'Don't panic, think logically...alright, must communicate with Kyuubi...best time to do that while unconscious,' decided Naruto, before he took out one of the same sleeping gas bombs he had used on a Demon Brother. 'Here's to hoping I'm still alive when I wake up.'

The bomb exploded, and he coughed as he inhaled the sleeping gas. Then his vision started to cloud over, and everything turned black.

* * *

Naruto opened his eyes. Wherever he was, it was dimly lit. He was barely able to make out the walls of the passages, and every passage was darkened. 

"This is my mind?" he asked aloud, before he entered one of the passages.

For a few moments, all was dark. Then he was aware of bars ahead of him, with a seal placed on them.

A sinister red chakra surged from behind the bars, forming the face of a demonic creature.

**"Come closer..."** beckoned the demon.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "What kind of a fool do you take me for? So...you're the infamous Kyuubi."

**"I would devour you, but this detestable seal holds me back,"** rumbled the beast, before the red eyes glinted. **"You came to me this time...why?"**

"Well, it is rather simple. Currently I'm falling off a cliff, and since you'll die when I die, I was expecting you to be slightly gracious and hand over your chakra."

**"What?"** snapped the fox.

"If you don't we're going to die, and even someone with half a brain can figure out that probably isn't on your to-do list."

The demon laughed, amused at Naruto's tone. **"You've got guts speaking to me like that-"**

"I'm not here to listen to you. Just "bestow me with the demon chakra", as it were," interrupted Naruto.

Angered, the fox reluctantly sent the red chakra through the bars.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the cliff, Jiraiya still awaited Naruto's summon. 

"Oh?" Jiraiya said to himself, as he noticed a great cloud of smoke form in the ravine. "It looks like he was able to summon old Gamabunta."

Jiraiya awaited Gamabunta to emerge to the surface any moment, but when nothing happened, he began to worry.

'Was Naruto too late? Or did he just fall off...Hmm, no, then I would have seen more smoke form when Gamabunta was "un-summoned". Wonder what happe-'

Jiraiya was suddenly broken out of his thoughts as a gigantic toad burst out of the ravine, landing on the cliff opposite the latter.

"Jiraiya!" bellowed Gamabunta. "You have a lot of explaining to do, throwing his kid off a cliff, and especially a kid with such appreciation for the pipe and tobacco!"

The Sannin began to tremble. 'This is bad. Really bad. ...come on, how was I supposed to know that Gamabunta would be so taken with him?!'

"Anyway, Gamabunta," said Naruto respectably to the boss summon. "I'd like to hang around, but I should be continuing my training. Perhaps we can discuss different pipe-weeds next time over drinks."

"Of course," grinned the old toad. "It's great to see I can have a summoner who appreciates these finer things in life."

"Why, thank you," said Naruto, as he climbed off the toad, and landed on his feet. "By the way...Jiraiya is on that side of the valley."

"Argh!"

"There you are!"

Naruto smiled to himself as he began to run back to his home, ignoring the giant toad charging the old sannin.

* * *

Midday. The sun shines at its brightest, as crowds of spectators swarm into the stadium, filling up the stands and seats. Their excitable chatter rises, and suddenly, figures start appearing onto the arena, as it were. 

The overseer for this final round entered the arena, and stood in front of the competitors, before announcing changes in the schedule.

"Say...where is Naruto?" wondered Shikamaru aloud, before they saw another figure appear in the tunnel. Of course, it was Uzumaki Naruto.

Naruto immediately hobbled over to the genin and Genma, the overseer.

"I hope I'm not late."

Genma waved it off. "Nah, just in time. Okay, you other genin get into that participants' box, and you two, I suggest you spread out."

The crowd roared in anticipation as they saw Naruto and Neji face off, stern blue eyes meeting the harsh Byakugan.

"Do you think you could beat me?" said Neji, arrogance brimming in every word. "You are nothing but a drop-out, and will always be a drop-out. That is your fate-"

"I only wish to say one thing, and that is...prove it."

"What?" said Neji.

"Prove fate exists," said Naruto, in a slightly smug manner. "Prove it scientifically."

"I, well..."

Naruto smirked at the now befuddle genin.

However, another roar from the crowd broke Neji out of his trance, and he sprinted forwards, intent on ending this battle with a simple palm-strike.

If Neji had not been focusing on his mind trying to prove fate, he would have remembered that this was exactly what Kiba intended to do in his fight with Naruto. And Kiba was beaten.

Naruto however, had not intended to use Replacements this time. The Byakugan would easily detect the change, but he knew something that the Byakugan could not see through...

Neji landed his blow, but Naruto burst into smoke. Immediately, his Byakugan showed that Naruto was some several metres behind him.

"Shadow Clone?" said Neji, eyes narrowed as he turned to face his opponent.

"Answer this question," said Naruto sternly. "What assures you that you will win, beside this fate of yours?"

"Let me tell you the truth about the Hyuuga, then," said Neji, reaching for his headband.

"Stop." Naruto's voice was quiet. "I know about the incident with Kumo. Don't waste my time with your tearful tale."

'The Byakugan cannot see underground,' thought Naruto idly, as he noticed Neji's scowl grow.

"Then as you know my reason...die!" shouted Neji, leaping forwards. "You are in m-"

Naruto exploded into smoke, and several more Naruto Clones burst out of the ground, surrounding Neji.

'So, he knows the 64-strike...but does he know, Kaiten?' thought the real Naruto, as several clones attacked the Hyuuga with the blade concealed in their canes, only to be repelled by the shield that signified the Kaiten.

Meanwhile, in the stands, the Hyuuga Clan Head –Hiashi- remarked to himself how talented Neji must be to re-create the Hyuuga's most powerful moves, before stating that such skill was wasted in the Branch House.

"Do you see?" said Neji. "None of your attacks, not even your cane-spear can harm me with the Kaiten."

"Oh, of course. Far be it for me to object," replied Naruto slyly. "But, I'm afraid I must end this now, Neji."

The Hyuuga scoffed. "And how do you intend to do that, drop-out?"

"I'm afraid I've already done it," said Naruto. "Look at your feet. Or in particular, the earth at your feet."

Neji glanced at his feet, noticing a small mound in the earth. He then noticed even more mounds, equally as small, scattered over the arena, and wondered for a moment why he had not noticed them before.

"You see...I took a little visit to this stadium yesterday, and I..." Naruto's smile almost stretched from ear to ear, "I've placed mines in the entire area."

"Wh-What!?" stuttered Neji. "H-How can this...I...you're bluffing!"

Naruto shook his head, before removing a gadget from his coat, with several buttons on it. He pressed one, and suddenly, some earth in the arena exploded, not too far from Neji. "Would that be considered evidence?"

"You..." Neji was at a complete loss for words.

"So, what will it be?" asked Naruto. "Die painfully, or surrender?" His hand strayed to another button on the gadget.

Neji gritted his teeth furiously, his hands so clenched they were going pale. "I-I..." He turned his face to Genma and raised his hand. "I surrender."

"Victor, Uzumaki Naruto!"

The crowd were also at a complete loss for words, shocked with what had happened. And they were about to be even more shocked.

"Neji, you were right," said Naruto. "I was bluffing. I never put mines in the area."

"W...What?!" Neji half-screamed. "But-"

"Ah yes, you saw one of the mounds explode. I only dropped a miniature explosive there earlier while I was keeping you busy. Oh, and this isn't a controller to mines, it's a remote controller for a television. I simply activated the explosive with a trigger attached to my cane while you were focused on the remote. Whoever said television didn't help you?"

"You-You...DIE!" screamed Neji, hurtling forwards, burning with rage and humiliation.

But this time, Naruto had no need for a clone, or a Replacement. Neji was attacking without his Byakugan, without his former skill, solely from rage.

Naruto backhanded Neji across the face, and the Hyuuga stumbled backwards, just as another Naruto burst from the ground, delivering a firm punch to the prodigy's jaw.

Neji collapsed onto the ground, beaten.

The Naruto that had been holding the remote burst into smoke, and Naruto eyed the Hyuuga lying on the ground, as the crowd suddenly erupted into cheers, including the odd "boo".

"You have talent, Hyuuga," acknowledged Naruto. "But...you're an idiot, and I'm not. That's what makes difference in skill."

Naruto made to leave, but stopped by the cheers for him. A grin broke onto his face, and looking as if he was very reluctant, he bowed to "his" audience, and waved at some.

"Caged bird seal," remarked Genma to Neji. "But even a caged bird tries to break free, using its beak to pick the lock."

Meanwhile, in the High Box, Sarutobi smiled at Naruto's performance.

"So, what do you think of that?" He asked the Kazekage.

"Yes, very interesting," said the Kazekage. "...I would not have expected the pride of the Hyuuga to be defeated by a no-name ninja."

Sarutobi laughed. "Naruto is far more powerful than people give him credit for. There are jounin in this world that cannot beat him."

"Oh?"

"Yes," said Sarutobi. "They called me the Professor in my youth...but amongst many of the ninja in this town, they call him "The Detective", named for his skill in discovering and analysing...just about anything that perks his interest."

Lower down in the stands, several genin were watching, in particular, Sakura, Ino, Tenten, and Lee, who had arrived just in time to see the end.

Tenten was still in denial. "That couldn't have happened. Neji must have let him win, or we're all dreaming this," she insisted.

"Wait a moment," said Ino. "How did the mounds get there, if Naruto never put mines or anything into the ground?"

"I suppose when he said he visited yesterday to put mines in, he really just arrived and made those mounds," said Sakura.

Lee gazed sadly at Neji, being stretchered away, and Naruto, walking to the participant's box.

'Naruto has defeated Neji, who I wished to defeat, and Sasuke will face Gaara, whom I could not defeat...'

The fights continued. As Sasuke had not yet arrived, his fight was delayed, and the fights began with Shino against Kankuro, and Shikamaru against Temari. Shino won by default as Kankuro surrendered, and Shikamaru eventually surrendered, despite currently having a great advantage, being able to capture Temari in his shadow.

Sasuke eventually arrived, for the sole purpose of making a flashy entrance. His fight with Gaara began, and Naruto was only mildly surprised to see that Sasuke's speed and taijutsu had increased. His interest piqued when he saw Sasuke form the Chidori, but that died down, as the invasion began.

A genjutsu was placed over the people of the audience, which most –if not all- the ninja were able to dispel.

Sasuke gave chase to Gaara, and the other genin were instructed to follow. Shino caught up with Sasuke first, but was forced to battle Kankuro. Meanwhile, Temari had just attacked Sasuke. Naruto and Sakura (and Pakkun, the most intelligent of Kakashi's nin-dog summons) were still following, Shikamaru remaining behind to ensnare a group of Sound ninja that were following.

Sasuke eventually defeated Temari, and attacked Gaara, but was unsuccessful, even with the power of the Cursed Seal. As Sakura and Naruto arrived, Gaara, now in a hybrid demon form with his sand, used a sand arm to trap Sakura to a tree, starting to choke the life out of her.

Naruto was now the only person there to fight Gaara.

'Why am I always having to bail the others out of trouble?' Naruto wondered, before turning his attention back to Gaara. 'Most explosions won't hurt him, unless...I could...maybe if I inserted an explosive into a fracture or a weak point, that could work..." Suddenly, Naruto was reminded of something Kakashi once tried to do to him, but failed as Naruto escaped that time. But Gaara wouldn't escape from this.

'Well...I suppose, this is it.'

Naruto threw several shuriken (he rarely used them, but he still had some) at Gaara, who easily stopped them with a wave of his arm.

"You mock me, Uzumaki!?" hissed the hybrid.

Naruto only smiled as the shuriken...exploded, covering Gaara in smoke. He then threw another shuriken, but this one, he Replaced himself with, and landed next to Gaara, who had not noticed him due to the smoke.

And Naruto, hurled a kunai and exploding tags into the hybrid's rear, before leaping from the branch.

"Fire in the hole!" he shouted, as Gaara's rear...exploded.

'He's completely off guard...perfect time to launch another attack,' thought Naruto, before forming many, many Clones.

"Suicide Clones! Charge!" he commanded, before turning and running.

The clones latched onto Gaara, before one of them activated only one bomb. That one bomb set off the countless explosives, poisons, and gas attacks that the Naruto Clones were carrying, and the real Naruto, now a considerable distance away, smiled at the sight of a badly beaten Gaara lying on the forest floor.

"Is it ...over?" said Sasuke.

He was wrong, as suddenly, almost instantly, Gaara transformed into a great beast made from sand, at least a hundred metres high.

"Shukaku," breathed Naruto.

"Die!" roared the beast, but Gaara's voice was still there.

'Hmm...So he has not given in completely to the beast,' thought Naruto, eyes narrowed.

Naruto was broken out of his thoughts as he was suddenly trapped in sand.

The beast laughed, before starting to close its fist. The spectators, Sasuke, Temari and Pakkun watched in horror as Naruto started to be crushed to death...

Only to see a great amount of smoke, and suddenly, Naruto stood high above, standing on the back of a gigantic toad.

Gamabunta idly blew smoke out of his mouth, before his eyes glanced up at Naruto.

"Naruto...what do you want me for now?"

Naruto only pointed to the Shukaku, and Gamabunta nodded to Naruto.

"It's a pity that we couldn't be discussing tobacco, but I suppose everything has its own time," said the toad, before he drew his sword. "Watch this, kid."

Less than half a minute later, Gamabunta had cut off one of the demon's arms, only for Gaara to counter-attack with a Forced Sleep Technique, releasing the true demon.

**"I've found some guys to kill!"** shouted Shukaku gleefully.

"That's a demon?" said Naruto, taken aback by Shukaku's attitude, before he regained his composure. "I suppose we'll have to wake up Gaara."

"Yeah. But how to do that?" said Gamabunta.

"Hmm...maybe you could throw me onto Shukaku, but that's far too risky for my liking."

"I know," said Gamabunta. "Let's do a Combined Transformation. Transform the two of us into something with claws and fangs, something that can cling onto him. Then we dispel it and you hop on and knock that kid awake."

"Simple. I like it," said Naruto. "But what to transform into..." He cast his mind around, and a picture of sinister red chakra came to him. "Ah, I know just the creature."

"Charge!" roared Gamabunta, thundering forwards. "Hurry up kid!"

Less than a moment later, Gamabunta and Naruto had transformed into a gigantic nine-tailed fox.

"What the...a fox?" said Sasuke, looking at the beast.

The fox growled at his foe, before charging. Shukaku fired back its own jutsu, compressed projectiles of wind chakra, but nimbler, the fox easily dodged.

Before Shukaku knew it, the fox was upon him.

The fox lunged, grabbing the sand creature, biting him...

And suddenly, in another cloud of smoke, the fox turned back into Gamabunta, and suddenly, a shape leapt up, towards Gaara...

A cane swung, and Gaara was awoken by the blow of a cane clearly heavier than it looked.

"Naruto! End this!" shouted Gamabunta.

Naruto made to move, but suddenly more sand hurtled at him as Gaara furiously attacked. Gamabunta used his studded tongue to deflect some of the sand, but eventually had to stop, as Naruto's feet sunk into the sand.

'Kyuubi...just a bit more chakra...' thought Naruto, almost praying.

"Die!" shrieked Gaara, as more sand cannoned towards Naruto.

A red chakra shielded Naruto, and he attached his cane to his belt, before he glared at Gaara.

"A few more hits, Gaara, and you are finished!" shouted Naruto, hurtling upwards to Gaara, only to be restrained by sand.

Gaara began to call more sand to tear Naruto apart, but then, Naruto lunged forward, smashing Gaara's forehead with his own.

For a moment, all was still.

Then the entire sand creature crumbled away.

Gaara and Naruto stood facing each other, on different treetops.

"One more strike...how about that, Gaara?" asked Naruto.

The two leapt towards each other, but it was Naruto who got the strike, and the two fell down, landing roughly on the forest floor.

"Naruto..." rumbled Gamabunta. "You are a very interesting young man...it's only a pity I cannot stay to watch you..." Gamabunta disappeared, leaving only smoke behind him.

Gaara lay on the ground, only to see Naruto approaching, dragging his legs with the aid of his cane.

"You! Don't come near me!" screamed Gaara.

Naruto was silent, before answering. "Did you know...once upon a time, I met an old man. Thanks to him, I became the person I am today. He defends Konoha at the cost of his life...and as my only way of paying him back, I do the same. And ...I'll be damned before I let you kill my teammates. They may be idiots, but they've grown on me. And I'll kill you first..."

Naruto stopped, to collapse onto his front.

"Naruto," said the voice of Sasuke, and Naruto was aware of Sasuke, supporting a pink and red blur that seemed to be Sakura.

Two other shapes appeared, and Sasuke tensed, but Gaara told the shapes to leave the Konoha-nin alone, and they lifted Gaara onto their shoulders, and ran away.

Naruto, exhausted, blacked out.

Leaving Sasuke to find a way to carry Naruto and Sakura out of the forest.

* * *

The skies were darkened, and gentle rain fell. Naruto stood in the formal lines, watching the rest of the funeral for the Sandaime Hokage, Sarutobi, who had fallen sealing away Orochimaru's arms. 

"The sky cries too," Naruto heard someone remark.

He wondered where it went wrong. He had given just about all the information he had on the invasion to the Hokage, yet still, he died.

The funeral ended soon, and the people began to leave, as the skies suddenly brightened.

"Naruto." It was Kakashi, damp hair falling over his brow. "The Sandaime gave a message to Raido, before he fought Orochimaru. Congratulations, you're promoted to Chunnin."

Naruto looked mildly surprised, not expecting anyone to be promoted in such events. "Did anyone else receive promotions?"

"That Nara kid, Shikamaru is up for consideration," said Kakashi. "But, as for the rest of them...no."

* * *

The village was loud in the morning, with the sounds of hammers and drills as people started to repair the damage done to the buildings. 

Ignoring these sounds, was Jiraiya, and Naruto, both standing on a balcony, conveniently for Jiraiya as it almost overlooked the nearest bathhouse.

"Akatsuki?" said Naruto, after hearing the name of the elusive organisation.

"Akatsuki. Orochimaru left them some years ago, but I also heard...Uchiha Itachi is part of their little group."

"Anyone else you know of?" asked Naruto.

"No. But you need to watch out. They'll be coming after you Naruto. And I'm sure you know why."

"...Kyuubi. They want its power?"

"I don't know," replied Jiraiya. "Anyway, I'm going to locate Tsunade. Homura and Koharu want her to become Hokage."

"...Who was their first choice?"

Jiraiya's eyes widened, before he answered. "Me."

"...You should have accepted."

"So, do you want to come with me to find Tsunade?"

"If Akatsuki are out there, surely it is too much of a risk..." Naruto's voice was almost challenging.

"Heh. Fine, I'll take a couple of ANBU squads. They can handle Orochimaru, or at least, with my help."

* * *

A few hours later, two figures, clad in black cloaks with a red cloud print, gazed at Konoha. 

"It must feel good to be home," said the taller man, a wrapped-up sword attached to his back.

"They are still recovering from Orochimaru's attack..." said the shorter man. "Have the others arrived?"

"Not yet," said the taller man. "Do we really need their help? I think we can handle some brat."

"Kisame. That "brat" helped defeat Zabuza and his apprentice, he defeated the jinchurriku of Shukaku, and is said to be a true genius. He may prove to be an interesting opponent."

Kisame sighed. "Whatever you say, Itachi-san."

Uchiha Itachi's crimson eyes glinted dangerously. "Let us see the true power of Uzumaki Naruto."

* * *

Finally, the end of Arc 1. The other Arcs will probably be longer, in particular the ones after the timeskip. But anyway... 

As I've explained, Naruto will leave Konoha in the next chapter. Feel free to guess why or how. To the prize winners, you will receive absolutely NOTHING. To the losers, you will have a consolation prize of nothing.

I'm not really the best people-person, am I?

NARUTO'S ABILITIES: They still focus a lot on gases, explosives and poisons. Don't worry people, that's going to change in a while, without the whole becoming super-powered. Oh yeah, I suppose you're also wondering how Naruto learns Rasengan if he never went with Jiraiya. There's a little cliff-hanger for you there...

Oh yeah, and some guys...oh god, now I need to go check their names... destiny-nova and Death Incarnate said I should put in a sidekick. Well, here's a big SPOILER for you. Naruto will get his own "club", but they are not going to be super-powered people. None of them will have bloodlines, none of them will have demons sealed in them. The majority won't even be above jouin level. If you're wondering why, you'll see. END SPOILER.

Damn, I've just realised I've got to reply to a lot of reviews. Bugger. Alright, uh, hmm, maybe I should start a fic used entirely to respond to reviews, but anyway, Typically Insane thought I was bashing Sakura. I'm not actually, I just needed someone to say those lines and Sakura fitted. She'll change, don't worry.

Hollow-Inuyashu reminded me that Naruto hides a weapon in a cane like Kisuke from Bleach. I'd actually not realised that. I might use that. Thanks.

mute thunder, who the hell is Dr. House? Never heard of him in my life. Oh yeah, this wasn't supposed to sound offensive, but I often sound like that in real life anyway.

Cynic-Kitsune. The main reason I think Orochimaru tried to kill Naruto in the Forest in canon was cause he saw Naruto could use Kyuubi's power. Kyuubi was a real threat to him, so he had to stop it. Naruto would have died anyway if Sakura hadn't chucked that kunai, making him hang off a tree instead of fall to his death. In this, Orochimaru was more intrigued then threatened.

HolyMageMouto. Naruto didn't tell anyone about Gaara, because like Sherlock Holmes, he springs it on them at the last minute, purely for dramatic flair. Oh, and I will write Hammerhand, I'm just a little stuck.

KyuubiWindScar. You're the only person who seems to have noticed the yaoi-fangirl reference! Please don't tell me you're the only who reads these author notes! Oh yeah, did you notice the comment Naruto made about Sakura's chakra reserves in Chapter 1?

battousai222. Man, you don't even need to say. Of course Naruto has figured out the secret of Shadow Clones! If you remember, in the "prologue" of Chapter 1, it tells you how he was using a Shadow Clone to talk to Mizuki while the real him brought an ANBU team. Oh yeah, and I think it would be too tough for Naruto to learn something like Hiraishin at the age of 12/13. I mean yeah, it's an awesome idea, but then this becomes just another superpowered!Naruto fic. Oh yeah, and I revealed that he knew about his parents. Don't worry, they have left him something...hehehehe...

OkatuDolly. For Kyuubi, don't worry, Naruto will enjoy a sort-of mind war with him. And sorry, although Naruto may make the odd comment during fights and similar, there won't be a lot of sarcasm. I'd like to, but come on, how many times have we seen that? If you want humour, check out some of my other stories. I'm partial to LightningHunter's Parody, no storyline, but complete and other funny-ness.

Damn, my hand hurts now. Oh well, all in a few day's work. Oh yeah, and a couple of days ago, the LightningHunter account became a year old. Yay, now moving on.

On a serious note, I'll being finding it harder to update. My mock exam results came in, and I didn't do brilliantly. Loathe I am to admit it, but since I started fanfiction, my marks have been slipping. I used to be a A-student, getting Bs at the least, but this time I got As,Bs,Cs and Ds. Not good. It's not my fault, they should have made work more interesting. Okay, maybe it is my fault.

And on that bombshell, it's time to end the show. GOODNIGHT! (Well, it's past midnight where I am, and I for one, am looking forward to the land of dreams about naked wome- uh, forget I wrote that)


	4. Memoir I The Traitors

Hey, I'm updating quickly for once. I've been itching to get this chapter out, as quite frankly, no other fic, save maybe Reaper of Death, have ever made me want to keep writing so much.

Quite frankly, I think this fic is my masterpiece. (Hint hint to anyone in my c2, put this in the c2, because I see it as slightly arrogant-although, I have to admit, I am very arrogant, suppose even I have some arrogant issues- to put my own fics in my own c2...if someone else does it, different story)

Oh yeah, I saw Naruto Manga Chapter 385. It was strange, to say the least. I'm still kinda hoping Sasuke gets killed, or at least Itachi lives. 'Cause Itachi's awesome and Sasuke's a dirty little £&$&)"£$"(£/??!"!!"!££&)"$. Damn, it feels good to get that off my chest.

Oh yeah, Naruto does leave, but the circumstances are different than most stories. Oh yeah, there is also a slight twist to the story in this chapter.

Also, I've changed it from Adventure to Memoir. That's a Sherlock-Holmes reason actually, first lot of stories called Adventures, second lot Memoirs, and that also means that the beginning of Shippuden will be ironically called Return. Not a return to Konoha though.

Finally...enjoy the chapter.

* * *

**Elementary**

_the story of a genius_

Memoir I – The Case of the Traitors

Konoha was in a state of turmoil. Not just because of their ninja losses, and the death of their most beloved leader, the Sandaime Hokage, who none could criticise, or help miss, or even state words against, save of course, the old war-lovers who had detested the peace.

But not just because of Sarutobi.

If one thing could be said about Konoha, it always seemed to recover. When Iwa attacked them, they recovered. When Kyuubi attacked, they recovered. When they lost the Uchiha Clan, they recovered. And finally, when they were attacked by Oto/Suna Alliance, they were well on the way to recovery.

But then, Konoha lost two of their most prized ninja of the young generation.

Who they were? How did it happen? I hear you ask.

You will see.

* * *

After a strenuous mission, bordering B-rank (It had been decided since Naruto was promoted, his team were more ready for harder missions), Naruto was relaxing next to a river, or more precisely, leaning on the railing, smoking. 

His thoughts strayed back to the Chunnin Exam.

'That was an unusual Chunnin Exam. But, another day for ninja,' thought the blonde. His eyes flashed suddenly as he detected foreign presence behind him, and he turned instantly, and the spike burst out off the cane, and Naruto pointed it to the figure, knowing that the weapon looked like a strange kind of spear.

The person seemed to be male, and was clad in an unusual coat, black with red clouds. A hat covered his head, and all that was visible was his hands and sandal-clad feet, revealing purple-painted nails.

"Who are you?" asked Naruto cautiously, refusing to lower the weapon.

"A...friend," replied the man, in a soft, yet deadly tone. "My organisation wishes to speak with you."

"Where is this organisation based, what is its name, and what does it want with me?"

"Inquisitive," remarked the man. "We are based in the Village Hidden in the Rain."

"You refused to answer two of my questions. My answer to you is negative until I am in full possession of the facts, and am able to think logically," replied Naruto. "Good day to you."

"If you do not come with me, I will use force."

"You have my answer," said Naruto, his hand reaching into his pocket.

"Kisame, Sasori, Deidara, Hidan, Kakuzu...come out," said the man, and immediately, five ninja also in the same garb appeared.

Naruto instantly recognised the danger his life was now in.

"And this morning, I believed that this day would be fairly tedious...irony, it is a pleasure to meet you again," remarked Naruto, before he dropped a particularly powerful smoke bomb.

Covered by the smoke, he formed several Shadow Clones and escaped into the nearest forest, knowing they would catch up eventually. He ordered the Clones to set false trails, and Naruto, using own skill rather than chakra, hid himself into the undergrowth.

Presently, the six arrived.

"Little brat and his shadow clones," said a blue-skinned man. "Itachi-san, should we hunt them down?"

'Itachi? Uchiha Itachi?' thought Naruto, shocked. 'What could one of the greatest missing-nin of Konoha want with him?' But then, Jiraiya's words came back. 'So these are...Akatsuki.'

"He can't have gone far. Search the area," said Itachi. "If you cannot find him, guard the perimeter of the forest. Do not let him escape."

The six disappeared as they began to search the area. Naruto smiled to himself. It could not have gone better. He would simply pick them off, one by one. And he always enjoyed challenges and pressure.

* * *

Naruto's first target was the silver-haired man. Hidan. He knew nothing about his abilities, but was sure that the man was no weakling. He'd take the chance of killing Hidan rather than one of the others at the moment. 

He removed a weapon from his coat, a modified crossbow, in pieces, but could be easily attached together, provided the person knew what he was doing. Naruto attached together in under a minute, examining the weapon now too big to fit into his pocket.

Mostly made from metal, the crossbow was around the same length as from his fingers to elbows. Possibly longer. Its fire was not far compared to the usual crossbow, but Naruto had made it with one purpose in mind. Damage.

He checked the telescopic sight, checked the silencer –that decreased vibrating, making it quieter- before he hid himself again, waiting for Hidan, whom he had seen heading this way.

Naruto would have only one chance. There. He saw the silver hair, and in an instant, was ready.

He instantly lined up the crosshairs of the sight, and aimed.

A press, and the bolt was fired.

Hidan was pinned to a tree, a bolt through his neck, and in the bark, his neck broken.

But Naruto's smile faded as Hidan laughed.

"Uzumaki! You are too amusing! Could a follower of Lord Jashin be killed by this?!" laughed Hidan, as he removed the bolt from his neck. "Now, I wonder, where did that bolt come from? That way!"

Naruto immediately went for another bolt, one dipped in a unique poison he had developed. He fired again, deliberately aiming for Hidan's eye, and it hit its target.

"Again? Do you-" Hidan stopped, as he realised what had happened. He could not see out of his eye. "What the-?"

Naruto grinned. He had been working on that poison ever since he had discovered Gaara to be a container. It basically damaged the body, yet also tricked it into thinking that there was no damage. This meant that regeneration or similar were unlikely to help, and it appeared it had done so with Hidan. Admittedly, if it was a life-threatening attack, it would be recognised, so really, the best target was the eye. Although, the body would eventually recognise it, and would start regenerating...possibly.

"You little- Show yourself, Uzumaki!" screamed Hidan.

There was a rustle in the undergrowth, but it was not Naruto. It was the man in the mask, Kakuzu.

"Eh? What the hell are you screaming about?!" he said.

Naruto did not wait; he simply fired another bolt- that exploded on contact- at Kakuzu, before fleeing the area, sealing the crossbow into a scroll as he did so.

If he was lucky, he might have done some damage to Kakuzu as well.

Meanwhile, time to move on.

* * *

Next, Naruto decided to hunt down the rather feminine looking man. Deidara. Obviously, Deidara did not look like the taijutsu type. From what he had seen from a glance, Deidara was the type to rely on some unique skill, possibly nin or genjutsu, or something completely different. 

Suddenly, a shadow passed over him, and Naruto instinctively looked up. It was Deidara...standing on a giant bird.

'What is that...some kind of summon maybe? There are no birds like that here...'

Naruto took cover in the forest canopy, his hard stare fixed on Deidara and his bird, when suddenly a thought came to him.

'I wonder how amusing it would be to see him fall off...'

His hand found a bomb, in a sphere shape. Sadly, Deidara was too far away. But that did not hinder him for long, as only minutes later, he had a sling, thanks to a Transformed Clone.

He smiled, as he spun the sling, the bomb going around and round, before he released.

Deidara was taken completely unaware, and comically fell out of the sky, as the bomb's explosion took his bird down- speaking of bird, the thing seemed to be explosive, and therefore, artificial.

Three down, three to go.

* * *

Naruto's next attempt was on the blue-skinned man who resembled a shark, Hoshigaki Kisame. After thinking over his face and sword, Naruto had remembered him from the bingo book, an S-class missing-nin, from Kiri, one of the former Seven Swordsmen. 

Then, it only made sense that Kisame would be back at the lake, where he could use his water jutsu.

It was always dangerous to face an opponent on their home turf, or water, as it were, so Naruto figured he could level the field.

Yet when Naruto arrived back at the lake, he was greeted with the unpleasant sight of all six of the missing-nin, Itachi, Kisame and Sasori in perfect condition, while Deidara and Kakuzu looked singed to say the least, and Hidan was blind in one eye.

"There he is!" Hidan practically frothed at the mouth.

"How did you find me?" Naruto's question was directed to Itachi, only for the sole purpose of keeping them talking.

"A genius never should reveal all their secrets, Naruto-kun," was Itachi's only response.

"...There are three more of you...right? Nine in total..." said Naruto. "You usually work in pairs. And you call yourselves...Akatsuki?"

And for a split second, surprise was evident on all of their faces.

Itachi's blood-red eyes glinted. "Subdue him."

Kisame, Kakuzu and Hidan hurtled forwards, three grins breaking out –save of course, Kakuzu's grin was hidden.

'How was he able to discover me so easily...wait, what am I doing? Think later!'

Naruto Replaced himself with a rock, and started to sprint away through the forest.

"After him."

Naruto moved faster, his mind in overdrive, thinking numerous escape plans, yet against six S-class missing-nin, three of them very angry, seemed very unlikely of succeeding.

'Hmm...if I was to make Clones and attack if I got away... that's ridiculously over-used, they'll see through it in an instant...unless...I made a slight...variation.'

Naruto formed a crowd of his Shadow Clones, but didn't stay in the centre or the front, but opted to stay on the left flank.

And eventually, the missing-nin caught up with them.

One of the Clones yelled at the others to buy him some time, and escaped.

Naruto, still in the crowd, was completely aware of the plan. Send a Clone out, they send some after it, the others find the rest of the Clones, and Naruto would sneak out in the fray.

Itachi almost laughed. "Interesting plan, sending a Clone out as a decoy."

Naruto tensed. How did he-

"That one."

A second later, the real Clones simply made suicidal attacks, as Naruto cut to Plan B. Run.

As memories entered his head, he saw how easily the six had dispatched them. Doesn't matter, he told himself. Keep running.

He formed more Shadow Clones, noticing he was starting to waste chakra, his control hampered by having to do so under such pressure and whilst running. Naruto ordered the Clones to start leaving traps. He doubted they'd work, but they might at least slow them down.

He wasn't fast enough to outrun Itachi at his top speed, and was beginning to wonder what was actually going on. Naruto wasn't even pretending to limp anymore; needing every bit of speed he could muster.

But eventually, "The Detective" came to a halt, as he saw the Konoha gate in front of him, the gatekeepers strangely asleep, appearing to be under the influence of a genjutsu.

Naruto briefly considered his options. Outside the village, he'd be able to lose the six much more easily, but they'd find him again...but if he remained in the village, they'd know where he was anyway. His home only contained food, clothes. His explosives, tomes, weapons and poisons he always kept with him, if not able to go into the pockets, sealed in a scroll.

And besides, the village wasn't the same without old Sarutobi. He had only met Tsunade once...and hadn't really impressed her, due to the fact she was one of the people Sarutobi took him to meet to get rid of his cocaine addiction. While her assistant was nice-r about it, Tsunade's method had been to whack him over the head every time she caught him. What did that mean? What would she do, knowing that having Naruto in the village was a hazard? Most Kages would simply throw Naruto out, or even hand him over.

He sighed. It would appear his best bet was to leave the village. It was something he had never thought off before, but had decided to do so very quickly. At least Jiraiya would listen to him, he knew that much.

Besides, as nice as the temptation of being Hokage was, it could be so much more fun as a lone wolf.

Naruto, for the first time in his life, left the village unaccompanied. This time, he knew that the most likely way of him returning would be with his head on a pike.

The first ever missing-nin whose reasons for leaving...included boredom.

"Perfect," was Itachi's only words, as the six arrived at the gate. "Kisame, Deidara, Kakuzu. Do you still have his kunai from the traps?

Three nods answered his question.

"Kill the guards with them, and wipe your prints off. After discovering his kunai in their bodies, Naruto-kun will be denounced as a traitor. We can hunt him down without his protection." Itachi's eyes flashed. "Kisame, come with me. The four of you, after you are done...go back to your own tasks."

Meanwhile, the lone Clone Naruto had sent as a decoy earlier watched the conversation. He disappeared into smoke, thus informing the real Naruto of all he had heard.

* * *

Naruto actually was frozen into silence for those few moments. He had hoped, if necessary, he could explain his situation to the Leaf. But now...he had no chance at all. 

Naruto drew a kunai, and cut through the symbol on his headband.

But now...he had to run. Itachi and Kisame were going to arrive soon. Naruto decided to head to the Valley of the End, on the Konoha/Oto border. If he went there, not only could he trick the Leaf into thinking he was fleeing to Sound, but he could also use the river to cover his tracks.

Waterfall was nice this time of year.

Yes, they'd do. He'd lie low for a week or so there, wait for Konoha to calm down, and then maybe head east, once again past the Sound border, to Kumo. Large country, and if he was discovered, he could stowaway on a ship to Kiri...but then he'd have to go through Konoha again, but...he could simply avoid the village, and stick to the borders.

* * *

"Rasengan!" shouted Jiraiya, blasting Kabuto away. His eyes flicked up to the ANBU fighting Orochimaru. "Look at them Tsunade. Fighting a foe they cannot possibly beat...for your sake. This is how the village views you." 

"But I..." Tsunade sighed, defeated. "Fine, you got me, Jiraiya."

Jiraiya commanded the ANBU to retreat, before he summoned Gamabunta. Tsunade then followed suit, summoning the Slug Boss Katsuyu, and Orochimaru countered by summoning the Snake Boss, Manda.

After a gruelling battle, which involved Manda receiving Gamabunta's blade through the mouth, and Orochimaru receiving countless hits by Tsunade, the Snake Sannin and Kabuto escaped.

* * *

Naruto was completely tired out by now, and was actually riding on a toad, who called himself Gama, who was about the size of an elephant. 

The problem was, even though he was taking time to set traps, just in case of hunter-nin or the Akatsuki, the toad could be tracked by even a civilian due to the footprints.

It was less than a day to the Valley of the End, but it was no use. It was evening now, and he had to rest. Maybe he should change his mind.

It would be expected for him to leave the Land of Fire. Maybe he should hide in a small village for a few days, and then head to the Valley of the End, and from there, Waterfall, then somewhere else.

Mind made up, he dismissed Gama, before heading off on foot, taking sure to cover his trail.

He was tired, suffering from chakra exhaustion, his feet ached, and on top of all that, his pipe had broken and he was dying for a smoke.

* * *

A few days later, Tsunade had arrived later, and it was only then, when it was discovered Naruto was missing. Some of the ninja who had known him, namely people like Jiraiya insisted he must have been attacked or framed, but their words fell on deaf ears. 

Tsunade, who could only remember the boy as a drug addict, and when the tracks revealed he had been heading to the Sound border, assumed that Naruto was in cahoots with Orochimaru.

Also knowing Naruto's parentage, she was furious that he had defied his parents and betrayed his Hokage. Over time, she began to blame him more and more for Sarutobi's death, viewing evidence all against Naruto.

Now, the only person she blamed for the Sandaime's death was Orochimaru, with Naruto a close second.

And she was determined to have both of them...dead.

She sent out several ANBU squads, but none were able to track down Naruto, only stating that he had been using a toad- which further enraged Tsunade, thinking he also misused a village technique- but the tracks had eventually vanished. She wrongly assumed that Orochimaru's men had met him along the way and escorted him back to Sound.

Meanwhile, Team 7 –it was supposed to be for the genin only, but with Naruto's "absence", Kakashi filled in- had arrived back in Konoha from a mission, involving Ibiki's younger brother who had fled the village many years previous, with Sasuke the most injured. Reports showed that he been dwelling too much on Naruto's leave.

* * *

Less than a day later, Sasuke had left Konoha, with several Sound-nin. The ninja sent to hunt him down were Hatake Kakashi, Nara Shikamaru (recently promoted to Chunnin), Akimichi Chouji, Hyuuga Neji and Inuzuka Kiba. 

The Sound-ninja were slow, due to the fact someone had put down traps ahead of them. They had no idea who it was, save that there were several strange footprints on the forest floor, looking like they had come from a giant amphibian.

Eventually, the Konoha-ninja started to engage their enemies, a lot of the fights ending in double knock-outs as it were. Chouji felled the bulky Jirobo, only to collapse, due to taking the Akimichi's red chakra pill. Neji defeated the multi-armed Kidomaru, but to also fall down, two holes going through his body.

Kiba, Shikamaru and Rock Lee –who had shown up in the nick of time, allowing Kakashi to go after Sasuke- were currently on the verge of being beaten, only to be saved by the same Sand ninja they had met in the Chuunin Exam, Kankuro, Temari, and Gaara.

Kankuro and Temari easily defeated their opponents, Sakon and Ukon, and Tayuya. Gaara was held at a standstill by Kimimaru, and was almost defeated, but the bone-wielder was defeated by his own disease.

Kakashi was at a great distance from Sasuke who had reached the Valley of the End, but Sasuke was still there, due to the shock of meeting someone else who was also running away from Konoha.

"Naruto," greeted Sasuke, eyes narrowed.

"What- what are you doing here?" said Naruto, almost stunned. It had been one thing for Itachi to know where he was, but Sasuke? "How did you know I was heading here?"

"I didn't. Are you going to Orochimaru?"

"Please, do you think me mad? Oh...I see. You're going to Orochimaru. Let me think. Power?"

"After you left, I met Itachi," hissed Sasuke. "He beat me, and put me in his genjutsu. The village cannot give me power. Orochimaru can."

"You're simply deluded. Itachi wasn't even looking for you. He was after me."

After seeing Sasuke's expression, it was clear that wasn't what Sasuke was happy to hear.

"You...you dead-last!" screamed the Uchiha.

"Dead-last? I received the title "dead-last" because not only could I not perform the ordinary Clone Technique, but I simply couldn't be bothered to show up for most lessons, and missed most of the written tests. And since I learnt the upgrade, Shadow Clones, and since written tests are useless, I hardly see how that is supposed to inflate your ego even more."

Sasuke's expression became even angrier ...if possible. It was quite a difference, noted Naruto, comparing the emotionless Itachi to the negative-emotions-only Sasuke.

And before long, Sasuke had just attacked Naruto.

There were a lot of things Naruto could have felt, ranging from pain, but mostly anger at Kakashi from teaching Sasuke the Iron Fist. Naruto was hardly brilliant at taijutsu, and added to the fact he was using his cane, meant that Sasuke was getting quite a few hits on him.

But it wasn't long before Naruto Replaced himself with a rock, and re-appeared at the valley floor. Sasuke instantly hurtled downwards, and the fight had begun.

The cane-blade met a kunai, and two pairs of eyes met in a harsh glare.

Naruto began to channel chakra into his left leg, and Sasuke veered away, only to realise it was a feint, as Naruto kicked out with the other leg.

Naruto's fist then crashed into Sasuke's face, and then Naruto grabbed onto the Uchiha, and threw him into the river.

Sasuke self-righted himself, using chakra to stick to the water. His eyes snapped open as Naruto leapt after him.

The two fought on the water, moving rapidly -not even completely visible due to the incredible adrenaline and power as they battled.

At a first glance, it would appear Sasuke was winning. But, he was struggling. He knew, a cut from that blade and he'd be poisoned.

Naruto only counter-attacked, knowing Sasuke's emotional state was a weakness.

Sasuke landed a punch to Naruto's stomach, and then kicked out, sending Naruto back, nearer to dry land.

Naruto righted himself, only for his eyes to widen, as Sasuke's Fire Release: Great Fireball was upon him.

The Detective dived into the water, hiding in its depths. Sasuke went onto dry land; for even he knew to follow Naruto into the water would be a very stupid thing to do.

Suddenly, several Clones hurtled out of the water, holding their cane-blades like they were now torpedoes.

Sasuke leapt up, only for another Clone to catapult out of the river at him. The Uchiha reached for a weapon, and threw several shuriken at the Clone, destroying it, before he landed on a ridge on the cliff.

He then saw even more Clones, but for some reason they stayed on the land. He scoffed. Some genius if he couldn't even see where he was.

Sadly for the Uchiha, Naruto had no intention of engaging Sasuke in open combat. And Sasuke also realised that, as each Clone summoned a crossbow.

They fired, and although Sasuke was able to escape, the bolts exploded on contact.

Suddenly Sasuke leapt down to the ground, towards the Clones, but then used his Fire Jutsu to destroy them.

Naruto burst out of the river, with his own crossbow, and fired his own bolt. Sasuke avoided the explosive missile and began forming seals.

"Chidori!" he screamed, as a thousand birds sounded.

Naruto sealed away the crossbow, and thought up his own plan. Sasuke began to dash forwards, and Naruto knew if that hit...

And then an idea hit him.

The Chidori was formed entirely from lightning-affinity chakra. However, that didn't mean you couldn't use jutsu made from chakra.

The idea was all Naruto had, and although it had a near-zero chance of failing, he had to try.

It stemmed from something he had once tried. He had attempted to make his own jutsu, but given up, due to the fact he had no idea what he was trying to make.

Sasuke was still hurtling forwards, and failed to notice a wave of blue pass over Naruto's cane.

The Chidori landed, and Sasuke smirked as he felt it collide with something solid, which certainly was being destroyed like a Clone, but...it wasn't being destroyed at all.

The Chidori was being held by a translucent chakra shield.

Sasuke stared at the shield, and saw what had formed it.

Naruto was pushing chakra through his cane (which he held in his left hand, holding the middle), and it had expelled chakra into a shield, that had formed on his arm and cane.

Eventually, the Chidori died away, and Sasuke jumped back, landing a few metres away from Naruto.

"What the- how did you do that?!" demanded Sasuke.

"It wasn't too hard. There are countless people that can replicate it. Well...excluding you, you have the Sharingan but you can't even figure it out."

Naruto wasn't lying. Essentially, he had used the cane to act as a focus for his chakra, where he expelled it to form a chakra shield. But it could easily be replicated, provided the person had enough concentration, control and finally, large enough chakra reserves.

When chakra is pushed outside the body in such a manner, it disperses itself eventually. Naruto had had to pump chakra into the shield constantly, and even more to reinforce his arm, since the cane was hardly the perfect focus. Such an amount of chakra...well, if he measured it in Shadow Clones, meant the same amount of chakra he had used was enough to summon at least a few hundred clones, maybe even a thousand.

Basically, the shield was not ideal for a technique that would last for a while and disperse itself eventually. For something like a bullet technique however, it was perfect.

Snapping out of his thoughts, Naruto jumped forwards, a kick meeting Sasuke's chest.

Sasuke coughed, but recovered quickly enough to grab the foot and throw Naruto aside.

Naruto landed on his knees on the dry ground, wincing at his now scraped knees, but stood, and ran forwards; back onto the water, and Sasuke tore towards him as well.

Naruto thrust the cane-blade forwards, intent on piercing Sasuke's chest. But Sasuke, with the aid of the Sharingan, dodged it and grabbed the handle.

Blue eyes widened, as Sasuke punched Naruto in the jaw, sending him back, and Naruto landed on the water's surface roughly, his control broken and he began to sink.

Sasuke dropped the cane into the water, and grabbed Naruto by the front of his clothes, lifting him up.

Naruto realised Sasuke was now holding a Chidori in his hand.

"It's over...Naruto."

Naruto struggled, trying to release Sasuke's hand. He didn't understand, Sasuke's grip was nowhere this powerful.

Then he looked in his face again, and saw it. Black markings stretching across Sasuke's face, and stranger eyes.

Of course. Sasuke was using his Cursed Seal.

Sasuke however, seemed to be unaware of the red aura forming around Naruto's body.

Then it happened. Sasuke impaled Naruto through the chest with Chidori. A moment later, Sasuke withdrew his hand, the Chidori dissipating.

Sasuke lunged again, once again, ignoring the surging red chakra.

Naruto's hand was suddenly gripping Sasuke's wrist. Sasuke howled, before he was thrown back.

Naruto, now completely covered in red chakra, was stooping slightly, and the water began to churn. The Uchiha, still holding his injured wrist, gasped as he saw the red chakra form the shape of a nine-tailed monster.

There was suddenly a flash, and suddenly Naruto moved forwards, sending a great tide to attack. Sasuke was sent back, only to be charged again by Naruto.

Naruto pummelled Sasuke with his fists, before kicking him into the air, and grabbing his cane out of the water.

Sasuke looked up to see Naruto hurtle downwards towards him, and he before he knew it, he had sunk into the water, his shoulder pierced with the cane-blade. Fortunately, the water seemed to have washed away most of the poison.

Back at the service, Naruto was unable to restrain the Kyuubi for a few moments, and could not resist sending forth a great bestial roar.

Suddenly, Sasuke burst out of the water, speeding across the surface.

And then Naruto saw. He was running away. And in the thrall of Kyuubi's chakra, anger and pain overrode his brains.

"Get back here!" he roared, charging after Sasuke, delivering several blows. He then leapt into the air, intent on delivering a flying attack.

Sasuke flicked through seals, before sending another Great Fireball at Naruto.

Red eyes widened, and yet, Naruto's shield, now, glowing purple instead of the translucent white it had been, easily stopped the flames, and Naruto came down, the blunt part of the cane, rather than the blade, smashed into Sasuke, sending him underwater. But instead of following Sasuke underwater, Naruto regained control as the former emerged from the water.

Sasuke balanced himself on a log across from Naruto, and Naruto stood himself on an opposing log, attaching his cane to his belt.

"You really are something, aren't you," said Naruto. "Something with the mental capabilities of a retarded duck."

"Are you going to take me back to Konoha?" said Sasuke, eyes narrowed.

"How can I do that when they want me dead?" asked Naruto, rolling his eyes. "As well as that, one of my codes is "Bring them back alive...if they are reasonably practical," he stated. "You want me dead...and quite frankly, I never enjoyed your company. I'd rather see you dead then die myself."

Naruto sprinted forwards, but this time, something was different.

And then he noticed it. Three tomoes in each of Sasuke's eyes. Pity he noticed it as Sasuke hurled him away.

The Kyuubi was raging for him to attack, but that was now suicidal, he was probably faster than Sasuke, but not fast enough to overcome the Sharingan.

It would take an incredible amount of Shadow Clones to overcome Sasuke in taijutsu. Naruto smiled to himself. Back to his tools...

Grenades flew through the air at Sasuke, who dodged them, but did not escape completely unharmed either.

Sasuke smirked, knowing all Naruto's movements he could now see, and could even predict where Naruto was going to throw his next grenades.

Naruto was also thinking, but he had just realised something. 'If I could change my direction at the last possible moment, maybe I could confuse his Sharingan!' he thought. 'But the willpower and strength...fortunately, I have that.'

The Detective flew forwards, his right hand clenched into a fist.

Sasuke smirked again, ready to counter...

When Naruto's left fist hit him this time. Hard.

The Uchiha flew back, to crash into the cliff. He pulled himself out of the rubble, only to cough out blood.

Naruto was upon him, and flung him up into the air, and then jumped up, intent on ending the battle.

The jump was higher than he had thought, and suddenly, Sasuke's Katon Jutsu hit him in mid-air. Naruto howled, crashing onto a ridge.

"It's too late, Naruto!" Sasuke suddenly pushed him off, before jumping off as well.

And then, Naruto realised what Sasuke was going to do to him. Use the force to break his neck.

Naruto struggled, but Sasuke was ensuring that he could not move. But then Naruto realised, and he smiled at the Uchiha, before he activated a bomb.

Sasuke crashed onto the ground, only to see Naruto's body fall into the water, floating. Naruto twitched, before starting to climb up, but it was clear he was drastically weakened, maybe dying.

Sasuke only began to walk away, and Naruto heard a deep voice in his head.

**"You're weak even if you're clever, brat. Thank that so-called Yondaime Hokage for sealing me in you..."**

Red chakra began to envelope Naruto, more than he had ever experienced. The power rushed through his veins, and Naruto felt it raise his body, before he regained control, sensing Sasuke, who had come back to the water to investigate.

He delivered a punch to the Uchiha's face, sending him back, clutching his face.

Naruto's fist was trembling, and the Detective tried to cut off the red chakra, but the Kyuubi would have none of it, and forced more through, covering Naruto entirely, and he could not help but roar, as a single chakra-tail formed.

Sasuke fled, using his Fire Jutsus to attack from range, but Naruto countered with chakra-arms and eventually caught hold of the slippery Uchiha, repeatedly beating him into a cliff.

But suddenly, Naruto was sent back onto a ridge, as Sasuke _flew_ onto the opposing ridge, having transformed into a horrendous beast.

"Now...I don't feel like I'm going to lose," said Sasuke, examining himself, before he started to form his Chidori.

"Die!" roared Naruto.

Naruto simply leapt through the air, not wielding a jutsu, despite Sasuke's Chidori, as in Sasuke's Cursed Seal Form, he flew towards Naruto.

Suddenly, Naruto twisted in mid-air, avoiding the Chidori, and stabbing the cane-blade into Sasuke's torso. Sasuke howled and lunged wildly, managing to stab Naruto's chest, before the Chidori died away and his hand fell back limply.

While Sasuke fell from the impact, landing on the valley floor, the impact sent Naruto upwards, and he managed to land on the cliff top.

The Uchiha was lying in a puddle of his own blood, his chest heaving, yet slowing. Naruto crawled to the cliff edge, and observed him.

Sasuke had less than five minutes alive, if he estimated, unless he got treatment from a very good medic. Something he didn't have.

But then, bad news for Naruto.

Several Sound ninja surrounded the Uchiha, one being Kabuto. Naruto groaned, before he rolled away from the cliff edge, so they would not see him if they happened to glance upwards.

'Well then,' thought Naruto. 'I'm completely battered up, two Chidori to the chest, numerous bruises, chakra exhaustion...all in all, yet another day for Uzumaki Naruto.'

The Sound-nin had left, and suddenly Naruto turned where he lay, sure he had just seen something. 'What was that?' he wondered. 'It looked like a man dressed as a Venus flytrap. Is this world only getting stranger?'

Naruto managed to lift himself slightly, before he was now sitting upright, his legs hanging over the cliff edge. He reached into his coat, before he withdrew his pipe. He had got it repaired, and fortunately, it had not broken again. Naruto filled it up with tobacco, before he lit the pipe, took a breath, and exhaled with relief, blowing out a smoke-ring as he did so.

"Good trusty pipe-weed. At least my love for you will never die," Naruto said aloud.

"Unlike your love for Konoha, hmm?" said a familiar, yet stern voice behind him.

Naruto almost hit himself. He'd forgotten completely about the Konoha ninja chasing after Sasuke.

"Hello...sensei," said Naruto. "Your Uchiha is being carried off by a couple of Sound-nin, I beat him into pulp and they'll move slow."

"You know as well as I do that I'll never catch them now," replied Kakashi. "That's a pathetic attempt to get me to leave, Naruto. Have you gotten less intelligent since you left?"

"...Are you going to take me back, sensei?" asked Naruto. It was pointless to "beat around the bush", as it were, in case Kakashi received reinforcements.

"Why did you leave?" Naruto immediately realised what that question meant. Kakashi was unsure whether Naruto was in the right or wrong, and wanted to know whether Naruto was a traitor, and did in fact, kill the several guards.

"I had no choice," replied Naruto truthfully. "I was forced out by six missing-nin, one of whom should sound familiar to you, Uchiha Itachi."

Kakashi's eye widened. "He was looking for you?"

"Didn't Jiraiya tell you? Akatsuki."

"...Yes...Yes, I see... So...do you want to come to Konoha, and try to explain your story?"

"I can't go back to Konoha now!" Naruto half-shouted. "To them, I'm nothing but a traitor. I'll be hunted down and killed the moment I enter the village."

"Then, what will you do now?"

"Self-preservation is important. I intended to unlock the mysteries of the Akatsuki, and if necessary, dispose of them. If Konoha believes I am simply a traitor who wishes no harm to them, there is a chance - a small chance, but certainly a chance that they will no longer send their ANBU and hunter-nin after me."

"And if they don't?"

Naruto shrugged. "If they don't...well, if I was able to dispose of Akatsuki, I sincerly doubt that ANBU and hunter-nin could pose a threat to me anymore."

Kakashi was silent for a few moments, but then reached into his pouch. Naruto tensed, but relaxed as Kakashi retrieved a soldier-pill pack.

"Here," said the former ANBU captain, tossing a pill over. "That should get you enough chakra to summon a toad. Take the river, and they won't be able to track you. Go far away. My report will state that you two had fought, Sasuke, more severely injured, was rescued by Oto-nin, and you escaped somewhere. At least, some people might believe you're not with Sound."

With the words, a few seals, and the biting of the thumb, Naruto had summoned Gama. He mounted the toad, and faced Kakashi.

"I hear you have a new Hokage. What's her opinion on me?"

"She hates you," Kakashi shuddered. "She hates you almost as much as she hates Orochimaru. Damn, last time when Jiraiya and I tried to point out you're a good kid, we received one-way tickets through the window."

Naruto opened his mouth, but closed it again, before he opened it again. "Something makes me want to stay far away from Konoha at the moment."

"Good idea," said Kakashi. "How did you know?"

"Very amusing," said Naruto, clutching his injured chest, "Well...I suppose this is goodbye. Farewell. Say goodbye to Jiraiya for me, and anyone else who believes in me."

Kakashi nodded, before waving at him, before Gama leapt away, down to the valley, and began hopping across the river- but Kakashi had turned away, deliberately, so he wouldn't know which direction Naruto was heading.

'Sorry I couldn't help you, or train you. It's quite amusing that the first time I actually did help you, you were leaving.'

* * *

"Yeah, you know I can't sell to kids," said the tobacconist. 

Naruto sighed, and removed some more money from his pouch.

"Look kid, it's not a question of money. You-"

"I'm a traveller, my parents are dead, and I'm not even a citizen of Waterfall. Can't you make at least one exception?"

The tobacconist sighed, and after taking a glance to check no one was around, whispered: "Fine, but get out quick, and don't tell anyone!"

Naruto instantly agreed, and filled up two pouches with tobacco, paid, before he left the small shop, re-entering the streets of Takigakure.

'So far, so good,' he mused, as he entered another shop, to purchase his groceries, before he moved on, back to the inn.

He entered his room and locked the door behind him, and packed away his food. Naruto walked over the window, and leant on the windowsill, gazing out at the near-empty streets.

A book-with little written in it- and a pen were in his hands, and Naruto began to write. His journal. He would never write his secrets or important plans, but he would write a record.

_I arrived in Takigakure today._

_I have decided to hide here for some time. Actually, I find myself hoping that they still believe I have fled to Sound and joined Orochimaru, because that will ensure they will not search for me, unless they send an army to Otogakure. _

_And I wouldn't mind that._

_Meanwhile, Akatsuki will continue their search for me. They revealed to me that they were situated in Amegakure. I know not whether Itachi meant to do this. Speaking of Itachi, I found myself at a loss to discover why he was able to see through my plans so easily. He could have used his Sharingan, or kept me in a genjutsu, but I believe neither. I would have noticed, at least. _

_I will have to get stronger, no doubt about that. _

_Run, fight, run again. Something tells me that is to become my schedule._

_On a more positive note, I have re-supplied my tobacco reserve._

Naruto put the book away, before unbuttoning his coat, gazing at the hole still in the shirt he wore under his coat. He could walk around with his coat buttoned up, or more preferably, get another shirt.

And then he remembered. The Chakra Shield. He had to also think of a way to use it again, but not channel it through his cane, no, he needed to something else.

In the meantime, he needed to rest.

And so, that is how, Uzumaki Naruto was forced out of his village, not by his inhabitants, not by his will, but because, of a foe more powerful than he had ever seen.

They would come for him again. And this time, they would not underestimate him.

And then, not to mention that Sasuke would certainly try to kill him, and finally, Konoha were after him. Both had also seen his power, and would not underestimate him either.

He had relied on his thinking to help him, and he would still do so, save that this time, he would be ready for any of them.

Let them come. The Akatsuki with his S-class Missing-Nin, Oto with Orochimaru and Sasuke, and Konoha's ANBU, the deadly Black Ops, hunters and assassins ranging from B to even S-rank.

S-ranks, so many S-ranks. Naruto was rather sure now, he was one of the most wanted people in the world. All because that one day, he had decided not to go with Jiraiya.

The perverted sage should never have told him about Akatsuki.

But Naruto, and although he did not know it, he would not stand alone. He did not know whether he would endure, but he would not be alone through it.

Friendships would be forged in the fires of battle. The claws of death and betrayal would tear them apart. Power would be gained, and lost. For now, his journey had truly begun.

Hard years were to follow, as Naruto fought, not for good, not for power, but for a reason he had not even found yet.

Life and death were his constant companions, always followed him. I consider myself fortunate, no, truly blessed, to have met such a man. To narrate his tale.

And, now I am to continue, in another chapter.

* * *

Right, let's get this over with. 

If some of you were wondering how Sasuke was able to gain the upper advantage on Naruto a couple of times, think about this. Naruto was still weak from his skirmish with Akatsuki a week previous, and also, he had to work hard to make sure no ANBU found him during the week. Finally, he had to make it to the Valley unnoticed. Sasuke-haters, don't worry, I've thought off a really good scene later on where Naruto really beats the shit out of Sasuke. That'll be memorable for all time.

The twist was Tsunade actually hating and wanting to kill Naruto. That was inspired by reading Lost Soul by LD 1449, I had to think, why isn't that a common idea? Tsunade thinking Naruto is a nut and thinks he should die? Oh yeah, it isn't very canon-y.

Yes, I know some of you will be disappointed that Naruto was forced to leave Konoha, rather some other reason. But I've already decided most of the storyline, and let's face it, was there any other way he would have left? If you're going to flame me about this, I suggest you go and reach for that computer mouse (or USB stick, or those computer pen things, or a pencil, hell, I'm not fussy) and shove it up your arse. I don't give a damn about any flames, it's the fact that people want me to ruin, in my opinion, a good story.

The fight scenes were quick, as Naruto was either trying to get away, or similar.

Finally, the Chakra Shield. Well, if you've ever played Haven: Call of the King on PS2, you'll know where I got the idea from. I explained how it works in the chapter, and more or less how he was able to suddenly create it. I say no more.

Next, okay. Reader review responding. Hey, that's kinda funny to say.

jusenkyo ruler wants to know who is the guy narrating the story. Well, believe me j.r, you'll find out. Needless to say, this person is, or will become, a friend of Naruto's, a comrade.

nobodyinparticular, anon. Damn man, don't you have an account, I'd like to actually refer to you properly once in a while. Oh well, yeah, I actually did check on wikipedia, but the design was actually wrong. Naruto's blade actually sort of comes out of the stick, like a lightsabre, but the shikomizue looks like you have to remove part of the wood like a sheath. Although, thanks, I think can use that idea in this story...

spurious-verismilitude, I think you may have ruined some of my story. I was going to use that idea, that Naruto had copied some of the scroll. And now that you've written it as a review, if I actually write that in, no one will think it's my original idea! Oh well, I'll see if I can write it anyone. Nice to see someone thinking alike me- however, that is quite disturbing, due to some of my random thoughts I have.

Raiton Kage77, prepare yourself for one of LightningHunter's Ridiculously Long Explanations. You see, first of all, Naruto was toying with Kiba. The reason he couldn't dodge, was because Kiba was practically upon him -Naruto can think a train of thoughts in under a second, you might want to take a note of that whenever you see him think. Next of all, Kiba and Kabuto are rather different opponents. Kabuto can be as twisted as his boss in some cases. Heck, some people even say that he can be as homosexual as his boss in some cases. Which is a very disturbing case as well. Kabuto, also, can destroy a person's insides or outsides with a single blow thanks to his chakra scalpels. Kiba needs to smack them down and hope they don't get up. Naruto can easily regenerate a single blow, but the damage Kabuto could do would be much worse. Besides, Kabuto isn't that fast...is he? Oh yeah, and remember Kiba was using his Clan Techniques for extra speed.

crimsonkyuubi, you are a genius. That is the best idea I have ever heard for an omake. Next chapter, I will feature one, and if goes well, who knows, I suddenly have an idea for making a story entirely filled with that omake and sequels. Also, when you said, Naruto should be able to repair the seal, well, no. Naruto can't do so, but because he's used the Kyuubi's chakra less frequently, the seal is less loose than it was in canon at this point.

RobotPirateNinja, well, isn't it obvious? Naruto's SuperPowered-ness can come from intelligence, as well as the Kyuubi's chakra. There, Naruto is logically powerful.

YellowDemonFlash. Well, yeah, you're right about the whole level thing. I'll sort of elaborate, the majority of people in Naruto's club wouldn't be able to defeat an average jounin, who is usually about B-rank, maybe A-rank, in some cases, even S-rank. The average tend to be sort of B/A, slightly more towards B. Remember, jounin are jounin for a reason, they are powerful ninja.

Finally, I wish to point out that Naruto is not going to win everything. He's going to suffer as well, but that's what I call...life. Who hasn't suffered in their lives? Also, I sort of extended the bit at the end talking about the ANBU. That's cause the ANBU are powerful as well, usually A-rank, some even S. Kakashi used to be an ANBU captain, and strangely enough, Tsunade says somewhere that he could be an ideal replacement for Hokage if something was to happen to her. Itachi used to be an ANBU captain, look at him now. Hmm, wonder what that could mean.

Finally, Naruto's gang. Yes, you all have been waiting for this. If not...read it anyway.

You know I said Naruto is called "The Detective", by some. That's how the nicknames of his gang members will work. For example, if Naruto suddenly went mad and invited an mpreg author into his gang, the author would be called "The Stupid Fuck-Face who Deserves to Die." If a loyal reviewer of LightningHunter became a member, they would be called: "The Loyal, Intelligent Reviewer." If a follower of LH-ism (if you're wondering what that means, read LH's Parody on my beliefs in fanfiction..heck, someone sent me a PM stating they had converted. That was incredible, but he shall remain anonymous) was to join, they'd be called, "The Sane One."

Save of course, like Naruto, the actually nicknames will be only two words long, one a "The" and the other, the description. I can't decided how many to make, maybe nine in total, like Akatsuki, but that eerily sounds like too many OCs. Also, if you have an idea for a character, please, contact me. Remember, they have a speciality, but not necessarily a combat speciality.

If I can figure out how to use that poll thing on my profile page, I'll put up a poll for people to speak about what sounds like an awesome character. Not their personality, their nicknames. Oh yeah, if you have an idea for like defining characteristics of the gang, like Akatsuki's obession with hats, cloaks and rings, tell me as well.

Finally, finally. A couple of people have been wondering about pairings. I'm not sure really, cos I think that this story has Naruto sound better as a lone wolf and bachelor. But if some of you insist, I might consider it. If I do, I will like to say that a pairing would occur past the timeskip. And it probably would be with someone mature. But I'm not sure, cos I could either enhance the story, or completely ruin it with a pairing. Let's just say, if there is a pairing, it will not be the main focus of the story.

It's LightningHunter, and goodnight.


	5. Memoir II The Gentleman's Assassin

Hey guys. Chapter 5 is here, and let me tell you, not only is it shorter then the other chapter, but it's...well, kinda crappy.

Well, no it isn't...but yes it is. It's ...acceptable, it has action, and yes, it starts to feature the OCs. Three are actually featured, and let me tell you, out of the entire seven of the upcoming gang, Naruto and two others are the only decent fighters, the others are rather average. The two others are featured in this chapter, and yes, I suppose you've guessed them. Assassin and ...in case you haven't realised, it's still a secret then.

All the usual crap of my ANs, you know, massive rants, replies, lectures and other stuff is in the lower AN...as usual.

Oh yeah, the lower AN will talk about who the OCs were based on. Make sure to read that.

And you're all very lucky, not one, not two, but THREE OMAKES!

* * *

**Elementary**

_the story of a genius_

Memoir II- The Case of the Gentleman's Assassin

On the run, Uzumaki Naruto was ingenious. After looking at his actions, some might say that he had been planning such an event for months, maybe even years. He was heading north through the Land of the Waterfall, leaving its hidden village far behind.

His intention was to travel to the coast, from where he would either follow the coast, or take a boat, past the Land of Sound, to the Land of Lightning. After contacting Uzumaki Inc. and informing them of their boss's plight, the company had responded, sending numerous ships to harbours and ports on his route.

The problem was, Naruto knew, that Konoha knew that he owned Uzumaki Inc., and would certainly keep an eye on their ships. So, using the old "decoy" manoeuvre, Naruto deliberately sent noticeable ships made for private passengers, knowing Konoha would certainly check those, not expecting Naruto to be prepared to be travelling on a cargo ships or simple ferries.

A ship sailed over slack water, with the strange spectacle of a man sitting on the top of the mast, thinking while smoking.

Naruto exhaled a quantity of smoke, before placing the pipe back into his mouth. The ship was going reasonably fast, and best of all, it appeared that the ninja he had seen at the harbour had not tracked him down.

"Uzumaki-sama!" shouted a sailor, and Naruto looked down at the deck. "A storm is brewing! Are you going to go below deck?!"

Naruto waved away the sailor's concerns. "I will be down in a few moments."

The sailor made to say something else, but was cut off as a kunai was lodged into his throat, and he crashed onto the deck, red blood seeping onto the wood.

Naruto rotated himself, only to see a ship suddenly appear. 'Genjutsu...Naruto, you fool,' he cursed, before leaping off the mast, landing on the deck. 'Pirates don't generally use kunai or genjutsu either.'

"Captain! We're under attack!" screamed a sailor, pointing frantically, as the ship came closer.

"Get down!" roared Naruto, pulling down the sailor, just as another volley of kunai flew at them, but another sailor was hit.

The Captain, a tall hardy man, bellowed out his orders, sending his several sailors to the front of the ship, where several harpoons were attached to the front.

Naruto ran to the side, and a grin formed on his lips, as his hand felt the familiar feel of one of his home-made explosives.

The Detective hurled the explosive at the enemy vessel, only for one of the masked men on the deck to form a chakra string, catch it, and throw it back.

Fortunately, the bomb exploded before it reached the ship.

The harpoons were launched, impaling into the hull of the enemy ship, ropes attached. Naruto formed a group of Shadow Clones, who hurtled down the ropes to the enemy.

The enemy ninja prepared to counter-attack the wave of Clones, but suddenly the Clones detonated their explosives as they landed on the ship.

A smile appeared on Naruto's face, but it grew thin, as he saw more ninja climb out of the sinking ship, running over the water.

The Detective snarled, as a poisoned blade burst out of his cane. The sailors picked up their own weapons, ranging from bows to daggers.

"Fire!" shouted the Captain, and after seeing the readiness of the crew, Naruto immediately deduced that this was a crew used to dealing with pirates and raiders.

Arrows flew at the ninja, the bow-wielding sailors attempting to keep at least one arrow in the air at a time.

Few hit, but those that did, were fatal.

Naruto rolled up the sleeves of his coat, revealing a pair of bracers. They were not used for armour, but were still used as defence, thought Naruto, as he checked the circular seal on each of the bracers.

And then they came, increasing their speeds at the last, and coming upon them quicker than they had thought.

Naruto stabbed over the side of the deck, impaling a ninja's chest, before leaping back, to avoid another's stab. He swung his blade, which met the kunai, but Naruto kicked out at his side, and as the ninja made to dodge, the poisoned blade went through his throat.

The sailors were slower, and despite their bulk and raw muscle, they were hardly proving to be much of a match for the skilled ninja.

The Captain swung his cutlass, a bowgun in his other hand, as he pushed to join his crewmates.

He fired the bowgun several times, before lunging in again, not noticing the several shuriken that were embedded into his flesh.

* * *

Naruto gasped as a shuriken went into his knee, and he toppled slightly, to feel another in his shoulder.

A katana was suddenly thrust through his torso, and he coughed blood, as he crashed onto the crimson deck.

A ninja howled with glee, and ran forwards, consumed with bloodlust, a kunai in his hand.

'...Not yet...I will not die here!'

Naruto forced his body to roll away, and his hand stabbed into his pockets, reaching for the first thing he could find, and he hurled it at the oncoming ninja.

By instinct, the ninja caught it, but suddenly made to drop it...but he did not, as nothing happened.

Naruto was paralysed with shock. Had he thrown one of his empty bombs?

The shinobi laughed, and stalked forwards, absent-mindedly tossing the sphere up...but to stop, as the bomb suddenly exploded, taking off the top of his head.

Naruto made a mental note to never throw bombs that had a delay, before he stumbled back into the fray. Or more precisely, what was left of it.

The Detective and the Captain stood back-to-back, the bodies of the sailors littered around them, and the remainder of the ninja encircling them.

The Captain panted, but stood in silent rage, his ship defiled, and his crew dead. He was dangerous, if only for the reason that a man with nothing else to lose will fight harder than a cornered animal. All he needed was something that could allow him his last revenge.

And he saw it. An explosive was in Naruto's hand, a powerful one. The Captain pulled it out of Naruto's hand, and kicked the blonde overboard.

Naruto fell slowly, landing on the water, just in time to hear the Captain's voice one more time: "Bugger off, bastards!"

That was all Naruto knew, as the ship blasted apart. He started to run over the water, when a piece of the hull struck his head, and he fell, his hands sub-consciously gripping onto the broken wood...

* * *

The universe around him bended and warped, random colours littering it. Naruto closed his eyes, and relaxed.

"Show yourself...Kyuubi."

Naruto's eyes snapped open, as the multi-coloured cosmos vanished, and suddenly Naruto witnessed the space become darker, and he was glaring at the bars of a cage, the seal placed across the front.

"**My, my, you've certainly grown, brat,"** laughed the beast. "**But you still need me."**

"...Is that why you called me here?" Naruto turned to go, but the demon's voice stopped him.

"**...Use my chakra, brat."**

Naruto stared into the crimson eyes of the fox. "Why do you offer me your power?"

Kyuubi laughed again. "**Do you not see it? Add your intelligence to mine- and my power- and you could become the most powerful human in the world. Immortal, invincible."**

"...Have we not had this discussion before? Good day, Kyuubi." And yet again, Naruto turned to go.

"**All your dreams, your ambitions could come true..."**

"I have none."

"**Imagine the world you could forge. The university re-wrote."**

"Oh? By you?" said Naruto, amused more than anything.

"**No...Naruto. By...you,"** grinned Kyuubi, as Naruto froze, and made eye contact with the demon again. "**The power of being a god, at your very fingertips. Bend the rules of sciences, bend time and space to your will. No more crime, no more war, no more...stupidity."**

Naruto took a few steps forwards, his eyes slightly glazed over. "I could fix so many things..."

"**Your parents could even return to life,"** said the demon. "**You would be a god. And I would be complete! And all you have to do...is pull off this seal."**

The Kyuubi's grin grew with every step Naruto took, and eventually, he came to the bar. His hand reached for the seal...

"**Yes...yes..."** rumbled the Kyuubi, eagerly anticipating its release.

Naruto's fingertip touched the seal...

"_**Seal**_!" screamed Naruto, slamming his hand down onto the seal. The Kyuubi howled with pain, as it was forced back into the dark recesses of Naruto's mind.

"**You'll pay for that, weakling!"** roared Kyuubi, as the Shinigami's power pulled it away.

* * *

A pair of cerulean eyes opened blearily, blinking at the light. Naruto sighed, as he crawled further onto the beach.

'We could not have reached Kumo...this must be Oto. Unless I have ended up on some distant island or continent.' Naruto grimaced, before running his hands through his pockets.

'Explosives, check. Pipe, check. Tobacco, check. Scrolls, damp, but check. Excellent.'

Naruto wearily pulled himself to his feet, before stumbling ahead with the aid of his cane, which mercifully was intact.

* * *

" Then, when I had deducted that the parcel was sent incorrectly, I simply traced him back to the port, and easily deducted that he had murdered his wife and the man who was possibly her lover," concluded Naruto.

"Why, you make it sound so simple," said the man.

"Elementary," replied Naruto. "Simple the case was, after all, I solved it in under two days, using only observation and deduction, and some knowledge."

"You have our upmost thanks. Your reward," said the man, before handing over the reward, which Naruto pocketed.

"Good day to you then," said Naruto, as he left the building.

Naruto had been in the Land of Sound for a few days now, and was steadily journeying towards Kumo...but he was in no hurry. Strangely enough, he had not been followed or found, despite the location.

The former Konoha shinobi was currently holding a general bingo book-the bingo book that did not have vendettas or grudges, the bingo book where all the criminals were placed. International bingo book was also another description. General bingo books were usually owned by bounty hunters and mercenaries, meaning they were purchasable from places like weapon shops.

And, as Naruto –currently located in an alleyway- leafed through a copy he had just bought, he began to wonder, what would the effects of being mentioned could mean.

Strange, he noted. He hadn't been mentioned. Unless...His eyes widened, and he flicked to the very back of the bingo book, the S-class section.

And there he was, his photo staring up at him with indifferent eyes.

Uzumaki Naruto aka The Detective, the book stated. S-classed missing-nin of Konohagakure, jinchurriku of Kyuubi no Yoko. Wanted dead or alive. Note, half the bounty is given if he is brought dead.

Naruto gaped at the sum. The figure was so large he was almost tempted to turn himself in.

He gazed at the row of digits before he started reading the rest of his entry.

Incredibly intelligent. Uses stealth and explosives, also conceals blade in cane. Has signed the Gama Contract, capable of summoning Toad Boss Gamabunta. Is also believed capable of wielding the chakra of the Kyuubi. Common jutsu – Shadow Clone, also able to create Clones in the hundreds without exhausting himself. Also owns company: Uzumaki Inc.

Defining Characteristics: Whisker-marks, spiky blonde-hair, blue eyes, carries cane, smokes pipes, and former cocaine user.

Parentage: Unknown.

Naruto's eyebrow raised inquiringly. Why did they mention his company? Of course, they must have been trying to make him lose customers. Naruto only smiled, Uzumaki Inc. were doing even better under him, shares still rising. And as for parentage...the Godaime, Tsunade, certainly knew his parentage.

And then Naruto realised the answer to that as well. If it got out he was the son of the Yondaime Hokage, the Iwa-nin would just go after him and not bring him back to Konoha, where he probably would be tortured and killed. Admittedly though, that's what the Iwa-nin would do as well.

He then wondered for a moment whether the rumour about all blonde-haired blue-eyed males being put to death in Iwa was true.

Naruto shook his head, and left the alley, his hands reaching for his pipe, when he froze, and ducked back into the alley, hiding himself in an empty dustbin.

And not a moment too soon, as three masked ninja landed on the main road- where he had been moments previously.

The Detective tried to relax himself, slowing his pulse, quieting his breathing, suppressing his chakra, and he only hoped that the unclean dustbin would mask his scent.

"His track?" asked one of the masked ninja.

"...He was here," replied another.

"His scent is still fresh," said the third.

"Then...move out," said the first, as they disappeared.

Naruto waited for a few moments, as he climbed out of the bin. 'So, some of them are already onto me...how did they trace me here?'

Naruto, again began to walk out of the alley, when he remembered something. He had just jumped into a bin, whilst wearing his new clothes.

He sighed again, and made a mental note to get a back-up outfit this time.

* * *

A dark-haired man set aside his cane, as he seated himself at a table, reaching into his navy blue coat for his pipe, awaiting his food, idly gazing at the windows, through which the setting sun was visible.

He exhaled smoke, before he put his pipe aside, as a waitress approached him, holding a tray daintily.

"Your food, Oshiro-san," said the waitress politely, setting the tray in front of him.

He smiled at her. "Please, my dear, feel free to address me by my given name. Takahiro."

A light blush was upon the waitress' face, perhaps from calling her "my dear." "...Very well, Takahiro-san."

He smiled at her again, before turning his attention to his food, and beginning to eat with poise, as were all his actions.

He finished a mouthful, and Takahiro raised his glass of warm sake, ready to sip, before he froze. He could distinctly smell almonds.

'Cyanide,' he thought, before inwardly praying thanks to his uncle to teach him to detect several different poisons.

Takahiro suddenly moved to the left, rolling out of his seat, shocking the rest of the diners and staff, but fortunately, he had avoided a throwing knife, that had lodged into his chair. He steadily climbed to his feet.

'Why does this always happen to me? I'm no fighter," he grimaced, before looking where the knife had come from.

The roof window was opened, showing a hooded man, dressed rather unusually.

"Oshiro Takahiro. Your time has come," said the assassin.

"Please, consider that we are in a formal restaurant...there's no harm in talking such a thing over, like gentlemen, no?" After seeing no change in the assassin's position, Takahiro sighed. He doubted Honda would have sent a mediocre assassin this time. He reached for his cane, and gripped the end tightly, pulling it off, revealing a blade.

Mumei Hishou, the emotionless assassin readied his blades, as he prepared to kill Oshiro Takahiro, a man more renowned for his gentlemanly habits and words rather than fighting ability.

Neither of the two were aware that they were quite thoroughly irritating the restaurant's latest customer.

* * *

Takahiro roared in a very un-polite way, swinging his shikomizue, and it clashed with Hishou's sword. Takahiro pulled away, knowing having to grapple with the assassin would only tire him out, as the assassin was certainly more powerful than him.

Suddenly, Hishou lashed out, smashing aside the shikomizue, before getting ready to launch the killer strike.

There was a metal clang.

Takahiro found himself staring at a blonde boy who was parrying the assassin's sword with his own, which seemed to have burst out off his cane.

Hishou pushed Naruto to the side, and kicked out. Naruto leapt backwards, still pointing the blade at the assassin.

"Leave." Naruto's voice was deathly quiet.

"...I was unaware that he had an accomplice," said Hishou.

Naruto laughed. "Never met him. All I know...is that you're irritating me," said Naruto.

"Are you someone I should know? Your name?" It was a statement, an order, rather than a question.

"...Uzumaki Naruto."

"The Detective? You too, have become a famous target..."

"It is customary to give your name once someone has given you theirs," responded Naruto, a tight grip on his cane.

"...Mumei Hishou." The assassin's eyes scanned Naruto again, before he suddenly leapt at the wall, climbing rough stone before he climbed through the roof-window.

"Do not come in my way again." And with that, the assassin was gone.

Naruto sub-consciously sat himself at Takahiro's table, wondering why the assassin had left.

"Naruto-san?" said Takahiro, and Naruto turned. "You have my upmost thanks for your aid."

"Think nothing of it," replied Naruto, before he lit up his pipe, and directed the waiters to bring his food to the table.

"Oh, you smoke tobacco as well?" said Takahiro, lighting up his own pipe.

Naruto only smiled.

* * *

Naruto glanced out at the two people walking down the roads, leaving people they had recently aided.

"Old friends of yours, Naruto-san?" asked Takahiro.

"...I suppose you could say that," answered Naruto, gazing at Sakura and Jiraiya. "...Shall we go?"

"To Orochimaru's base-?"

Naruto gestured for Takahiro to be quiet, before stating: "Show yourself."

A hooded figure dropped out from several trees nearby, landing in a slight bow.

"Oh? Mumei Hishou?" said Naruto.

"A pleasure to see you again, Hishou-san, provided you're not trying to kill me," said Takahiro.

"I am hunting Orochimaru. Are you?" Hishou's words were directed at Naruto, who responded.

"Have you found him?"

"Not yet."

"Who hired you?" asked Naruto casually.

"I do not disclose the identities of my clients...if they specify," added Hishou. "An organisation called Akatsuki."

Naruto's eyes snapped wide open, and Takahiro turned, visibly shaken.

"That name is familiar to you?"

"Akatsuki have hunted me before. I find it unusual they would hire someone," said Naruto.

"They informed me that they had not the time to concern themselves with hunting down Orochimaru."

"Akatsuki once were hired to hunt me down," said Takahiro, a faraway look in his eyes. "It was the second time in my life that I have ever truly been close to death."

"Nice to see you again, Hishou," said Naruto, with the air of a man wanting to say goodbye quickly.

"Yes, of course, Hishou-san," also nodded the Oshiro.

Hishou immediately disappeared into the undergrowth. "Remember...do not come in my way."

* * *

"So, Naruto-san, where are we going?" asked the Oshiro.

"Kumo," said Naruto. "It is possible, that we have been seen. Add that to the fact the Konoha ANBU thought me dead, they will heading to Oto as soon as possible."

Takahiro sighed. "There are too many places which are inhabited by ninja these days."

"Why do you wander the roads, Takahiro?" asked Naruto.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You have the very aura of a noble. Yet you wander alone, often being hunted down, and has only mediocre fighting ability. Why do you wander the roads?"

Takahiro was surprisingly silent for several moments. "It is true, Naruto-san. I am a noble...but a noble is nothing when they have lost their family, friends, and all their worldly goods and possessions."

"Please elaborate."

"In short, eight years ago, my family were killed in a great fire. It was set off by a rival noble family, Honda. I am the only survivor of that blaze, Naruto-san. The servants, the samurai, my sisters, my mother, my father, and...and...my wife, and the unborn twins. All were killed, and I was the only survivor."

"Eight years?" said Naruto. "Eight years, and these Hondas have been hunting you down ever since?"

Takahiro shook his head. "They only discovered I was still alive a year later, so, it would be much more precise to say seven years they have tried to hunt me down. Thugs, mercenaries, ninja, samurai, knights, and assassins like Mumei. It has only been from a good amount of stealth, talking and luck that I escaped most of them."

'And will the same happen to me?' wondered Naruto. 'Will I always be hunted down?'

"But recently, their attacks have been getting even more vicious. There are only three times in my life when I truly came close to death, the fire, the Akatsuki, and the assassin Mumei. The first time, I escaped with my skill. Second time, I escaped with luck. Third time...I would not have escaped at all, had it not been for your timely intervention."

"...Why have you come with me, though?" asked Naruto.

"A few reasons," replied Takahiro. "One, you saved my life, and you hold a great debt over me. Two, I have no goal, apart from staying alive. Three, you also share a hobby of smoking and comparing different kinds of tobacco."

"I see. So, what contribution could you give The Detective?" asked Naruto good-naturedly.

"The Detective?"

"A nickname," answered Naruto.

Takahiro chuckled. "Then I, The Gentleman, shall give the contribution of being able to talk our ways out of a room with no doors."

"Reasonable. Then let me tell you my contribution, a complex mind with three great gifts, observation, deduction, and knowledge."

"Oh? How does that work?"

"My dear Oshiro, I have already discovered several things about you, such as that your shikomizue belonged to your father, you have some medical skill, you had your suit shipped from Iwa, as well as the fact you -"

"How on earth did you know that?" said Takahiro, astounded.

"Elementary," Naruto simply stated.

The tall man chuckled again, before he sobered up. "You previously told me that the Konohagakure ANBU is hunting you. You still have yet to explain _why._"

Naruto was content to remain silent for a few moments, before he replied. "Since you have told me your story, I suppose it would only be common courtesy."

Naruto broke off again, and Takahiro waited.

"I was framed. Akatsuki killed several guards and, since I had fled the village to escape from them, willingly making myself a missing-nin, Akatsuki framed me for their murders, increasing my list of crimes to Konoha, and meaning that I am now an S-class criminal, easy to prey on- or at least, that is what they think."

"An S-class?" asked the former noble. "Are you truly S-class?"

"I doubt so," said Naruto. "I could certainly outsmart most S-class shinobi, but most would still be capable of killing me." 'However,' thought Naruto. 'If I drew on Kyuubi's chakra, then we would have a rather different story...but I would not risk it.'

"So we're still a target," concluded Takahiro.

"Quite."

The two continued on for a while, in silence. Eventually, they came to the border, from where they were permitted to enter the country.

"Say, when you said we were going towards Kumo, did you mean we were going to enter the Hidden Village?"

"Of course not," said Naruto. "We'd attract too much attention, and Kumo aren't above using me as leverage to gain entrance to Konoha."

"Why?"

"Kumo have an almost disgusting obsession with the Byakugan. So much that they'd gladly sacrifice their own people to gain the bloodline."

"Don't they have their own bloodlines?" asked Takahiro, after all, shinobi business was rarely his concern, unless shinobi were hired to go after him.

"Kekkei genkai are rarer than they seem. Konoha only has the Byakugan now, and really, the prized clan techniques of the other clans are hardly bloodlines, and could be, quite easily stolen. Kiri once had a vast number of bloodlines, but the fools decided to launch civil war, severely weakening their country, leaving Kiri the weakest of the main five ninja villages. Many kekkei genkai have died out as well."

"What would happen if Kumo were to gain the Byakugan?"

"At first, little. Then gradually, they'd start producing more Byakugan-wielding shinobi, and that would be enough to make a super-powered army. Kiri is also fatally close to Kumo, and would be the first target. Then they'd move on, most likely to smaller villages, to surround Konoha, before attacking them."

"...Politics are quite disgusting, are they not?"

"Quite indeed."

Evening came swiftly upon them, and despite that Naruto was hardly tired, Takahiro, less physically powerful, was weary. They found lodgings in a small town, simple, yet sufficient. Due to the possibility of assassinations, one remained on guard at a time, and they did so on shifts through the night.

* * *

I am afraid, that temporarily, the story shall be shown from another perspective, rather than Naruto's and myself...yes myself, for I am, of course, Oshiro Takahiro.

For the two of us were the beginning of an organisation that would fight long, changing the world. Seven of us were there, The Detective, The Gentleman, The Assassin, The Knight, The Inventor, The Blacksmith, The Doctor.

Years on, and so few of us are alive.

* * *

An armoured man stalked through streets, his worn cloak covering steel armour, his head covered by a great helm. Attached to his back were a quiver, a spear, and a kite shield. In his hand was a longbow, used as a walking support, and concealed at his belt by his cloak, was several blades.

Indeed, it was a marvel how the man could move, laden down with armour and weaponry.

He ignored the people backing away from him, noticing his foreign appearance, but not just because he was clearly a warrior. If he had been a samurai or a ninja, they would not have taken a second glance.

He stalked through streets, and they backed away, loud whispers following him.

The armoured man was surrounded by several ninja suddenly.

"What do we have here?"asked the leader, a mask covering his sneering face. "Your kind are not allowed here."

The armoured man felt the familiar throb of anger, but he quashed it. "I was leaving anyway."

The shinobi laughed, and the leader spoke up again. "Perhaps you misunderstand. Perhaps you don't understand what I mean when I use such big words. Not allowed in this village, not allowed in Kaminari no Kuni...not allowed to even live anymore."

Cold fury was only emitting from the armoured man.

"Oh, is the _Knight _getting angry?" said one of the masked nin- a feminine voice, thought the Knight, but it could easily be one of those girl-boy ninja he had seen before, usually coming from Kiri.

"I will give you one chance to apologise."

"Take your weapons, and your chances, and shove them up your ass, Knight. Useless, slow, armour-needing weaklings are no threat to ninja," boasted the leader.

The Knight slowly pulled an arrow from his quiver, and strung it to his bow, and the ninja laughed even harder, knowing they could easily dodge an arrow...

The laughter came to a halt, as one of the ninja collapsed to the floor, blood pooling from his neck, an arrow through the artery.

"Where I come from..." said the Knight. "We can keep much more than one arrow up in the air at a time. So...what do we have here? A bunch of wet-behind-the-ears chunnin, who decided to boost their egos...by going after someone too strong."

The ninja were deathly silent, before...

"That was my brother, tin man!" screamed the kunoichi, jumping at the Knight with a katana, and the Knight dropped his longbow.

The katana was parried with a broadsword, and the kunoichi struggled to push away the heavier blade.

Her struggles ceased, as the Knight drew his longsword, and impaled her through the stomach.

Deathly silence again, until all the ninja-save the leader- jumped at him. The Knight thrust the broadsword into the first's torso, before spinning low to hew the leg off another.

He pulled his shield from his back, safely blocking a katana, and slashing at the ninja's neck.

The ninja jumped backwards, and threw a kunai at him, and it clanged harmlessly off his armour. He slashed again, and this time, the ninja was not so lucky.

"Raiton: Raikou Dangan!" screamed the leader, who had slipped behind him.

A ball of electricity crashed into the Knight, amplified by his metal armour. He screamed as he crashed onto the ground from the pain.

"Heheheh...maybe you got a few lucky shots in, _Knight_, but armour won't save you from the power of the Kumo Shinobi's Raiton Jutsu," grinned the leader. "Now..." His katana came to the left eye-gap in his great helm. "Die..."

The katana suddenly did not move, as the Knight's gauntlet was gripping it.

"What?!" said the shinobi, dumbfounded. "You've been electrocuted, you shouldn't be able to move!"

"Heh...you should have realised that I knew lightning is a disadvantage to us..." said the Knight, still gripping the sword. "...So I've trained myself to be a bit more...resistant to electricity."

The Knight stabbed the sword into the ground, before jumping up, his hand reaching for a weapon at his belt, and it found a throwing axe.

The axe severed the ninja's neck, and satisfied, the Knight decided to gather his weapons, ignoring the terrified screams of the people who had been watching.

"Hey, bastard..." said a voice, and the Knight, who had not even begun to reach for his throwing axe, spun around, to see the one-legged ninja, using the Knight's longbow as a crutch, and a kunai in his other hand. "Drop your armour, surrender, and I might not cut you from hole to hole."

"I'm not going to surrender to a ninja village," said the Knight, almost humorously at the thought of a one-legged ninja killing him.

"Fine...come over here! I'm going to stab you!"

"...what? You must have lost more than your leg, apparently," said the Knight.

"Fine, stay there!" The man began to hobble over, ranting about how he would swap the Knight's eyes with his genitalia.

The Knight, bored, simply walked away after gathering his weapons, as the ninja attempted to throw the kunai, only to slip and crash, and the Knight picked up his longbow.

* * *

"Oh? What's this?" said Naruto.

The two were peering over a post in the heart of a small village. A sign was attached, giving a bounty for a man who had killed several Kumo ninja recently.

"Blackwood Anselm," read Takahiro. "Western Knight. And he has quite a large bounty on his head.

"Hmm...we certainly could use the money," said Naruto.

"And it would be nice to get allies for once."

Naruto shook his head. "Kumo are enemies of Konoha, remember? They would ally themselves with me for the sole purpose of defeating Konoha. As well as that, they are not above forcing me to do so. No, if we are to do this, we simply take out the Knight, bring him in, take the reward, and go. No talk about allies, strictly business."

Takahiro sighed over all the ninja talk. "Very well, very well. So, a Knight... I presume I will be no use?"

"Why, of course. Just leave the Knight to me."

* * *

Omake: The Beginning of a Career

"Mr Uzumaki!" scolded the portly man. "How on earth did it take you five hours to get here, when I live just down the road?!"

"I took the scenic route!" snapped Naruto.

"Anyway, the crime is-"

"The butler did it!"

"I don't have a butler!"

"You do now!"

"You're a hopeless detective! Get out of my house!"

Naruto bolted upright in his bed, his thoughts still upon the first ever time he had taken a case, at the age of ...seven.

* * *

Omake 2: The Unedited Version of the Knight and the One-Legged Man (CONTAINS PROFANITY)

"Hey, bastard..." said a voice, and the Knight, who had not even begun to reach for his throwing axe, spun around, to see the one-legged ninja, using the Knight's longbow as a crutch, and a kunai in his other hand. "Drop your armour, surrender, and I might not cut you from hole to hole."

"You may as well kill me, because there's no way in hell I'm going to surrender to a fucking ninja village," said the Knight, almost humorously at the thought of a one-legged ninja killing him.

"Okay...so be it," said the one-legged man. "Come over here...I'm going to fucking stab you!"

Crickets chirped.

"What?" said the Knight. "...No. I'm not coming over there."

"...Fine! Stay where you are then!" The man began to hobble over. "I'm going to come over there...and I'm going to slice out your eyes...and your balls, and then I am going to stick your eyes in your ball-sacks, and then I will take your balls and put them in your eye-holes!"

The Knight just grabbed his longbow, as well as his other weapons, and ran away.

The one-legged man tried to throw the kunai, but fell over and broke his fucking nose.

* * *

Omake 3: Detective Naruto and Dr Kyuubi

"But I don't understand!" said the woman. "Why are you arresting me?!"

"...Because you're an accomplice of the guilty person, who is awaiting you at the clink?" said Naruto.

"...Because you're human?" said Kyuubi.

"...Because you're a traitor to your family?"

"...Because I don't like you?"

"But how did you know?"

"Well, it was elementary really," said Naruto. "Very simple."

"The first clue was when you told us about your suspicions...for free!" said Kyuubi. "I've met women like you, and you never give away anything free! You wanted to pin the blame!"

"That wasn't a clue," said Naruto bluntly. "The first clue was that you were violently startled at my skill in tracing footsteps, and being able to deduct information about the person from them. You were scared that I would be able to catch the thief."

"The second clue was that one of the people at the crime were wearing high heels!" shouted Kyuubi.

"...No they weren't," disagreed Naruto. "The second clue was that you were with your uncle there to listen to your cousin state that even the key from the kitchen cupboards would open the safe. Is it coincidence that a person who lived outside could have discovered so, without the help of an accomplice?"

"The third clue was that the window had been damaged!"

"...No it wasn't," said Naruto, bored. "The third clue was that the only reason your cousin could have refrained from telling everyone who the perpetrator was if it involved someone he wished to keep safe. But if he had known that the perpetrator was in the house, he would have at least told everyone where it was, or a clue. Since he did not do so, I determined that the true criminal had an accomplice, someone who had handed the item to him by handing it out of the window."

"The fourth clue was that we traced the footprints, one set of which belonged to your friend, or should I say...lover!" shouted Kyuubi.

"...Strangely enough...correct," said Naruto. "The footprints showed that there had been a scuffle, and it started to fall together. Your cousin fought valiantly against your lover to retrieve the item, and yet was only able to retrieve part of it. After discovering your lover was a womanising gambler who used ...women, it was obvious he used you. The other clues I see no point in informing you of."

The woman was stunned at the thought of her lover using her, and allowed herself to be led away by the police.

"As well as that, you left your fingerprints on the safe!" yelled Kyuubi.

"...She was wearing gloves when she robbed the safe," said Naruto tiredly.

"Well how about this?! She...left her lipstick on the retrieved piece of the item!"

"...Kyuubi," said Naruto. "Do you remember I once said that society was fortunate to have me not as a criminal, as I would simply be too able and easily avoid being caught?"

"Why yes," said Kyuubi, scratching his chin with a tail. "I also said that we were very lucky indeed, as you would be just too good."

"Exactly," said Naruto, before drawing a pistol and shooting Kyuubi in his genitals.

"...Bad aim there," remarked Naruto, before raising the gun and shooting the fox demon through the brain. "And it stained that suit he always wore. Oh well."

A few days later.

"Oh? So Kyuubi is alive?"

Naruto was on the phone, talking to a doctor.

"But he's suffering from amnesia from who attacked him...and is unlikely to ever remember? Terrible business...well, thank you doctor."

Naruto calmly put the phone down, before turning his eye on the latest object in his inventory.

The company who had made the item that had been stolen was most grateful, and as they were able to auction the item for somewhere past a few million, had made another for him-but the value was not so high, as it had never been stolen.

Naruto actually giggled as he stroked the item.

His very own solid gold Sony PlayStation 3.

* * *

See, that was a crap chapter. Although, at least we found out who the narrator is.

The chapter was crap as this is around the time the fillers began, and those were crap as well.

Now, time to respond to the people who have left reviews for me. Those that challenged me, prepare to be defeated, as I have found several loopholes. If you wrote reviews, read them, and see if you were there. If your review isn't there, or you didn't review, hell, read them anyway, they contain info about the story.

Monofilia - Damn, why do people keep finding similarities between Naruto and Kisuke? I have a very limited knowledge of Bleach, and didn't know that he could make a shield. Now, I need to go and catch up on Bleach. As for your comment about SerpentSennin's Puppet Master Naruto, first of all, he's called SerpentS**a**nnin, you know, with the "a", and second of all...no. As for why that's a no, well, now I need to be careful, because due to the fact that SerpentSannin has this story in his favourites, that kind of implies he's reading this. I haven't read it because it's got that all Naruto gets beaten up by everyone. I mean, if it really is a fantastic story and I'm nit-picking, someone tell me that please.

D-sama - Thank you for actually talking about stealth being an issue. I mean, you're right, most people make Naruto a super DBZ kind of guy, and yes, I've almost reluctantly decided to put in wise-cracks, but not for a while.

BeeS - BeeS, BeeS, Bees. After receiving your review (I know you mean no harm by the way, take no offence), I have found several loopholes that not only cover my ass, but kick yours. First of, this is an AU. Let's assume something like since Shikamaru couldn't find Naruto, and needed a replacement. If you remember in the anime, he knows where Chouji, Naruto and Neji lived, and Kiba was randomly walking by. Kakashi lives alone and not in a Clan House, so it would take him longer or some other type of crap. Maybe Kakashi waited with Lee to fight bone-boy a bit longer. Next of all, I constantly said in the chapter that Naruto was leaving behind traps when he was on the run. He was leaving behind traps, not the clones. And when I said traps, I meant kunai flinging randomly at them. That sort of crap. So...ha ha ha. Next of all...yeah, a Smart OC would be good, but I don't think I could fit one in, but if you saw something in this chapter that could allow me to do so, please say.

I am the Bane of my Sword - More loopholes. Firstly, the quote is actually quite unimportant, it is a part from a very long lecture. Second, since it happened so long ago, and Naruto was young and uneducated, he could remember it incorrectly, or have interpeted it incorrectly at the time. Third, the narrator may have recorded it incorrectly. Fourth, let's blame the translation from Japanese to U.K. English. Fifth, I don't frickin' care. No offence, and yes, Oshiro is sort of like a Ninja Watson, even though he's not a ninja.

cjonbloodletter - Sorry mate, no Alchemist. But I'd like to write an Omake featuring her. Maybe Naruto putting up a post in a newspaper for people who want a job in the gang...

Tama Saga - You have a filthy mind, but the slave Hinata is certainly appealing...heh, won't happen in the story, but maybe an Omake. The whole manipulative and independent thing...I'm surprised someone actually realised Naruto is going to be a manipulative character. He's going to do a lot of behind the scenes work, he's going to enforce loyalty in his gang, and ...as I said, I'm genuinely surprised someone's picked up on it. Most people just say I like the Genius Naruto.

nobodyinparticular, anon - First of, not writing is no excuse to have no account, half the people who read my stories don't write. Second, yeah, thanks for the shikomizue, I used it.

KyuubiWindscar - Yes, as you've undoubtably noticed, Oshiro joining Naruto was quite a boring way, but the others won't be. Oshiro just sticks with Naruto mostly for protection, and you'll see more of Naruto's gang. Enjoy upcoming chapters.

Now, the bit you've all been waiting for. The OCs.

If you saw the poll in my profile (it'll only be up for a few more days, vote now if you haven't already), you'll have seen the nicknames of the OCs before this chapter came out. Currently, the Inventor is most popular.

Now, in no particular order, let's start talking about these OCs. The Inventor is based on Ren from the Reaper of Death, but is older, more mature (as if that means much), and doesn't sees Naruto as a father.

The Doctor is around Shizune's age, give or take a few years. The nickname of course is based on Doctor Who, and in personality, acts a lot like Retsu from Bleach...damn Bleach references, constantly haunting my story...

The Gentleman (Oshiro Takahiro) is mildly based on Watson, but in appearance, looks like Reeve Tuesti as pictured in Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cereberus. And no to the die-hard FF7 fans, he does not have an obession with cats or moogles.

The Assassin...do I even need to say who this is based on? Obviously, Altair Ibn La-Ahad from Assassin's Creed. I've only played some of the game before (I don't have a PS3 or Xbox360, and it hasn't been released on PC yet) and it was awesome. He doesn't look the same, but I'll talk more about his appearance later. Mumei means Nameless, which refers to Ibn La-Ahad meaning Son of None, meaning he has no family name. Altair means The Flying One, and Hishou means Flying. Close enough.

The Knight...you can't imagine how fun it is to write this guy. Not only is he constantly confused with putting his family name first, but has loads of weapons. Which is awesome. And to the people who say "Oh that's stupid, Knights can't beat Ninja", well, tell that to the idiots who write Naruto/300 crossovers, because they are just fucking awful. I read a few, and they put me off fanfiction for quite some time. So, if you want to get over a fanfiction addiction, read Naruto/300 crossovers, because they are shit. In appearance, he's based on Zack Fair from FF7.

The Blacksmith...not really based on anyone, but he's the Inventor's uncle.

What more can I say today? Oh yeah, did anyone notice the many references to Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny? Kyuubi talking about he was complete, and the scene with the one-legged guy. Heheh...I've been thinking of using something like that in LH's Parody, using Beezleboss (The Final Showdown) for the epic battle of Kyuubi versus Minato and Gamabunta/Kushina, which would of course mean Minato offers Gamabunta/Kushina as a sex slave to the demon if they lose. Gamabunta as the sex slave is funnier, but Kushina is less disturbing...I mean, who wants to think about a fox demon sleeping with a toad when both are male? ...Mpreg authors obviously...

**LightningHunter swears to you all that the next chapter will be better and prays that the omakes satisfied you.**

P.S. THE NEXT POLL ON MY PROFILE WILL FEATURE...WHAT WEAPON NARUTO COULD HAVE? IT WON'T HAVE ZANBATOS AND SCYTHES AND STUFF, BUT HEY, THE OPTIONS WILL STILL BE GOOD.

On a serious note though, I'm sad to say, due to imporant exams, it's unlikely to do much, if any, writing through late April to around the end of May. I mean, hey, I enjoy writing much more than revising or exams, but I know that writing fanfics isn't a career. If I keep writing Elementary chapters, I might at least have finished this filler arc before May, meaning I can start the Return Arc (which will be fucking awesome, and make every previous arc look shit) over the summer.


	6. Memoir III The Infilitration

Firstly I will apologise, for this awful filler.

It's better then the last one, and probably better then the "canon fillers", but I think I tried to cram to much into this chapter.

Sorry, but don't worry, the next chapter should be the last of these awful fillers!

Not only are these fillers then better then the "canon fillers", but they're shorter as well! Wonderful!

By the way, this chapter, in terms of OCs, seems to focus a lot on Anselm, but that's because he's much easier to write. And warnings for profanity, because of Anselm's filthy fucking mouth.

Basically, Naruto sneaks into Konoha, and blows up stuff. Oh yeah, loads of Konoha nin are featured, some you may recognise.

Naruto takes on Tsunade! Anselm and Takahiro see the terror that is green spandex and giant eyebrows! Hishou gets his finger cut off!

Finally, pay attention. You'll see Naruto start to start using and manipulating his teammates...

Oh yeah, and Naruto becomes stronger in the next chapter, don't mind if he gets battered up here...

* * *

**Elementary**

_the story of a genius_

Memoir III – The Case of the Infiltration

Despite Naruto's beliefs that Konoha would be unable to affect his company, he was –strangely- incorrect, as Konoha however, bought another shipping company. And most villages were willing to prefer a company run by a powerful ninja village over a missing-nin, and if not from trust, from fear.

Naruto started to make his company a multi-purpose company, but the customers had certainly decreased. The executives were losing faith, and Naruto knew that in order to restore business –and thus, keeping his income high-, he would have to destroy Konoha's shipping company.

But to attack, he needed funds. He had begun hunting down missing-nins and other criminals, truly living up to his nickname "The Detective." And this time, he was in a village very close to Kumogakure, hunting down a knight called Blackwood.

Takahiro looked out of the grey window, the rain hitting the panes. Despite the heavy rain, he could still make out the target.

"Are you going to sit there all day?" inquired Takahiro, looking at Naruto, seated with his eyes closed.

Naruto's eyes snapped open, and he turned to Takahiro.

"I've finished," he said.

Takahiro looked expectedly at Naruto, and the latter remembered that he had not explained to Takahiro the circumstances.

"I told you Akatsuki forced me out of Konoha," said Naruto. "Something that surprised me was that Uchiha Itachi saw through nearly all my moves and plans. I discovered that he placed a very particular genjutsu on me."

"And you removed it?" asked Takahiro, and he received a nod in return. "Did that really need the entire day?"

Naruto frowned slightly. "Such a genjutsu was very intricate. It could not be removed by physical harm, or disrupting chakra. As well as that, if such a genjutsu is layered carefully into the mind, it must be removed carefully, or it can cause brain damage. And when the brain is your key weapon, that is something you wish to avoid. Heh...I suppose there's truth to saying that he's a true genjutsu master."

Takahiro nodded. "I see...I think. So, what shall we do about our target?"

"...Knights are not the weaklings most ninja believe them to be. Some say that their metal armour hinders them more then it helps them, but they do so they can have more even fights."

"But they can't use chakra or jutsu," said Takahiro. "Surely that should count for something?"

"You can't use chakra or jutsu either," replied Naruto. "As well as that, rumours state Knights have their own versions of chakra and jutsu. But, we should focus on what we know to be true. And that is, that since they have armour covering nearly all vital areas, it is almost impossible to take them down without poison or a fight."

"...And that's not good, is it?"

"Poison has long been famous for taking down Knights. No doubt will this one expect such an attack. As well as that, in a fight...such a fight will no doubt be close," Naruto grimaced, before glancing out of the window, and his eyes widened.

"It would appear we are not the only ones after the elusive Mr. Blackwood," remarked Naruto, before pointing at the opposing rooftops. "Look."

Takahiro squinted out of the window, and saw him, a hooded man slowly stalking the Knight from the rooftops.

"...Mumei Hishou," said Takahiro.

"He must be getting desperate," remarked Naruto. "He couldn't kill some random former noble-"

"-Hey!"

"And he couldn't kill a snake-man-thing," continued Naruto. "I would wager that funds are waning low for him too."

"...Do you want to join up with him?"

"Not particularly," said Naruto. "Firstly, I doubt he would agree to split the reward with us. Secondly, he's still strong, and very cunning. He's more than capable of back-stabbing."

"...How did you know that about him?"

"I did my research, Takahiro," replied Naruto. "He went after you once, he's a possible enemy."

In fact, Naruto was slightly irritated by Takahiro's frequent questions. He supposed there was a possibility that the man was a spy, but clearly not. He had an incredible lack of knowledge about the ninja world, which seemed to be genuine, but a quick understanding about politics. He was well versed in diplomacy, yet strangely enough did not see himself as superior to Naruto, as most nobles did.

Naruto knew he could use the man, which was perhaps the actual reason he chose to take the last Oshiro with him. As well as this, it seemed with every question Naruto answered, Takahiro's trust in Naruto was built.

Naruto stood up and picked his coat from the peg, and quickly put it on, before taking up his cane. "We had better hurry. Mumei would not start actually stalking the target until he was ready to strike."

Takahiro nodded, and followed Naruto out into the rain, stopping only to take his cane.

The streets were surprisingly crowded, despite the heavy rain. Naruto limped piteously, appearing to rely heavily on his cane.

Naruto glanced behind him, and froze. He turned to the left, before looking forwards again. He pushed his way through the crowd to the shadowy side of a building, awaiting his associate Takahiro to arrive.

"What's the matter, Naruto-san?" murmured Takahiro, standing idly by the short shinobi.

"They're here."

"Who?" asked the Oshiro.

"Shinobi, from the great villages of Kumo, Konoha, and Iwa. And I don't think they're after you or the Knight," said Naruto. "It's like a chemical...that only needs a small spark to react. And when it does react, it explodes."

"Hmm. Allow me to guess, we happen to be that spark."

"Correct..." Naruto trailed off, and sub-consciously leant against the wall, his eyes closed. Moments later, and his blue eyes burned with something that Takahiro couldn't recognise. "Follow me."

Naruto began to push his way through the crowd, still appearing to be unaware of the disguised ninja. They continued their way to the knight, Blackwood Anselm.

"So what is the plan?" hissed the taller man.

"Watch!"

They were now less than a few metres away from the Knight, and Naruto suddenly leapt through the air at the Knight, his blade revealed.

Anselm spun around, and raised his shield...

Just as Hishou flew through the air, a throwing dagger heralding his flight, intending to kill Anselm before Naruto could do so.

Naruto twisted in mid-air, to land away from Anselm, and to see the ninja charging.

Hishou landed next to Anselm, as his dagger bounced off the shield, but the two turned to see the ninja charge through the crowds, the civilians fleeing and screaming, and the two incorrectly assumed the ninja were attacking them.

Naruto grabbed Takahiro's hand and pulled him ahead, before Naruto leapt onto the rooftop, pulling the Oshiro up with him. The two headed over the rooftops to flee the village, as the fight between the Iwa-nin, the Konoha-nin, the Kumo-nin, Hishou and Anselm became a free-for-all.

"What about the bounty on the knight?" shouted Takahiro.

"Money's no use if you're dead," Naruto responded, before speeding up, thoroughly making Takahiro very angry, for although he was faster than any civilian, it was quite hard for him to catch up with most ninja.

"Where are we going anyway?"

"Quite frankly Takahiro, I don't see that we have a choice anymore. We have to attack," said Naruto decisively.

"Naruto-san, you're the only one who can actually last long against those Konoha-nin, I'm no use in fights!" protested Takahiro.

"I believe I already know that," Naruto sighed, "but, as I said, we have no other choice."

"Couldn't we hire some other helpers?"

Naruto's eyes sparked up. "Genius, Takahiro! Quick, back to the village's centre!" Naruto hopped down from the rooftops to run through the streets, leaving Takahiro on a roof.

"For the love of..." Takahiro began to follow.

It took a while for Takahiro to catch up, and in fact, by the time he had, Naruto had already reached his destination, the battlefield between the Knight and Assassin, and with the help of a few explosives, insured that Anselm and Hishou were the only ones standing.

"Naruto-san?! You're hiring...them?!" said Takahiro, stunned.

"Oh? Takahiro, if you would, I'll leave the negotiation to you," said Naruto as he hobbled a few metres away, keen to observe Takahiro in the field, as it were.

* * *

Stunningly, Takahiro was successful. Once the two were hired, he negotiated their fee –individually, the two were rather disgruntled at working together- while Naruto contacted his company- for a few things he needed. 

The Knight was happy, having found a source of income. The Assassin seemed quite positive about it as well, after all, he had nothing but a chain of bad results for some time, even though he was quite surprised to be hired by such a short person like Naruto, and they discovered although Naruto was usually mature, he could be slightly less mature about his height.

Naruto and Takahiro soon had a basic grip on the two's personalities. Anselm adored fighting, but could be hot-headed, especially if knights were insulted in his presence. He was often quite loud, as well as often cursing. Hishou was quite a contrast to the loud, hot-headed, noticeable figure that was Anselm.

Less than two weeks later, they were five minutes' walk from Konoha, and Naruto finally outlined the plan.

Naruto pulled his team off the road, and it wasn't until the four were safely hidden in the undergrowth that he began to sketch in the dirt with his cane, forming a rough map of Konoha, showing the gates, the walls, the main ninja buildings, the target, and another building. After a moment, he decided to add the roads that led to Konoha, as well as showing the team's approximate location.

"As you know all know," said Naruto. "This organisation is composed of three parts, entering Konoha, destroying the target, and leaving Konoha."

"Konoha is not a weak country. You have a plan?" said Hishou.

Naruto nodded. "Obviously. Now, the key point to entering is not to draw attention to ourselves. As such, wouldn't you agree, a group of four gathers an unhealthy amount of attention?" Naruto waited for nods before he continued. "But, two groups of two, entering for different purposes, from different gates, and at different times, do not."

Naruto began drawing on the soil again. "Takahiro and Anselm will enter from this gate. Takahiro, you will use your real papers, while Anselm, will being using fakes. A Knight draws a lot more attention than even a hooded man."  
Anselm nodded.

"Takahiro, you are a travelling noble, and Anselm is your bodyguard. Anselm, hide all your weapons and armour save your bow and quiver. You will have to hide your helm as well, they may wish to see your actual face. Meanwhile, Hishou and I will enter from this gate, using our fake papers, under the guise of..."

Naruto removed a scroll from his coat, and unsealed several bundles.

"Clothes merchants...or more precisely, we will be delivering clothes to clothes merchants inside the village."

"But...we don't know any clothes merchants," said Takahiro.

"Yes, we do," Naruto pointed his cane at the map in the ground, showing them another building. "Several Uzumaki Inc. workers are stationed there, working as clothes sellers. As well as that, they have also constructed a secure basement. That basement is our safe house for this job."

"...Could we be shut in?" asked Hishou.

"There are three exits," answered Naruto. "They are also constructing a fourth exit that leads out of Konoha for future jobs. It will not be finished in time for this job, and we will not be helping them do so."

"Can't you use your Shadow Clones to finish it?"

"No," replied Naruto bluntly. "I know little of constructing tunnels, and I see little need in filling my mind with knowledge on how to do so."

"...What if we get lost?" asked Anselm. "What's the name of this store?"

"Koboyashi Clothing," said the Detective. "Now, remember. Do. Not. Draw. Attention. To. Yourselves." His eyes flickered to Anselm and Takahiro. "You two, your gate is closer. If you fail to enter, get back here immediately. Go."

Anselm nodded respectfully, and Takahiro was the first to leave the dense undergrowth. The Knight removed his great helm, revealing slicked-back black hair, and he hid it under his cloak, and his shield –which he hid with more difficulty. He pulled up his hood, before leaving, his bow in hand.

"We wait?" was Hishou's emotionless voice.

"We wait."  
Naruto waited for twenty minutes, before he told Hishou to start gathering the bundles. Naruto carefully removed a wig –short brown hair- from his coat, and carefully placed it over his own head, taking care to smooth down his blonde spikes. He took some pastes from a few jars, and with the aid of a brush, he suddenly looked around twenty, with a horrid scar going down the left side of his face. His whiskers had also disappeared due to the paste. He then sealed his cane away, hid his scrolls and bombs in some hidden pockets, before he straightened his leg, and relived Hishou of some of the bags, and the two went back to the road, heading for the gate adjacent to the one Anselm and Takahiro had entered through.

When they reached the gate, the gatekeepers approached, and Naruto took charge.

"We're delivering these," Naruto nodded to the bags, "to Koboyashi Clothing."

"Papers?" grunted the chuunin, and Naruto and Hishou surrendered their papers.

The chuunin inspected the papers carefully, and glanced up at the two. "You two from Kumo?"

Naruto shook his head. "Nah. Never bin to the Hidden Village. Jus' liv' in the country."

Satisfied, the chuunin went back to inspecting the papers, occasionally glancing back at them.

"Okay. Now, you two are going to be scanned," said the guard, bored.

A Hyuuga appeared, the Caged Bird Seal on his forehead, and he nodded at them, before he scanned them, obviously looking for weapons, or chakra above civilian level.

"You seem to have a great chakra reserve," said the Hyuuga to Naruto.

"I don't jus' do deliveries," shrugged Naruto. "But hey, I don't even know any dangerous jutsu."  
The Hyuuga had been watching Naruto with his Byakugan, looking for any sign of lying, and unable to find any lies, turned to Hishou. "And you seem to be heavily armed."

"..." The Assassin slowly turned to face the Hyuuga, before he spoke. "The roads are not safe."  
The Hyuuga raised an eyebrow stiffly, before whispering into the guard's ear.

"Okay." The guard stamped the papers, before he started to speak robotically, repeating words he had no doubt said before. "You have been granted temporary citizenship status. You may stay in Konoha for a period of up to two weeks, and when that duration has ended, you must either leave the village, or apply for permanent citizenship."

Naruto nodded his thanks, as the gates opened.

* * *

"How did you do that?" 

"Do what?" replied Naruto.

"I have sensed your chakra reserve before," said Hishou. "Referring to them as merely great would be considered an injustice. And, you were able to lie in front of the Hyuuga."

"I have no time for such trifles," said Naruto, as the two continued through the streets of Konoha. A few moments later, when the road thinned, Naruto whispered frantically into Hishou's ear.

"These roads are better guarded then they look! Say nothing till we reach our destination."

Hishou tensed, and simply made sure that the dagger concealed in his right sleeve was on the verge of slipping into his hand.

Not too longer later, they entered "Koboyashi Clothing." After handing over the supplies, the shop assistant led them into the basement –through means of a secret door- where the two were reunited with Anselm and Takahiro.

"Did you have any trouble?" asked Naruto, as he sat at the round table in the centre of the room, and he pulled off his wig, and began to wipe away his make-up.

"No trouble," said Anselm, who had removed his armour. The Knight was cleaning his swords, seated in the corner of the room.

"I quite like this place," said Takahiro, who was going through the store cupboards.

Naruto finished wiping off the rest of the pastes. "You three, have a seat." Naruto waited for the three to sit around the table, and began to speak again.

"From now on, make sure not to even talk about the mission outside these walls. The streets are actually watched, through recording equipment, hidden ninja, and even shopkeepers." Naruto enjoyed the surprise on his teammate's faces, before he continued. "You see, Konoha appears to be rather lax in security, compared to some villages. The reason for this is due to one of their most favourite sayings: "Look underneath the underneath." They appear to be very peaceful, almost pacifist, but they can be very cruel when they want to. Did you know Konoha has perhaps the strongest ANBU teams in the Elemental Countries?"

"What? But we saw Konoha-nin back in Kaminari no Kuni...didn't these two easily beat them?" asked Takahiro, indicating the Knight and the Assassin.

"Tis true," said Anselm.

"Those nin were either very inexperienced, or they were chuunin on a mission who had happened to see us. The true might of the Konoha ANBU is great. Surely, you must have thought warriors like Itachi and Kakashi were not the only powerful shinobi they were able to produce?"

"Who would have thought such an idea?" said Hishou, his voice hiding any emotion.

"The last Hokage hired a wise man to actually think up all those things. The same man was able to even identify likely places for intruders to communicate."

"That's...that's extraordinary!" said Takahiro, stunned. "Who was this man?!"

"...Me," smiled Naruto. "Didn't you think it suspicious how I, who had only been a ninja for a few months, chuunin for less than a week, knew all about Konoha's security?"

Anselm looked on the verge of laughing. "This is perfect!" he grinned. "Since you know all of the Leaf's security techniques, then-"

"No," interrupted Naruto. "If you remember, I'm only thirteen. There have been other people working in security, and although I was told most of them, so I could improve them, I was not informed of all. Such information is kept strictly on a need-to-know basis. As well as that, there are more security measures I designed, that only get harder as you approach the heart of the city. And I designed them to deal with opponents who could be even more intelligent than me."

Anselm opened his mouth, before he closed it. "Damn."

"...But you already planned for this, correct?" asked Hishou.

"Well, yes. But, before we can put this plan into action, we are of course, going to have to scout out the area, as it were."

Takahiro tugged his beard lightly. "Hmm...say, Naruto-san. How does attacking a company even work?"

"We're not attacking, Takahiro," said Naruto. "We're going to level the entire building. Hopefully, there won't be anyone in it, but sacrifices are often necessary to get a point across."

"Point?" asked Anselm. "What point?"

"To be frank with you, I don't see another way of saying this that would explain it any better. The point is..."

"-don't fuck with me, or I will fuck you ten times over," interrupted Anselm. "That must have been the point, right?"

Naruto looked mildly surprised. "Well, yes. That was the point, rather coarsely, but yes, that was the point."

"So, we are going to scout the area. Do you have any more things to say?"

"Firstly, we, as a group, are not going to scout the area. You, Hishou, will scout the area. But beware when you scout the rooftops."

"...?"

"It was another of my ingenious ideas... ninja are forbidden from treading on some rooftops in the heart of Konoha. They are told this is because the residents are irritated...but not necessarily. In fact, some of these rooftops have sensors to detect foreign presences. There are also several Hyuuga in the area, to check for false alarms, from Konoha nin and civilians who have gone on the roofs for whatever reason."

"So the rooftops are off-limits," concluded Hishou.

"Not necessarily, I suppose. You can go on rooftops that you see ninja using, but then anyone who uses the roofs can ask you what you are doing. Anyway, your objective is to watch for ninja guarding the building, as well as when the building is likely to be empty. As well as that, if you can, get close to the building, and look for any weak points."

Hishou nodded and stood. "Shall I go now?"

"Not yet." Naruto turned to Takahiro. "Your job, Takahiro, is to get into the building. Use any means necessary, make up any story, I don't care, but I want to know where is where in the building. Hishou, help him if you can."

"And me?" asked Anselm. "Don't tell me I'm going to have sit on my ass here."

"Your job is to defend us if we get caught during the actual mission. I want you to locate where ninja will come at us from if they find us, and find a way to block or defend those locations Hold them off, at least." Naruto pointed to a crate. "That crate contains several explosives. They're not particularly powerful, but they will kill. Use them as you will. And as well as that, it is up to you break Takahiro out in case he fails his mission and they start calling in ninja."

"And, what are you going to do?" asked Takahiro, eyebrow raised.

"Me?" smiled Naruto. "I intend to infiltrate a different building."

* * *

Dawn, and four individuals were currently in the heart of Konoha. One was located in an alley, a thick cloak hiding metal armour. Another was picking his way through thick crowds, and the third was near a certain building, mind working frantically as he tried to think up some story. 

The fourth was on the Hokage Mountain, gazing down at the building that he had entered several days. The very building that contained the Hokage's office, the very building that he had often gone in for his D-rank mission with his team.

He smiled, before he disappeared.

* * *

Naruto landed on the roof of the Hokage Residence. The building where the Hokage lived and worked, where ninja received missions, where war meetings took place. The most important building in Konoha. 

He looked over his new disguise. His Chuunin vest and a headband (not his scratched one), and with the aid of a black wig and some makeup (just to look older, more weathered, as well as hiding his whiskers), as well as coloured contacts (that did not actually affect vision) to hide his usual bright blue eyes with a more dull brown.

All in all, he looked like one of those many Chuunin who had been chuunin for years, but were simply too bored or too lazy to bother trying to be appointed jounin.

Naruto entered the door that would take him into the building, after all, there was one on the roof.

What Naruto was seeking? The Forbidden Scroll they say was written by the Yondaime Hokage. Last time, when Mizuki had tried to get him to steal the scroll, he had actually copied a portion of the scroll, but he forgot to consult it, or even put it away, and he actually mistakenly taken it to Wave, and, the simple thing was, it was not a bright idea to have paper while fighting in conditions with strong opponents, while water was nearby.

The Scroll could have secrets about his seal. And Naruto was willing to take any risk, because quite frankly, he was irritated to no end by the Kyuubi. He wanted to see if he could strengthen the seal perhaps, or something that could force the Kyuubi to stop attempting to influence him.

He passed a team of bedraggled genin, and smirked slightly at their state. Most people would make fun out of them, as Naruto could also smell wet cat.

Naruto shook his head, trying to get the image of cat retrieval missions out of his face. He tenderly rubbed his face. The scars were still long gone...but the mental scars lasted longer.

A few more chuunin passed him, muttering about ...inflation and interest rates, strangely enough.

As he got closer and closer to the more important parts of the building, more and more people passed him, never taking a second glance at him. He even passed some more considerably strangely dressed people.

The two guys wearing green spandex and hugging was something he wouldn't get out of his mind for a while. And it was moments like that when Naruto wondered where his "excursion" was really worth it.

For some reason, he had expected to see Jiraiya or Kakashi, or perhaps one of the genin he knew.

"Did you hear what happened to Kakashi?" He suddenly heard, and he instinctively turned his head where he had heard the voices.

Two kunoichi passed him, and Naruto remembered them to be Kurenai and Anko, Team 8's instructor and the Chuunin examiner respectively.

He turned casually, as if he had just remembered something, and began to follow them, not even bothering to try and hide he was there, simply acting as if he was just walking.

"So, do you think that Kakashi's a traitor?" said Kurenai.

Anko shrugged. "Nope. An idiot, but a traitor? I mean, come on."

"So, is it true that he's on house arrest?"

"What makes you think I'd know?"

"Hurry up Anko," said Kurenai impatiently. "I know you work with the ANBU half the time."

"Hehehehe...Are you sure you wish to know...?...Oh, all right then..." said Anko hastily, noticing Kurenai's expression. "Well, yeah. The Hokage's almost on the verge of having Kakashi sent for a "session" with Ibiki, but our favourite Cyclops still sticks to his story, and is acting rather confused 'bout the whole thing. Then again, he might have used that eye of his to copy an actor to get the whole thing right."

'House arrest?' wondered Naruto. 'Why? His story had no holes in it, nothing to suspect...' Then it hit him, something Kakashi had said.

_"Damn, last time when Jiraiya and I tried to point out you're a good kid, we received one-way tickets through the window."_

Naruto rarely swore, and hadn't for some time, but he truly felt like doing so. The Hokage didn't suspect the report. She had suspected Kakashi from the beginning. The fact Kakashi was the only person to have reached the Valley only aided her suspicions.

On a more positive side, Naruto hadn't told Kakashi anything of use. As well as that, Kakashi probably was enjoying house arrest, no missions, no distractions, meaning he could read in peace.

Naruto turned around, and began to head back to the room, that from memory he knew housed the Forbidden Scroll.

* * *

'No guards...but why?' Naruto had almost searched the entire floor, but still, there had been no sign of guards, not even chuunin. 

The only thing this could mean was that the scroll had been moved, the guards where hidden in the room, the scroll was fake, or that there was some kind of genjutsu. And to his knowledge, the Hokage would be busy issuing missions then to be up here, but...

'...Well, it's too late to turn around.'

Naruto entered the room, and closed it behind. He approached the Scroll, and saw the title.

"Forbidden Scroll. Do not steal."

Yes, that was the Scroll, Naruto still remembered those idiotic words.

He placed his hand on the scroll, yet nothing happened.

But then, he suddenly sensed someone powerful, yet unfamiliar behind him. He turned and stopped.

His fake brown eyes met the eyes of the Godaime.

* * *

Hishou walked through the street. For him, his job was relatively easy, and he already finished it. Takahiro had also finished, and had gone back to the shop. He was intending to meet Blackwood, to check whether Naruto had finished whatever he was doing, and so he could make his report. 

Suddenly a group of ninja rushed past him, who he narrowly avoided. Hishou raised his head, and there he could see the Knight.

"Blackwood," he hissed, as he approached.

"Mumei," replied Blackwood, carefully glancing at the surroundings, before focusing on the Assassin. "Well? Make it quick, I don't have time for this, and you know what'd happen..."

Hishou caught the underlying message. So the Knight could be subtle occasionally. The Knight was warning him of hidden ninja.

"Have you seen him?" asked Hishou.

"No, why?" said Blackwood, as more ninja rushed past him.

"Have the ninja become more active suddenly?" wondered Hishou.

Blackwood's eyes widened, and he spun around to look at the Hokage Residence, where the ninja seemed to be heading.

"Shit!" he cursed. "It looks like I know where he is."

Hishou made to follow the ninja, but suddenly Blackwood chuckled. "I'm stronger than the impression I gave you in our first meeting. You go back to the place, I'll go after him."

The Knight removed his great helm from his cloak, and put it on, before raising his hood, and running to the Hokage Residence.

Hishou turned around. Naruto and Blackwood were strong enough to get out alive, even if they had to run. In the meantime, it was time to get back to the clothes store.

* * *

"So..." said Tsunade, "Who are you, and how did you get that headband and vest?" 

"The headband, I ...borrowed," said Naruto, tossing the band over at her. "The vest once belonged to me. You see, I couldn't come in here with my headband, there's a slash through the symbol."

"...Tell me, are you using a chakra inhibitor drug?" asked Tsunade. "You know, the kind that sends less chakra around the body, making the chakra coils seem smaller."

"Oh? You recognise it?" said Naruto.

Tsunade scoffed. "I'm a medic, I can tell with a glance. Now answer, who are you?"

Naruto removed a pill from his pouch, and swallowed it. Instantly, he felt his chakra return to normal. He then wiped off the makeup, before removing the contacts. Finally, he pulled off the wig, and removed a scroll from his vest, from where he summoned a cane from.

"Uzumaki Naruto, son of Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina. Former chuunin of Konoha."

Already he could feel Tsunade's killer intent.

"You have some fucking nerve showing your face around here," said Tsunade, before cracking her fists.

"I don't suppose now would be a good idea to tell you I'm innocent and was framed?"

"Die!" screamed Tsunade, shooting forwards.

"Thought so."

Naruto leapt back to avoid the punch, before bending in mid air to avoid a kick. He somersaulted and landed in a crouch, before he leapt to the side to avoid Tsunade again.

'She's faster than me, and definitely will hit harder than me...my best option is to try to escape!' thought Naruto, as he eyed the doorway.

"Escaping huh? That's your plan!" Tsunade charged forwards, and although Naruto avoided the kick, he did not dodge the punch that sent him through the thin wall into another room.

Naruto climbed to his feet, and a blade sprouted from his cane. He twirled the cane slightly above his head, before going back to his position, as Tsunade burst through the wall.

Tsunade charged forwards, kicking up the dust that had been undisturbed for years.

But this time, Naruto was ready.

Naruto ducked under the punch, before he stabbed forwards with the blade at Tsunade's exposed stomach.

The Godaime leapt back and Naruto jumped after her, stabbing down, which Tsunade somehow avoided by twisting, before she punched again.

Naruto had already landed and darted away from the punch, but Tsunade suddenly rushed forwards, her other fist slamming into his stomach.

Naruto crashed through another wall. He coughed, and groggily stood again, as Tsunade followed him into the room.

Naruto reached into his pouch, and instantly retrieved a bomb. He smiled at Tsunade.

"What are you smirking at?!" demanded Tsunade.

"...Boom."

Tsunade's eyes widened, and she jumped back as Naruto threw the bomb down. She covered her face with her arms instinctively.

But she was fooled. It was nothing more than a smoke grenade.

Tsunade coughed, as she escaped the smoke cloud, looking for the missing-nin.

And she froze, as a blade was rammed through her left shoulder from behind.

Naruto tugged the blade out, before launching a kick to Tsunade's back, sending her forwards.

Only to see Tsunade turn into a wooden log.

'Replacement!'

Naruto spun around to see Tsunade, who drew her fist back, before thrusting it forwards.

Naruto half-turned, avoiding the punch, before answering with his own.

Only to see it caught it Tsunade's iron grip.

Naruto gritted his teeth with pain from his fist slowly being crushed by Tsunade's. He lashed out with his cane-blade, only to see Tsunade dodge and grip that hand too. He kicked out, but Tsunade suddenly then flipped back, flipping him over and slamming his head through the floor.

She stepped back, as Naruto collapsed, his neck clearly injured.

Naruto Replaced himself with a broken piece of wood across the room to put a little distance between the Hokage and himself. He climbed to his feet wearily, knowing that had he not had the Kyuubi's regeneration chakra, he may have taken some serious damage, maybe even snapping his neck.

She charged him again, and Naruto reached for some actual bombs this time, and flung them at her, but she only smacked them away before they detonated, and they destroyed the walls rather than harming anyone.

Naruto thrust the cane-blade forwards at her stomach, but she span out of its reach. He followed up with a kick at her head...

Only to feel that leg caught. And Tsunade proceeded to bend the leg.

Naruto openly howled, before dropping a bomb. Tsunade let go and jumped back, and Naruto kicked it with his other leg at her, but she knocked it some distance away.

'The leg's almost broken...well, at least I practised looking crippled with this leg, I think I can adjust to the real thing.' Naruto panted, before continuing thinking. 'Unless I use the Kyuubi's chakra, I truly stand no chance of beating her. And that would draw ninja here like moths to a flame...but how did she beat me so easily? Am I truly this weak? But...of course. I haven't trained since leaving Konoha. I've been too concerned with moving then actually preparing myself in case they came. All because of Itachi's genjutsu, I'd wager. I'd better think of how to get out of here. I'll never outrun her now, but...'

Naruto's eyes widened as Tsunade rushed him. And due to his injured leg, he would never get out of the way in time.

And suddenly, Naruto's fist met Tsunade's.

Both were glowing with chakra, the only difference being that although Tsunade's was still the gentler human blue chakra, Naruto's fist was enveloped in a demonic red.

Once again, their eyes met, the Godaime's eyes meeting his red eyes.

Naruto felt his leg repair. Maybe it wasn't as badly damaged as he thought.

"So, Tsunade," said Naruto coldly. "Let's try this again."

The two jumped back, and Naruto blasted two ethereal chakra-arms at her, but shockingly, Tsunade destroyed them with her bare hands.

'Kyuubi makes me powerful, but not invincible. Don't ever forget that.'

"Naruto," said a loud voice from behind him. "Need any help?"

Anselm stood there, his broadsword in his right hand, his throwing axe in his left.

"Good timing," nodded Naruto, a slight smirk on his face.

"A Knight?" scoffed Tsunade. "That's your great help? Please, I can deal with a Knight with a single finger..."

"Then allow me to return the favour!" said Anselm, before he flashed his middle finger at Tsunade.

Tsunade suddenly turned around, and slowly started to walk away. Naruto and Anselm glanced at each other, confused.

All was explained when Tsunade seized a huge chunk of debris and hurled it at him.

Naruto flipped over the missile, while Anselm braced himself for the impact. The wreckage sent him flying, but he stood again with relative ease, as Tsunade rushed them, a greenish glow covering her hands.

'Chakra scalpels,' thought Naruto, before sending some chakra-arms at her again, before he suddenly lunged at her with his cane-blade, the red chakra enveloping it making the poison more deadly than before.

Anselm let out a war-cry and leapt into the fray, first flinging his axe at Tsunade before going close-combat with his broadsword.

Tsunade jumped back to avoid a slash, and used the distance to fling more debris at the two, before she retrieved two kunai from the wreckage, just as Naruto and Anselm met her again, the latter having retrieved his axe.

For several minutes, there was nothing but the sound of metal.

But suddenly then, ninja burst into the room.

"Hokage-sama!" was the unified cry.

"It would appear...we have overstayed our welcome," said Naruto. "Pity."

Naruto turned, and leapt out of the window.

Anselm stood alone, before scratching his helmet.

"Well then...see ya," said the Knight, before following Naruto out of the window.

With the added weight of his armour, Anselm soon caught up with Naruto.

"Now what!?" shouted Anselm over the rushing winds.

"Grab onto the side of the building!" shouted Naruto, as he started to use chakra to help grip to the walls, and friction started to do the rest.

Anselm swung at the building with his axe to dig in, and started to slow down, as the axe ripped through the walls.

* * *

"So you failed," said Hishou. 

The four were back in the underground hideout, all sitting around the table, save Anselm who was busy cleaning his armour.

"I would call it a minor setback," replied Naruto. "It has actually only done good for us. The Hokage expects us to steal the Scroll again, and we are not."

"Yeah, we're going to blow up something...what was it again?" asked Anselm.

"When I was fighting the Hokage, since she threw me through the wall, she did not notice I made a Clone who was able to copy some jutsu from the Scroll. The Clone threw the copy out of the window, and it reached the ground, and fortunately I was able to retrieve it when we jumped out of the window," said Naruto. "Anyway, despite I was unable to retrieve the Scroll in its entirety, this will not affect the mission."

Naruto looked at the large map of Konoha stretched over the table, and he started placing numerous cubes on it.

"These four represent us," said Naruto, using his cane to push the counters over the map. "Now, what we shall do is go, tonight. We split into two groups again, Takahiro and Anselm, and Hishou with me."

Naruto pushed the Takahiro and Anselm counters over quite a distance away.

"You two will get to this point, and set a bomb in this park. It's a timer bomb."

"...Why the hell do we need to set a bomb there?" said Anselm.

"I must admit I don't understand either."

Naruto sighed. "A timer bomb. It's a decoy. You two start running from there to here..." Naruto pushed the counters closer to the walls and also quite near to the real target, "and this is our rendezvous. The timer bomb I have for you...is...very flashy. It'll draw the shinobi like a flame, and you'll have five minutes probably before the bomb goes off. Make sure to have reached the rendezvous by then. If you can't get there, send up a flare-"

"We haven't got any flares," interrupted Anselm.

"I'm going to give you the flares," continued Naruto. "That will signal you couldn't make it to the rendezvous, so then you get back to the hideout and await us. In the meantime, we will have placed bombs in several weak points of the target, looted the entire place, and blow it up."

"Where exactly are we going to from there?" inquired Takahiro.

"West, that is, if Anselm and Hishou decide to terminate their contracts," said Naruto, glancing at the two, before continuing.

"West?" said Anselm, before scratching his chin thoughtfully. "If that's the case, can we make a little side-stop?"

"Where to?" asked Naruto.

"There's this mountain village west of the Hidden Village. I visited it once...kind of..."

"Kind off?" said Takahiro. "How could you "kind of" visit a place?"

"Well, I was unconscious, and some monks brought me back to the village," said Anselm.

"...Unconscious?" said Hishou, a slight smirk fixed on his face.

"Look, I had just taken out a bunch of Mist hunter-nin, I was completely exhausted!" snapped Anselm, before thinking back to the village. "Can't remember too well, it was almost a year ago, but the village is small, and almost hidden. Not many ninja there, but the monks are quite tough. The village doctor...she's a medic-ninja, I remember," Anselm trailed off, trying to remember his "visit."

"...I'd wager that the reason you'd remember this woman is not because she's a medic-nin..." said Hishou dryly.

"What?! You bastard, how dare you try and insult Yuzuki like that!"

"...A moment ago she was just some medic-ninja. Now she's "Yuzuki"."

"Fuck you!"

Naruto smiled to himself as he saw Anselm squabble with Hishou. It appeared Hishou was capable of opening up. At least then Hishou was capable of being restrained, and Anselm could be terribly easy to use. But never underestimate anyone. In the meantime however...

"Anselm, please calm down," said Naruto serenely.

"...Yeah, sorry..." But Anselm shot Hishou a glare that clearly stated this was not over.

"I suggest you three ready yourselves," said Naruto. "We leave at midnight."

Hishou stood, and walked into the shadows, clearly signifying he was already ready. Takahiro began to stretch his legs, as jumping and running had a much greater burden on him then the others. Anselm finished cleaning his armour and began to put it on, much quicker than most would expect.

* * *

"Holy fuck," said Anselm, staring up at the sky. "Naruto was right. That bomb is...flashy." 

Takahiro poked Anselm with his cane. "Hurry! The ninja will be here any moment!"

"Huh? Oh yeah," said Anselm, before running ahead, faster than Takahiro, even though he was still wearing his heavy armour.

The two ran through the dark streets at full pelt, heading to the rendezvous point, which happened to be a part of the wall where it was possible to escape from.

"Hey!"

The two froze.

"Who are you?!" shouted Gai.

Anselm slowly turned around, still not lowering his hood. "...Holy..." Anselm was greeted with the unpleasant sight of green spandex, bowl-cuts, and ...gigantic eyebrows.

Takahiro, being a former noble, who had the skills of a diplomat, took good care of personal hygiene. And he was completely stunned as to why anyone would want to look like...that.

"...Knight, tell me this a nightmare."

"I can't pinch myself in this armour, you know that," snapped Anselm.

Sadly, the two's bickering had allowed Gai and his team to raise the alarm.

"Damnit!" shouted Anselm, before grabbing Takahiro and sprinting off.

"Gai-sensei!" screamed Lee. "Let us pursue these two un-youthful intruders!"

"An excellent idea Lee!"

The two sprinted after the intruders, and the other two members of Team Gai sleepily gave chase.

"Shit!" cursed Anselm, glancing at ninja start to approach them...and it appeared they were coming from the walls. "We'll never make it to the rendezvous!"

Takahiro, who had broken free of the Knight's grip, took his chance to speak up. "Then why don't we head back to the hideout?"

"Because we'll bring all of them to the hideout!" yelled Anselm. "What we need is a massive distraction-!"

Suddenly in the distance, a building exploded, and it began to collapse.

Takahiro quickly fired a flare, before the two headed back to the hideout, the ninja still shocked both from the flare and explosion. It took a while before they resumed pursuit.

The two eventually made it back into Koboyashi Clothing, before entering the passage into the secret room, only to see Naruto and Hishou awaiting them.

"You failed," was Hishou's words.

"Hey, we had the hard job! You just crept around some deserted building!" was Anselm's loud respond.

"It doesn't matter," Naruto spoke up. "Provided the mission was complete, and of course, you weren't followed." Naruto looked up from the table, his cerulean eyes boring into theirs. "Were you?"

"Of course not!" said Anselm.

Suddenly, they heard a loud voice. The Godaime's voice.

"Uzumaki Naruto! We know you're in there!"

"What?!"

Naruto kicked open the secret door, and through the windows, he could see the Konoha nin rallied.

"Uzumaki Naruto! We know about your secret hideout, and your three exits! They are all blocked! Surrender, or the building shall be destroyed with you, and your three companions!"

Naruto shut the door, and went back into the hideout. "Looks like that shopkeeper betrayed us."

"The bastard!" roared Anselm.

"Come out, or be destroyed! Ten seconds! Nine! Eight!"

"What do we do?!" hissed Takahiro.

"Get ready," said Naruto gravely, activating the trigger on his cane to release the blade. "We fight our way out."

"What?"

"One!"

And then suddenly, they heard the sounds of Katon Jutsu and explosive tags.

The entire building seemed to rip away from above them, and wreckage poured down onto them.

"Move!" roared Naruto.

The four climbed out of the trench, Takahiro requiring some help from Hishou. Then suddenly the ninja appeared around them.

But then Naruto saw a dark shape flash in front of him.

It was Anselm, but it appeared his armour had disappeared, as well as most of his weapons, and he was armed solely with his longsword.

"Let's go!" yelled the Knight, disappearing from sight.

'Without his armour, he is stunningly fast!' thought Takahiro, stunned, before he felt a hand grip his arm and pull him away.

Volleys of jutsu and kunai fell upon them, and they were not unscathed. Hishou was hit the hardest, a kunai severing his entire ring finger of his left hand. Naruto was hit badly as well, but he was hardly concerned, knowing of his healing factor.

"They're escaping!" shouted a voice.

Naruto hurled down several smoke grenades, as well as poison gas bombs, to deter the Inuzukas.

"Move!" Naruto screamed over the fray, shuriken flying at them from random directions, while the ground exploded around them.

Naruto formed his Shadow Clones, and quickly sent them as suicide bombers, anything that would slow down the Konoha-ninja.

But then the Detective choked, as he felt a katana enter his midriff.

And here they were...Konoha's elusive ANBU unit.

Naruto lashed out behind him, ignoring the throbbing pain of the blade. The ninja dodged and attacked him again, but Naruto had been pulled away by Anselm, who was zipping around like he was using the Yondaime Hokage's Hiraishin.

Naruto suddenly pulled out all the essentials from his trench coat, scrolls mostly- so the trench coat only had bombs in it.

"What are you doing!?" shouted Anselm, stopping only to stab a chunnin in the back, before progressing.

Naruto removed a match from his pocket, and ignited it. He aimed at the torrent of the ninja, and lit the coat, before hurling it at the shinobi.

For seconds there was nothing.

Then, suddenly there was the explosion.

It took out at least fifteen houses, and the explosion rocked the ground, sending Anselm and Naruto flying through the air.

"Holy shit!" screamed Anselm, as the two hit the ground, bruised and battered. "You carry that amount of explosives on you at a time!?"

Naruto brushed his hair out of his eyes, and removed the katana still lodged in his stomach, before answering. "Doesn't matter. Let's find the others and go!"

Indeed, they could have waited for ten minutes, for the Konoha-nin were still in shock, or trying to find their comrades.

"Pity!" said Anselm, as the four passed the gates. "I wanted to fight that Hokage again with my real speed, but oh well!"

Anselm then removed a thick book from his pocket, opened it to a page and muttered words under his breath, and his armour reappeared on his body.

"...So, Anselm, that mountain village of yours...are you sure no ninja about?"

"Apart from his precious Yuzuki, I suspect not," muttered Hishou, still cradling his left hand, in particular where his ring finger had been.

"Fuck you!"

"So, Naruto-san," said Hishou. "When are you going to pay me?"

"..."

* * *

Omake: Another look at Stealing A Scroll 

"Anselm, why did I bring you to steal the scroll with me at night?" wondered Naruto.

"I have no idea," said Anselm.

"Someone's coming!" said Naruto urgently. "Quick, in that room!"

The two entered what looked like a bedroom, and hid, in the wardrobe.

Strangely enough, Jiraiya entered.

"Ah, finally some peace and quiet."

"Jiraiya?!" hissed Naruto. "What the hell is he doing here?!"

Jiraiya suddenly pulled off his hair, and placed it on the bedside table. "Damn, that wig is itchy."

Naruto's and Anselm's jaw hung open.

"Fucking glass eye," cursed Jiraiya, pulling out the eye, and putting on an eyepatch. He placed the eye in a glass. "Fucking false teeth." Jiraiya pulled out his teeth, and placed it in the glass as well.

He then lowered himself, and took off his leg. "Damn woodworms," cursed Jiraiya, looking at the damage done to his wooden leg. He then continued his ...work.

"Naruto...is he unscrewing what I think he's unscrewing?" whispered Anselm.

Naruto nodded, dumbfounded.

There was then a noise at what sounded like a pneumatic drill, and fortunately the noise masked Naruto's and Anselm's screams...

A few hours later, the two were back in the hideout, eyes wide with shock, still trembling.

"Naruto...is there some jutsu that can hide memories?"

Naruto immediately opened the scroll and began looking.

They had come to steal the Secret Scroll, but learnt an even more well-kept secret.

* * *

As I said, sorry for the awfulness. 

Today I'm not replying to any reviewers, takes too much time.

Who's been keeping up with the manga, then? Because Itachi just owned Sasuke...and Orochimaru at that, who seems to have resurrected himself...and got killed off again.

Polls. Retractable claws is winning so far, and has quite a lead in the Naruto Weapons Poll.

Finally, I'm also doing a sort of spin-off, which I'm releasing probably a few minutes after updating this. It just explains more about the OCs, and tends to be quite angsty in some bits. You should read it if you want some character development on the OCs.

Oh yeah, and don't worry if you thought Naruto got battered up in this chapter.

Remember, now he has the Scroll copy, and will be able to train a lot more in the next chapter.

Finally, Hollow-Inuyasha, I can't respond to your PM, if your PM system is disabled, meaning people can't send you private messages.

Finally, I'm thinking of being a beta reader, so if you don't mind me using U.K. English, give me a shout.


	7. Memoir IV The Seven

I am back. With a new chapter.

I'm almost disappointed with this chapter. I mean, it's better then the last one, but still...

Oh well, I needed to use this chapter for character development, and develop characters it does. In particular, Naruto, Takahiro, Anselm and Hishou. Yes, the rest of the gang is introduced in this chapter.

MAKE FUCKING WELL SURE TO READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTES AT THE BOTTOM, OR YOU MAY AS WELL GO BUGGER YOURSELF!

* * *

**Elementary**

_the story of a genius_

Memoir IV: The Case of the Seven

I must impress on you, dear readers, that Naruto was not always as good as he seemed. He often was manipulating the people around him, and despite how morally wrong it seemed, Naruto knew that it was simply the only way.

Or was that what he was telling himself?

Anselm, Hishou and Takahiro. Although the three did not know it, Naruto controlled them. Naruto easily saw the pain of Anselm's past, and how he craved to do something to redeem himself. Naruto saw the danger in Hishou's path, and offered protection and safety in a subtle manner, as the Assassin would never have agreed to it openly. And Takahiro was near helpless without Naruto.

Naruto thought it some miracle that Takahiro had survived all those years, unless he was much more powerful than he seemed.

Naruto also knew he had to be careful in his manipulations. Anselm and Hishou were capable of destroying him, and Naruto's mind was the only thing that could turn the tables...save the Kyuubi's power, but Naruto liked to see that as the very last of his secret weapons.

But, just because Naruto manipulated them, often controlling them, did not mean he did not care for them, nor would he casually toss them aside like tools.

The shinobi surrounded the four, their whispers frantic, their kunai hungry, eyes either glinting with resolve, or widened with surprise.

Naruto stood in the middle; eyes fixed ahead of him, focused on the captain of the squad, his right hand holding his pipe as he smoked, an amused smile fixed on his face.

A man dressed in blue stood on his left, twirling a cane in his hand. A hooded man on his right, his left hand encased in a gauntlet that hid his missing finger, and behind them, an armoured man stood, facing the attackers from behind.

"Uzumaki Naruto!" said the captain. "For several crimes of murder, attempted theft, attempted assassination, terrorism, vandalism, and treason, you are ordered to surrender."

Naruto's amused grin never faltered. "And what if, I was to say, refuse?"

"We have reinforcements, Uzumaki. Even if you defeat-"

"You have no reinforcements," said Naruto, eyes starting to narrow, his smile never leaving his face. "You attempted to send message to villages about me, but to no avail, they will never receive those messages."

"How did you know that?"

"I followed you."

"I saw no one!"

"That is what you may expect to see when I follow you," said Naruto.

"Attack!" roared the captain.

Suddenly, a wave of shuriken flew at Naruto and his companions, who ducked under the projectiles, save Anselm, who allowed the shuriken to meet his shield.

The Knight roared and hurled his throwing axe at a ninja, before removing his spear from his back and leaping forwards.

The leader of the ninja began to move away, only to stop, as he felt something burst through his neck. Blackness overcame him, and he slumped down.

Hishou withdrew his sword from the captain's throat, before spinning around to deal with another ninja.

"Ah, Naruto-san," said Takahiro. "It would appear we're winning."

"Indeed we are," replied Naruto, stabbing his cane-blade into a shinobi's forehead. "As you were."

Naruto spun around to throw his blade at a ninja who was rushing him, impaling the hapless ninja through the torso. Naruto jumped forwards to retrieve his cane-blade, at the same time drawing a kunai to parry a katana.

With another spin, his cane-blade was through the man's shoulder, and then the kunai was through the man's throat.

Anselm roared, as he impaled a man with his spear, and raised the spear above his head, taking the man's corpse up as well.

"Mumei! Five!"

"You're a childish man Blackwood...eight," was Hishou's reply, as he darted back to avoid being stabbed through the stomach.

"What?!" shouted Anselm, throwing aside the spear and shield to draw his swords.

The battle was short, for only moments later, Naruto formed ten of his Shadow Clones, thus ending the lives of the remaining shinobi.

"Any identification?" asked Naruto.

They had salvaged all they could from the bodies, little money, but a good deal of weapons. No headbands, papers or anything else that could identify their village.

"Nothing," said Hishou. "Would that matter?"

Naruto had also carefully examined the ninja's appearances, hopefully to find some characteristic that identified to where in the Elemental Countries came from. Yet, nothing that could help him.

"There will be more ninja, for they will eventually start noticing disappearances in this area. We will leave the village in a month at the latest. In the meantime, let's get back there," said Naruto.

"Did you hear that Blackwood?" said Hishou. "Back to the village, and back to your precious Yuzuki."

"You bastard!" growled the Knight.

"I'm only repeating what I heard in your sleep talk," said Hishou, his hood not covering his grin.

Takahiro chuckled. "I believe what he said was: My precious Yuzuki, you, me, alone, in a locked room with a king-sized bed. What can we do to pass the time?"

Anselm was mortified under his helmet, remembering that particular dream.

"Stop it," said Naruto flatly. Anselm shot him a grateful glance, as the four made ready to leave.

Naruto smiled to himself. Anselm was terribly easy to control, as was Takahiro. Hishou was slightly different, but the Assassin respected Naruto, grudgingly as it may be.

* * *

The four returned to the small mountain village, and Anselm more or less forced Naruto to see the medic-nin, but after all the Knight, nor the Gentleman, nor the Assassin knew of Kyuubi.

"I'd say you were at one hundred percent, Naruto-san," said Hayashi Yuzuki, the medic-nin Anselm had told them about. "You seem to have a bloodline or something similar; Anselm-kun stated that your injuries looked quite grave, but most of them seemed to have healed completely before you even came here."

"...I know why they healed...and it's not a bloodline," said Naruto, before he hopped off the bed. "Did the others arrive?"

"Anselm-kun and Takahiro-san are waiting for you outside, I believe Hishou-san is standing guard from the rooftops," answered Yuzuki.

"You have my heartfelt thanks for your aid, Hayashi-san."

Naruto left the small clinic, clad in brown trousers and a black shirt, his scrolls secured to his belt, and his cane in his hand as always. Anselm and Takahiro were standing outside, and the former greeted him first.

"You're okay, huh? I thought when you get all those cuts, as well as getting a sword impaled through you a week ago, you're out for some time," said the Knight.

"I would suppose I'm very lucky," said Naruto, before he changed the subject, and his eyes narrowed dangerously. "Well?" His voice immediately sounded stricter and doubtlessly dangerous. "Were you able to find _it_?"

Takahiro shook his head. "I'm afraid not, none of the shops sold them."

Naruto immediately began pacing. "It appears we may have to search for them...I cannot rest knowing I do not have one...Anselm, where is the nearest village or town?"

"...Naruto, you're making too big a deal out of this," waved off the Knight.

"Too big a deal?" hissed Naruto. "You do not understand how crucial this is-!"

"What, by getting you a new _coat_?! It's not my fault you decided to turn your old one into a missile!"

"I'm afraid you'll find it is," replied Naruto, eyes still narrowed. "Had you and Takahiro not got yourselves caught, there never would have been a need to use my coat as a bomb!"

"I thought you said it wasn't our fault!" said Takahiro.

"That was merely to keep your spirits up!" snapped Naruto. "I didn't actually mean it!"

The Detective suddenly calmed himself down, before snapping his fingers, and Hishou jumped down from the rooftops, rolling out of his landing, before standing up, his right hand cradling his left hand, which was now encased in a gauntlet.

"...Well. Here you are," said Naruto, before taking two pouches out of his kunai pouch, and tossing one at Hishou; the other at Anselm. "Your money."

Hishou nodded over at Naruto, having prepared for this moment. "A pleasure doing business with you."

"Likewise...shortie," said Anselm.

Naruto was an adult in his state of mind, but physically was a child, and yet could often revert to being a child if his height was mentioned.

"Now I know you did not just say that," said the young missing-nin dangerously, raising his cane, his finger poised to activate the trigger that would reveal the blade.

"Damn man, I was only kidding..." Anselm lifted his hands up in a slight mock surrender, and Naruto –clearly irritated- turned away.

"...So, where are you two going now...?" Naruto asked.

"I'm training with the monks...I'll be here for some time," said Hishou.

"...Monks are teaching an assassin?" said Takahiro, disbelieving.

Hishou shrugged. "I was confused when they offered so."

"I'll be sticking around too," said Anselm.

"...Of course, you would not wish to part with your precious Yuzuki after seeing her again," commented Hishou.

"You bastard!"

"...So, Naruto-san," said Takahiro, ignoring the two who had just starting fighting in the middle of the street, while the villagers had started gathering, and were betting on the victor. "Are we "sticking" around too?"

"...You're welcome to leave whenever you feel like it," commented Naruto dryly, before turning to face the Gentleman. "Yes, I'll be staying. Konoha ANBU will be roaming the wilderness...better for me to lay low, besides, I need to start training again. The monks have offered me a dojo for my use."

"...Why would monks need a dojo?"

"They like to have tournaments once in a while. Quite excitable fellows...for monks," said Naruto, before he disappeared in a swirl of leaves, something that left Takahiro rather envious.

"...Bloody ninja," cursed Takahiro, grateful none had heard him. He began smoking his pipe while he joined the small crowd of villagers, and put his bet on Hishou.

"You fucker!" screamed Anselm, dodging Hishou's sword and lashing out with his own.

"You won't beat me, Blackwood," commented Hishou, before he dropped his sword in favour of a dagger.

"That's gonna stop me? Think again!" Anselm grabbed at his axe and swung it at Hishou, but the cunning Assassin stabbed Anselm under the arm with his dagger.

Hishou followed up with a punch from his gauntleted hand straight in Anselm's face, knocking his helmet off.

Only to feel Anselm's armoured foot stamp on his foot, and Hishou jumped back, wincing in pain.

"Oh, I thought Hishou had him there," commented Takahiro, as the villagers broke open a keg of drink.

It appeared the monks weren't the only excitable fellows, noted Takahiro, as he accepted a glass.

* * *

Naruto threw himself under the attacker's punch, and spun in his fall, stabbing the attacker through the arm, but the attacker burst into smoke. He landed on his back, and rolled aside, just in time to avoid a kunai that could have severed his neck.

Naruto jumped to his feet, spinning around to parry another attacker's blade, and he countered with a solid punch to the jaw, and that attacker burst into smoke again.

He glared at his attackers, only to see one immediately form seals.

"Fire Release: Flame Dragon Missile!" screamed the attacker, before a gigantic dragon-shaped flame cannoned from his mouth, the fires tearing up the wooden floors.

Naruto froze in shock temporary, before Replacing himself with another attacker, who was burnt to death, only to turn into smoke.

Naruto immediately broke away from the wall of attackers, and flung two shuriken at the attacker who had used the Katon Jutsu.

The attacker easily dodged them, only to feel a cane-blade enter his midriff, but he also turned to smoke.

Naruto turned back to face his attackers, a smirk affixed to his face, as he felt new knowledge enter his mind, and he began flicking through seals.

"Fire Release: Flame Dragon Missile!" called Naruto, burning through a large crowd of his Clones, before stopping. "Clones, begin intelligent thinking."

The Clones nodded. This meant Naruto would now be dealing with hundreds of minds, each as clever as his own.

This was Naruto's new way of training with Shadow Clones. He was well aware of the more old-fashioned way, form a few hundred Clones, and get them to start practising different things.

But Naruto's way was possibly far better. The Clones and the real person are taught how to perform the jutsu, but before they can practise it, they either launch an all-on-all, or all the Clones attack the real person.

Fuelled with adrenaline and emotion, people naturally are able to train faster during a fight that may cost their life rather than ordinary training. Getting the Clones to Transform themselves helped even more, as it made the "simulation" seem much more realistic.

Since people could train harder, the Clones could perfect their jutsu quicker, and once Naruto saw a completed technique, he would destroy the Clone that performed it, thus giving him its knowledge of how to perform the technique.

This was real training.

As another Clone performed a Katon jutsu, Naruto began to wonder whether training indoors was a very bad idea.

* * *

Naruto, Takahiro, Anselm and Hishou sat around a small table in Yuzuki's home. She had offered the four dinner, which was useful, for although the group could cook reasonably well, they often tended to argue about meals, or more precisely, Anselm and Takahiro argued, and eventually Hishou joined in, before fighting Anselm, and Naruto would intervene.

Yuzuki joined them at the table some time after they had begun eating, and Anselm was discussing events of the day, yet strangely neglecting to mention who was the victor of his and Hishou's fight.

"And then I told Takahiro that he needed training, so we started sparring-"

"Sparring?! You leapt at me with that longsword!" said Takahiro, indignant.

"...I won't ever forget Blackwood's words," said Hishou dryly, who had been watching the "spar". "I believe he said something along the lines of "Come on, stop trying to hit me and hit me!""

"And? It's not my fault that Takahiro's a useless fighter," complained Anselm. "All he can really do is barter, which I suppose is useful when you go to the market."

"Bartering is the only reason I let him remain under my protection," said Naruto, ending the conversation, and he ignored the mock-outrage glare that Takahiro shot him.

And expectedly, Hishou and Anselm began arguing over something or another.

Naruto ignored the two's bickers, as he heard someone approach the front door. Momentarily, there was a sharp rapping at the door.

Yuzuki made to get the door, but Naruto reached it first, revealing a monk.

"Is something the matter?"

"Naruto-san," greeted the monk. "We have seen more ninja in the area, and this time, the Konoha ANBU."

"How many?"

"At least twenty or thirty. They appear to be hiring help from mercenaries, wandering samurai and missing-nin."

"..."

"Whether you intend to fight or flee...that's your choice, Naruto-san..."

The monk bowed and left, closing the door behind him. Naruto remained silent in thought as he went back to his group, who all were looking expectedly at him.

"Pack up. We leave."

"Wh-What? Leave? Why?" said Anselm, confused.

"Didn't you hear anything the monk said?" asked Naruto, irritated.

"We can handle a few ANBU!" protested Anselm.

"These are Leaf ANBU," said Naruto. "They are more powerful than most ninja you ever may have encountered. Their power is usually from mid A-rank to low S-rank. And besides...they're gathering an army."

"An army?!" said Takahiro.

"They're going to attack this village. We leave, now."

"...You'd leave this village to an army?" said Yuzuki, entering the conversation, her eyes fixed on Naruto.

"...I'm no hero. And besides... it's not my problem."

"Yes it is!" said Anselm, standing up. "It's your fault, and mine, and those two!" he yelled, pointing at Hishou and Takahiro. "We brought them here! It's our responsibility to fix our problem!"

"...I'm sure the monks will help the people evacuate. As I said...I'm not going to help. I'm not a hero, and I'm not going to risk my life."

Anselm glared harshly at Naruto. "You're a coward."

"Better a coward...then a Black Knight."

Anselm lunged at Naruto, only to be held back by Hishou.

"How...how did you know?" he breathed.

"Stories from the West reach us all the time. It's our choice if we want to believe them...and when one speaks of a Knight who left for the East...and to my knowledge, you're the only Knight ever seen in the Elemental Countries for a long time...a long shot, but you proved this little theory correct," said Naruto.

Anselm pulled himself away from Hishou-who also took several steps back- breathing heavily with anger. "I don't give a fuck for you and what you say. I'm going to fucking help the people, even if on my own."

"And then hopefully, maybe a certain someone will let you fuck them-" started Hishou, only for Anselm to leap at him.

The two grappled amidst Takahiro's and Yuzuki's cries to stop, and Naruto's silence, the blonde's eyes closed.

"I never fucking liked you from the moment I saw you!" shouted Anselm, drawing his broadsword.

"Terrible. Do you want me to apologise?"

"Mumei!" roared Anselm, as Hishou drew his sword.

Unbeknownst to the others, Naruto opened his eyes, revealing blood-red irises that burned with a demonic flame.

Anselm and Hishou lashed at each other...only to stop, their swords held in place by ethereal arms formed by red chakra.

Naruto let the chakra dissipate, as the red left his eyes.

"What the hell was that?!" demanded Anselm.

"It does not concern you Anselm. So, Takahiro. Hishou. Your choice as well. Fight or flee?"

"...Well..." Takahiro started.

"I'm leaving," interrupted Hishou, walking over to Naruto's side. "I, unlike Blackwood, happen to know my own limits."

"Well, Takahiro?"

"I...I'm...I'll fight," said Takahiro, his eyes suddenly glowing with resolve. "I'm...sick of being someone who always needs protection. I'm sick of running away all the time."

"Heroics have a time and place," replied Naruto harshly.

"You can't convince me to change my mind. I'm afraid you'll remember that I'm practically the master of the persuasive language."

"...Very well then..." said Naruto. "Farewell. I doubt we'll ever see each other again."

* * *

"Strangely enough, I think I'll miss Blackwood," said Hishou, as he ran alongside Naruto.

"Fools," said Naruto. "They've wasted their lives...it's not compulsory for them to protect the village!"

"I suppose they consider it their duty to protect something...have we not all felt that in our lives?"

"Yes...but then, it was my duty to protect it..." said Naruto.

"Konoha?" said Hishou, to receive an answering nod. "I suppose for them, the village has offered them shelter, food, and for Takahiro, resolve, and for Blackwood, infatuation with his precious Yuzuki."

"...You tend to talk more about Yuzuki then Anselm does. Are you the one "infatuated" with her?" said Naruto.

"No. Stop trying to change the subject," said Hishou. "The point of this is...everyone has something they wish to protect. Be it their own lives, be their own possessions, or someone else, or some other place or object."

"The Assassin teaches about emotion and human nature?" said Naruto.

"...Stop it. Even...even I have fought to protect...a long time ago."

Naruto looked sharply at Hishou.

" I'm not telling you anymore," said Hishou shortly.

"Hm. Our pasts are our own, I suppose," said Naruto.

The two carried on in silence, jumping from branch to branch as they travelled through the woods.

"What was that you said to Blackwood? The Black Knight?" said Hishou.

"Anselm's past. A gory one," said Naruto. "I suspect that his energetic and reckless self resulted of a wish to forget his past."

"Our pasts...are all bloodstained," said Hishou.

"Quite a coincidence we met, don't you agree," said Naruto.

"Still..." said Hishou, as they started to speed up. "It's a pity we're leaving so soon. The village smith had some daggers I was interested in."

"That large fellow...Kenta, wasn't that his name?" asked Naruto.

Hishou nodded. "So...where do we go from here?"

"Out of the country. I was thinking that we go to Kiri."

"Is that wise?"

"Probably not. The Kiri hunter-nin are very talented, but they're better at tracking then fighting. That could be an advantage."

"...I hate to admit it, but Blackwood would be rather useful. He claims to have taken out Kiri hunters before."

"...And Takahiro would be rather useful in getting us into the country, they don't let in many people...we'd need a very good diplomat."

The two landed on a branch. For a second they stood stationary, before turning around.

* * *

"Come on!" shouted Anselm, as people began fleeing from their homes. "Don't bother taking valuables! Take only what necessities you need!"

Something small suddenly crashed into Anselm and fell to the floor. The Knight looked down to see a girl probably Naruto's age, quite short, making her seem rather more similar to Naruto.

"Here," Anselm bent down to pull the girl up, who hopped back onto her feet.

"Hey!" she said, looking angry. "Don't knock me over!"

"I knocked you over?" said Anselm. "You tried to knock me over!"

The girl crossed her arms and pouted. "Then you shouldn't stand in the middle of the road!"

Anselm shook his head, before speaking. "So, shortie. You got relatives or something?"

"Don't call me short!" Shortie shouted.

"Yeah, yeah, shortie," Anselm said. "So, you got relatives?"

"Michi-chan!" suddenly came a voice, and Anselm looked up to see a woman who could very nearly match Yuzuki in the looks department.

"Michi-chan, shortie?" he said, looking back at the girl.

"Oh, you're the Knight who's helping the monks, aren't you?" said the woman. "I'm sorry if Michiko annoyed you."

"He knocked me down!" yelled Michiko.

"Anselm!" Takahiro suddenly pushed his way through the thinning crowd to his companion. "Let's hurry! They could attack any moment!"

"No problem," said the Knight, drawing his broadsword and raising his shield. "Tell me where these buggers are and I'll kill them."

Takahiro meanwhile directed away Michiko and the woman- who he estimated to be around twenty-five), who he easily struck up conversation with.

"Oh, so you're her aunt," said the Oshiro.

"She's my brother's daughter," explained the woman, who had given her name to be Shinobu. She whispered into Takahiro's ear. "My brother and his wife died many years ago. Michi-chan was very young, and I wanted to move to some other village."

"The monks brought you here?" asked Takahiro.

Shinobu nodded. "I met Kenta here as well...and a few years later, we married."

"...Isn't he the blacksmith? The same blacksmith who starts hammering on his anvil for no apparent reason around one in the afternoon?"

"Stress relief," Shinobu promptly answered. "We have lunch before that, and Michi-chan irritates him to such a way that he starts smashing the anvil after he's eaten."

"...So, where is Kenta-san?" asked the former noble.

"He's with the monks...he's not a brilliant fighter though...I mean, he can swing a hammer strong enough to crack open a rock...or a skull, but he's not fast..." said Shinobu, her cheerful voice replaced with dismay and concern.

"Don't worry," said Takahiro. "...Anselm will make sure he doesn't die."

"Hey!" Anselm stalked over to Takahiro. "Quit your jibber-jabber, come on, we've got to get to the monks!"

Shinobu and Michiko joined the rest of the evacuating civilians as Anselm and Takahiro ran to the only gate of the village, to meet up with most the monks, who had hidden their weapons, in case the enemy could be reasoned with.

The High Monk greeted the two.

"Blackwood-san. Oshiro-san."

"Hey," waved Anselm.

"Greetings," said Takahiro.

The High Monk looked around, before speaking.

"All the people have been evacuated to the monastery. It's on higher ground...Fighting, however, can be avoided. Blackwood-san, Oshiro-san, you must remain hidden until they declare an attack. They saw you two at your antics in Konoha, and most certainly will be on the lookout. Since Uzumaki-san is not here, we may be able to reason with these ninja. We cannot last long against Konoha, that much is obvious. Hmm...to think we are fighting the ninja village of our own country. Kami...is this ye will that this happens?"

"Er...maybe?" said Anselm, and the monks glared harshly at him for interrupting.

* * *

"Uzumaki Naruto is not here!" cried the High Monk. "He fled many hours ago!"

"...Uzumaki?" hissed the ANBU Captain, a snake-like mask covering his face. "Inu!"

An ANBU with the mask of the dog- a mask with gaps for nostrils- came to the front. The ANBU captain handed him what appeared to be a tiny scrap of cloth, and he sniffed it, before smelling the air, pushing chakra into the air to smell all the winds.

"Uzumaki Naruto has left," growled Inu. "His scent is faint in the village. He left many hours ago."

"You see!" said the High Monk. "Now pray, dear ninja, pray take your army away from this village of peace!"

The ANBU Captain giggled manically. "Monk. Did you believe we gathered an army to fight one man?"

The ANBU suddenly clasped their hands together, and spoke simulataneously. "For we are Root, and we are the warriors of the Great Tree of Konohagakure."

"Not only Uzumaki...where is...Hayashi Yuzuki?" snarled the ANBU Captain. "She too has come from our village, and betrayed the Leaf."

"...I..."

"You will hand over Hayashi. You will hand over Uzumaki's comrades. You will raze this traitorous village to the ground, and after those three conditions, your people will be spared."

"...But...but, this is insane! There's no reason to do all this!" protested the High Monk. "Destroy this village when you only want a few people! You-"

"You forget your place, old man!" hissed the ANBU Captain.

The High Monk froze...and toppled backwards, blood flowing from his mouth, a kunai lodged in his flesh. Dead.

"Bastards..." hissed Anselm. He turned to Takahiro from their positions behind the thin wooden wall that protected the village. "I'm about to do something very stupid Takahiro."

"What?!"

Anselm roared as he broke down the wall, intent on crushing the enemy. Those that survived looked to see a furious Knight bellow, as he drew his two swords.

* * *

"What was that noise?!" said Michiko, rising to her feet in panic.

Shinobu instantly got to her feet, wrapping her arms around her niece. "Nothing, Michi-chan," she whispered. "Don't worry, the monks will keep us safe."

Michiko had already seen out of the window. "The-the wall! It's collapsed!"

Panicked men, women and children ran to the windows, to see a great host –there was indeed only eighty, twenty of the ANBU, sixty mercenaries- swarm through, while a few figures fought desperately against the invaders.

"Kenta?" breathed Shinobu.

* * *

"Hell...hell has come here..." cried a wounded monk.

His cry proved his undoing, as another soldier noticed him lying on the floor and impaled him through his stomach.

That same soldier suddenly was smashed over the head by what appeared to be a stick, but had been filled with an amount of lead.

The monk swung his stick over his head as more mercenaries jumped at him. Five minutes later, the monk was the only one still standing, panting heavily.

He collapsed, and momentarily died of his injuries.

Where were the Root ANBU during all this?

They were fighting the only worthwhile foe, a man they still called the Black Knight in his homeland.

Anselm slashed across a man's chest, before spinning, his shield raised to intercept a wave of shuriken.

"Water Release:..."

Anselm span to where he heard the voice, but was too late.

"Water Dragon Blast Jutsu!" screamed an ANBU, and a dragon of water burst from the well and rocketed towards Anselm.

Anselm met the dragon head on.

"...Dragon Slay!" roared Anselm, ripping through the dragon, and landing in a crouch, before he quickly sheathed his sword, flung his throwing axe at a target before he grabbed his spear.

A few burning houses away, Takahiro found himself fighting ten mercenaries at once.

Takahiro stabbed through the hand of one who had stupidly got too close, before he jumped back to avoid a katana through his throat.

A moment later, the lot of them came at him at once, and Takahiro found himself against the wall, moving faster than he had ever done before, frantically parrying all the blades and daggers that came his way.

He cried out, as he missed one, which entered through his shoulder.

The noble sank to the ground, as another dagger entered this time through his torso. His eyes drowsily stared at his foes.

'I couldn't even beat them...I'm...Naruto-san was right. There's a time, and place...for heroics...'

Suddenly, the mercenaries seem to fly forwards as an explosion shocked the ground, and Takahiro's eyes snapped fully open, staring at a person he'd thought he'd never see.

"Naruto-san!"

"I'll explain later," snapped the missing-nin. "In the meantime, we might want to move, the monastery's just started burning."

"The monastery! But-!" Takahiro cut himself off, coughing blood, only to feel softer hands support him.

"You might not want to ever mention this to Anselm," and Takahiro noticed Hishou appear next to Naruto. "He'd never forgive you if he heard that his precious Yuzuki was now "looking after" his friend."

"Anselm isn't that childish!" said, surprisingly enough, Yuzuki, as she finished healing Takahiro's wounds.

"And pigs have landed on and colonised the Moon," replied Hishou.

"We can discuss Anselm's brain later," said Naruto. "In the meantime, we...what's the word? We leg it."

"Leg it?" said Takahiro. "But what about the people?"

"...What about them?" said Naruto.

"We can't just leave them here to die!"

Naruto sighed. "Very well. You all go there and safeguard them. As for me..." A manic glint appeared in his eye, "I think Anselm needs help dealing with the ANBU."

"This is the person who often boasts the strength of the Konoha ANBU?" remarked Hishou.

"...This is the person who is far more stronger then he used to be," said Naruto. "Clone Training, done the Uzumaki Naruto way, can train far more quickly than perhaps any other way."

Naruto disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

* * *

"Fuck!" screamed Anselm, as a blade got through a gap in his armour. "You bastard, take this-" Anselm smashed the ninja across the face with his shield, before stabbing him with his broadsword.

"Need some help?" said a familiar voice behind him, and the voice's owner fired his crossbow at numerous approaching ANBU, but very, very few hit.

"Not really," said Anselm. "But you're welcome to join in."

"Why, thank you," said Naruto, sprinting at the approaching Root as he packed away his crossbow, drawing his cane-blade just in time to slash at one.

He was surrounded.

"Did you know, that this genius often makes me use chakra in common ways...yet create entirely new effects, that can often be easily replicated?" said Naruto. "First example was my Chakra Shield, and you'll have to talk to Uchiha Sasuke if you want more details. Secondly...meet the Chakra...Rush."

Suddenly, a great aura of blue chakra alit Naruto, before rushing out and smashing into the surrounding Root-nin.

"...Sort of like the Hyuuga's Technique, only less shield, more damage," stated Naruto.

He suddenly then leapt into the air, avoiding a katana stab through the midriff.

He smirked. "Not this time."

Meanwhile, Anselm had switched his fighting method, using his technique to cause his armour and weapons to disappear- save his longbow and arrows, and Anselm was almost bouncing off the walls and ground, keeping well over three arrows in the air at a time.

Naruto sent a wall of flame at his opponents, setting alight the ground, leaving him standing in the centre of a circle of flames, his cane-blade in his hand.

He raised his head, a dark glare on his face, before he turned and leapt out of the circle, as he formed numerous of his Shadow Clones.

"Team 1, long-distance support!" ordered Naruto. "Team 2, search and detonate! Team 3, provide aid to Knight! Team 4, close-combat!"

The different teams of Clones disappeared to their missions, as Naruto reached into his pocket for a bomb...and stopped.

He cursed. He'd forgotten that he had no coat anymore, or any bombs.

Another ninja appeared in front of him, and Naruto only pointed the blade at the shinobi. A moment later, the blade fired out of the cane, landing in the hapless ninja, who collapsed and gurgled as the poison began to take effect.

Naruto carefully retrieved the blade before looking down at the dying shinobi. "Nothing personal, but I can never resist a touch of the old dramatic."

"Naruto!" howled Anselm. "This place is practically completely burnt! Let's pull back!"

'It would appear,' thought Naruto. 'Anselm does have some inkling of common sense.'

* * *

There were few villagers left, and those that were still alive included Michiko and her aunt.

Takahiro, Yuzuki and Hishou, and the last few monks lead them over the long-forgotten road that provided a shortcut through the hill range, from where it was only a day till the nearest village.

"Someone else is approaching!" said the monk on lookout.

Hishou span around, his sword at the ready, as he sprinted towards the large figure.

"Stop!" screamed Shinobu, running also to the figure. "Kenta..." she said softly, embracing the man.

"I hope you didn't worry about me," said the Blacksmith, pulling himself free. His clothes were singed, and dirt and sweat layered his face, as well as the odd drops of blood. "The bastards! They killed all the other monks! The High Monk as well! And they fucking-!"

"Kenta!" said Shinobu. "No swearing in front of Michi-chan!"

The people got back to walking, as the Blacksmith rejoined the group.

"...Isn't Naruto-san going to show up soon?" asked Takahiro, looking back at the burning village.

"Him?!" snorted Kenta, as he came to the front of the crowd. "He's the reason they did this! Why do we need him?!"

"..." Hishou and Takahiro was quiet, but the former most likely would not have spoken anyway.

"Well?! It's true! Thanks to him showing up, they attacked!"

"The fault could be attributed to anyone," and Hishou then spoke up. "Blame Blackwood for bringing us here. Blame the monks for showing Blackwood where this place was. Blame the ninja for attacking. Blame their leaders for ordering them to resort to such measures. Blame Hayashi for being a missing-nin of Konoha."

"I'm not a missing-nin!" said Yuzuki defensively, before she suddenly saddened. "I...I have never sold out any secrets, nor used my techniques to aid enemies of Konoha."

"...Yes you have," said Hishou. "Naruto's an enemy of Konoha."

"You went to a lot of measures explaining why he was betrayed," said Yuzuki. "I just wanted to stop seeing..."

"Death?" said Hishou.

"Yes...death shall be yours..." said a voice behind the group of evacuating citizens.

The group's escape was interrupted again. This time by an enemy, as the last of the group of the Konoha Root ANBU approached...

* * *

"Hey, Naruto!" yelled Anselm. "What happened to the ANBU?"

Naruto backhanded a man across the face, before lashing to the opposite direction with his cane-blade. He then flicked through some seals as he leapt through the air, and incinerated the men on the ground.

Silence.

"You were saying what Anselm?" asked Naruto, dusting off his hands.

"Where are the rest of the ANBU? There were like twenty ANBU, but there are about fifteen bodies over there," pointed the Knight.

Naruto's eyes widened. "Hurry."

"Huh?" Anselm watched as Naruto ran through the streets, leaving only dust in his wake. "...Hey! Wait a moment!"

* * *

Hishou drew his blade. Takahiro unsheathed his shikomizue. Yuzuki activated her chakra scalpels.

"Monks, stay back and look after the civilians," said Hishou, his eyes narrowed under his hood. "Tell me...do you fear...death?"

The ANBU Captain span around, his katana raised. And as it so happened, it met Hishou's sword, and the Assassin visibly struggled with the Captain's strength.

"The death from this little battle shall be yours, and all theirs," hissed the ANBU Captain.

Hishou waited, holding his breath.

He didn't expect the sudden upsurge of strength that sent him across the road into the side of the mountain. Hishou fell onto the ground, as numerous rubble surrounded him.

Takahiro watched, horrified as Hishou, the skilled Assassin, the one who fought Anselm on a regular basis was defeated so easily.

The ANBU approached the group, the Captain well in front.

Unable to restrain what fighting instinct he had, Takahiro approached, preparing to deliver a stab attack.

Only to howl in pain, as he felt the Captain's katana slash across his chest, and he slumped onto the ground, bleeding.

Yuzuki got ready, and she suddenly kicked hard at the ground, using chakra-enhanced strength, sending a great deal of rubble at the Captain.

He laughed cruelly, before kicking the largest rock back at Yuzuki, who did not dodge in time, and the woman fell to the ground, a great gash on her head from where the rock had struck her.

The three monks sprinted at the Captain.

The Captain spun around, sending several senbon at one, before he slashed at one, and kicked the last. Regardless of whether the three were alive or dead, they all fell to the ground and did not get back up.

"Civilian deaths is not fun usually," said the ANBU Captain. "Usually, they can't even put up a fight. But when someone tries to protect them...it's best to kill them while their protectors watch!" He laughed.

The villagers backed away, save Michiko, the young girl glaring at the ANBU Captain with all the defiance in her.

"Oh? A child?" said the Captain, approaching her till they were barely a foot apart. "I do love children's screams. And I particularly love it when they try to stand up for themselves and their family."

"Go to hell!" yelled Michiko.

The ANBU Captain grabbed her chin. "I'm afraid for me, there's currently no vacancies. But...there's always a place for a child." He raised his katana, and slowly relished the look of fear.

"No!" said Shinobu, bursting from the crowd. "Please, ANBU-sama, spare her! Please!"

"You interrupt me," said the Captain coldly.

Shinobu registered nothing else as a katana entered through her stomach. Moments later, it ripped through the top of her body, severing her upper half...in half.

The remnants of her corpse collapsed to the ground.

"She..." said Michiko, almost drunkenly, her mind playing back to her what had just occurred, and none of it registering.

"Die!" screamed Kenta, dashing at the ANBU Captain, his hammer raised. For a moment...did the Captain falter? Was that an opening in his guard?

No.

The hammer smashed. Kenta received a solid punch to the chest, and was suddenly kicked back, where he crashed onto the ground.

"Come on Root," said the ANBU Captain. "Let's kill these people and be on our way."

"What Root?"

The ANBU Captain spun around to see Naruto and Anselm, four former Root ANBU at their feet.

"What?!"

The next thing that the ANBU Captain knew was a grenade rolled under his feet. He made to dodge as it exploded-

"Impressive grenade," said Naruto, glancing over to Michiko, who had run some distance away. "You made that?"

"..." The girl was silent, as tears trickled down her face. She raised her head, an enraged glare in her eye, as the ANBU Captain emerged from the smoke, his left arm blown off. "You...die, girl!"

She reached into her pocket, but it was clear she had no chance of reaching another grenade in time, as he suddenly leapt at her, but with one arm, there was no chance he had against Naruto. He soon found his other arm and legs missing, as he collapsed on the ground.

"This...cannot be..." hissed the Captain, as more and more blood left his body.

Kenta approached. "This is your fault!" he screamed at Naruto. "Why didn't you come quicker?! Why didn't you save her?!"

He was surprised greatly, when Naruto offered him his cane-blade.

"Take it," said Naruto. "Avenge your wife."

Kenta's trembling hand took the cane-blade. He was tempted to attack Naruto...but he knew, that Naruto had not been the direct murderer of his wife. He approached the Captain.

"Your wife wouldn't have wanted you to become a killer!" shouted the Captain, desperate for more life.

"...I'll never know that, will I. She's dead. And you took her away from me."

The Captain's shrieks were silenced as the cane-blade entered his midriff, and ripped through the top of his body.

Justice.

* * *

A day later, the groups were parting at the nearest village.

"...Well," said Naruto, as he cleared his throat. "I suppose this is it. Farewell. And for what it means...I'm sorry."

"Thank you at least for escorting us here," said one of the monks, the new High Monk. "May Kami shine on you and keep you safe."

"After what occurred to you and your people, we return your blessing," said Takahiro.

"Hm..." Predictably, that was Hishou. "Where's Blackwood?"

"Doesn't matter," said Naruto. "He'll catch up."

Takahiro gave the group's final goodbyes, and they began to walk away.

"Hey!" yelled a voice, and Anselm burst onto the scene, Yuzuki trailing behind him. "You guys can't just leave me here!"

"Why ever not Blackwood? Is this group truly better with you in it?" said Hishou.

"Because...Yuzuki wants to come along!" grinned Anselm. "Detective, Gentleman, Assassin, the Knight is proud to present...the group's new medic and doctor! The...Doctor, Yuz- uh, Hayashi Yuzuki!"

Naruto sighed. "It seems anyone's joining this group nowadays..."

"Naruto, don't insult Yuzuki!" said Anselm

"He was talking about you," said Hishou. "And how exactly did you get her to join us, Anselm?"

"Never mind," sighed Naruto.

The five began to walk...only to hear another cry to stop.

"Naruto-kun!" Michiko grabbed onto the blonde's arm. "I want to come too!"

Naruto sighed again. After saving her, it appeared Michiko had become infatuated with him.

"We don't need a shortie, Naruto already fills that post," said Anselm, only to receive two death-glares.

"Hmm...what skill do you have, Michiko?" asked Takahiro kindly.

"I can make bombs! I can make mechanisms! All that kind of stuff!" said Michiko earnestly.

"...I believe you'll need permission from your uncle for that," said Naruto, carefully glancing at Kenta, standing alone- all the other villagers gone back to their new homes-, praying that he would not allow Michiko to come.

"...She can go with you one condition," said Kenta.

"Yay!" said Michiko happily, jumping in the air. "Wait, what's the condition?"

"...I'm coming too."

"Huh?" said Michiko.

Naruto narrowed his eyes at the man, suspicious.

"I don't trust him with another member of my family," said Kenta, joining the group. "My skill, I suppose? I'm a blacksmith."

The seven set along the road, heading wherever their feet took them. And, suddenly, Anselm remembered something.

"Naruto. Remember when me and Hishou were fighting in Yuzuki's house?"

"Obviously."

"...What was that thing you did? You used red chakra, I mean, I'm no expert, but I know that humans have blue chakra."

Naruto looked around at his group. All looked curious, save Yuzuki and Hishou. As he made eye contact, he remembered that she was a Konoha missing-nin, and obviously knew of-

"Kyuubi no Yoko," said Naruto, seeing no reason to hide his secret, seeing all they had to do was look at a bingo book to discover it. "The Nine-Tailed Fox."

"...What?" said Anselm.

"The beast that attacked Konoha thirteen years ago?" said Kenta. "I heard about that. The Yondaime Hokage died destroying it."

"...He failed to destroy it. He instead, sealed it away. He sealed it into the body of his newborn son. His son whom he named...Naruto."

Anselm and Takahiro turned, shocked. Michiko stopped her skipping immediately. Kenta's eyes widened. Only Hishou and Yuzuki gave no visible sign of surprise.

"I knew that," said Hishou. "It's mentioned in your bingo book entry."

"I still remember the attack," said Yuzuki softly. "But my relatives and friends had died a long time before."

"...So, there's a demon in you...I have to say, this ninja world is rather insane," remarked Takahiro.

"Kyuubi in you? Are you going to one day grow nine tails as well?" asked Michiko, looking at Naruto's back as if she fully expected nine reddish tails to burst from the end of his spine at any moment. Or, she could have been simply glancing at his backside.

"You have a demon's power?" said Kenta. "...I suppose I underestimated you."

Unsurprisingly, Anselm made the most ridiculous response.

Anselm poked Naruto's stomach. "Can the demon feel that?"

"No."

"What about this?" said Anselm, poking again.

"Stop it."

"What about this?! He yelled, smashing his fist into Naruto's stomach, only to receive a punch by Hishou.

"Idiot..."

Naruto gasped for air, before climbing back upright.

"So...Naruto-kun," said Yuzuki. "Where are we going?"

"I was thinking Kiri, but we'd be easily noticed..."

"Iwa?" suggested Kenta.

"Iwa, yes, Iwa, the place well known to accept the descendents of the Yondaime Hokage."

"Suna?" said Takahiro.

"Konoha's ally," said Naruto.

"Yeah, but, there must be someone in Suna you know who can help you then, I mean, if you're allies," said Anselm.

"Gaara..." breathed Naruto, as a grin appeared on his face. "We head south west. We're going to Suna for some time."

Naruto smiled inwardly. 'Maybe Gaara can help me manifest more of the Kyuubi's power? I mean...if I could draw power without losing sanity, it could be what keeps me alive...'

The Detective, Uzumaki Naruto, who formed this group after fleeing his home. The Gentleman, Oshiro Takahiro, who joined for safety. The Knight, Blackwood Anselm, who joined originally for money. The Assassin, Mumei Hishou, who joined for the same reason as the Knight. The Doctor, Hayashi Yuzuki, who joined from persuasion. The Inventor, Wakahisa Michiko, who joined from her infatuation. The Blacksmith, Kurosawa Kenta, who joined from his family bond.

Seven people, almost drawn to each other. This was one of the few times, they were at peace.

There would come a time, when they found themselves bravely battling Akatsuki, risking life and love. But it would not be this day.

There would come a time, when they experienced betrayal and death. But it would not be this day.

There would come a time, when they battle grotesque monsters in the lair of the snake-man Orochimaru. But it would not be this day.

There would come a time, when the Detective found his lifespan shortened and his death approaching. But it would not be this day.

They would experience so much, and yet be together for so short a time. Battles brought them together and, the fires of war forged their friendships. As they experienced all, from sacrifice, to resolve, to cruelty.

But this day, it would be a day of peace.

The seven of us. But...why did we have to suffer so much? Why...why are we so few in number now?

My own injuries are still ebbing away at my own lifespan. And even as I continue writing and copying down my old records...it only makes me write the faster, as I feel my own death approaching.

Why was it that this Gentleman, perhaps the most useless to the group, survived, when so many others did not?

* * *

READ THESE FUCKING NOTES!

Firstly, I'm going on hiatus for till late June. Sorry people, exams. But the MEMOIR ARC IS OVER! SHORTER AND BETTER THEN THE "REAL" FILLERS!

The Naruto Manga has been really pissing me off recently. First Jiraiya, now Itachi. Both awesome characters.

Who noted the many similarities between Itachi's and Sasuke's fight and Naruto's and Sasuke's fight at the VotE? One side is clearly superior, and in both cases isn't Sasuke. One side has been injured from previous fights, while one is fully rested. One side actually has power, while Sasuke gets in a few lucky shots, constantly relying on Chidori and all this lightning shit.

Kishimoto, I commend you on your incredible stupidity. You have killed off Itachi, plainly because you knew that Sasuke simply couldn't beat him. Itachi took down Sasuke, Orochimaru, and fought earlier, according to Zetsu at least, so who's more powerful? Finally, it's clear you're trying to let Sasuke be brought back to Konoha. Well, go fuck yourself, you crazy bastard.

Character Personalities, in case you still don't know what these characters are like.

Naruto- cunning, intelligent, and manipulative. Takahiro- kind, but self-doubts. Anselm- loud, hot-blooded, fun-loving. Hishou- cold, harsh, sarcastic on occasion. Yuzuki- kind, caring. Michiko- excitable, loves explosions and machinery, hyperactive. Kenta- protective, holds grudges, yet often acts just plain strange.

Finally...here it is. PREVIEW OF THE RETURN ARC!

_

* * *

_

"I'm not the one who looks like I've aged fifty years," said Sasuke, his eyes still blazing with anger.

_It was true. Naruto's once spiky blonde hair had drooped and greyed, held out of his eyes by his old Konoha headband, a scratch through the leaf symbol. Slight wrinkles had formed on his face, as well as greyish stubble._

_

* * *

_

"Explosives is an art," said Deidara. "Art is a bang. Laugh, and grow fat."

_

* * *

_

_"Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke," said Naruto airily. "Did you forget to never lose yourself in emotion?" he asked, casually as if this was little more than a common spar.__

* * *

_

_"This? Oh, this has nothing to do with you, Sasuke." Naruto yawned and stretched lazily. "So, could you inform me where I could find your lover- oh, I apologise, your "teacher" Orochimaru."_

_

* * *

_

Anselm roared as the horde swamped him, the man in steel armour fighting valiantly against horrible numbers. Fighting valiantly. Fighting alone.

* * *

_"He...he...why did he do it, Naruto-kun?" whispered Michiko, stumbling towards Naruto, before she collapsed._

_

* * *

_

"I won't ever let anything happen to the children. He entrusted me with the duty."

* * *

_"Why Naruto looks so old?" said Anselm. "...You know about the Nine-Tails, right?" After receiving an answering nod, he continued. "It occured from one hell of an accident. Who'd have thought that the Fox could screw someone over like that?"_

_

* * *

_

"You'll never surpass Itachi, Sasuke," said Naruto. "It's a pity you don't understand that."

_

* * *

_

"I...am...God."

* * *

There you have it, the preview. Ignore any the Metal Gear Solid references. (Metal Gear Solid 4. A reason in itself to get a PS3. Can't wait for that to come out.)

As for the whole aging thing, I must remind you that this story is not a crossover. Secondly, Naruto will get cured pretty early, so don't worry...or will he?

Time for some endorsement. If you want to read more about the OCs, read Elementary: Behind the Scenes. If you like Harry Potter, and FFVII, read Dirge of Cerberus. It's not a crossover, don't worry. Just a sort of VincentValentine!Harry.

Currently Tired and Pissed off,

LightningHunter


	8. Return I The Old Teammates

I am back.

I decided to skip a lot (straight to the incident when the Konoha-nin meet Sasuke), and to cheer you all up for putting this fic on hiatus, I wrote a three or four page long Omake. What's it on, you'll see.

By the way, the preview I showed...well, I modified some of the quotes, so don't be too surprised if you don't see them.

The great weapons thing. Naruto has retractable claws in his gloves. They're not like on each finger, I sort of pictured them like Wolverine from X-men, except the whole bursting out of actual skin, just gloves. Since there were other popular weapons, _maybe_ Naruto'll get a few more, or already has them...

* * *

**Elementary**

_a story of a genius_

Return I: The Case of the Old Teammates

"What a nostalgic sight," said Naruto. "Sasuke. Sakura. And two others, formerly of ANBU, the pale one most likely from Danzo's regiment."

Naruto and Sasuke stood facing off, a crater the only thing separating them, the same crater that Sakura, Yamato and Sai were at the base off.

"Na-Naruto?" breathed Sakura, as she turned from former teammate to former teammate.

"Naruto," spat Sasuke, like the word was poison. "Looks like you were the one who came of worst from our fight."

"What fight would this be? I don't seem to recall any fight. All I seem to remember is placing you within an inch of death, at which point you were rescued by the Sound ninja. Besides, what could make you think that I came off worst?"

"I'm not the one who's aged fifty years," replied Sasuke, eyes blazing, not with the Sharingan, but with anger.

It was true. Naruto's once spiky blonde hair had drooped, and greyed, held out of his eyes by his old Konoha headband, a horizontal scratch through the Leaf symbol. Slight wrinkles had formed on his face, as well as grey stubble. His "whiskers" were barely visible, having greyed as well.

Naruto's attire had changed as well. His coat was still there, but with shorter sleeves, allowing the unusual bracers he had equipped on his arms to be visible. Instead of his plain shirt, there was armour. Fingerless gloves were on his hands, attached to his bracers. And the trademark cane was still in his hand, and on his back rested a crossbow.

"I must inform you that you are quite mistaken in your belief that something you did was responsible for my premature aging," said Naruto. "I find it astounding really, that you believe you were capable of such an act. Now, if you could, please inform me of the whereabouts of your lover- oh, I do apologise, your "teacher" Orochimaru."

"You..." Sasuke seethed over Naruto's words, how the Detective called into question both his abilities and his sexuality. "Die, Uzumaki!" he howled, bursting forwards at his maximum speed, his katana poised.

Naruto only side-stepped the blade, using the minimum effort needed to dodge. "I take it you have no intention of telling me how to find Orochimaru," said Naruto.

Sasuke swung his katana at Naruto's head, and Naruto calmly took a step back to avoid the strike.

"Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke," said Naruto airily. "Have you forgotten that basic rule, to keep your emotions in check, and never lose control in a fight?" He asked casually, as if this was little more than a common spar between comrades.

Sasuke screamed with fury and frustration, slashing several times at Naruto, who once again, only took a few steps back.

"Look at yourself," Naruto reprimanded the Uchiha. "I am ashamed to even acknowledge you were once a teammate of mine. I am afraid I must now ask you to "do the decent thing", and preserve what honour your clan had, by committing ritual suicide."

"How dare you mock my clan!" roared Sasuke, stabbing at Naruto's stomach.

Naruto neatly side-stepped the stab. "I beg your pardon? The only mocking that has occurred of your clan is that you are a member."

Sasuke continued for several minutes, slashing and stabbing at Naruto, only for Naruto to use the minimum effort required to dodge every single one.

"Sasuke, you called into question my age not too long ago, yet I am running rings around you, so to speak," stated Naruto calmly. "I find it stunning that-"

"You talk too much, Naruto!" shouted Sasuke. "I'll kill you."

Naruto coolly avoided another slash. "Firstly, refrain from interrupting me in your short future. Secondly, is your attempt at screaming "I'll kill you" the way you intend to kill your brother?"

"That has nothing to do with this!" shouted Sasuke, finally coming to the conclusion that his katana skills were useless, and jumped back to fire a Katon Jutsu at Naruto.

Naruto sighed, and only walked, yet walked out of the way of the Fire Technique's range.

"I'm afraid your brother has all too much to do with this, Sasuke," said Naruto, withdrawing his pipe from his coat, and lighting it up with the aid of the fires of Sasuke's jutsu. "You see, it does not matter what training you have undertaken, for you will never surpass Itachi. I have made sure of that."

"What the fuck does that mean?!" demanded Sasuke, as his Katon Jutsu faded away.

Naruto removed a ring from a pocket, and held it up for Sasuke to see. "Would you call this ring as familiar?"

Sasuke's eyes widened with disbelief, for he recognised that ring all too well. He shook his head, unable to believe what it meant. "You...that's his ring-" he said, his voice deathly silent, yet shaking with anger.

Inwardly, Naruto was laughing. It had been Michiko's idea to make a fake ring that replicated Itachi's Akatsuki ring, and see how Sasuke reacted. Naruto personally designed the ring, and Kenta forged it.

"It was Itachi's fault that this occurred, Sasuke," said Naruto, almost regretfully, as he smoked on his pipe. "I also took the liberty of removing his eyes, and currently I am experimenting on how to transmit the Sharingan to my eyes without having to actually rip out my eyes and implanting the late Itachi's eyes. Why, wouldn't that be wonderful? The two of us could be like brothers."

"You- you took away my ambition in life!" howled Sasuke, his Sharingan blazing, his Cursed Seal almost starting to act up. "Naruto! From now on, my ambition is to kill you!"

Naruto's brow furrowed, as he exhaled smoke. "That makes no logical sense, Sasuke. Your ambition was to kill your brother, and admittedly, it is understandable you would be disappointed if someone got there first, but to kill the person who killed Itachi? Would that not be avenging your brother? Your logical senses are impaired, so I can safely deduct you have changed little over the years."

Meanwhile, the Konoha team were conversing in hushed whispers, but Naruto's keen ears easily picked up on their words.

"Yamato-taichou, what are our orders?" asked Sakura, talking to her team leader.

"We wait and we watch," instructed Yamato.

"You are very much boring me, Sasuke," said Naruto. "Please inform me of the location of Orochimaru, and I might not break out your teeth and make you eat them."

"Why do you want to see him?" said Sasuke, as he prepared another attack.

"He is a danger, and it is necessary to neutralise him," said Naruto as he continued smoking his pipe. "You are no danger. In the complex and strange place that life is, you are little more than a gnat, a pest, just an annoyance. I could have chosen to finish you back at the Valley. I spared you simply because you make those dramatic monologues during fights, which amuse me."

In truth, Naruto lied. Sasuke was a danger, but solely as he had power and a temper. Not the greatest threat in the world, but believing the Uchiha incapable would be a fatal mistake.

"Dra-dramatic monologues?!" managed Sasuke furiously.

"It is a fault of many ninja today," said Naruto, sounding even older than he looked. "Talking for about two hours in the middle of battle. The Knight finds that laughable, coming from lands where battle consists of brutal hacking and hundreds of arrows falling from the skies at every moment."

Sasuke seethed, and began preparing a jutsu.

"And another fault. Too much reliance on your ninjutsu," said Naruto. "A true ninja must firstly be able to utilise stealth to a maximum effect, without having to rely on genjutsu or any other manipulation of chakra. A ninja must also be capable of fighting in any circumstance. Limiting yourself to a single style, or relying too heavily on a single ability brings death to the user." Naruto laughed. "After all, Sasuke, what have you seen of me today? I assure you, my own ways of battle have changed countless times over the years."

Sasuke unmasked his new jutsu, something Naruto keenly examined. Whatever the technique was, it allowed him to radiate his Chidori from his entire body.

"Chidori Nagashi," stated Sasuke, his tone now full of confidence- nay, analysed the technique. "Interesting, at most. No doubt the electricity would shock any who came into close combat, and it allows Chidori to be channelled through your katana. I can only say I'm disappointed, Sasuke. Near three years and this is all you could come up with? Pitiful, absolutely pitiful."

"Uzumaki!" shouted Yamato. "We'll help you out!"

"Help?" said Sakura quietly.

"Perhaps this is a method to capture both Uzumaki and Uchiha," said Sai.

Naruto most politely refused Yamato's offer. "I brought my own assistance," he explained good-naturedly.

And on cue, two men appeared, one on either side of Naruto. The one on Naruto's left was hooded, clad in a white robe-like garment, whilst the one on Naruto's right wore a full suit of Western plate armour.

"The Assassin and the Knight," said Sai, examining both. "Two members of Uzumaki's organisation."

"Assassin, deal with Target Imbecile," said Naruto. "Knight, provide backup wherever necessary. Try not to get too close to the target, Chidori is a particularly powerful Raiton Jutsu."

"Yeah- what does Raiton mean again?" asked Anselm, the Knight, and the main brawn of the organisation.

"Lightning Element," responded Hishou, the Assassin. "Surely that should be obvious, considering you would be the only one to have such a weakness."

"Yeah? Well fuck you!" replied Anselm.

"Brilliant comeback, Knight."

"We may want to hurry," said Naruto.

The three jumped away, dodging Sasuke's slash, the Uchiha clearly bored with having to wait.

Hishou darted behind Sasuke, his blade already poised, attempting to stab through Sasuke's heart. Sasuke pivoted around; meeting Hishou's sword with his katana, yet Hishou was not shocked from the Chidori Nagashi, as the grip of his sword was guarded with leather, the material not conducting electricity.

Hishou shot forward, his left hand forming a fist. Sasuke only smirked and was content to take the hit, knowing Hishou would be paralysed from the Chidori Nagashi, and the damage from a fist would be minimal-

And as the gauntleted fist smashed into Sasuke's side, he cried in pain, sharp steel entering his torso, and he realised that a hidden blade was in the Assassin's fist, where a finger had once been. Hishou stopped, paralysed from the electricity.

Sasuke roared with wild fury and pain, channelling as much of his Chidori Nagashi through his Kusanagi blade, intent on ending the life of the man who had caused him such pain. Sasuke slashed at Hishou's neck, but the Assassin did not move- seeing as he couldn't.

But neither did he have to, as Sasuke was the one who moved away, narrowly avoiding a throwing axe that would have severed his head.

Anselm gave his battle-cry, before lunging at Sasuke with his spear in hand, intent on impaling Sasuke through the torso.

Sasuke spun away and swung his katana to get around Anselm's guard, but this only proved fruitless as Anselm twirled his spear and blocked the katana, before pushing Sasuke back, to attack again.

Anselm stabbed at Sasuke's throat, but being more nimble, Sasuke ducked under the blow, striking at Anselm's exposed midriff.

The strike landed, and although the steel glanced off Anselm's armour, the power of the lightning was conducted by Anselm's armour, shocking the Knight.

"Damn, I have to get this stuff insulated," grumbled the Knight, wincing in pain, as Sasuke jumped back, forming several seals, and the Uchiha exhaled a dragon of fire at the Knight and still incapacitated Assassin.

"Heheh, dragons? Damnit kid, you don't know jack about knights, do ya?" said Anselm mockingly, as his eyes narrowed under his great helm. Just because he knew the technique to counter this so-called "powerful" Katon jutsu, did not mean he could randomly decide to perform it. He would have to time this accurately-

Anselm shot up into the air, much faster and higher than one might expect considering his heavy plate armour.

"DRAGON SLAY!" he screamed, plunging his spear through the flaming beast's maw.

For a split second, the two remained motionless in the air. Then Anselm fell to the ground, landing comfortably on his feet, while the dragon dissipated.

Anselm pulled his shield of his back, parrying another katana slash from Sasuke.

But by this time, Hishou had recovered from his paralysis, and resumed his fight, starting by launching several throwing daggers at Sasuke.

Naruto smiled to himself as he smoked his pipe nonchalantly. Anselm and Hishou fought with each other day in day out, worse than an old married couple, but at the end of the day, they truly were a brilliant team an incredible combination of Hishou's stealth and speed and Anselm's raw power.

Truly a team to be feared.

But, now it was time to end this. Anselm and Hishou did not appear to be using their full strength, and as things stood, would kill Sasuke eventually.

But eventually was simply not good enough. Eventually was dangerous. Time changes things. Naruto stretched his limbs lazily. At least he'd be able to test out his new technique. It hadn't taken too much imagination to create, but it was a much more powerful variant of an already existing technique created.

Naruto tucked away his pipe and raised his hand, and began concentrating his chakra into his hand, when he felt someone grip onto his arm, interrupting the process.

A single glance told him all he needed to know. This was the very last person he'd like to be touching him.

"Orochimaru. What could possibly bring you here?" asked Naruto, tugging his arm loose, and making quite a show of dusting it.

Naruto sensed another presence behind him. Kabuto must have appeared as well.

"What jutsu were you about to use?" said Orochimaru, his yellow eyes narrowed.

"Oh, would you like to see it?" asked Naruto. "It's called, Odama..."

Orochimaru tensed, but his eyes remained fixed on Naruto.

"Rasengan!" roared Naruto, as he formed the spiralling sphere of chakra, and slammed it into the Snake Sannin's stomach.

Orochimaru burst into shreds, but flesh and bone turned to mud.

Naruto expected no less, and turned to see Orochimaru and Kabuto now standing next to Sasuke. Meanwhile, Hishou and Anselm politely applauded Naruto's jutsu.

"Since when did you know Rasengan?" said Kabuto, his eyes narrowed behind his glasses.

"Perhaps the best way of putting it would be to say I recreated it," Naruto smoothly lied. Deception was one of his most useful talents. "And Odama Rasengan is a mild variant, simply a standard Rasengan with double power."

Naruto smiled, letting his elongated canines show. "So, Orochimaru, let me see why you are such a feared ninja."

Claws burst out of Naruto's gloves, starting at his knuckles. Orochimaru gurgled and withdrew his Kusanagi sword from his throat, something Naruto, Anselm, Hishou and the Konoha-nin watched with disgust.

Anselm chanted under his breath. Most of his weapons vanished, and parts of his armour, including his great helm. He was armed with nothing more than his broadsword and shield, and with less steel to weigh him down, was faster. In response, Kabuto pushed his glasses further up his nose and activated his chakra scalpels.

Hishou only twirled his blade and readied himself. Sasuke drew his Kusanagi katana, the tomoes of his Sharingan starting to spin around his pupils.

Naruto shot across the crater at Orochimaru.

The Detective always kept one thing in mind when fighting, and that was to end the battle quickly. After years of experience, had enough experience with all the vital parts of the body that Naruto had over twenty methods of one-hitters in his arsenal.

Such a way of fighting was of the true shinobi. Stealth, and being able to think and end battles quickly and efficiently. Naruto was fully capable in all those fields.

Orochimaru, despite his skills in stealth, emphasised all too much on bringing fear to his opponents, and always enjoyed dragging out a fight. The fact that Orochimaru had drawn his Kusanagi sword meant one thing, and that was that he was truly worried about his battle.

Naruto appeared behind Orochimaru, his claws poised to pierce the Sannin's heart, but Orochimaru spun around to parry.

Kabuto dived out of the way of Anselm's stab, before attempting to cut a muscle ligament where Anselm had removed armour, only for the Knight to shield it, and slash at the medic-nin's head.

Kabuto crouched under the slash, but lost a few strands of hair.

Meanwhile, Hishou and Sasuke were locked in sword combat. Sasuke swung his katana at Hishou's neck, but the Assassin responded by smashing his sword against Sasuke's blade, using his advantage of strength and a heavier blade to almost knock the younger male off his feet.

Sasuke felt a fist smash into a stomach, and then suddenly a blade.

He gasped and pulled himself off Hishou's hidden blade, but toppled back, slumping to the ground, gurgling.

Orochimaru and Kabuto instantly were distracted, and both were suddenly hit through the air in that period of distraction.

"Hishou, I believe I have already informed you that the slow-acting poison was simply too weak," said Naruto. "After all, you did stab him earlier, and yet it took this long, and as well as a second stab to start "working," as it were."

"It was your suggestion to use poison, not mine," responded Hishou, amusing himself by kicking Sasuke. "That blade is very close to my own flesh after all, a fast-acting poison could make things rather difficult for me if the blade scratched my skin."

Anselm grinned and leapt onto the offensive. Kabuto jumped from the ground, but still received both a slash across the stomach, as well as being hit across the head with Anselm's shield.

"I would say you have come off lucky, Kabuto," said Naruto. "Anselm uses no poison on his weapons."

Orochimaru hissed in anger, a glare on his face symbolising this was not over. "We will continue this some other time, Naruto-kun."

The Snake Sannin grabbed the injured Uchiha, as Kabuto rose, and the three disappeared into flames.

Naruto sighed. He had been unsuccessful in killing off Orochimaru and his "flunkies" off for good. On a more positive note, he had been able to determine one thing.

He was absolutely sure he was capable of defeating Orochimaru. Now he had done nothing more than drive him off, but- Naruto knew Orochimaru had absolutely no way of defeating him.

Naruto was immune to Orochimaru's killer intent and genjutsu, as both could be broken if the one had sufficient willpower. Needless to say, Naruto did. Naruto was more than capable of avoiding or countering any attacks by ninjutsu. And when it came to taijutsu, Orochimaru's sword skills were made useless compared to the many ways Naruto chose to fight in close quarter combat.

He had surpassed a Sannin. He allowed himself another sigh. Had he still been a Konoha ninja, and the old Sandaime Hokage been alive, Naruto would have been instated as the new Sannin to take Orochimaru's place.

In the meantime however, best to dream when there weren't more pressing issues. Although, it was a worthwhile note to make sure he terminated his target next time. Leaving an enemy alive was dangerous.

With that in mind, Naruto turned to the Konoha-nin, who had been watching, almost forgotten by the combatants.

"I trust you enjoyed the show?" he asked pleasantly, jumping into the crater, landing with his knees bent.

Hishou wiped the blood off his hidden blade- thus wiping the poison off as well- before he jumped down into the crater, landing with a roll. Anselm followed suit, after restoring his armour and weapons, but he opted to remove his great helm and carry it under his arm. After all, it was rather stuffy, wearing a helmet all the time.

Naruto offered his hand to Yamato as he approached the former ANBU member. "Uzumaki Naruto."

Yamato eyed the hand beadily, clearly surprised.

"Oh dear- forgive me," said Naruto, sheathing his claws and offering his hand a second time.

Yamato took Naruto's hand and shook it very quickly, letting go as if it was the paw of some deadly animal.

"You know, I think he might be scared of you Detective," said Anselm, whispering none too quietly into Naruto's ear.

Hishou glanced at Naruto. "Now?" he asked, knowing Naruto already knew what that single word meant.

"Of course my dear Assassin, I fully intended to." Naruto turned back to Yamato, his eyes locking onto Yamato's. "I have a proposition for you."

"What would a mass-murderer want with me?" said Yamato, his own eyes narrowed.

Naruto heartily laughed. "I'm afraid this proposition isn't for you, as such. It is for, the entirety of Konoha. You could translate it as a cease-fire, or even allies, brought together for common goals. Nevertheless, that partnership will no doubt end once our objectives are completed, and you may feel free to go back to hunting me down and attempting to decorate the Hokage Residence with my head on a stake."

"Why on earth would Konoha want a treaty with you?!"

Naruto shrugged. "We share the same enemies, do we not?

"You consider yourself an enemy?" said Yamato sarcastically.

Naruto gave a light laugh. "Very amusing. After all, I am quite a danger to even myself on many occasions..."

As Naruto trailed off, Yamato, Sai and Sakura found themselves wondering whether Naruto had also gone senile due to his premature aging.

"However, Yamato-san, the enemies I was referring to does not include me, but rather, Uchiha Sasuke, Orochimaru, and of course, the both elusive and powerful Akatsuki."

"What would Akatsuki want with Konoha now you are gone?" asked Yamato, still not lowering his guard.

Naruto's brow furrowed. "Surely, you have realised that Akatsuki's goal involves world domination? Or maybe not, it seems their goal is changing daily, but whether they come after you now or later, they shall eventually, I can assure you of that."

Yamato laughed mockingly. "It's a strange day when a mass-murderer starts teaching you who your enemies are."

"Mass-murderer? True, true, but that is a status many ninja are guilty of- not just ninja, any warrior. But you seem to mean it in the term about the numerous affrays that have occurred between me and Konohagakure. But I have only ever killed people from Konoha on the event when I and a few friends destroyed that company. I have never killed any Konoha citizens before that, and that includes the day I left."

"I'll confess to one thing. There is a personal reason why I wish for a cease-fire. And I'm sure you have an inkling of what that reason is."

"Your aging?" said Yamato.

"Correct," Naruto lightly applauded. "But, it is obvious that you have absolutely no intention of allying yourself with me."

"Correct," responded Yamato.

"Then at least one thing is clear," said Naruto. "I must find some others more tolerable of my presence. Thus, I-"

Hishou suddenly appeared behind Yamato, while Anselm appeared next to the Konoha-nin. Yamato tensed and readied to move safely away, but he had not noticed Naruto.

Naruto shot forward and struck a certain point on Yamato's neck. The former ANBU tensed, before collapsing to the ground.

"What did you do!?" shouted Sakura, her hands curling into fists as Sai too readied himself for battle, even though it was a battle they would lose.

"I merely knocked him out Sakura, please desist with rushing to conclusions. It is a frightful thing to do, finding an answer without taking into account all the evidence." Naruto sighed, before continuing. "An unfortunate habit of yours which you have not lost over the years."

"Basically, what the Detecive was saying," said Anselm, the Knight stepping in, something that made Hishou groan. Any Anselm the diplomat situation was generally a recipe for disaster. "Was that if you help us knock out a few more enemies, and do a couple of favours for our esteemed Detective, we'll do you a couple of favours, and knock out a few enemies for you. You know, a "scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours" sort of thing."

"That didn't sound like anything he said..." Sakura trailed off as Anselm snorted.

"Are you kidding? This guy should be a politician, he could bullshit his way out of a room with no doors. Heck, the only guy I know who can out-talk him is-"

"Knight, please close your mouth and keep it closed."

"Although he can be very blunt in some cases," continued Anselm.

"This steel-clad fool is right," said Hishou, stepping in, something that made Naruto groan. For although an Anselm the diplomat situation was bad, an Anselm and Hishou situation was much worse. "Help us, and we help you."

"We require information," stated Sai, stepping forwards. "Konoha will not ally itself with an organisation it knows so little about. Who is "we"? We have found out there are more in your organisation then four people."

"Huh? Four?" said Anselm.

"It's from that incident a couple of years ago when the Gentleman was with us," said Hishou.

"Yes...that was where I lost my coat," said Naruto. "I quite liked that coat. The Sandaime gave it to me as a birthday present when I was- very well, now is not the time," he stopped as he saw the faces of the others. "So you wish to know how many are in our organisation?"

Sai nodded.

"It really doesn't matter, you see, whether you know the number of how many people here. Many others already know it," said Naruto, before finally continuing. "There are seven of us in total. The Detective. The Gentleman. The Knight. The Assassin. The Doctor. The Inventor. The Blacksmith. Is that all?"

Sai shook his head, and Naruto looked inquiringly at Sakura, as her face clearly showed she wished to ask something, but feared to. "Well?" asked Naruto.

"How did you get so-?"

"Old?" interrupted Naruto.

"Why Naruto looks so old?" said Anselm. "...You know about the Nine-Tails, right?" After receiving an answering nod, he continued. "It occurred from one hell of an accident. Who'd have thought that the Fox could screw someone over like that?"

"My, my, it seems you've gone for the gold," said Naruto, ignoring Anselm's comments. "That information comes at a price."

A split second later, Naruto had his claws pointed at Sai and Sakura's throats, the two immediately tensing and readying to counter or move.

"You will not tell it to anyone else, unless you receive my permission. Is that understood?" Naruto's voice was deathly cold, and even the usually emotionless Sai felt intimidation. "Well?"

"Understood," said Sakura and Sai simultaneously.

"Good," said Naruto, sheathing his claws and lowering his hands. "I suppose I suffer from a disease. You two just said you knew about Kyuubi, so you know about the sealing of Kyuubi?"

"It was told to me a long time ago," stated Sai.

"Tsunade-sama told me as you were on my team..." Sakura trailed off.

"Good," said Naruto again. "The first time I used Kyuubi's chakra in battle was against Gaara. Second time, Sasuke. It was only a matter of time before I began to think: There is a vast reserve of power inside of me. How can I tap into that?"

Naruto sighed, reminiscing of his folly. Sai and Sakura were silent, still awaiting the rest of the story.

"The first time, I decided to see how much of Kyuubi's power I could handle. After receiving the help of a certain friend, I attempted to go past two tails." Naruto sighed. "By releasing three tails and controlling my emotion, I still remained in control of my body. Sadly, this was not the case for the fourth tail. I nearly killed this friend of mine, but fortunately, he was able to stop the four-tail state. So, I decided if I could remove some of Kyuubi's chakra, and place it into my reserve, I would be able to handle higher amounts of chakra. Such a fool I was."

Sakura was startled. If there was one thing she remembered about Naruto, it was that he always seemed to be right.

"The Kyuubi's chakra. You could compare it to a performance-enhancing drug. You will certainly be better in the short-term, but in the long-term, it is very dangerous. At first, I started to gain a little, just a little, control over the four-tailed state by constantly drawing Kyuubi chakra. But then, I started becoming more emotional, more impulsive, more willing to fight rather than think. Although I did not know it at the time, this was an effect of Kyuubi's personality drawing over into mine. And it was then when I noticed it. The four-tailed state releases a toxic substance that coats the body. It is certainly poisonous, but the Kyuubi's regeneration heals it. This constant cycle of destruction and regeneration starts to lower the life span of the person."

"You mean-?" Sakura started, but Naruto cut her off.

" As I discovered it, I was obviously very much so alarmed, and immediately ceased drawing Kyuubi chakra. However, in my panic, I had not considered the effects of this as well. The Kyuubi chakra was almost addictive to my body, and after being so reliant on it, and having regeneration on such a basic, it was like my body started panicking. Somehow, for a reason I am not entirely sure of, I contracted this disease, which seemed to affect not only my cells, but my very own genetics. Fortunately, I know of a way to treat this," said Naruto.

"Wait," said Sai. "If you know how to treat this disease, why have you not done so yet?"

"Is that not obvious?" said Naruto. "I know only partially of how to treat this disease, The Doctor has been very useful with that aspect, as a matter of fact I would have died some time ago from it had it not been for the Doctor's medical skill, but, I do not know how to completely cure this disease. To do so, I need to find a very particular medical scroll in Konoha, one that I know Tsunade has under lock-and-key, especially considering my last visit to the village."

"What scroll is that?" asked Sakura.

"You've heard of Kabuto's cell-regeneration ability, have you not?" asked Naruto. "I discovered Tsunade was able to use a variant of it to treat the ninja Rock Lee after injuries he sustained in his battle with Gaara. This variant, is not only published in that scroll, but other variants. By using these cell-regeneration abilities, the Doctor could create a very certain new variant. One that creates fresh new cells, for any type of cell."

"What?!" said Sakura, in shock. "But that could-!"

"Almost revolutionise the medical world?" asked Naruto bluntly. "Don't get your hopes up. These new cells could only work with a body that has some very specific requirements. In other words, you would have to be a jinchuuriku. If not, you'd die."

"Oh," said Sakura. "But wait a minute- why do you trust us with all this information?"

Naruto arched an eyebrow.

"I mean, you've never met Sai before, and I work directly under Tsunade-sama. Why do you trust us so much with all this?"

"Because Sakura, in less than a year, it won't matter who knows that or not, seeing as I'll be dead."

Naruto fixed his gaze on Sakura and Sai, resuming a firmer tone of voice.

"I never betrayed Konoha. Akatsuki framed me. Konoha jumped to conclusions and eagerly condemned their demon container, instead of ever asking: Wait, would Naruto kill some guards in such an obvious way? Wasn't Naruto smart enough to think of another plan of escape? Why did Naruto even kill the guards at all if he wanted to escape quietly? Tsunade showed up, and was fed stories about this traitor, believed to be loyal to Orochimaru, who had tricked Sarutobi. Tsunade then displaced all her grief and anger over the years onto me, making me her target. That is why, even now, any protests about me fall upon deaf ears. The only time I killed anyone from Konoha was when I unleashed my bombs there, and that was to save myself and my comrades. Had Tsunade not destroyed the building, had she realised that all I had done was destroy an empty building and a park, the whole tragedy could have been avoided."

Silence fell upon the air for a moment, only to be broken by Yamato suddenly rasping in his state.

"If we decide to help you, how will we get to you?" asked Sakura uncertainly.

Naruto inwardly smiled. "If we decide to help you" was merely another way of saying "we will help you, but we just don't want to admit it yet."

"The second largest town in the Land of Fire- Karakura Town," said Naruto. "You've heard of it, no doubt?"

Sai and Sakura nodded. Of course they knew of the town, second in size in the Fire Country to only Konohagakure, very close in distance. The town itself was practically a haven for merchants and traders, and was very well protected as well, seeing as the Fire Daimyo resided nearby.

"There's a very nice restaurant there," Naruto suddenly said. "It's called The Spiralling Sphere. Very nice place, up-market, formal, and certainly expensive. I quite enjoy frequenting the place. I will send word to you when I will be there. Either one of you two –or both- will show. Do not disappoint me by not showing at all."

Naruto's eyes met theirs. "If you do not show, I will resort to gaining the scroll by theft. Destroy the scroll and I will enter Konoha using brutal methods, killing all in my path, and I will draw the information from bleeding lips. Understand?" After receiving two nods, Naruto was satisfied. "Good. Anything else you wish to say or ask?"

"Negative," said Sai.

Naruto looked at Sakura, and she squirmed slightly under his gaze. "How will you contact us?" she managed.

"Who knows?" said Naruto, shrugging. "I may enter Konoha. I may send a friend. I may send a messenger bird."

"Oh, right, okay," said Sakura, still looking rather dazed, most likely due to the very confusing events that were still occurring.

Naruto removed his pipe from his coat and reached for his tobacco pouch, but after realising it was empty, sighed again, and put away his pipe. Instead, he removed a cigarette packet which he pilfered from Kenta's private stock, and lit one up.

"You shouldn't smoke," said Sakura, eyeing the cigarette with distaste. "If you've aged, and your regeneration's been affected...I mean, don't you know it can give lung cancer?"

Naruto shrugged. "You might know a lot about health, but you don't know how good a cigarette tastes in the morning."

Sakura huffed. "They're still very dangerous!"

Naruto retorted again. "So's war, and I've done that all my life."

"No you haven't," argued Sakura.

"When you are in a ninja village, you are at war. With the uselessness of all the governments, all controlled by weak daimyos who require war to stay in power, and mindless ninja pawns. A shinobi is a tool. If one wishes to break free, they must no longer be a shinobi. As such...I am no longer a ninja."

Naruto's eyes glinted at Sakura and Sai. "Half the people who claim to be ninja cannot do so. A ninja's greatest power is stealth, and being able to use fear as a weapon, not reliance on flashy techniques. Tricks, deceit, but that is not something a government should be based on. Politicians require it, but the ninja world is on the verge of falling. It's no surprise Akatsuki want to take over. I'm surprised that they're the first."

Sakura and Sai exchanged looks.

"I suppose I've talked too much already. Well, you had better pick up Yamato and go on your way," said Naruto.

"Yeah, bye kids," said Anselm, waving already.

Sai picked up their unconscious captain and looked to Sakura, as if inquiring whether she was ready to go.

"Something you wish to say, Sakura?" said Naruto.

"You've"

Naruto waited patiently for her comment or question. In fact, he was rather bored with how patient he had to be.

"You've gotten taller, Naruto."

Anselm lost it. He actually fell down, clutching his sides, laughing. Even Hishou was grinning under his hood.

Naruto was still speechless. He blinked once, then again, before he cleared his throat. "Thanks for that comment, Sakura. You've grown too. Well, good day to the both of you."

Sakura and Sai turned around and left, running up the side of the crater and leaving.

"To think that your height was what had kept her stunned," grinned Anselm.

"Knight...be quiet," said Naruto abruptly, before turning to face the two. "Mission failed. Targets Hebi, Regenerate and Imbecile escaped. Return to base to receive briefing on next mission. Assassin, scout ahead."

Hishou turned, and ran at the side of the crater, jumping from bits of stone and earth, before eventually reaching the top, climbing out of the crater.

"Something the matter, Knight?"

"Yeah," Anselm scratched his head. "I've been thinking about the next mission, and you know that Tak-uh, Gentleman ain't brilliant at fighting, and Yuz-uh, Doctor is still-"

"Knight, how do you expect me to forget that Doctor is pregnant?" asked Naruto. "I'm fully aware it is too risky to allow her to fight. But, the Gentleman is not as weak as he was three years ago. Why, I would say that he is the fourth strongest member of the group. And we will be provided with outside support."

The two left the crater, and sped up, heading to their rendezvous point, when Anselm suddenly remembered something.

"Hang on. Gentleman's the fourth strongest, right? You're probably the strongest so..."

Naruto suddenly realised where Anselm was going with this, and sighed inwardly at what it meant.

"So who are you rating higher?!" demanded Anselm. "Me, or Mumei-I mean, Assassin! Out with it shortie!"

"You," said Naruto quickly. A little too quickly. Something Anselm noted.

"Hey! Do you mean that, or what?!" shouted Anselm. "Do you think Mumei is stronger than me?!"

"No," stated Naruto. "Well...on occasion...yes- it really does depend on the situation. There are a lot of factors that will affect who would win in a fight. You two are rather evenly matched."

"You didn't answer my question though! Who's being rated highest!?" Anselm was almost whining, his mind refusing to believe he could be beaten by Hishou, despite having lost to him on several occasions.

"You two both share the spots for second and third," sighed Naruto. "Now please stop acting like a child Anselm, I thought when you married you would grow out of that."

The man scratched the back of his head, mildly embarrassed, yet a grin was still affixed to his face. "Ah well, I know you guys would miss this awesome personality of mine."

"Pathetic," muttered Naruto under his breath.

"I'm sorry Naruto, but that's a Mumei-comment. If we are to remain friends, please remove all Mumei-comments from your vocabulary."

"I'm stunned you can even pronounce vocabulary," muttered Naruto.

"That was another!"

Naruto smiled to himself, and on his aged face, had the effect of making him look like a stereotypical "kindly old man". He shook the grin off his face, before he turned back to Anselm.

"So, Anselm. The baby- or possibly babies."

"What?!"

Naruto innocently shrugged his shoulders. "Well, you never know. It could be twins." For a brief second, an image of armour-clad children wielding broadswords and chakra scalpels flitted across Naruto's mind. He shuddered.

Anselm laughed uncertainly. "Well, let's hope not, eh? I mean, even I have to admit, more than one of me would be bad."

"Well Anselm, I doubt you could have another one of you if the baby was a girl," said Naruto fairly. "How about names for the child?"

"...ergh. I wanted to leave that to Yuzuki. Well, how about Naruto?"

"Naruto? What would make you name a child that?" said Naruto, amused.

"I dunno. It's a silly name, doesn't it mean something to do with food?" grinned Anselm. "I just know that the name belonged to another, a purely awesome man."

Over the years, Naruto had bonded with all the members of his group, despite only controlling and manipulating them in the past. Anselm's silly conversations that would have caused Naruto to brush him off as a madman previously; now Naruto joined in.

Anselm was purely that kind of person who everyone in the group seemed to like. Although he would never admit it, Hishou too liked the Knight. And vice-versa was true; Anselm begrudgingly had a great deal of respect for the Assassin.

"Yes, even I have to say that Naruto is certainly an unusual name," commented the Detective. "Why, I would say-"

Naruto suddenly landed on the ground, frozen. Anselm landed next to him, concerned.

"Er, Naruto? Is there something wrong?"

The Detective fell to his knees, hunched over the ground, coughing violently.

"Naruto? Naruto! Naaarrrutooo!"

* * *

Night fell over Karakura, but the town was still brilliantly illuminated by lights, merchants still active, not willing to go to sleep until all customers had done so.

In the most upper-class district, a well-known restaurant seemed to be doing quite well that day. And in a storeroom, one that always seemed to be locked, the only key owned by the owner- and a woman was currently in it.

She tapped a secret panel on the wall, and suddenly, the floor slid away, to reveal a secret staircase. The woman descended the stairs, before the entrance closed up. Eventually, she came to a door, heavily reinforced with metal, and a bell one side, and a security keypad under it.

She input a code into the keypad, and the door opened.

Despite the initial gloominess of the place, the room behind the door was anything but. It was the size of a small hall, well furnished, a kitchen in one corner, and seven doors were on the back. In the middle of the room, a table in the shape of a heptagon stood. And in one corner, there was- strangely enough- a bar, with neon lights stating: "Anselm's."

All in all, the room looked like the site of some kind of club.

Only three people were in the room when the woman entered, one a bulky man, busying himself at the kitchen, another a well-dressed man, sitting in a large armchair at a fireplace, reading a book, the last a girl, wearing goggles, who was at a different table, at work with some machine or other.

The woman cleared her throat. "They should have been here by now."

"No sign of them?" asked the well-dressed man. "Do you think-?"

"Orochimaru got them?" interrupted the girl, scoffing. "As if. As if Orochimaru could beat Naruto-kun..." she trailed off dreamily.

The well-dressed man rolled his eyes. "Michiko, a tip. Grow up."

"Shut up Takahiro!" growled Michiko. "I'm busy and I don't need you to butt in all the time!"

The woman- Blackwood Yuzuki, formerly Hayashi Yuzuki- sighed to herself, concern visible on her face. She seated herself on a couch near Michiko, and closed her eyes, trying to relax during this stressful situation.

The bulky man- Kurosawa Kenta yawned loudly and stretched as he finished his meal. "I'm turning in. Wake me up when the Detective arrives."

Kenta walked across the room and entered one of the seven doors, the one curiously marked with the emblem of a hammer.

Michiko resumed her work, as she began fiddling with several dials on the system. And that seemed to do the trick, as a green light came on, and Michiko stared at a small radar screen.

She looked on in disappointment. "They're not even in the town yet," Michiko said aloud, before the screen flickered and the machine turned off.

"Damnit!" cursed Michiko, furiously starting to repair the machine.

"Your machine still needs work." A clear voice broke upon the inhabitants on the room. "Even when it's not breaking down, it still couldn't detect us."

Naruto stood by the door, a thin smile on his face, Anselm and Hishou flanking his sides.

"Naruto-kun!" greeted Michiko, before remembering Naruto's comments. "Uh, well yeah, I still need to work on it; it's not just any old radar you know."

"I have the upmost faith that you will get it working, Michiko," said Naruto, inciting a blush from the girl.

Naruto deposited his cane and crossbow at a shelf, and hung his coat on a stand, before seating himself at the heptagonal table. Anselm and Hishou made themselves at home, the latter leaning against the wall in the kitchen, whereas Anselm greeted his wife with a kiss, before engaging her in idle conversation about her day.

Naruto reached for his pipe, before remembering it was out of tobacco. Discontent to the idea of putting no pressure on his lungs, he took out the pack of cigarettes that he had "borrowed" from Kenta's supply.

Despite the addictiveness and high risk to health, Naruto enjoyed his smoking habits, mostly since his regeneration ability usually ensured he was safe. Since he had aged, this was more of a problem- but he would prefer to be killed by smoking then to Akatsuki. Somehow, that just seemed wonderfully amusing to him.

The door to Kenta's room flew open, revealing an angered Kenta standing in the doorway.

"Yo, Kenta," waved Anselm from his position on the couch. "All right?"

"I'd be better if I didn't smell my cigarettes lit by not myself," said Kenta, stamping over to Naruto, and pulling the cigarette packet from his hand. "Wondered where these had got to."

"Hey moron!" shouted Michiko. "Don't disturb Naruto-kun like that!"

Kenta furiously displayed an obscene hand gesture towards his niece, before stalking over into a large chair by the fire, and began to smoke as he grumbled about brats not respecting their families.

Naruto cleared his throat, and on cue, his group froze, and slowly turned to face him. He tapped the table, and the six others approached the table, and sat in their chairs.

"Our meeting is now in session," said Naruto, and suddenly the lights in the room dimmed, so the greatest source of light was the fire. "Mission failed. Target Hebi, Regenerate and Imbecile still walk the earth. Next mission will commence."

Michiko cleared her throat, being the only one besides Naruto who knew of the mission. "Hebi's main hideaway. Believed to contain his old corpse, with the Akatsuki ring."

"Our targets," stated Naruto. "Assassinate Hebi, Regenerate and Imbecile- a contact has informed us that they will be there. Retrieve the Akatsuki Ring. Finally-"

"We blow the place sky-high!" cut in Anselm, the man grinning.

"Correct," said Naruto, a flicker of a smile on his face. "The mission will be cut into three steps."

"One, getting there," said Michiko. "There is a carefully concealed shack located nearby."

"The mission requires the use of six members. Assassin, Blacksmith. One of you may opt to go, the other opts to stay behind," said Naruto.

"What would the task be?" asked Kenta, lighting up a cigarette.

"Guarding the Inventor," responded Naruto.

"Bleedin' hell I'll be stayin' more time with that brat then I need to," snapped Kenta. "Assassin, this task's all yours."

Hishou nodded sharply in response as Naruto made a signal to Takahiro, who picked one of the maps on the table and unrolled it, revealing a specific area in the Land of Sound.

Naruto formed a chakra string and used it to grab his cane from across the room, and with the tool, pointed to a specific area. "This is the shack. Too many people will gather too much attention. Inventor and Assassin will remain here, and the Inventor will provide information via radio about the location of certain rooms, using a combination of blueprints we have "gathered" and the radar system. Assassin will protect Inventor, for there are certain ...unsavoury characters who we may unleash by entering."

"Wait, what the hell does that mean?" said Anselm.

"Hebi's experiments," replied Naruto, lifting the cigarette to his lips. "Insane, primitive-minded people that have most likely been experimented on with either bloodlines or the Hebi's seals. They should be avoided at all costs."

"In stage two," said Michiko, "The Detective and the Knight will enter via an underwater route, for a river goes underground here-" Naruto pointed at the map with his cane, "and goes through the underground part of the base. From there, they will take out the sentries on this entrance, and allow the Gentleman and the Doctor to enter. Finally, they will get to the heart of the base."

"And then stage three commences," said Naruto. "The assassinations- if any-, the theft of the ring, and finally, setting the bombs here-" Michiko unrolled another map, revealing a blueprint of the base, and Naruto pointed to the correct parts, "and here, we leave using this route."

"Forgive me for this, but I do not see my particular use in this mission," said Takahiro. "Surely, Assassin would be more use inside the base."

"Indeed, I originally planned for Assassin to take your place, but-" Naruto pointed to a specific part on the blueprint. "These contain a series of cells that contain experiments- and the problem is, the only sentries they have are the ones we will exterminate- these cells are very close to the door. And it is more than probable one will be able to sense people, thus meaning once they've escaped, it is very likely they will find the shack very quickly. Inventor can only set so many traps, and while on the inside, there will be myself and Knight, who should compensate for any weakness you have."

"Ah, that explains it. When do we begin?"

"At nine in the morning," replied Naruto. "So. I decree this meeting at a close."

"Let's drink to it!" shouted Anselm, jumping out of his chair, and running to his bar, where he tore off his helmet and gauntlets, and began to mix drinks furiously.

"Knight, I don't think we need hangovers tomorrow," said Takahiro. "Besides, your wife is pregnant, and I doubt Kenta has ever allowed Michiko to drink."

"Yeah yeah, Yuzuki and the brat can't have alcohol, I get that," Anselm shouted over his shoulder, still making drinks. "Besides Takee, you only ever drink that disgusting sake stuff all the time. You don't understand proper drinks."

"Brat?!" said Michiko, hurling a paperweight at Anselm's head.

"Nothing too strong, Anselm," said Naruto.

"Naruto-kun!" said Michiko, scandalised. "You can't smoke and drink! It's terrible for your health!"

"Hah, looks like Michiko wants to become the dominator of your little relationship!" shouted Anselm, finishing the drinks.

"Didn't I hear Yuzuki ordering you to cut down on drinking?" commented Hishou dryly.

"You did not!" roared Anselm, hurling his helmet at the Assassin, who only caught it. "Right!"

Anselm catapulted himself over the bar counter, missing the drinks, at Hishou, who flew from his chair, drawing his sword as Anselm grabbed his axe.

Naruto sighed and rested a hand on his forehead, before disappearing, reappearing in between the two, his claws unsheathed, holding the swords between claws.

This would be a long night.

* * *

AN: And so there you have it. A fairly easy-going chapter. I'm sure you've all noticed loads of references I made, like to Bleach, and Metal Gear Solid (Used a couple of Snake's quotes in MGS that he uses to defend his smoking habit), but let's talk about something amusing...like Anselm's married. Who'd have thought it?

Yes, Naruto talks a lot nowadays.

This chapter included a lot of bashing, not of Sasuke, but of all of canon Naruto. Those stupid dramatic monologues, and all those flashy jutsus. If canon Naruto was a proper ninja, he wouldn't just jump out and tell Sasuke he's going to bring him back, he'd sneak up on him, hit him with some sort of poisoned needle that'll knock him out, then bring him back. It seems Kishimoto's canon is only really making the fans in Japan happy (you'll never believe it, but a lot of Japanese fans like Sasuke more than Itachi! ).

Finally, Naruto knowing the Rasengan. He didn't "re-create it," I mentioned that he lied. Someone taught him. Now who do we know that knows the Rasengan and doesn't think Naruto's some sort of twisted murderer?

As for Naruto's alliance, he's not returning to Konoha. It's a temporary cease-fire, and mild alliance...if the offer is accepted.

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. The Omake.

Anselm's and Yuzuki's Wedding.

* * *

**Elementary Fillers**

_a story of an idiotic knight_

Omake: Anselm's and Yuzuki's Wedding

"Anselm," Naruto's tired voice broke the Knight out of his stupor. "If you keep doing that, you won't have any nails left."

Anselm tugged his hand out of his mouth, only for his teeth to continue chattering, until he managed. "Naruto! This is the most important day of my life! I'm gonna screw this up, I just know it! Something bad always happens to me!"

"What makes you think that?" Naruto withdrew his pipe from a pocket, and filled it with tobacco. "What could happen?"

"Anything!" whined Anselm. "I might trip on my own feet! The buffet might be poisoned! I might pull down her wedding dress!"

"Strange, I would have thought that would be your favourite moment," remarked Naruto.

"Not in front of everyone!" Anselm suddenly realised what he said and clapped his hand over his mouth.

"I am not Hishou, Takahiro or Michiko, Anselm, I'm not going to tease you over it," said Naruto, as he took the pipe away from his mouth to exhale a smoke-ring.

"Yeah..." Anselm resorted to pacing furiously around the room, before turning to Naruto. "I didn't know you planned weddings though."

"Takahiro planned it, Anselm, I merely put all of it into action. I even hired an orchestra, somewhere from the West."

"Yeah, thanks for everything. But you guys know I would've been fine with the weddings as they have them here, don't ya? How does the priest even know what a Western wedding's like?"

"He's been to the West," said Naruto.

"What? But it took me almost a year to get here!"

"Now they have a ferry," replied Naruto. "A motor-powered boat that gets you to the far West in a few weeks at most."

Anselm almost jumped. "When the hell did they-?!"

"Almost just after you arrived in the Elemental Countries," said Naruto, a trace of a smile visible on his face.

Anselm slammed his head into the wall, cursing the blisters and discomfort he had had to put up with on his migration to the Elemental Countries.

Naruto watched his friend amusedly as the Knight repeatedly hit his face into a wall. "That's enough, Anselm," Naruto interrupted. "I don't think Yuzuki will appreciate it if you arrive with a flattened face. And besides, think of the wall."

Anselm pulled his face out of the wall, wiping dust frantically out of his hair, only to realise he now needed his hair combed.

"See, I've already screwed this up!" shouted Anselm, as he tried to brush his hair into some semblance of style.

"That's nothing," said Naruto. "Besides, here's something that'll ensure you don't "screw" this up."

"It isn't a smoke, is it?" said Anselm. "You know Yuzuki hates the stuff, and besides I don't have a healing factor."

"Doesn't stop Kenta," responded Naruto. "But no. You see, Hishou has wagered that you will ruin things."

"What?! That bastard!" yelled Anselm.

"So, if you don't ruin things, not only will you have a memorable day, but Hishou will lose money."

"Now that's an incentive!" grinned Anselm.

The door pushed open, revealing Takahiro, who being the most familiar of the group with formal events, was looking like a king.

"Heh, holy hell Takahiro, I've seen lords dressed worse than that!" said Anselm. "Seriously, I'm the groom here, I'm supposed to look the best!"

"The sight of Anselm, Kenta, and Hishou dressed formally will be a memory of mine till my dying day," said Takahiro.

"The memory at my dying day will be me and my king drunk," said Anselm, fondly musing over past days.

"Now that sounds like an interesting story," said Takahiro.

"Yeah, it is," smiled Anselm. "Well, this was back when I was a bodyguard for the King in my homeland. Me, the King and his other bodyguard, Gawain had had to go listen to this really boring sermon by the Arch-whatever-he's-called and so we decided to go out drinking. Eight different girls made out with me that day-"

Anselm shrieked. "Look at me!" he cried. "I'm thinking of other girls on my wedding day!"

"The King went out drinking with you?" said Takahiro. "Was everyone in your country like you?"

Anselm broke out his shrieks, his face hardened. "No," was all he said, and Takahiro easily sensed he was stepping onto dangerous territory.

"Takahiro, do you have a message?"asked Naruto, changing the subject.

Takahiro clapped a hand to his forehead. "Curses, we're late! I had to bring Anselm, it's starting!"

"Holy shit!" screamed Anselm.

And suddenly, an explosion rocked the building.

"I guess I'd better say that again. Holy shit!"

"What on-" managed Takahiro, kicking the door open, only to see a barricade of thugs standing there.

"Well, it would appear we've found some gate-crashers," remarked Naruto, stepping out of the room with his cane. A blade burst out of the end, forming a cane-blade. "I trust you two will help me escort these felons out?"

Anselm grabbed his broadsword that lay on the table. He didn't have enough time to get some armour or other weapons.

Takahiro opened his cane, revealing a sword inside. He attached the empty sheath by his belt and raised the blade.

* * *

"Who are you!?" demanded Yuzuki.

"We need some leverage on your fiancée and his friends," said the ninja, before he broke out into a grin. "And besides, you're hot. Priest, let's continue the wedding!"

The priest scratched his chin, and looked at the numerous ninja holding the guests hostage, and the numerous weapons they had. "Okay."

The ninja and some his comrades dragged Yuzuki up the aisle, one of them being skilled enough to stop her channelling chakra into her hands, and two holding her arms.

"We are gathered here together to join medic-nin Yuzuki Hayashi and-"

"It's Dai. Hiro Dai," said the nin.

"and kunoichi Dai Hiro." The priest stopped. "I'm sorry, it's the hair," he said, gesturing to Dai's long brown hair.

Dai raised an eyebrow.

"shinobi Dai Hiro, in the bonds of holy matrimony-"

Yuzuki ceased struggling and shouted: "Stop this! Can't you see I love Anselm?!"

"Excuse me, I'm trying to conduct a wedding here which is nothing to do with love, please be quiet!"

"Sorry about her," said Dai.

"Don't be sorry, be quiet!" shouted the priest.

"SORRY!"

The priest jumped in shock, and re-started. "In the bonds of holy- MOLY!" he shouted, as an explosion sounded outside the door.

"Matrimony!-" he continued.

"It's Anselm!" said Yuzuki, before disabling the two ninja holding her, her chakra control good enough to finally restore chakra usage in her hands.

"That's it!" shouted the priest. "No more interruptions! I'll give you the short version! Dai, do you take Yuzuki to be your lawful wedded wife?!"

"Yeah!"

"Do you take Dai-!?"

The door broke open. "No she doesn't!" screamed Anselm.

Numerous crossbow bolts shot past from behind Anselm, all hitting the enemy ninja.

Anselm, Naruto and Takahiro finished cleaning up any leftovers and tossed them out the door or windows, before striding up to the front, Takahiro jumping into a seat as he passed.

"Anselm!" roared Dai, the only who hadn't been hit. "I shall revenge myself on you for what you did to me!"

"Who are you?" said Anselm blankly.

"You don't remember me!? I am the one-"

Dai was cut off as Anselm slit his throat and tossed him through the window.

"Who the hell are you?!" said the priest.

"I'm the groom, idiot! Sir Anselm Blackwood, former Knight from the West!"

"I'm sick of this!" cried the priest. "I don't give a damn who it is but I'm gonna marry someone today! Who are you!?" he yelled at Naruto.

"I'm the best man, Naruto Uzumaki," said Naruto, before stepping out of the way.

"Okay! Here we go! The short, short version! Do you?!"

"Yes," said Anselm, staring at Yuzuki's...eyes.

"Do you?!"

"Yes!" said Yuzuki happily.

"Good! You're married! Kiss her!"

"I love you," said Anselm, as he wrapped Yuzuki up in an embrace.

"I love you too," smiled Yuzuki, as the two leant into a kiss.

The guests began applauding, as if the ninja had never held anyone hostage. Naruto smiled at the two, clapping lightly.

"Well, how about that," said Kenta, idly smoking a cigarette. You see, Kenta had given up smoking when he married, but having to spend time around Naruto, one of the world's greatest smokers, meant that he had to resume his habit. "Anselm didn't screw up."

Hishou, who had actually fallen asleep until Anselm burst in (explaining why he hadn't massacred the ninja for attempting to hold him hostage) gave a regretful sigh. "Great. Looks like Naruto's won another bet."

Michiko looked up at the couple dreamily, most likely imagining herself with Naruto in the same position.

She was broken out of it when Kenta tapped ash off his cigarette onto her head.

To which she furiously replied by apparently increasing in strength tenfold, and grabbing Kenta and tossing him across the room.

Kenta smashed into the priest, who ended up throwing his heavy book across the room.

Which hit Anselm's head, and the Knight stumbled and fell to the ground.

Grabbing whatever he could to keep upright.

Which happened to be Yuzuki.

Which resulted in Yuzuki's head landing in Anselm's lap.

"Blackwood!" exclaimed Hishou, a smirk clearly visible due to the lack off his usual hood. "Wait until you get a room!"

"You bastard!" roared Anselm, before he gently pulled Yuzuki to her feet, and not-so-gently grabbing a bench and hurling it at Hishou.

As Hishou jumped to avoid the bench, it still hit Michiko, who jumped out of the rubble to hurl grenades at Anselm.

Anselm deflected them with his sword, sending them at Kenta.

And things just escalated from there. And in the midst of the chaos, Hishou smirked over at Naruto, clearly signifying he had won the bet.

Naruto gave a long sigh. Something told him he'd be smoking through all his tobacco tonight. And the orchestra group had been murdered, meaning he was going to have to use Shadow Clones instead.

* * *

OMAKE AN: Yes, I stole some of the wedding scene from Spaceballs. Sorry, but it was simply to funny to pass up. See if you can find it on Youtube or something.


	9. Return II The Hebi's Hideaway

* * *

Hello readers! I'm back, after just five months!

...Not the best opener. Fuck this, I'll cut the AN short so you can enjoy the chapter.

Read. Review. Keep an eye out for unexpected plot twists, and even more unexpected plot twists when you've already thought you've seen one.

* * *

**Elementary**

_a story of a genius_

Return II: The Case of the Hebi's Hideaway

I begin my retelling of this mission, this one mission...looking back, it was due to this mission, where our organisation spiralled into a cycle of destruction, where we began to fall and not climb to our feet... From this one mistake.

And already, we rued the mistake already, as we fled from creatures that should not exist...

Naruto slammed the door, before using a strange technique to seal it shut. He turned, and fell, slumping to the ground, his back leaning on the door, the metal door shutting out the sounds of the predators.

"Are we safe?" asked Takahiro.

"We may have some time," replied Naruto, as he climbed to his feet.

Anselm panted, gasping for air, in the worst condition of any of the four. His armour was dented in places, and blood oozed through gaps. He removed his helmet, his hair shining with sweat

Yuzuki rushed to his side, her hands already glowing green. She was the most relaxed of the four- but that was due to the special jutsu that she was employing. Fortunately so, for the shock and fear could be much more damaging to her, considering she was pregnant.

Naruto reached for his pipe, and finding it safe, pulled out his tobacco-pouch. He filled the pipe, flattening down the tobacco with his thumb, before lightning up, inhaling the foulness produced, steadying his nerves.

"Outnumbered, facing monstrosities," Naruto said, almost to himself more than anyone. "Like a nightmare you can't escape from..."

"I don't know, I've had scarier nightmares," said Anselm. "I've seen a nightmare when everything get turned to shit by this dragon made of crap."

"You are then very disturbed," said Takahiro.

"I'd like to see you get a nightmare that'll beat that," said Anselm, almost smug.

Naruto opened his mouth to respond, but shut it again as a great hammering sounded at the door. The four immediately turned to the door.

Naruto and Anselm started to barricade the door with miscellaneous furniture scattered across the room.

"You know, I kinda hoped we'd have more time!" Anselm shouted over the rising din.

Naruto closed his eyes for a few moments, before opening them. "There's a genjutsu on the west wall." The Detective dispelled it, revealing another door. "Make haste!"

"Hey, Naruto," said Anselm. "You haven't removed the genjutsu properly."

"I'm going to reapply it once we get through," replied Naruto, as Takahiro and Yuzuki went through the door.

"Why?"

Naruto only pointed at the other door, the one that was currently being broken down.

"Right," said Anselm, leaving through the door and Naruto followed suit. Moments later, the door disappeared, once again, concealed by the genjutsu.

"So...now where are we?" asked Takahiro, looking across the massive room.

"Haven't a clue, don't ask me," said Anselm, looking around, before his eyes fell upon a strange scroll hanging on the wall. "What's that?"

The four approached, and -as if it was set off to trigger when someone arrived- an image appeared on the scroll.

"Orochimaru," breathed Naruto.

The recorded-Orochimaru laughed and leered at the four. "My my, it looks like the fox has gone into the trap, Naruto-kun."

Naruto narrowed his eyes as the recording continued.

"I'm afraid to say...you've been set up, Naruto-kun. Nothing you wanted to be here is here. Nothing but death..." The recorded-Orochimaru laughed again. "Now behold my experiments! Release the hounds on the fox!"

There was a great clang, as the recording ended.

The other doors started bursting open, and howls and screams were heard, as if they were animals rather then humankind.

"Okay, I think we're in _real_ trouble now..."Anselm trailed off as the experiments began bursting through the doors, things humanoid in shape, but in colours that did not belong to the human race, and numerous mutations on their bodies.

"...I can't believe it..." Naruto said, in his own world. "How...did he? ...How? Unless...that contact was a fake...of course..." He hissed in anger, before glaring at the opposing force. "I'd say there are about a hundred of them. And I'd say this is the least of them."

"That's good?" said Anselm, before the man grinned. "Never mind though. Come on, we can take them!"

The experiments screamed and charged the four, as Naruto smiled back. "Right." The Detective reached into a pocket, removing one of his ever-useful bombs.

"Allow me," said Anselm, taking the bomb. "Fire in the hole!" He roared as he tossed the bomb straight at the oncoming horde.

Naruto had drawn his crossbow, and to Anselm's surprise, the bolts were reloading as one was shot.

"It's a repeating crossbow, or automatic, Anselm," said Naruto, in response to Anselm's questioning gaze. "It took some adjustment, but as you can see, the end result was wonderful."

"Yeah, hate to say it, but these guys are actually fast," said the Knight, noticing how the experiments were beginning to dodge.

"Well, what are you waiting for?"

"Heheh...Charge!" bellowed Anselm, seizing his spear and shield, and rushing at the opposing forces.

Naruto returned his crossbow to his back as it ran out of bolts. And instead of unsheathing his claws, he drew the cane-blade. Takahiro would have to ensure Yuzuki's safety, but still, any experiments would have to first get past Naruto and Anselm.

Naruto stabbed into the throat of an experiment, tugging out the blade just as fast as he had stabbed with it. He ducked under a withered fist of another, before rising upwards to push his blade through the bottom of the creature's jaw.

The Detective once again tugged his blade free, but this time unsheathing the claws on his left hand, which he rammed into the chest of another, before decapitating it with the cane-blade.

He sighed. How he detested fighting mindless soldiers. Naruto much preferred single-combat, being locked in a battle of wits and strength with an intelligent opponent. Sadly, intelligent opponents were incredibly hard to find in this day and age.

As another wave rushed him, Naruto jumped backwards in the air, neatly flipping and landing several metres away. He dropped his cane and sheathed his claws, his hands flashing through seals.

And Naruto exhaled a great fiery dragon from his maw, sending the beast to engulf the group, before it faded away, leaving the ground charred and Naruto with enough time to pick up his cane.

"Take this you little shits!" roared Anselm, impaling his spear through two experiments, drawing his broadsword.

Naruto continued hacking away, utilising his adrenaline rush as effectively as possible, using every advantage he could muster.

"Naruto!" yelled Takahiro, blood dripping down his face, a vicious gash across his brow. "More are coming!"

"Contact Michiko!" Naruto shouted back as he ducked under the reach of an enraged creature.

Anselm still fought, acting more like a berserker then a knight. Some of the experiments had slipped over to Takahiro and Yuzuki, but the former had been able to bring them down, Takahiro now on one knee, panting, numerous bodies surrounding him, the man now on his radio, calling Michiko for information on the lair's layout.

Naruto slumped against a wall, exhausted. Such a fight once would never have made him tire, but now, in his aged form, he no longer had the mighty reserves of stamina he once possessed.

And then he fell to the ground, his strength drained, the man himself choking and coughing.

"Naruto!" yelled Anselm, spinning around to see him, but that distraction acted against him. An experiment knocked Anselm to the ground with rock-like fists, and in a split second, the man was surrounded, still on the floor.

But Naruto had no time to worry about Anselm. His hand dove into a pocket- finding several pills, which he downed and moments later, he stood again.

And at the same time, Anselm roared and leapt up, hacking brutally away at his enemies with axe and sword.

"Anselm!" Naruto shouted across the room. "Get Yuzuki and Takahiro! We move out, now!"

"Right!" shouted Anselm, forming a salute, but he failed to notice a creature approach his back, razor-sharp talons at the ready, a substance leaking from them.

"ANSELM!" screamed Yuzuki, and the man moved- but not enough.

The Knight howled in pain and dropped his axe, as he felt claws pierce under his left arm, stabbing through the armpit. The creature screamed in triumph, and continued slashing, its other arm slashing at the Knight's back.

A dagger hurtled through the air, missing Anselm- and piercing through the experiment's forehead.

Anselm gasped, as he pulled the dead hand out of his left arm- which he could barely feel, let alone move it.

"Move out!" yelled Naruto.

Takahiro turned off his radio, and shouted: "Naruto! Michiko says there's an exit through that door that could lead us out!" He pointed.

Naruto nodded and formed his Shadow Clones. "Hold them off!" he ordered, before summoning his companions over to the door, which the four were successful in escaping through.

Naruto barred the door, before examining their surroundings, and calling Michiko over the radio. "Michiko. What is this place?"

"It's some kind of medical facility," said Michiko's voice over the radio. "I think Target Hebi used this place for- crap!"

"What? Michiko! ...Have the experiments made it to your end?"

"They're making it through the traps! There are so many it doesn't even matter! I don't think Hishou and I will be able to-"

The line was cut.

"What happened?!" said Takahiro, noticing Naruto's alarm.

"They've found them," said Naruto grimly, before his hands found a light switch.

Michiko was right. It did seem to look like some kind of medical facility- but Naruto was sure most medical places tended not to have machinery strewn across the area. It didn't take long for Naruto to realise why.

"Prosthetics, if I'm not mistaken," he said, lighting up his pipe "Must have been Orochimaru's attempt to see when his arms were lost to him, he could replace them with machine. Looks like the experiments failed. He probably couldn't channel chakra through them."

"Weird, huh?" said Anselm, who had sat on a crate, still holding his arm in pain. "Heh, bet Michiko would love this junk..."

As Naruto exhaled smoke, they heard explosions in the distance, still in the base. Perhaps the ninja here had been found by the experiments as well.

"Anselm?" said Yuzuki, a concerned tone to her voice. "Your arm..." She hurried over to Anselm and began her diagnostics, stripping away the armour that covered his arm. And what she discovered was shocking.

"Your...your arm!" she gasped.

"What's the matter, Yuzuki? You can heal it, can't ya?" said her spouse.

"Anselm...can you move your arm?"

The Knight shook his head. "Nah. Why, is it something serious?"

"Something serious?! Anselm, that thing...that thing..." Yuzuki raised her head to look her husband in the eye.

Anselm looked at his arm. It had started blackening, and before his eyes, the blackness was spreading across his arm, to his shoulder, to his torso-

"What the fuck!?" he screamed, drawing his broadsword, roughly shoving Yuzuki away. "Get off me!"

The man began hacking away at his own arm, insanely possessed, not even noticing the pain he was causing himself. Through his frenzied state, he was aware of a woman's cries, and suddenly, a hand striking his neck, and he fell into blackness.

* * *

"My head," groaned Anselm, as he was reunited with the light, as he regained consciousness. He tried to stretch- but for some reason, he couldn't move.

"You've been unconscious for nearly six hours," said a voice, and Anselm turned his head to see Naruto.

"Naruto? What the hell?" Anselm realised he was restrained to a hospital bed, and a thick sheet covered his body from view.

The Detective pulled away the sheet, and undid the metal bindings that restrained Anselm. "Have a look," he said gruffly.

"Holy shit..." said Anselm, his eyes seeing his body.

At first, his bleary eyes had thought he was still wearing armour, and Naruto was just trying to scare him. But as his eyes focused more, he saw more of his body.

His injured arm was completely prosthetic, and chunks of torso near it been cut away, replaced with metal as had part of his neck. He placed his human hand to his heart, and could feel...an electric pulse as well.

"The creature's talons were poisoned. That poison started flowing through your body, corrupting and corroding wherever it built up in a large enough quantity...with the records we found in here, we were able to equip you with prosthetics...the poison had spread after all, and the only way to remove it was to cut it out..." Naruto bowed his head. "I'm sorry."

Anselm still stared at his body, riveted in place.

"Anselm?" came the concerned voice of his friend. "Anselm! Damn, he's gone into shock-"

Fortunately, Anselm was broken out of his state a few moments later, only for the man to start gabbling helplessly.

"This can't be...This is some kind of dream...no way...it's not even possible...look at me!" he screamed. "I'm not even human!"

"Anselm," said Yuzuki softly, approaching.

"Leave me alone!" Anselm screamed, and Naruto felt the man's pain as he looked into the agonised face of the man.

Anselm was cut off as Yuzuki's hand impacted across his face.

"Idiot," breathed Yuzuki, her eyes sparkling with tears. "You think this changes anything?"

Anselm remained silent, and Naruto left the two to their moment, taking the second door out of the room- the one they hadn't entered from- to meet up with Takahiro.

* * *

"Is the Knight...okay?" asked Takahiro, leaning against the wall, his shikomizue in hand.

"He's alive," said Naruto. "As for mental damage...Yuzuki will heal that."

"What about those explosions we keep hearing?"

"Who knows? There are too many possibilities."

Takahiro moved off the wall. "As for our mission-?"

"It was over the moment we discovered this was a setup," said Naruto. "Our mission is to escape with our lives intact. But we do have a side-mission...to destroy the entire place as arranged."

The former noble nodded. "We could manage that."

"As for Michiko and Hishou?" asked Naruto.

"I don't have the slightest idea whether they're alive or dead," replied Takahiro seriously. "It appears the radio's damaged on their side, we're not contacting them any time soon."

There was silence for some brief moments, before Naruto opened his mouth.

"I apologise, Takahiro. I dragged all of you into this."

"We knew what we were getting into, Naruto," said Takahiro.

"Takahiro...look at me. I'm fifteen. And I look like I'm well into my fifties. I'm hunted by entire ninja governments for accounts of sabotage and mass-murder, not to mention Akatsuki. I have to ensure the lives of my friends are kept long, and I'm the container of the Kyuubi."

Takahiro remained silent, letting Naruto speak.

"Sometimes, I wonder what I did wrong. All the mistakes I've made...they're important mistakes. And now, with this enemy staring down on us..."

"It sounds like you're giving up," Takahiro wanted to say more, but Naruto only laughed.

"Oh, it'd be so easy to give up. A stab through the heart and I could depart this fruitless life. But no," Naruto looked at his accomplice. "I couldn't truly give up from the moment I found myself travelling with friends."

A smile appeared on Naruto's face. "And for those friends, we can't die here. Come on." The two walked away from the wall, heading back to Anselm and Yuzuki.

"We'll never destroy the place now," said Naruto. "Eliminate the enemy. That'll be our only option."

* * *

It was a few hours later before they were ready to set off again. Anselm had to readjust to his fake arm, as well as moving around with the metal in his torso, but readied himself as quickly as he could.

Naruto had sealed away most of Anselm's weapons and armour. The man was solely armed with his broadsword, but it was his favourite of his weapons.

Yuzuki had re-applied the jutsu she was using to remain calm. Takahiro had also cleaned up most of his injuries.

"We should be taking a right here," Naruto said, as they entered a fork in the passages.

"Can't we just blow this place open and just get out?" grumbled Anselm.

"If we did that, we might end up killing ourselves in the blast, or alerting more of the experiments," replied Naruto. "It's a risk we can't take."

"Then what, are we looking for the front door?" Anselm was aggressive now, getting irritated at everything- but Naruto couldn't fault him.

"There is a point where it should be safe to "blow this place open"," said Naruto. "If we get to that point, it'll be relatively smooth sailing."

The only light they had was a torch inserted in Anselm's fake arm.

Naruto had admit, despite all the suffering, there was something entrancing about this. The adrenaline, the fear- it made him feel alive more than he'd felt since...since...

He hadn't been involved in such a life-threatening time since his escape from six S-class ninja several years back.

The light shone across a large dark room. A hall not too unlike the large room they had been ambushed in previously, but there was something different this time.

"Looks like some kind of training area," Naruto mused under his breath, before speaking out. "Keep your guard up. There is something nearby."

"Quite right, yeah."

Naruto tensed. "I remember that voice." He looked up, scanning the room. "Deidara."

Out of the darkness, a strangely feminine looking man appeared.

"I'm going to finally get some payback." Deidara's voice was deathly quiet, and Naruto noticed that this was no hot-headed man that he had been receiving reports from, but an angry desperate shinobi.

"How did you know we'd be here?"

"We've been tracking you. Thanks to a few more leaks, we knew you were in here, yeah."

Naruto glanced back at his friends. "There's a door over there. It'll lead you out. There shouldn't be any experiments."

"You're going to fight him?" said Takahiro, keeping his voice quiet.

"I've handled Orochimaru. I have no fears. Go!" Naruto barked his command.

Anselm looked like as if he would say something, but decided otherwise, and the three left the room, leaving Naruto alone with Deidara.

The lights switched on, revealing that the room was not only large in width and length- but also in depth. Deidara would have no problems flying here.

"Tobi, you can go as well," Deidara said, and a man in a strange mask (who Naruto hadn't noticed earlier) saluted merrily, before disappearing through another door.

Alone at last, the two adversaries readied themselves.

'I have one major advantage here,' Naruto thought. 'He won't try to kill me. Akatsuki still need me alive. But he may turn desperate.'

Deidara created one of his Clay birds, and in moments, he stood on it as it rose into the air.

'His strategy couldn't have changed too much. Blow things up.'

"Explosives are art," said Deidara, a dark grin appearing across his young face. "Art is a bang. Laugh- and grow fat."

And in moments, Deidara had formed several more creatures from his Clay, sending them towards Naruto. He formed a single hand seal.

Without meeting a beat, Naruto's hands went through three seals. He slammed his fists into the ground-

And two gigantic earth fists burst from the ground, smashing into the Clay animals, destroying both the beasts and themselves.

Naruto only had looked up when he found himself jumping to the side, as Deidara swooped down upon him, wielding a vicious-looking spear.

Deidara missed, but continued flying, turning around and swooping down again.

Naruto dodged- and was intent on countering, when dust fell from the bird, forming a hazy cloud.

The Detective immediately backed away, doing his best to avoid the dust cloud, but some of it caught him. And once it was on him, he realised what it was.

"Poison?!" He exclaimed, still surprisingly calm for a man who had discovered he was poisoned. "Looks like you have changed your fighting style."

Deidara laughed. "I'm not stupid, yeah." The man's eyes flashed. "I wasn't going to fight you when you know about most of my skills."

"Oh, so you've started to think," said Naruto, apparently impressed. "Excellent." Blue chakra begin to flicker around him. "I was worried I wouldn't find opponents of high intellect." The blue aura began burning all the brighter. "I cannot live without my brain work."

Deidara stared on, as Naruto stood unflinchingly in the midst of his chakra, no sign that the poison nor other injuries were affecting him.

"I apologise for underestimating you, Deidara. So- I'll go all out."

The chakra suddenly flashed, causing the former Iwa-ninja to shield his eyes. As the flash died, he noticed Naruto appear in front on him- on the Clay bird.

Naruto grabbed his cane- but didn't press the button that would force the blade out.

Deidara stabbed at him with the spear, which Naruto blocked by holding the cane in both hands, a hand in each end.

And Naruto batted the spear away, before striking at Deidara's head.

Deidara ducked under the strike, drawing back his spear to stab again- only to receive a foot to the face that sent him falling off the bird.

The bomber self-righted himself in mid-air, forming a single seal, his eyes on the Clay bird Naruto now stood on. "Katsu!"

The bird exploded as Deidara fell to the ground, landing on his feet- only to see Naruto standing on the other side of the room, facing him.

Naruto tapped the button on his cane, causing the blade to burst out of the end. He twirled his cane-blade around in his hand, pointing it at Deidara.

Deidara laughed at Naruto's choice of attack, as he fed his hands more clay, forming large tiger-like creatures.

"Interesting choice," said Naruto, watching Deidara's creations. "I should think it will be quite fun at least. But first-"

Naruto shot across the room, the tigers roaring as they too ran at him.

"Idiot! Do you think I'm not going to detonate them?!" Deidara laughed, before forming his trademark seal.

"Lightning Release: Electromagnetic Murder!" Naruto growled as he formed three seals, raising his hands, forming a wave of electricity.

The surge blasted the tigers, causing them to stop dead in their tracks, and Naruto laughed. "Deidara, I know as well as you do that your clay is defused by Raiton Jutsu. It's the circle of power, lightning beats earth."

To his surprise, Deidara laughed back in his face. "True. But after a bit of customisation, it won't stop my art, yeah."

And on cue, the tigers jumped through the air, growling, spitting as they circled Naruto.

Naruto let a mocking smile appear across his face. "What's the matter? Why are you waiting, Deidara?"

Deidara clapped his hands together- and the tigers jumped at Naruto, who merely awaited the creatures to grow closer.

And suddenly, the Clay beings fell to the ground, reverting back to clay as they "died".

Deidara's right eye widened (the left still covered by a scope). "Impossible," he mumbled. "All of them with a single swing."

Resolve and determination broke Deidara out of his trance, and he formed a Clay Bird again, once again mounting it- and by the looks of it, had equipped it with poison again.

The dose Naruto had received earlier had already been fought off by his regeneration, but he knew that if he received a large enough dose, he'd easily fall.

'The poison is definitely slow-acting. Deidara after all, still needs me alive. But then, it is also likely he keeps an antidote on his person. And it's doubtless that he can create much more bombs than I've seen previously. Considering what else I've seen from him, it will be dangerous- too dangerous- to fight a long battle.'

'But what would be the best strategy to use to end the battle as quick as possible?'

Deidara charged through the air, creating more birds as he did so. He sent the birds to bombard Naruto, before following through after them.

Naruto smiled thinly as he formed a single Shadow Clone. He grabbed the Clone's hand, before flinging him through the air at the birds.

"The hell's that supposed to do?!" Deidara shouted.

And as the Shadow Clone exploded, destroying all his birds, he realised.

"Fuck you! I don't need them to run you through!"

Deidara burst through the smoke from the explosion, his spear poised. Naruto wouldn't escape.

'If I dodge, I'll be covered with the poison!' Naruto thought frantically. 'But if I don't, I'll be run through. I haven't got time to perform a jutsu, or even a Replacement...wait, yes-!'

Naruto was impaled by the spear, the blade going entirely through him and into the ground behind him. Deidara gave a full grin that became a chuckle.

"I win."

Naruto's eyes slowly rolled upwards, a dead stare meeting Deidara's eyes.

"Surprise."

Naruto pushed the spear further through his own body- so he could stab his own blade through Deidara's torso.

A gurgle, and Deidara coughed blood onto Naruto's face.

* * *

"Well? Where the fuck do we go now?!" Anselm shouted, as they had come to a fork.

Takahiro massaged his temple. "Naruto told me one of these routes will get us out. But-"

"That means fuck all!" Anselm roared. "We don't have a fucking clue which way is life or death! He could have at least given us the maps!"

"Could he have really thought about that-?"

"He's always boasting about his thinking! Of course he could've!" Anselm was spitting in his anger now.

"Look Anselm, we don't need to be fighting ourselves! We should be trying to find the way out!"

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do!"

"Please, stop it!" Yuzuki begged.

"Anselm, I swear," hissed Takahiro. "If you don't shut up and start helping out right now, I will-"

"You'll do what, Tacky-boy?"

Takahiro drew his shikomizue. Anselm laughed long and loud as he drew his broadsword. "Come on Tacky, you can't honestly think you'll beat me, can you?"

"Oh, I can handle a machine," said Takahiro.

Anselm's fists tightened. For a moment, it seemed he had tried to control himself- but then he gave a bestial roar of fury, but at the same time, they heard a horrific grating noise- a mechanical noise.

Both noises came from Anselm.

"Don't get cocky, you little shit! I can tear you apart with a single hand!"

"Yeah, the robot hand, eh?"

"Oshiro!" Anselm's fury was overwhelming. Takahiro nearly flinched, but held steady.

"Stop it now, both of you!" Yuzuki stood in front of Anselm, her hands glowing green.

"Get out of the way!" he shouted, knocking her aside.

Yuzuki fell to the ground, her large eyes staring up at Anselm in shock. And as his eyes met hers, he dropped his broadsword, breaking out of his anger.

"Yuzuki- oh god, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Anselm lowered himself to the ground, but to his anguish, Yuzuki moved away.

"I-" Anselm was cut off as there were familiar sounding screams coming from one of the two paths. The monstrosities had found them.

"Come on!" Takahiro pulled Yuzuki to her feet. "Both of you, this way! Hurry!"

* * *

"You fucking...couldn't you have just died or something?! Did you have to take me down with you?!" Deidara howled up at the air.

Deidara had toppled onto his back. Naruto had tugged the spear out, and had messily bandaged up his wounds.

"Sorry, Deidara, but I don't intend on dying here," Naruto looked down at the man. "Now that there's no chance of me dying from blood loss, what's left of my healing factor will keep me alive."

"Y-You bastard...why don't you just die!" Deidara screamed, specks of spittle falling from his mouth, as he managed to climb to his feet.

Deidara tugged away his cloak, revealing the ugly wound from Naruto's cane-blade - and another mouth on his chest, not unlike that on his hands.

"I'm going to send you to hell, Uzumaki! Show me your fear! Drown yourself in awe and despair!"

Deidara quickly grabbed some of his clay, beginning to feed it to the mouth on his chest, when he stopped.

Naruto's claws had pierced through his abdomen.

"Thank you for providing me with a challenge." Naruto spoke into Deidara's ears. "Goodbye."

Deidara once again was treated with the sharp pain of steel ripping through him, but this time, he would fall into the blackness.

Naruto fell away, panting. He had to hurry. He had to get to the others, before the experiments found them first.

But before he went- he quickly seized some of Deidara's clay, and his ring. It would only be a shame to leave them here.

* * *

"Well, this is it," said Takahiro, a fear like no other consuming his entire being as he saw the rest of the experiments bear down on them.

At least two hundred and fifty.

He was consumed with fear. Somehow, the possibility that they'd die hadn't hit him yet.

And as he resolved to face his death proudly- he noticed the tell-tale flashes of a Body Flicker Technique. Someone was shooting through the troops, and it was without a doubt Naruto, who appeared in front of them in a matter of moments.

"You killed him?" asked Takahiro.

Naruto raised Deidara's ring. "Of course. But the other one, Tobi, got away. He's still out there. Come on, let's go, I'll tell you on the way. At least this mission wasn't a complete failure."

The four began running as the legion of monstrosities followed them. Within due time, after they put some distance between them, Naruto collapsed a portion of the ceiling so they could not be followed.

"By the way, what's the matter with you two?" Naruto was looking at Anselm and Yuzuki. "Did something happen while I was fighting Deidara?"

Sensing this could only lead to something bad, Takahiro took it upon himself to change the subject.

"So, the way out of here, how exactly do we get there?"

"There are several cells down here," said Naruto. "Don't worry, they're all empty, the experiments have already gone. However, in the case they escaped earlier, the guards here had a special passage way made. It leads to a part of the base where the walls can be destroyed in order to escape."

"So, how long will it take for us to get out?"

"Half an hour perhaps-" Naruto stopped as he fell to his knees, clearly weakened by his injuries and stress.

Takahiro and Yuzuki both made to help Naruto up, but Naruto raised his hands to dismiss them, climbing to his feet by himself.

"I won't be able to fight for a while. Don't worry though, there's no way the experiments will get through here. We've got to the point of smooth sailing."

"What was that?" Anselm said, turning to the barricade.

"I didn't hear anything, what was it?" Naruto said, only for Anselm to turn to him.

Anselm jumped at Naruto.

"What the-"

And as Naruto and Anselm fell to the ground, part of the blockade blasted forwards, going through the air- just where Naruto had been.

"They're breaking through!" cried Takahiro. "I thought they didn't know any jutsu!"

Naruto stared at the blockade that was being tore down. In a matter of minutes, they'd be through.

"Come on! If we run, we have a chance of-"

"We have no chance," Anselm's voice was dull and flat. "There's no way we can all run at full speed and escape them like this. Naruto, even you are low on chakra. You wouldn't be usually even with your ageing, but all that regenerating needs chakra as well."

"So what do you suggest?" Naruto asked sharply.

And as he saw Anselm's eyes, he realised.

"What?" said Takahiro, looking back and forth from the man. "What is it?"

"Is there anything I can do to prevent this?" asked Naruto, crushed.

Anselm shook his head, and Naruto lowered his.

"Get out of here. Hurry!"

And Takahiro and Yuzuki realised it too. Anselm intended to hold them off.

"Don't worry, I won't be reckless," said Anselm. "I've got this hand that's been created for sending guys like these back to hell. They'll die, not me."

Anselm looked again at Naruto.

"After all, if we do escape, these things will as well. I won't let that snake-freak's creations loose on the world."

Naruto turned away. "Let's go."

His hands pulled Takahiro and Yuzuki away, and the three began to run, only Yuzuki looking back- a fleeting glance.

Anselm sighed. "I'm not going to die, I'm not going to die," he chanted, psyching himself up. "I'm The Anselm."

The blockade was destroyed, revealing the experiments.

Anselm roared as the horde swamped him, the man in steel armour fighting valiantly against horrible numbers. Fighting valiantly. Fighting alone.

* * *

The bomb destroyed the wall, and the three found themselves in the forest.

"Watch out," said Naruto. "Remember what Michiko said, there's a chance more experiments are still hanging around."

"Perhaps worse than that."

It was Tobi, the man leaning against a tree.

Naruto immediately unsheathed his claws, approaching Tobi.

"Hey, you're so violent!" scolded Tobi. "Jeez, I haven't even done anything to you! Tobi's a good boy!"

'What on earth?' Naruto thought. 'Is he really Akatsuki? I don't recall hearing anything about someone like him.'

"Even though you killed Deidara-sempai, I don't really want to fight."

"Then what do you want?" Naruto asked.

"I'm here to warn you," said Tobi, and somehow, Naruto was staring at an entirely new person.

Tobi somehow turned darker, everything about the man changing from his posture to his voice. "Akatsuki are watching you, Nine Tails. We'll take you in due time. In the mean time, enjoy life while you still can."

Naruto froze. A Sharingan eye was visible in the eye hole in Tobi's mask, before he disappeared.

"Naruto, did you sense someone?" asked Takahiro.

"What? No, it was Tobi just now," said Naruto, surprised at Takahiro's words.

"Where? I didn't see him," replied Takahiro, looking around.

"What?" Naruto turned to Yuzuki, who looked on the verge of tears (but he couldn't fault her for it). "Did you see-?"

Yuzuki shook her head.

'Was it genjutsu?' Naruto wondered. 'That could explain the Sharingan, but why would he want to pretend to have it? I'm not all that intimidated by the Sharingan itself, it's mainly Itachi's Mangekyo that gets the fear going.'

But whilst Naruto was thinking, he hadn't noticed something approaching. Within moments, he was knocked over by the person who had found him.

"Naruto-kun!" shouted Michiko, wrapping her arms around him. "I thought I'd never see you again!"

"Is Hishou-?"

"Right here," said the robed man, approaching from behind the cover of a tree. "I'm guessing the mission was a failure, seeing as we didn't see the building go up in smoke."

"Where's Anselm?" asked Michiko, before a thought struck her. "He isn't-"

"He's over there," said Takahiro, staring back at where they had entered.

Naruto turned, and to his shock, Anselm stood there, bloodied, wounded, but alive. The man approached, raising his arms.

"Bastard!" yelled Michiko. "You had everyone worried!"

Anselm's eyes were fixed on Yuzuki, her and her only. "I'm sorry," he said, approaching her. "Please, forgive me."

"What happened?" Naruto asked Takahiro, his voice a whisper.

Yuzuki slowly wiped the blood off Anselm's face, leaning forward to kiss him. After moments, she drew away.

"Will that represent "I forgive you"," she said, smiling radiantly, expecting one of Anselm's comments.

Anselm only stood there.

"Anselm? Aren't you going to say anything?" asked Naruto.

"Get a move on Blackwood," said Hishou. He tapped the man- but Anselm toppled to the ground.

There was no light in his eyes. There was no smile on his face. They were staring at someone they didn't know.

They were staring at a dead man.

And that was it.

No last words. No consolations, no nothing.

Anselm was dead.

* * *

The Knight had fallen. And when a King loses his most powerful, his kingdom weakens. More subjects die. And even the King himself can fall.

That was the lesson we were soon to learn.

* * *

AN:

Some people will probably think Anselm's death a little rushed. Well, I wasn't exactly subtle. I've been hinting at a death for a while, and here it is. Well, at least I cut out all the flashbacks, last words, and properly killed a character.

As well as that, you'll probably think the story's going all doom and gloom.

Well, I'm quite fond of putting in the occasional twist, don't try and guess where the story's going yet.

Some people have asked whether the ending will be happy or sad, and here's my answer. Both.

Finally, there's the question of whether I have any clue where this fic is heading.

Well, I'm one of those people who'll know the main bits of his story, but has a bit of trouble bridging them together. Hence why I like skipping over bits in the fic.

By the way- I've said before that Naruto getting aged up was inspired by MGS4. The whole Anselm thing (being part machine) wasn't though. That was accidental.

But the next couple of chapters will be something memorable. As to why, you'll see.

Here's a couple of teasers for the rest of the fic. I have to keep writing these, they help me remember what's going to happen.

_

* * *

_

"Send word to Konoha," said Naruto into his receiver. "Let's begin negotiations."

_

* * *

_

"The hospital, now!" Takahiro grabbed Naruto by his shoulders. "It's Yuzuki!"

_

* * *

_

"Six of you, one of me." Naruto keenly examined the Paths of Pain, from their orange hair to their piercings. "Last time I fought six S-class ninja, I ran away. But, sadly for you- not this time."

_

* * *

_

_"I don't trust you, neither do I trust myself to carry out your treatment," said Tsunade. "We'll heal you- but don't expect favours or anything else."_

_Naruto nodded. "I wouldn't expect anything less."_

_

* * *

_

_"Well, look, it's the traitor," Kiba snarled._

_Naruto didn't bother turning around to see the old comrades he knew were behind him._

_"What's the matter, too cowardly to show your face?" taunted the Inuzuka._

_"Hardly. I merely want to avoid looking at something that'll make me lose my lunch."_

_

* * *

_

"What have we got to lose this time?" demanded Takahiro, a dark scowl etched into his face. "It's the Akatsuki who'll pay this time. No longer will they hunt us."

_Naruto looked up at the sky. "Of course. They should learn that its when a being is cornered, it remains dangerous."_

_

* * *

_

_"Sometimes to get to the end, we must use what was in the beginning. Ironic, simple. It's elementary, isn't it?"_

* * *

Take notice people. Not all the teasers may be used in the final edits of the chapters.

Oh, and if you enjoy fics, check out my C2. And for the love of something, subscribe. I've found out that plenty of people visit it, but no one subscribes. Hell, you can just delete the alerts as they get sent into your inbox without even reading them, I don't care.


	10. Return III The Man in Black

AN: Fuck it guys, any real stuff to mention is probably in the AN at the end of this chapter. Oh, and sorry, but I don't think I checked and edited this as thoroughly as I usually do, but I figured you guys were so eager for a chapter it wouldn't matter.

Warning: This chapter contains a lot of dialogue and not much action. Sorry if your expectations grew to obscene levels that I can't possibly meet.

* * *

**Elementary**

_a story of a genius_

Return III: The Case of The Man in Black

There have been none of us in our group who have not lost someone to a premature death before. Perhaps that is why we could be such friends. But when someone on the inside had been lost as well- I am not such a good writer to possibly explain the pain.

That pain was present in all of us, and even when we made it back to the base, we had barely spoken on the journey, our hearts heavy with loss. Even Naruto, the logical man who understood that his sadness could weigh him down, even Hishou, who never got on with the knight-

We were mourning silently to ourselves as everything was put on hold. Contacting Konoha, our next move against Orochimaru, methods of dealing with Akatsuki, the company's business dealings- all was stopped.

Anselm was buried in the town's graveyard, an epitaph engraved on his tombstone.

_A hero from the West forever loyal to his friends shall lie here._

_His way of life burned like hellfire and he faced his trials to the end._

_The fires of his soul shall forever warm the hearts of his friends._

_The Knight's unyielding spirit shall be with us for eternity._

_Sir Anselm Blackwood_

* * *

Several days later, saw Naruto sitting alone in the base, his head lowered over his work, his pipe clenched between his teeth.

Everyone else was out, save Kenta, who was probably asleep (everyone followed different schedules when not on missions), and Michiko- he could hear the sounds of clanging from her room, so she was still messing out around with machinery.

His options had become surprisingly limited. He had money, he had labour- but now he lacked power. Anselm had been the second strongest in the group (Naruto had rated him as Hishou's equal, but after the knight received those prosthetics -machine-power making him one with the steel that he wore- he doubted that Hishou could handle Anselm), meaning Naruto would have to fight those Akatsuki almost single-handed.

Hishou had been able to fight Sasuke before, but even then, it was only due to Anselm stepping in that Hishou was not killed when he had been paralysed from Sasuke's Chidori Nagashi.

But given Naruto's ageing, it was too big a risk for him, as of now, to fight Akatsuki. He had to cure his disease, as soon as possible.

"But then," he murmured, exhaling some smoke as he did so. "That would mean having to contact Konoha- soon."

Indeed, that appeared to be his only option.

The question was, would they accept? Sakura and Sai had seemed sympathetic to him, but firstly, Sai was from ANBU, and no doubt had been taught how to fake emotion. And despite that Sakura was the Hokage's apprentice; she still had little pull in the village.

He resolved himself to send word to Konoha anyway.

Meanwhile, there was the question of that traitorous contact, who must have leaked information to Orochimaru. Naruto had already sent his company's "enforcers" to "deal" with the man, but he had disappeared.

What was frightening though was how the information was leaked. Naruto had no doubt that it was this spy who had also leaked information to both Orochimaru and Akatsuki.

"Now, who could have been able to work with both?" Naruto mused, a list of suspects coming into his head. "Kabuto, perhaps?"

No, he decided. Despite that Kabuto was formerly of Akatsuki, it was unlikely he would still have any contact with them. The only possible answer was that the information came from a third-party. And worst of all, the information would have meant that the only person who could have known was someone else in his company. There had been two traitors at least.

Naruto sighed. He had spent a long time before rooting out spies and the corrupt. It'd seem he'd have to do so again.

"Naruto." He looked up to see Kenta. The man had replaced his blacksmith's apron with a thick brown coat, and had slung a satchel over his shoulder. "Well, I'm going."

"Where?" said Naruto. Kenta generally hated going outside. Actually, he hated quite a lot of things, but Naruto supposed every organisation needed a grouchy git as much as it needed the others.

"I told you a couple of weeks back, remember?" said Kenta. "I need to pick up supplies for my work- and the brat, I guess. If she wants anything else, tell her she should've told me earlier and I don't care now. I should probably be only gone for a week at most."

Naruto didn't recall this previous conversation, but he supposed he had forgotten it with the stress that had lately piled up on him. "Do you have your radio?" He asked.

Kenta patted a pocket. "Got it."

"Try and keep in contact, then," said Naruto. "And above all, try and stay safe. Our enemies don't know your face, but they'll keep an eye out."

"Yeah, yeah, I ain't stupid," said Kenta. "Keep away from guys wearing black robes with red clouds on them."

"And the ones with masks," Naruto added. "People with Sound headbands, bounty hunters- we have quite a lot of enemies, Kenta."

"I ain't gonna get killed by the Akatsuki, and they're the only ones really hunting us at the moment," Kenta replied.

"What do you mean; you're not going to get killed by them?" Naruto asked.

"They're after you, ain't they?"

"And anyone with association to me," replied Naruto. "Our base is hardly invulnerable. We're under a restaurant. Anyone who knows we're under here and possesses sufficient firepower could easily get in."

"Firepower?"

"Or jutsus, either will work," said Naruto. "And what do you suppose Akatsuki will do? They'll blow the place apart trying to get me and kill anyone who gets in their way."

"Alright, alright, I'll be careful," said Kenta, holding up his hands in resignation to the Detective's cautiousness. "By the way, when are we going to contact Konoha, then?"

"I suppose I'll wait for you to return before we fix a date for the meeting," Naruto replied, and Kenta nodded.

"Great, wouldn't want to miss it. Alright then, see you in about a week." Kenta headed though the door that lead up into the locked storeroom in the restaurant. The storeroom had another secret exit, so the workers in the restaurant would not be surprised by the presence of strange people passing through a room which was locked to all but the owner.

Yuzuki had assumed the role of the owner, while Naruto had actually paid for the place and set up the base. He was only known as a silent partner, his face unknown to the staff and they did not connect with the silent partner to a rich young blonde male who was a regular at their restaurant, or his "grandfather".

Kenta left through the secret exit, which took him into the alley behind the building. He headed to the main road, only to stop as a hand grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back a few steps.

He span around, his hand forming a fist ready to strike-

"Mumei, what the hell was that for? You nearly made me crap myself," Kenta scowled.

"I'd have no problem believing that," Hishou replied. "You looked dead with fright. We're only outside the base; its unlikely Akatsuki would be here."

"Bah, Naruto got me all paranoid," Kenta said. "What is it then?"

"Where are you going?" Hishou asked.

"I'm getting some decent supplies," Kenta replied. "I'll be out of town for about a week."

Hishou frowned under his hood. "Why didn't you just get them delivered?"

"Naruto doesn't like the idea of us getting stuff sent here, does he? He thinks people might get suspicious if they're bringing all kinds of random crap to a restaurant. Probably got a point."

"There are ways around that," Hishou replied. "We have agents in the town; you could've easily had it delivered to one of their addresses."

Kenta looked awkward for a moment, and then his face shifted to an expression that looked as though he was trying to decide whether he could trust Hishou or not. "Alright, truth is, I really want to get away from the town for a bit. You know."

"I don't know. Explain."

"You know," Kenta repeated. "Anselm."

"I did not know you were so close to him," said Hishou.

"Look, the guy was still a mate, alright?" Kenta said. "I know you guys hated each other or whatever, but the two of us were decent friends. Every Saturday the two of us would have a drink and talk a bit- but you know, I can take it that he's dead. I saw my wife get murdered by those fucking Root cunts, I can deal with just a friend. What it's hard to see is everyone else so down. Even Naruto, even the brat- save you, apparently."

"Anselm and I did not hate each other," Hishou replied, but he seemed softer now after hearing Kenta's explanation. "We respected- no, I'm keeping you. Good fortune on your journey, Kenta."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm only going for a week. See you then, Mu- Hishou."

Kenta once again, headed to the main road. He stopped as he reached the alley's mouth, removing a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from his pocket. He lit up a cigarette.

Hishou watched him go. It would be the last time the two of them would ever see each other.

* * *

Meanwhile, underneath Hishou and Kenta, Michiko had finally finished with her tinkering. She entered the main room, wiping soot off her face embarrassedly. She approached Naruto, only to suddenly pinch her nose. "Naruto-kun, this place stinks of smoke!" She complained, her voice sounding a little strange with her nose being pinched.

"I told them to fit ventilation in your room, but-"

"Not from my machines!" said Michiko. "From the pipe!"

Naruto sighed and doused the pipe. Nevertheless, Michiko stomped angrily towards him. "How much have you smoked?!"

He shrugged, which was something Michiko did not seem pacified by. "How much have you smoked?!" She repeated.

Naruto tried to think of a response, but he could not recall just how much tobacco he'd smoked. "All of it," he eventually said, looking back over his papers.

Michiko grabbed the pipe, tossing it away. Naruto opened his mouth to protest- but she grabbed him by the collar of his coat, pulling him up.

"Look here you idiot! You've been sitting here smoking and brooding for the past three days!"

"I need to plan," Naruto answered, as he freed himself and sat back down. "I cannot allow any more uncalled factors to occur during a mission."

Michiko watched him for several moments, the anger fading. "You're still hurting-"

"It was my fault he died." Naruto's words confirmed it for Michiko. "Because of me, Yuzuki is a widow. Because of me, their child will be fatherless."

"Child?" questioned Michiko. "Yuzuki didn't tell you, did she?"

"Tell me what?"

"She told me before the mission. She meant to tell you all afterwards. It isn't a child. It's children. Twins."

Naruto stayed quiet, contemplating over this new news. "This changes things. Why didn't she tell him?"

"Well, she'd heard that Anselm was joking with you about how twins would be a terrible thing, so she was worried that he'd react badly."

"Probably the results of the hormones," Naruto said. "Anselm would never have stopped loving her, and his last thoughts were certainly on her." He stopped, staring past Michiko to one of the seven doors.

The seven doors, all leading to the private room-and bathroom- to their respective owner. Each was marked with an emblem to recognise their owner. For Anselm, there had been a coat of arms. His family's coat of arms.

He had been angry about seeing it. Naruto had been unsure about using it, knowing Anselm's feelings about his past, but he'd thought his feelings for his family would still mean more to him. And it had, eventually.

There had been other stories associated with those rooms. The time Anselm and Hishou had begun midnight battles, trying to prank the other as they were asleep, the pranks growing more dangerous until it had ended one night when a drunken Anselm had ended up all the way in Michiko's room, while thinking he was going to strip Hishou and tie him to the hexagonal table in the main room.

Michiko, Yuzuki- and Kenta had all been furious about that when Michiko had been discovered half naked tied to the table. Well, beside the original awkwardness of how Naruto had been the first to awake and find Michiko, and she'd assumed something else entirely.

The day Anselm knocked the wall down between his and Yuzuki's room when they'd got engaged. As per usual, Naruto had had good foresight and made their rooms adjacent. The time Anselm had tried to change his old room into a child's room when he'd found out Yuzuki was pregnant.

Memories, sweet memories- but that was all they were. His friend was gone, and Naruto had never felt such pain since he'd lost the man who had been like his grandfather.

Naruto's head sank into his arms. He made no noise as he cried.

Michiko pulled him out of his chair. She did not mention the crying, but she hugged him until he stopped.

"Come on, Naruto-kun," said Michiko softly. "At least come out for some fresh air."

"You're not going to leave me alone until I agree, correct?" Naruto said. There were no tears on his face, or any other sign that he had been crying.

Michiko giggled, and Naruto picked up his cane.

"Why did we come to the park?" Naruto asked, looking around at the area. Grass, trees, paths, benches, flowers, a pond- hardly a unique park, but he continued walking with Michiko.

Michiko shrugged with a smile. "But it's nice, isn't it?"

"Anyway, don't cling onto me so much," said Naruto. "You make me look like a paedophile."

"Then hurry up and contact Konoha to work on your cure," Michiko replied.

"In the meantime, give me a bit more space," said Naruto. "I'll be able to pass as your grandfather or something."

"Fine," Michiko still reluctantly dislodged herself from Naruto. "Well, at least I know what you'll look like when you actually are that old. You'll age quite well, you're not that wrinkled."

"Thank you Michiko, that makes all the difference," replied Naruto in a tone that clearly did not mean it.

"That was bad, Naruto-kun. You didn't even try to sound subtle this time."

Naruto sat on a bench by the pond, Michiko taking the seat next to him. She pulled a small plastic bag from her pocket, and she removed half a loaf of bread from it. She tore off a piece, and began throwing chunks to the ducks, a small smile on her face as she watched them try to get the bread.

Naruto looked at her with a look that was unfamiliar to her, a sort of relaxed, peaceful way. If anything, he seemed even more like some old grandfather then.

"You become happy so easily, Michiko-chan."

Michiko squealed. "That's the first time you've called me chan, Naruto-kun!"

Naruto shook his head, although his relaxed smile was still on his face. The girl had been right. If only for a few minutes, a break was doing him well.

"So, what'll be the organisation's next move?" Michiko asked.

"I thought the purpose of this break was to take me away from all that," Naruto said. 'Or make me stop thinking about Anselm,' he thought.

Michiko shrugged, and resumed throwing more bread to the ducks. "Well, I couldn't think of anything else to talk about. Well, try feeding the ducks." She passed him some bread, and Naruto half-heartedly threw it at the birds.

Michiko held out some more bread, and a few ducks approached, taking it from her hands.

"You should be careful, just because they don't have teeth doesn't mean their bite is soft," Naruto said.

Michiko fixed him with a look of curiosity. "Naruto-kun, do you see danger everywhere?" She asked.

He looked ahead, past the pond. "It's necessary. It's something I've had to become. And even then, I still couldn't protect one of my closest friends."

"I know the feeling," Michiko said. "My aunt was murdered by that Root shinobi, remember? For months afterwards- even now sometimes, I wonder whether I could've done something. She was trying to protect me, and that- that bastard ripped her apart. But I suppose, in the end, just wishing I did it differently won't actually change it, no matter how hard I want it to."

"Yes. Yes, you're right."

"Naruto-kun?" Michiko said. "What did you actually want? You must have wanted to do something other instead of forming an organisation to fight Akatsuki, right?"

"Oh, I wanted so much," said Naruto. "And yet so little. I wanted to not have to bother with things like ninja wars and demons. I'd intended to retire fairly young for a ninja, maybe mid-twenties. I wanted to use my brains for interesting mysteries- not thinking up battle plans and strategies. And I definitely didn't want to age up until I was fifty."

Naruto stood up, twirling his cane a single time as he grabbed it. "That's a long enough break. I have work to do."

"But-"

"Let him be, Michiko." Hishou had appeared, standing behind the bench.

"How long have you been standing there?" Michiko asked, but Hishou did not answer, and instead he walked beside Naruto.

"I meant to speak to you."

"We can talk on the way back then," said Naruto, as he started to head back to the building, ignoring Michiko who had started pouting.

"I did not hate him," said Hishou, as they had gotten far enough from anyone else.

"I never thought you did," said Naruto. "Rivals, perhaps. You both had a deep respect for each other, no matter how grudgingly. You respected each other's power, and you never let any rivalry or arguments get in the way of the mission. That's all I asked for."

"I never wished to see him die."

"I never thought you- what is this about?" Naruto asked. "You sound guilty."

"Perhaps I am," said Hishou.

This was new. Hishou had always been the hardest of the seven to read. A loner by nature, always pushing people away; Naruto suspected he had been betrayed by someone close to him before, perhaps even on multiple occasions. The man worked hard to maintain an emotionless facade, concealed behind a white hood.

On rare occasions could he see past the assassin and see the man who lay underneath. But although he knew Hishou had been affected by Anselm's death, he had never thought he'd be affected to his level.

"Guilty? What of? You were busy saving Michiko's life at the time," said Naruto. "Anselm has been a loss to us. To us, and the mission. You and Anselm were the deadliest pair of fighters I could've ever asked for."

"I was talking to Kenta before he left," said Hishou. "It simply made me think. Naruto, I have never been one to care about what others think of me- but today I wondered. Kenta genuinely seemed to believe I hated Anselm."

"Well, it often seems like that to them," said Naruto.

"Who's "them" then? The others?" Hishou asked.

"Save Yuzuki, and perhaps Takahiro on occasion," Naruto replied. "But, yes, I never thought you to the type to care, Hishou."

"I do not care. I am merely curious," he said. "What do you think of me, Naruto? Not as a fighter, or an assassin, but as a man?"

Naruto did not answer.

"I see," said Hishou. "Forgive me then, for taking up your time. Good day, Naruto." He turned and began to walk away.

"Wait," Naruto said to Hishou's retreating back. "Hishou. I respect you immensely. But let me confess now. Once, I only thought about you as people to use and manipulate. But-"

Hishou span around, his face in shock, something Naruto didn't recall seeing on him for a long time. "Naruto. Are you lying?"

"I'm not the first leader to betray you, am I?" Naruto asked, before laughing bitterly. "It's true, Hishou. Although I never showed it, I was a bastard to all of you. I did not actually hold any real trust for any of you till the day I told you about the Kyuubi."

"To what degree would you have used us?" Hishou asked.

Naruto did not answer, taking his time to think of a reply. Unusual for him. "I do not know. I never saw such a time to do so. The first time I journeyed with you, Takahiro and Anselm, I was controlling the three of you."

"I don't-"

"Why is it then, Hishou, you felt such loyalty to me when you had not done to an employer for years?" Naruto asked, and it was Hishou's turn to be silent. "I saw the peril you lay in. So, I used that to offer you safety, even in a subtle way. Anselm- I manipulated him, to make him think he was redeeming himself for his past. He also hadn't felt friendship in a while- defending him now and then was more than enough to make him feel grateful. And Takahiro- well, he was helpless without me."

Hishou stood silent for several moments. Naruto could almost feel the minutes go by. Then the Assassin drew his sword.

"I challenge you to a duel," said Hishou. "Will you accept?"  
"Here?" Naruto asked.

They were standing outside the restaurant Naruto had called The Spiralling Sphere (usually associated with the unusual moving spherical sculpture kept inside, rather than a ninjutsu). Hishou sheathed his sword, before he ran to the building, climbing up it with incredible speed. Naruto followed suit, except his chakra let him sprint up the side.

They stood on the building, and Naruto walked past Hishou to the opposite end of the building.

"Do you really want to do this, then?" He asked.

"My heart is set on it," said Hishou. He drew his sword again. "As is my steel."

Naruto pointed his cane towards Hishou, and the blade burst out of the end. He briefly wondered how many times he had activated the blade. He had been using this weapon for over three years now, but he had constantly been fiddling with it and adjusting it.

The speed of how quickly it burst out or returned, the size or shape of the blade itself, adjusting where he could properly grip the cane- he had never thought about till now, but the cane itself felt like a part of him now. Wait, why did he think of this now? Now was not the time, not in battle.

"Should we wipe the poison off our blades?" Naruto asked. Hishou's sword was not poisoned, but the concealed blade was.

"I'm fine with using poison. Use any weapons you would normally would."

Naruto would've thought nothing of that, but today- something felt different. "No." He removed his coat, dropping it carefully onto the roof. He removed the bracers that helped form his Chakra Shield, and that contained the claws, dropping them onto the coat.

"What are you doing?" Hishou said, perplexed.

"You challenged me with the blade. I'll respond in kind," said Naruto. "Hishou, if you asked for a duel so you might kill me- even in that case, I do not wish to kill you." He removed a cloth from the pocket of his trousers, wiping the poison of his cane-blade.

Naruto tossed the rag into the winds, igniting it with a jutsu, and they watched it burn away.

"Although, I'll keep the armour," he said, tapping the breastplate he wore over his shirt- and usually under his coat.

"Very well, then." Hishou had watched all of this with little reaction. "But I warn you. I will not go easy on you even with these handicaps."

Naruto smiled. "I wouldn't expect anything less."

The two began to walk forwards, slowly shifting into a stance.

Hishou was the first to attack. His sword was stopped by the cane, the blade still pointing at Hishou, and Naruto lunged forwards in a thrusting attack towards Hishou's left side.

The Assassin grabbed the cane as it came towards him and slashed with his sword again. It arced through the air, and sliced down from Naruto's left shoulder to halfway down his arm.

Naruto pulled the cane out of Hishou's hand, taking a few steps back.

"I saw you make a strange shift with your left hand," said Hishou. "It was almost as though you expected your claws were still there. Is that why you removed them as well as your explosives? To deal with your reliability on them?"

"No," Naruto shook his head. "I had not realised I was reliant on them. Amazing, this battle has only been for a matter of seconds, and already I've learnt something."

"Well, I thought you hated talking in battle."

"My apologies," said Naruto. "Let's not talk anymore, then." His wound stopped bleeding, even if it did not close up.

Naruto attacked this time. Hishou knocked it away, and got around the Detective, his sword slicing at his back. The armour managed to stop it, just, as Hishou got away from Naruto's counter-attack.

'Have I been underestimating him?' Naruto asked himself. 'He already got two hits on me. Not impressive, Naruto. Well, I must step up to the challenge then.'

They jumped forwards, fighting viciously for only seconds, and then they backed away, circling each other. Naruto stepped forwards, and his blade just missed Hishou's ear.

The Assassin cut under the blade, and then Naruto leapt back, before he thrust forwards again. This time, his blade just managed to nick Hishou's neck, tearing the cloth of his cowl as he had just sidestepped.

They continued fighting like that, fighting for seconds at a time, only exchanging a few blows before they backed away. Gradually, they began to get more and more hits on each other, and after what must've felt like hours, both were bloodied, and still not satisfied. Their initial calmness had turned foul, and the two were aggressive and pumped full of adrenaline.

Hishou screamed and leapt at Naruto. He lifted his blade to impale the running man, but Hishou batted it away with such fury that not only the cane-blade was knocked out of Naruto's hands, but he lost grip of his own sword as well.

Naruto responded first and slugged Hishou in the face. The latter stumbled back, blood streaming from his nose, and his left fist came forwards.

The Detective dodged it, knowing full well that the hidden blade was readied. He slammed his forehead into Hishou's, as the man's right fist came into his stomach.

They stepped back drunkenly. Hishou tugged back his cowl, revealing his entire head. Naruto did not react; he'd seen the Assassin do so before.

And again, Hishou leapt at Naruto, the left fist drawn back. Naruto threw himself aside, rolling on the rooftop as he made it back to his feet. He sprinted at Hishou, who only readied his left fist again, and Naruto sidestepped.

They began to separate, and then they realised they'd come to a stop over their discarded weapon. Simultaneously, they stooped for the weapon, and straightened upright, their blades raised to the other man.

"What do you say we end it, then?" Naruto asked.

"Yes. Let's end it."

Naruto shot across the roof as Hishou began his sprint. It was like two knights jousting, as Anselm would've said.

The cane-blade pierced into Hishou's arm, and out of reflex, he dropped his sword.

Naruto withdrew the blade back into the cane. "You had no chance for that last bit," he said. "I have the greater speed, and my weapon has a greater range."

"I know," Hishou said, clutching his arm. He toppled back onto the ground, exhausted, his white clothes torn and splattered with crimson. "I did not challenge you to kill you."

"What for, then?"

"I'll tell you later," Hishou said groggily. "I feel too tired right now. Get Yuzuki- no, she's at the hospital. Can you get me there?"

"Of course," said Naruto. "Give me a moment." He picked up Hishou's sword, and sheathed it for him, before he went over to his discarded belongings. He attached his bracers, and pulled on his coat, and then picked up Hishou, lifting him over him so the man was slumped over his back.

Hishou passed out soon, and Naruto jumped off the roof, speeding through the streets to the hospital.

* * *

Two days later saw Naruto at the table, with three other comrades. Kenta was still on his supplies trip, and Yuzuki was remaining at the hospital, mostly because Naruto was worried after hearing from the doctors that she may give birth prematurely. Hishou was still there, but he was still recovering from their duel, quite noticeably bandaged.

"So, what is it, Naruto-kun?" Michiko asked.

Naruto watched their faces. "I've decided I'll send that message to Konoha today," he said. "Admittedly, I'm doing so considerably earlier than I first said, but no time like the present."

"How are we going to send the message then?" Takahiro asked.

"I'll send it in person."

For a moment, there was silence.

"Are you out of your mind?!" Michiko shouted, completely taken aback by that.

Naruto ignored that comment. "I've also decided- that I'll hold the meeting there. Or rather, I'll meet with them. Alone."

Now even Hishou and Takahiro looked shocked.

"I sound insane to you, but listen to me," said Naruto. "Here are our headquarters. I can't risk them taking any hostages. We don't know whether they'll cooperate with us. Not to mention that Yuzuki's on the verge of giving birth. They still think there are seven of us. Currently, one of us is deceased. Another is alone, and vulnerable. We cannot allow any weakness here. If I go there, they'll think they have the advantage and don't need to go to any more measures. Admittedly, they will have an advantage, but it means I don't have to endanger anyone else. Understand? This is an order, you will all wait."

"What about Kenta then?" Michiko asked. "Didn't he think his trip wouldn't matter because we weren't meeting with Konoha yet? Or did he expect this and just legged it in case they did come after us?"

"Konoha shinobi killed his wife- your aunt," Naruto said. "If he thought this might happen, maybe he thinks negotiations would have gone better if he wasn't around. And if he didn't anticipate this- well, it's not like he was going to be present at the meeting anyway."

"Then what of me?" Takahiro asked. "I thought I'd accompany you when we had the meeting."

"As did I," said Hishou.

"No. I will risk only myself for the next mission. If I should fail- no, if I should die, this organisation is immediately disbanded. Takahiro, you'll take over Uzumaki Inc, I already have the papers readied. Make sure you pay the others a significant amount of money to move on with their lives. Yuzuki will probably still live here- you will make sure you pay for her housing and the like, even if she says no. With all those profits not going to helping prepare for battle against Akatsuki, there should be plenty to go around."

"Are you telling us your will?" Takahiro said, stunned.

"It's a very brief version; the actual papers are all readied by the lawyer."

"Not the one-"

"Yes, the one who's always been hitting on Hishou," Naruto said.

Michiko giggled, while Hishou made a very small discreet twitch.

"Well-" said Naruto. He sighed, and once again succeeded in looking even older. "I'm going. Contact Kenta, tell him what happened."

"By the way, where did Kenta go?" Takahiro asked.

Michiko blinked. "To pick up supplies-"

"Not why did he go, where did he go?" Takahiro asked. "Where exactly has he gone?"

Michiko opened her mouth, but closed it again as she realised- "I don't know." She said, shrugging. "He didn't say."

"Well, I'll suppose I could ask him over the radio then, when we contact him," said Takahiro.

But Naruto had gone quiet. "Why did he not say? It could be vital information."

"He spoke to me about it, before he left," Hishou stepped in. "I believe he saw this as a break rather than a work trip."

"So he didn't want to be bothered by us?" Naruto said.

"He hasn't actually contacted us in the past two days, has he?" said Takahiro. "Do you think something has happened to him?"

Naruto closed his eyes. "No. He is still alive and well. I am sure of it." He opened his eyes. "But still, has something happened to him? Delayed him, perhaps?"

"I could try and track him down-" Hishou started, but Naruto dismissed the idea with a hand wave.

"No. You are still injured. And I cannot leave three members who are not excellent fighters on their own like this. They've grown stronger over the years, but even combined they would never stand a chance of holding their own against an Akatsuki member."

"How many Akatsuki members are left, by the way?" Michiko asked. "You killed one, didn't you?"

Naruto nodded. "There are eight left." 'Eight of them, and six of us. And only two of us right now can have a chance against fighting them.' He added in his head. He'd known it for long, the seven of them would never have been able to defeat Akatsuki in combat. They'd take down a few, but never win. Of course, their real chance came from the fact that Akatsuki worked in pairs. But he wasn't interested in actually defeating every single pair.

Akatsuki was an organisation reliant on their leader. He'd take out their leader- and that fellow, Tobi, was a suspicious one. When he had been serious, he gave the impression of one who was interested in extracting the Tailed Beasts, but had not been reliant on the leader at all.

He'd needed the force of a ninja country behind him to help. Jiraiya and Kakashi were still on his side, but even so, they could not act to help him. He'd originally intended for there to be six Akatsuki hunters.

Himself, Anselm, Hishou, Jiraiya, Kakashi and Gaara.

Anselm was dead. Gaara died and was resurrected- but he was still Kazekage, and could not abandon his country to hunt. Although, Naruto suspected that if he asked Gaara, he'd still come to help no matter what anyone said.

Naruto rose from the table, and they rose with him. He strapped on the breastplate he wore over his shirt, his bracers already on. He pulled on the coat- taking good care to check he had a certain scroll in his pocket- and attached the crossbow to his back. Finally, he picked up his cane as he walked to a pedestal across the room.

The pedestal bore Anselm's armour and weapons, and the prosthetic left arm, and Naruto placed his hand on the helmet, tracing the dents in it from the final mission.

"What would you have me do for this mission, old friend?" He asked.

He watched it, and to the others, it looked like he was hearing a response. And then he replied to it. "I'll take it, but I doubt I'll use it. I'm not particularly skilled with it." Naruto twitched suddenly. "That was a very tasteless response," he said, as he picked up the sheathed broadsword, affixing it to his belt under his coat.

Naruto walked to the door.

"Goodbye."

"Don't sound so depressed," said Takahiro. "We'll see you later."

Hishou nodded. "We'll see you soon."

"Good luck, Naruto-kun," said Michiko.

Naruto smiled faintly. "I'll see if I can stop at the hospital before I leave the town. Goodbye, then."

* * *

'How long was it, since I've been here?'

A day later, Naruto stood in front of the gate of Konoha. His heart sang, and deep down, he felt the warmth of being home again. He approached the gate, and he looked at the gatekeeper. It was the same chuunin who he'd lied to about being a clothes merchant about three years ago.

The chuunin didn't speak at first, waiting to hear the purpose of visit, but he did when Naruto remained silent. "Purpose?"

"I'm a mercenary," said Naruto.

"You want to be granted asylum?" The chuunin asked, clearly suspecting the man to be a missing-nin of some country. But what could he assume from seeing an old grizzled man in a black coat with a sword and crossbow?

Naruto shook his head. "Looking for a place get a bit drunk and find a prostitute."

"Alright, I'll put your purpose as a holiday," said the chuunin. "Papers?"

He shook his head. "None."

"No papers?" the chuunin asked.

A Hyuuga approached. The man scanned Naruto with the Byakugan. "He's got a considerably high level of chakra, as well as several weapons and scrolls."

"Fine, I forgot about you white-eyed bastards," said Naruto. "I'm a missing-nin of Kiri. One of the guys from the old attempted assassination of the Mizukage."

"Are you one of the Seven Swordsmen?" asked the chuunin, cautious now. Naruto could just tell that more ninja had approached.

"Maybe," said Naruto.

"His chakra level is high enough to rival a Kage," said the Hyuuga. "And there is an unusual sword at his belt."

"Got me again, then," said Naruto. "Well, answer this, Hyuuga. Who am I?"

"I don't make it my habit to learn the names of foreign missing-nin," the Hyuuga replied, but the chuunin clearly recognised Naruto to be- whoever it was he thought Naruto was.

"Bah, and there I thought my reputation preceded me," replied Naruto.

"You want to join Konoha, then?" The chuunin asked.

"Nope, I'm here on "holiday", ain't I?" Naruto said. "So, am I in or not?"

The chuunin filled out the form, writing down the name of one of the Seven Swordsman of the Mist. Naruto recognised it, even though he'd forgotten it in the past, having no need for it, besides, what were the chances he'd actually meet- well, he'd met two of the Seven.

"You're in for a week," said the chuunin, handing Naruto a pass, as he had no papers to stam. "You must leave at the end of the week or apply for reconsideration." He was quite a bit ruder than last time, although maybe he was too surprised to react in the same robotic manner he usually greeted people with.

Naruto waved his thanks as he headed into the village. Yet already he could feel the eyes of the shinobi following him.

"Might get a decent meal first or something," he muttered, a bit louder than one might. He headed deeper into the village, to the areas he had always recalled as crowded. And he disappeared into the crowds, blending in like a seasoned professional, his unusual characteristics not enough to spot him amongst the sea of people.

After about half an hour of walking, the Hokage Residence stood in front of him. He could feel the eyes of the ninja on him, they'd found him eventually. Well, he was here now; he may as well make a big entrance.

What better tribute to Anselm than something absolutely insane?

* * *

Tsunade had been speaking to her apprentice when the ground shook, and they felt it even in the building.

"Earthquake?" Sakura asked aloud, but then the sky lit up outside. The two went to the window, and saw people panicking, screaming, running- as fires flared up on the road, spelling a word.

N A R U T O

And in front of the flames and under the smoke, they could see a dark shape. They peered, straining their eyes, and saw him, the old man in black, arms crossed over his chest. And he was laughing.

His magnified voice reached them. "Dramatic, is it not?"

It was older, grittier than the first time she heard it, but Tsunade recognised that voice, and any doubts she had about the story she'd heard about Naruto aging were dispelled then and there.

"Konoha!" His voice roared into the air. "I'm back!"

* * *

AN: Naruto is back in black.

Let me see, how did I write this chapter? About a third of it before my extended break from fanfiction, then I ended up rewriting pretty much the entire thing.

Okay, time to fix any potential plot holes. Firstly, the broadsword. That's just pretty much an ornament right now. I've got no plans for Naruto to use it at the moment. Think of it like a remembrance item, save with more killing potential.

Secondly, yes, the entrance thing was a bit crazy, but Naruto feels a bit crazy at the moment.

Thirdly, there are eight Akatsuki members left, Hidan and Kakuzu aren't dead yet.

Lastly- yes, I know that the end lacked the usual conclusion scene by the writer. I just felt it didn't need one this chapter.

I'm sure there are more stuff I've missed, and you guys are just going to keep on pointing that out to me. Joy. Absolute joy.

I pretty much wrote this entire chapter just this week. Yeah, sorry for taking months to do a week's job- hell, I think it may have been half a week. Er...yeah, sorry.

I'd intended to be a dick and not bother working on it, when I happened to notice that the reviews for Elementary were over 300. Awed, I clicked the button, and read those reviews, and was inspired to finish it off.

Oh, and the chapter title is just to reference Naruto's working solo right now.

OMAKE: What the armour said.

"What would you have me do for this mission, old friend?" Naruto asked.

"You son of a bitch!" The armour screamed. "Leaving me on a fucking stand to gather dust! You should put me on and crush those Akatsuki pussies! At least take the broadsword!"

"I'll take it, but I doubt I'll use it. I'm not particularly skilled with it."

"Just like your dick, then."

"That was a very tasteless response."


	11. Return IV The Dying Man

Several months later than my prediction, new Elementary chapter.

Thanks to all the guys who review and send messages, I really appreciate it, and they're what are keeping me going writing a fanfiction for fucking Naruto. To all the guys who point out plot holes or other shit, look, I've been writing this for nearly three years now. Fuck, in January I'd meant to get this finished by the end of the year...or was that last year's January? There's a lot of stuff about the old chapters I don't like, and I'm probably gonna end up rewriting them anyway.

* * *

**Elementary**

_a story of a genius_

Return IV: The Case of The Dying Man

What man does not recall his home? To some, they saw darkness and pain, to some, they welcome the comfort of the first place they felt safety. And this leads to determination, maybe to destroy it, be it from their mind or from existence, or to protect it, cherish it.

I watched my family's home burn and collapse. I failed to protect any of them. My father, my mother, my sisters, my wife, the unborn children, and my best friend- they all died that night. I wandered the Elemental Countries for eight years, too weak to seek revenge on Honda, the "Noble" family that destroyed us, barely strong enough to keep scuttling from place to place, like a cockroach.

Akatsuki were the next group to bring me to a state of near-death. I was almost positive that day would end with my embrace from the God of Death, but it was luck which saved me that day. It was the same luck that let me survive the flames while that same luck let my family die.

And that luck saved me again. What coincidence was it that I should happen to stop for a meal just as the most recent renegade ninja from Konoha happened to do so? Perhaps that luck came through for me again, during our escapade through the Hebi's base, and that same luck let Anselm die.

What luck can it be to live while everyone dies around you?

With three of us missing- Anselm dead, Naruto and Kenta out of the town- if I have been cursed, this is the time for me to stand and fight. As the Detective wars away from his base, I will hold the fort in his absence. I swear in the name of my family, Oshiro, that I shall not fail Naruto. He who has saved me countless times, more than my so-called luck, and today, I shall start to repay that debt.

* * *

The man in black stood amongst the flames, his arms crossed over his chest. He had stopped laughing.

The citizens of Konoha must've looked on him as though he brought the Apocalypse with him. Few recognised him- they remembered a short spiky-haired blonde youth in a brown coat, a cane in his hand, and he limped as he walked.

This man was old. That meant more than his appearance (which gave the impression of a man in his sixties) because underneath he was old. You could see it in his eyes, that even if youth was to be restored to the body, that person would not be a boy. His grey hair still formed spikes, but they drooped like wet grass, bending under its heavy load. He wore a black coat, unbuttoned, leaving visible the breastplate secured over his torso. He wore bracers on his arms, a crossbow strapped to his back and a foreign sword was sheathed at his belt. The cane was at his feet, and he stood proud and upright without any hint of physical weakness.

The fires burned to nothingness, and the world felt like it had returned to normalcy once more. But they did not resume their lives, transfixed if anything, as they watched him stoop for his cane and approach the Hokage Residence. No one did anything. It was though the ninja had forgotten to attack him.

They remembered soon enough, and the same team that had been following him sprinted at him. He stooped for the cane, but he did not activate its blade. What need did he have to kill them?

"Stop!" A voice cried from behind him. It was the Godaime Hokage, Tsunade. She stood there, arms crossed over her chest, intimidating and noble like a wolf. Her eyes certainly were that of a wolf's, as she stared- or perhaps glared would be more precise- at him. "There is no need for hostilities, is there, Uzumaki?"

Uzumaki smiled, lowering the cane and he walked towards her. "So, will you hear me out?"

"I will hear you," the woman answered, but she still remained stern and wary. "Come this way."

He followed her into the Hokage Residence, and up to her office. He ignored the gapes and stares of the ninja around him, and did not speak until Tsunade had opened the door to her office and let him in.

Sakura waited there. "Naruto-" She started, but Tsunade hushed her with a single gesture for silence.

"Sakura, leave now," she ordered.

"But-"

"Now." Tsunade reiterated.

"There's no need for that," said Naruto. "She can stay." Truthfully he cared not either way, but he felt the presence of a third person might help Tsunade restrain herself. He let Tsunade sit down before he took the chair opposite her.

"The Detective." Tsunade stated.

"Godaime Hokage."

They stared each other down, Sakura almost shaking as she watched the silent battle of wills between them.

"That display of yours, was it necessary?" Tsunade asked, not breaking eye contact with him.

"Not in the slightest. I simply found it entertaining."

Tsunade's glare grew all the more. Perhaps it would've been better if he'd come up with some reason, for she was looking for a reason to get angry- looking for a reason to declare her war. "You propose an alliance, is that correct?"

"I can provide you with all the help you need to crush the organisation that seeks world destruction, Akatsuki, and as much information as you need about the current activities of the former Snake Sannin of Konoha."

"And in return?"

"I seek your country's aid in curing me."

"And why would I help a traitor?" Tsunade stormed to her feet, a wolf no longer, but an angered lion, and out of the corner of his eye, Naruto saw Sakura almost get blown away by the wrathful aura Tsunade excluded.

"I was never on Orochimaru's side," he answered calmly. "Nor did I murder those guards I was originally believed to. You see, let me reveal that truth of that day." His eyes glinted. "The first ever real near-death experience I had. That day, I went up against six S-class missing-nin, and lived to fight another day."

"Akatsuki?" Tsunade asked, but it seemed more out of curiosity than any sudden desire to believe his story. "You escaped them?"

"I would've done so without having to actually leave the village had Uchiha Itachi not been there with them," Naruto said. "He is the single most dangerous human opponent I have ever faced. He saw through every single plan I hatched, he placed intricate genjutsu on me without my notice- had I not found it in time, it would've manipulated me into heading to a site where an Akatsuki ambush would wait for me. I cut deep, and yet I still undercut him."

"I thought you killed Uchiha Itachi," said Sakura, recalling what Naruto had said to Sasuke when they'd all encountered each other. "You showed us his ring-"

"A forgery," said Naruto. "It served no purpose for me but to have some fun with Sasuke's head."

"How many tailed beasts have Akatsuki captured?" Tsunade asked Naruto. Her expression was unreadable.

"Certainly the majority. I am sure they have not captured the eight tails yet, and I am still here," said Naruto. "But they grow closer to accomplishing their goal every day. And Orochimaru still seeks power to grow into an immortal invincible."

Tsunade walked to the window, her palms on the windowsill as she looked out to the village. The sun shone, and although the villagers had just encountered quite a scare, they had begun to resume their busy lives. "I don't believe that story about you escaping six Akatsuki, even for a second. A genin surviving an attack against six S-class ninja? What nonsense."

"Actually, I had recently been promoted to chuunin," said Naruto.

Tsunade ignored him. "However, I am sure you are not allied with Orochimaru, or ever have been." She regarded him with a frosty cold stare. "While it means you are innocent for any charges about you assisting in the Sandaime's death or Konoha's invasion, I still hold that you have blood on your hands. The blood of Konoha-ninja."

Naruto didn't answer. It was pointless. If he told her how he never had killed those guards, she would only bring up the time he commit his terrorist act towards Konoha, or his frays with the ANBU- not to mention that incident with the Root-nin, but he doubted she knew about that.

But the question was now; would she ally himself with him, or call the ANBU on him? He was in the very centre of Konoha, with no haven to hide away in like last time. He wouldn't be surprised if just about every ninja was waiting outside the building. And what would he do if they attacked?

He'd take down as many as he could, but eventually, he'd fall. But it was the gamble he'd taken.

Tsunade had heard him. Over the years, she'd heard Jiraiya and Kakashi try to defend him as well. Now, she'd heard both sides in their entirety. What would she pick? If she thought logically, she'd accept the deal. If she continued to think with her emotions, she'd disagree. Logic or emotion. Which would she succumb to? If she was a true ninja, she'd pick the former, but-

Naruto cleared his head, and waited.

"There is perfect reason for me to have you killed. But, my predecessors have always believed that the death penalty is not always the solution," said Tsunade. "It is far better to be a shield than a sword. I will give you a chance to redeem yourself, Uzumaki Naruto. Do not disappoint me."

"Then, a cure?"

"We will you help you cure yourself once you have proven yourself to be someone who can be trusted. Not sooner."

"I'm afraid I can't do that," said Naruto. "You see, the reason I stormed into Konoha is because I just don't have that long left. It's not a matter of months now. I have weeks and days."

"Just weeks?" Sakura asked, alarmed. "You mean- less than a month?"

"That's all I have left, right now," said Naruto. "And using chakra will only hastens that eventual death. Choose, Tsunade. Will you help me, or not, and risk the Kyuubi's release? How long do you think it will take Akatsuki to discover I am here? They know about my condition- they'll do their best to capture me. Will you restore me to the strength that will let me help you crush them, or not?"

"You say it as though it's an obvious choice," Tsunade replied.

"I am a dying man," said Naruto. "I am not in any position to lie."

"Orochimaru once asked me to heal him, you know," said Tsunade. "He too had been cursed by an inhuman being."

"I know this story," said Naruto. "Simply give me your answer, Tsunade. I did not expect you to accept my alliance so easily, was it because you intend to get all the use out of me you can squeeze till I am at death's door?"

Naruto removed a scroll from his pocket. "This is the Doctor's observations on my condition, and the techniques she recommended that should be integrated into my treatment. I-" He was cut off as Tsunade seized the scroll, a look of shock on her face.

"This handwriting," Tsunade said, tracing the elegant script of Yuzuki's. "I know it." She laughed. "It seems I have the identity of one of your agents. Hayashi Yuzuki?"

"She's called Blackwood instead of Hayashi now," Naruto said.

"Blackwood?" Tsunade repeated, as she opened the scroll. "A foreign name- would that be the one called the Knight? The idiot who accosted me alongside you about three years ago?"

Naruto nodded, and Tsunade continued. "Yuzuki was a fine medic-nin. She was one of a batch I trained myself. An excellent head on her shoulders, good wits as well, but she sometimes grew too close to her patients. She'd take it too hard when anyone died, and wars were more commonplace then."

"I know," said Naruto. He hadn't intended to tell her this, but if she knew Yuzuki- "She's a widow, now."

Tsunade looked somewhat taken aback, but Sakura was the one who looked shocked. She'd actually met Anselm, even if for a fleeting moment. The idea of that he'd gone off- and now Naruto was saying he was dead. Was it too soon?

"Did they have children?" Tsunade asked.

Naruto fixed her with an eye. Now, this'd be it. He suspected that if he told Tsunade this, it might just lead to her agreeing to treat him. But was it worth the risk of letting it known that they were heavily vulnerable?

"Twins on the way."

Tsunade did not say anything else and simply looked at the scroll again and began to read it. She did not look up again till she had finished. "As I said, Yuzuki was a fine medic-nin. She's analysed your condition very thoroughly. If my suspicions are correct, we should be able to carry out the treatment in under a week. I knew full well what techniques to use to integrate into a cure, but-" She cut herself off as she re-read the scroll.

Naruto leant back in his chair, and laughed. "How long has it been?" He asked aloud. "Since I've had good news like this?"

"By the way, I've got no intention of operating on you."

"What?" said Naruto, brought back to reality. "This is bound to be complex, I require-"

"I don't trust you, neither do I trust myself to carry out your treatment," said Tsunade. "I simply do not think that given our history, it would make sense for me to operate on you. Shizune or even Sakura shall make more than adequate substitutes."

Naruto nodded, but did not say anything else.

"Well, there's the deal, Uzumaki," said Tsunade. "We'll heal you as soon as possible. From then on, you'll help us deal with Akatsuki and Orochimaru. But you are not being reinstated as a ninja of Konoha, and I doubt you will ever be again."

"I knew that three years ago when I cut through the forehead protector," Naruto said. He walked to the door. "So begins our treaty. While Akatsuki, Orochimaru, and- oh, by the way, did you want Uchiha Sasuke taken out in the bargain?"

"He bears the Sharingan," said Tsunade. "He is a powerful enemy."

"But also quite incompetent in terms of the mind," said Naruto. "If you were willing to manipulate him the right way, you could have him as your soldier again. But, I am not here to persuade you otherwise on such things. We'll kill him then. No objections then, Sakura?"

Sakura shook her head, although Naruto suspected some regret existed in her still.

"If you encounter him, take him alive if it is reasonably practical," Tsunade added, but Naruto suspected it was mostly for Sakura's sake.

"Well, one more thing," said Naruto. "I shall require lodgings while I'm here."

That might have been pushing it, but Tsunade nodded. She opened a drawer, and fished out a key. "There are rooms in the tower," she said, throwing him the key. "Usually kept for the daimyo's representatives, ambassadors and the like."

He caught the key neatly, stowing it in his pocket. So, she still wishes to keep an eye on me, he mused to himself.

"Sakura will show you where they are," said Tsunade. "In fact- she will keep an eye on you for me for the duration of your visit.

Sakura looked very much surprised by this, but Naruto did not complain, nor did he wait for her as he walked to the stairs.

* * *

"Wow, nice place," said Sakura. "Nicer than my house. I wonder if I could get sensei to move me into one of these rooms.

The quarters were spacious despite not being particularly large. There was no kitchen, but Naruto suspected that was because most people these rooms would typically house would not be accustomed to cooking for themselves.

To Sakura's surprise, Naruto's first reaction was to start checking the rooms. "There's not going to be a bomb hidden in the flowers, you know," she said as he inspected a vase.

He ignored her and carried on checking the room for several minutes, until finally content, he nodded to himself. His next action was to remove his crossbow so he could take off his coat, throwing both onto his bed and then start struggling to remove his breastplate.

"What are you doing?" Sakura said, almost shrieking.

He grimaced. He hadn't missed Sakura's occasional tendency to start sounding like a harpy. "I'm going to take a shower," he said, waving his arm at the door that led to the bathroom. "It's just that this accursed breastplate- ouch."

Naruto was frozen, his body in a strange curve position as his hands- the only thing that were moving- seemed to massage his back.

"What's the matter?" Sakura asked.

He grimaced again. "Well," he said, somewhat awkward. "It appears I've done my back out."

Despite herself, Sakura couldn't help but crack a smile. "What?"

"You heard me," he growled. "You're a medic, would you kindly mind fixing it?"

"Okay, okay," said Sakura as she approached him. "Hm, I'll need you to take off-"

"You'll have to help me with getting it off," said Naruto.

He showed her where the hinges were, and she managed to get it off without too much difficulty, although she could imagine it might be harder if she was wearing it. After she placed the breastplate on his bed, she didn't even need to examine his back further, but simply delivered a sharp strike to a point on his back.

Naruto straightened and sighed. "Thanks," he said. He removed several of the items from his belt, including the broadsword, dropping them on the bed as well. The cane though, he took that with him in the bathroom.

Sakura heard the water come on, and then sat on the bed, taking care to avoid the numerous possessions that were also discarded there.

The water went quiet. "Sakura!" Naruto called. "Do you mind getting something out of my coat pocket? It's an outside pocket, the one at the hip. There should be a radio in there."

Sakura turned the coat over. She hadn't actually noticed earlier just how many pockets were on the thing. Still, she managed to retrieve the radio without too much difficulty. "Got it!"

"Good. Now, it's currently set so it can be used for communicating with identical radios rather than picking up frequencies, and that has to be changed. There's a dial on it, turn it ninety degrees clockwise."

Sakura did so and called back to him.

"Now, switch it on, and turn up the volume dial so I can hear it with the water on."

Once again, Sakura did so, somewhat confused. And then a voice sounded. "e_And now, it's time for our weekly show, The Adventures of Detective Hotaka and his assistant, Doctor Watanabe_."

"What the hell?" Sakura said, dumbfounded.

"Haven't missed it in years," Naruto's voice sounded, as the water came back on. "Bring it over to the door, will you?"

"_Last time on The Adventures of Detective Hotaka, he was investigating rumours that the massive crime organisation led by his late arch-enemy Miyamoto had resurfaced with a new man at the helm_…"

* * *

"You know what?" Sakura said. "I bet Miyamoto is alive- and he's Shuu."

"No, that's ridiculous," said Naruto. "Miyamoto was killed by Hotaka. He threw him into a chasm. And besides, Shuu's too rash and unsubtle to have any of Moritaka's genius."

"I like Kyosuke," said Sakura. "He's smarter and more refined than Shuu. And his voice is just-"

"Just what?" said Naruto.

Sakura actually blushed. "Well, he just seems like a more interesting villain than Shuu."

"True, I wouldn't be surprised if Kyosuke was the one manipulating things behind the scenes," said Naruto. "But then again, if Shuu has one thing going for him, he's very good at seeing through the plans of those around him."

"Yeah, I think he would know if Kyosuke was using him," said Sakura. "But still, do you think he might be aware of it?"

"So he can use it against Kyosuke?" Naruto asked. "It's certainly possible. But that goes back to what I said earlier, he's too rash and unsubtle. He's more the type to just randomly kill someone then cautiously observe them."

"So do you think that means Kyosuke is using him or not?"

"Kyosuke definitely has more power than he should, but I don't have enough information to suggest anything else," said Naruto. "But I suspect Watanabe will end up playing a great role in this case." He ended his sentence with a few coughs.

An hour had gone by since Naruto had made his entrance into Konoha. After his shower, he'd simply announced he intended to go out, and Sakura had come along. He hadn't told her where exactly they were going, and the silence had grown so intolerable she'd taken to talking about the radio show. Not because she was interested in it or anything, that would be just ridiculous.

Naruto eventually came to a stop, and Sakura's jaw dropped. "Jeez, I should've seen this coming."

Naruto smiled. "It's been three years. Besides, my company owns the place. It's why it got upgraded to a restaurant instead of just a stand."

"What is it with you and restaurants all of a sudden? You were going on about some other restaurant you told us to meet us at before, the Swirling Sphere or something-"

He pushed open the door to Ichiraku Ramen. It was mostly empty, the only customers a few vagrants in the corner eating the cheapest stuff available. Naruto took a seat at a table, and Sakura followed as they waited for the waitress.

"Hello, welcome to Ichiraku Ramen, can I take your order?"

"You don't recognise me, do you, Ichiraku Ayame?" Naruto said.

Ayame frowned as she squinted at what she perceived to be an old man. "Wait, you're- Naruto!" She said, stunned. She'd had to subtract the age lines and wrinkles, and colour the hair blonde- but it was him. "Wait, Naruto? What are you doing here? You'll be arrested! And how- how come you're so old?"

"I'm back with Konoha, now," said Naruto. "Not a ninja, but not a criminal. So, get me a special, it's been a while. And don't worry about the aging, it's just a disguise."

Ayame nodded and took Sakura's order before she headed to the kitchen.

"How well do you know them?" Sakura asked, referring to the Ichiraku family.

"Old regular and friend," Naruto replied. "I once helped them as well, when they had a spot of trouble. And then with Uzumaki Inc, I gave them a good investment. Still, I suppose I miss the old stand."

Ayame came back with the ramen soon enough, carrying the bowls carefully on a tray. "Enjoy," she said, placing them down in front of the two. "And, Naruto? It's nice to see you again."

Naruto nodded. "It's good to be back, if only for a little while."

The two former teammates ate in relative silence, and left soon enough. Naruto gave Ayame a short wave and told her to say hello to her father for him as they headed to the door.

"Wait a minute," said Sakura. "Are we just walking out on the bill?"

"I'm a silent partner," said Naruto. "Provided my order is within reason, I don't pay here."

They stepped out of Ichiraku Ramen- to see that although the road had been mostly empty of people outside before, there were now quite a lot. Not enough to be a crowd, but certainly a lot, and they could not have been brought here by chance alone. Naruto inspected them with frigid eyes, glaring at them till they began to disperse.

They set off along the road amongst the dispersing people.

"Gossipers," Naruto said, his tone clearly disapproving. "Well, it could've been worse."

"How so?" Sakura asked.

"They might have shown up. Oh, I spoke to soon; they have," Naruto said. He gestured behind him, but did not look back. Sakura looked past him, and saw the faces of several of her friends.

"Well, if it isn't the traitor," Kiba snarled.

Naruto didn't bother to turn around to see the old comrades he knew was behind him.

"What's the matter, too cowardly to show your face?" taunted the Inuzuka.

"Hardly. I merely want to avoid looking at something so hideous I'll lose my lunch."

Kiba fumed, and took a step forward. Behind him, the others waited, Shino, Hinata, Neji, Lee and Tenten. Team 10 were not there, as they were on a mission, according to Sakura.

"Turn around, old man," said Kiba. Akamaru- now a much larger dog than he had been three years ago- growled at Naruto.

"Be gone, dog," said Naruto, unmoving.

"Turn around," said Neji.

"Neji. It's been a while, hasn't it? Still talking about fate and all that nonsense? I hope you have grown into an exceptional ninja who isn't humiliated in front of crowds any more. What a brilliant victory my last fight was with you. The TV remote controller- I don't know how I came up with it."

"At least you are still as arrogant as before."

"Arrogant? I've always maintained a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses." Naruto finally turned around, so they could see his face for the first time. The old face was not fragile, nor was it weak, as they might've heard. "And so, what purpose did you come here? To insult me? To fight me? Either way, I care not."

"You traitorous son of a bitch-"

Rock Lee stepped forwards, interrupting Kiba. "We came here to ask you if it's true that you commit such atrocities."

Naruto held his tongue for a moment. He could tell that how he responded would be the key focus in how they treated him from now on. They had heard the propaganda against him, dealt with him before, but now they would make their final decision.

"Fuck off."

It was unusual for him, he knew it- as did they, judging from their astounded faces. He had always been one to remain cold and logical, and yet returning to Konoha was bringing out all kind of emotion in him. How very interesting.

Kiba was first to reply. "What? What the hell did you just say?"

"You heard me. Fuck off." Naruto's steel gaze kept them frozen with shock. "I've no time to waste with trying to tell people I'm innocent. I'm here to kill Akatsuki. I don't care what other people think about me, least of all a few adolescents. And if you imbeciles have time to go around like this, I'm sure that speaks well for your abilities to combat such forces."

"You fucking bastard." Kiba was shaking with rage. Insults he'd heard since day one, but disregard as though he was just a fucking kid- even though he was the same age as the person saying thus- that was too far.

Naruto could tell he was going to attack. He could've stepped back, dodged, but did nothing to stop Kiba storming up to him, grabbing him by the front of his coat and throwing him to the ground.

Kiba kicked Naruto in the side, but Naruto still did not retaliate, he didn't even get back up. "You fucking fucking bastard!" He screamed, and still Naruto did nothing. The Inuzuka stared dead into the eyes of blue, and stopped.

"Don't you fucking dare," he slowly said through gritted teeth. "How fucking dare you look at me like that!"

Kiba pulled Naruto up, his free hand curled into a fist and pulled back. "Traitor- don't you think for a moment you can look down on me!" Loose spittle escaped his maw, finding its way onto Naruto's face, the first thing that caused Naruto to respond, even if it was just a small grimace.

Kiba slammed his fist into Naruto's forehead.

And then Kiba broke away, howling, clutching his aching hand.

"Sorry, Kiba, but as amusing as it is for me to watch your little temper tantrum, I've got work to do," said Naruto. "And I'm sorry I didn't warn you that these old bones of mine are like iron."

"Why didn't you try to avoid any of those hits?" Neji asked.

"Because I don't feel I should really expend any effort to deal with someone like him," said Naruto. "Look at him. He gets hurt by himself all too easy. Fighting someone like him would be as pointless as fighting an obstinate child. He'd learn nothing and it'd look like bullying."

Naruto saw Neji move forward, and knew what'd happen. He let the palm strike his chest, but although it could've pushed back a boulder, he did not move.

"You took my hit as well?" Neji said. "So, you think of me the same way?"

"You struck me, just to try and find out what I think of you? What do you think?" His eyes searched the others. "That's twice you've attacked me. A third- and I will respond. And even in this old, weak frame, I can break you all apart."

Naruto saw nothing but doubt and fear on their faces. None of them could even stare into his eyes- well, Shino might've, but his eyes were obscured by the sunglasses. He was right. Most of them would be no real help against Akatsuki.

They were no use to him, and no longer relevant to his life. As a genin, he'd still pictured himself growing amongst them, and then growing to surpass them in both brain and brawn.

He'd accomplished both long ago.

"Let's go, Sakura. Leave them to themselves."

* * *

They found Kakashi standing by the Memorial Stone. With his hands in his pockets, he sighed to himself, his single eye mistily gazing on the name etched into the stone. Of course, he already knew they were there.

"Greetings."

Kakashi turned around. And even though he wore his mask, they could tell that a grin existed underneath it. "Naruto, it's been a while."

The two shook hands firmly. If Kakashi was surprised by Naruto's aging (which was unlikely, he would've heard from Jiraiya or one of the new Team 7 members), he hid it well.

"So, Tsunade let you back, eh?" said Kakashi.

Naruto nodded. "Her trust for me does not run deep, however. Although she harbours less of a grudge against me now, chances are that once the Akatsuki are crushed, I'll go on the run again."

"Well, it'll be nice to work with you again," said Kakashi. "But, Naruto, will you oblige me one thing?"

"Ask away."

"I hear you managed to fight off Orochimaru. You couldn't kill him, but you certainly drove him off. So," he smiled, "as your old sensei, let me evaluate with my own power just how far you have gone."

"I'd be happy to oblige you," said Naruto. "But, I'm afraid I'll have to put it off. I'd rather not do anything too strenuous until I've been healed."

"How disappointing," Kakashi replied. "Very well, you owe me a fight. So, Sakura, how are you doing? I haven't seen you in a week or two."

"What are you talking about?" asked Sakura. "We were talking just yesterday."

"We were?" Kakashi looked bemused, but shrugged. "Watch out, though. You don't have many friends here, you know."

"Yes, I encountered a few of those who claimed to hold a grudge against me for some reason," said Naruto.

Kakashi figured out who he meant almost immediately. "They'd seen the most powerful amongst them disappear almost consecutively," he said, suddenly serious. "First you disappeared, then Sasuke. They knew Sasuke had joined with Orochimaru. But for you, no one knew anything. Barely any trail, just the slaughtered guards that left any mark. They thought it was abduction at first, then Tsunade showed up, and she was quickly labelled you an enemy. And it was hard to doubt her when she might've been your hero, someone you'd heard great stories about, or someone who healed you."

"Tsunade seeks to use me as a means to an end," Naruto said. "She is willing to heal me; she needs me to be strong now, for she knows Akatsuki cannot be allowed to obtain the Kyuubi. The rest of Konoha is either indifferent to me, suspicious, or believes me a traitor. I care not. I want my enemies dead and my friends alive."

Kakashi nodded. "As many of us do. And now, we just need to find the enemy."

Almost as though someone had been waiting for that precise moment, a chuunin appeared in a whirl of leaves. "Sir," he addressed Kakashi. "The Hokage requests your presence. Team 10 have returned to Konoha. Their team leader was killed in action against Akatsuki."

"Asuma? Yes, I'll come immediately," said Kakashi, and the ninja nodded, satisfied, and disappeared, leaving nothing but falling leaves behind. "So, will you two accompany me?"

"Are we allowed to?" Sakura asked.

"Naruto's here to deal with Akatsuki, so this concerns him, and Tsunade got you to follow him, right?" Kakashi said. "You're just doing your job."

Sakura did not look satisfied by this explanation, but Naruto ignored that. "Let's go," he said. "This is our chance to strike back at Akatsuki."

* * *

"Naruto-kun must've reached Konoha by now, right?" Michiko said, while fiddling with the machine she'd lugged over to the main table.

Takahiro nodded at her from across the table. He was in a state of disarray rarely seen, his suit creased, his sleeves rolled back and his feet up on the table as he sharpened his shikomizue. "What are you doing anyway?" He asked.

"Trying to sort out this radar system," said Michiko. "Bloody thing keeps going wrong. A while ago, it wouldn't stop telling me Kenta was still in the town."

"Well, was that before he left?"

Michiko scowled. "I'm not stupid. Of course not."

"Well, keep working at it," said Takahiro. He yawned, and dropped his shikomizue as he walked over to the bar. The neon lights that had once spelled out "Anselm's" were switched off, and Takahiro spared them a glance before he took a beer from the fridge.

"Where the hell has Hishou got to, anyway?" Michiko asked, putting on her goggles as she began to start soldering some wires into place.

"He's looking after Yuzuki," Takahiro replied, as he uncapped the bottle and returned to the table.

"Are they still worried about the babies being born premature?" Michiko asked.

"Not as much," said Takahiro. "He says she might be back here soon enough. Before Kenta comes back, hopefully."

Michiko closed the panel for the machine, and switched it on once more. She growled, and punched it hard enough to knock it off the table. The crash was loud enough to echo through the room, and Takahiro rubbed his ears.

"Was that necessary?"

"It's still broken!" Michiko shouted.

"Well, it definitely is now," Takahiro said, looking at the smashed machine lie on the ground.

"No, I give up now," said Michiko. "It's still saying Kenta's here, for God's sake. Well, I guess there are other projects to work with."

"Like?"

"Well, I was wondering if Naruto-kun wouldn't mind if I-" Michiko trailed off, looking across the room. Takahiro followed her gaze to the stand that held Anselm's armour and weapons, but in particular, he saw the prosthetics.

"Please don't tell me you're after the arm," he said.

"But I've never seen anything like it!" Michiko protested. "It's fascinating!"

"Leave it alone," said Takahiro. "That's an order."

"You can't order me!"

"Naruto leaves me in charge," Takahiro replied dryly. "You wouldn't want to go against him, would you?"

Michiko opened her mouth, but then shut it. She proceeded to repeat this action for a few minutes, as she tried to think up something to say in response. "Er- Anselm wouldn't have minded."

They heard a crash, and they looked over to the stand. The helmet had fallen off the stand, landing on the arm.

"I've never believed in ghosts," said Takahiro. "But I think we should take that as a sign that Anselm would've disapproved."

"Well, I'll just ask Yuzuki! She'll let me!" Michiko said, as she crossed her arms. "So there!"

"I'm still not entirely sure-"

"Oh, just shut up."

* * *

"I don't need their help," said Naruto.

Tsunade glared at him while Team 10 protested. "That's not for you to decide."

As the messenger had stated, Team 10 had arrived lacking their leader. As the report stated, he had been lost facing two Akatsuki members.

"They're not strong enough," Naruto said. "Will you send children to fight seasoned S-class missing-nin?"

"You're a child yourself."

Naruto couldn't help but grin. "Do I look like a child?"

"Then, if not them, who would you ask me to send besides you?" Tsunade asked, crossing her arms

"Kakashi and Jiraiya."

"Jiraiya won't be back in the village for maybe a month," she replied. "And I don't think you're in a state to go with Kakashi alone. You're weakened, remember?"

Naruto opened his mouth to reply, but Shikamaru interrupted. "Naruto. I have seen how those two Akatsuki members fight. I know their strengths and weaknesses, and I know how to defeat them."

"Who were they? Which pair?" Naruto asked.

"Hidan and Kakuzu."

Naruto nodded. "The immortals."

"You know of them?" Shikamaru asked.

"More than that, I suppose," said Naruto. "Kakuzu's body might be harder to destroy, but he's the one who has to be killed first. The best thing to do is separate them."

"Of course," said Shikamaru. "With his techniques, he'll just repair Hidan's body."

"Then what have you planned for Hidan?"

"Well, if I give you the short version," Shikamaru started. "I was going to cut his head off and bury it underground. Let him stay there for eternity."

"Crude, but no doubt effective," said Naruto. "Although you don't seem to know the followers of Jashin will lose their immortality if they do not kill for a specific period of time. And what of Kakuzu, then?"

"I'll leave him to you and Kakashi," said Shikamaru. "Team 10 will avenge our sensei by dealing with Hidan. That's our duty here."

"Team 10? So, these two can hold their own against Hidan?" Naruto asked, gesturing towards Ino and Chouji, neither of whom seemed pleased by Naruto talking down to them.

"No. But when we're in a team, we'll do more than hold our own- we'll kill him," said Shikamaru. "I give you my word."

"Oh? And how can I trust the word of a ninja?" Naruto asked.

"What are you talking about you idiot, you're a ninja," Ino snapped. She'd never had much tolerance for Naruto's manner even before he left, and his disapproval of her skill without even seeing her in action was not helping things.

"Am I? Do I fight like a ninja? Do I act like one? But, now is not the time. If you truly insist on accompanying myself and Kakashi-"

"We do," said Chouji, speaking up for the first time.

Naruto continued as if he had not been interrupted. "Then I will not stop you. I will no doubt be busy with Kakuzu, and you will certainly risk your lives- and I may not come to help you."

"We won't need it," said Shikamaru. "Stop patronising us, I know how to kill him, and we can carry it out."

"Very well," Naruto replied. "I will leave this up to you then. But- where are they now?"

"They fled," said Shikamaru. "They're definitely away from Konoha by now."

"Well, that is no use," said Naruto. "But- you were the one who was there. Do you think they will return, Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru was quiet for several moments. "Yes. No, most definitely. They will return, even if just for the sake of continuing this fight."

"I see. Then, we will remain watchful," said Naruto. "We must anticipate where they will strike from and ready for battle. I suspect it will be close to where you fought them previously."

Shikamaru nodded. "I already know just the place. It is close, and it would have led to an easy route away from Konoha. It's close to where my family

"Excellent," said Naruto, turning to Tsunade. "I suggest you keep your scouts on the lookout."

"That'd be obvious," said Tsunade.

"We will move out," said Shikamaru. Ino and Chouji looked surprised by this, but he continued. "I want to prepare the battleground."

"I'll join you," said Kakashi. "We don't know how soon they might return."

"I will remain here, for now," said Naruto. "In the time leading up to this- it is best I conserve my strength."

Tsunade looked contemplative. She was perhaps irritated by how little she had been consulted on this whole matter, but even if she did not trust Naruto, she knew and trusted Shikamaru. "Then you all know what to do. I'll have scouts notify all of you the moment they're spotted coming anywhere near. There still exists the possibility that they may attack from somewhere else, after all."

Naruto coughed. "Then, I shall retire to my rooms for now. I must rest."

With that, he left the room, the others soon filing after him. Tsunade watched Naruto go, almost suspicious. She didn't doubt him when he'd said he had less than a month to live if the aging was to go unchecked.

But he'd worded it as though he had at least a few weeks left- and she suspected it was much less than that. Sakura hadn't been the only person watching him, and the frequent coughing, the weariness in his movements, his general demeanour- she suspected, that since it'd take a few days for Hidan and Kakuzu to be spotted again, if Naruto was to completely exhaust himself in that fight, he'd die.

And if he survived, he'd likely be in a critical state. She held his life in her fist, but it was as he had said. If she let him die, she could be lacking a useful ally against Akatsuki. She only had so many shinobi capable of facing up to the S-class missing-nin that made up their ranks, and she knew he had much more information on them then what the Konoha spies had collected.

She sighed to herself.

* * *

Naruto lay on his side on his bed. His fingers were trembling, ever so slightly. The door to his apartment, he could just about see it, but it was a blur of dark brown compared to the walls. That bowl of ramen he'd had earlier- not as good as he remembered, or were his senses of taste and smell starting to fade as well?

I am falling apart, he realised. Even if I am cured of this curse, it will not be enough.

He spent several days barely leaving his rooms as though one bed-ridden. Conserving his strength and chakra, the only part of him exercised his brain. Countless thoughts rattled across the vastness of his mind, forming chains and plans.

He had already thought of a likely plan Shikamaru would use against Hidan- no, he knew it was the plan. There were many possibilities, but he managed to see what Shikamaru would pick. It was going to work, that he knew.

And as for Kakuzu? He already knew what to do, how to deal with him. A man whose body was indestructible save for his hearts- personally, he knew not why Kakuzu had limited himself to the strongest hearts and instead gone for quantity over quality, just because that would be make it ridiculously hard for anyone to kill him. Perhaps there was some flaw with his technique that limited him to how many hearts he could have at a time.

He looked to the future after this battle, which he already knew days before he would win. When he was given so much time to plan, when he had all the data he needed and he completely devoted himself to using his mind- his plans never failed.

Once his youth was restored, he would have to get stronger still. Strong enough to finish this war on his terms.

Perhaps it was then that he began to realise this war against the Akatsuki would claim his life. But know this.

It didn't really matter to him. He had something greater he was fighting for.

He fought for those who had died and had left a mark on him that had changed him. He fought for those whose lives he held and wanted to protect more than his own. He fought for the unborn children of Anselm and Yuzuki- he would make it so that such monsters in this world that were responsible for their father's death would never exist in their lifetimes.

Naruto laughed. Why was he suddenly laughing? Perhaps with his body, his mind- his greatest asset- was fading as well, lost to unquenchable madness.

And deep within him, the Kyuubi stirred.

* * *

AN: Next few chapters ought to "flow" a little better, I was getting a bit bored at the end of the chapter myself. Anyway, in other news, hopefully by next chapter, we'll finally hit over 100 000 words and Elementary will become an epic fanfiction.

Oh, and other shit. The other kids, Neji, Kiba- at the moment, I've got no intention of giving them any major character roles in the rest of the fic. That's sort of what their little cameo was supposed to mean, in case you didn't figure it out. They're simply not relevant.

Anyway, it was in this chapter I realised something- just after the bit he tells the others to fuck off. Naruto's barely the copy of Sherlock Holmes he was in the first chapter. As we've gone through the story, his character has developed till he's different. I'm not entirely sure if that's good or bad, but I guess it's good that at least he's had the freedom to become who he is.

And finally. Like the last chapter, I didn't edit it as well as I would have as I figured you guys have been waiting so fucking long you wouldn't mind so much.

OMAKE: THE GHOST ARM

"Why the hell did you bring Anselm's arm with you?" Yuzuki asked, as Takahiro and Michiko entered the hospital wards, Takahiro holding the prosthetic.

"Erm, well, we think Anselm's possessing it from the great beyond," said Michiko.

Yuzuki rolled her eyes.

"She's not joking," said Takahiro. "Just the other day, Hishou was talking and the hand moved so it was giving him the finger."

"Oh, what compelling proof," said Yuzuki, her pregnancy unearthing a sarcastic side to her. "If only- wait, where did it go?"

Takahiro looked down to his hands to realise he was in fact, holding nothing.

Michiko shrieked, and her first instinct was to look under the bed. Or it was to hide under the bed from a potentially vengeful ghost.

"Where did it go?" Takahiro said, looking around the ward.

"I don't know-" Yuzuki froze.

"Yuzuki?"

"I've found it," she said, finally. "And, do you know what? I believe you."

"Really? Where is it? What changed your mind?"

"It's under the covers," Yuzuki continued. "It's groping me."

Takahiro pulled back the covers, and saw the arm was doing just that. It gave him two fingers and crawled away.


	12. Return V The Bolt in the Back

Ladies and gentlemen.

WE FINALLY FUCKING DID IT! ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND FUCKING WORDS!

Thanks for sticking with me through all this, heh.

I've been writing a bit this December, and some of you may've seen my latest parody fics, The Shortest Banishment Fic Ever and LH's Parody of Self Insert Fics. If not, read this chapter, and then go and read them, they don't take that long to finish.

(Note, for some reason the site is being stupid and won't let me put my usual three line intro in the centre of the page, even if I use the space bar. I'll try and fix it again tomorrow, if not, well that's just being fucking annoying. If anyone knows how to fix this, let me know.)

* * *

**Elementary**

_a story of a genius_

Return V: The Case of the Bolt in the Back

Naruto groaned as he opened his eyes. Judging by the sunlight streaming in through the windows, it was at approximately midday. He'd spent too much time sleeping lately, but he admitted; it was somewhat nice to not have to worry at every moment of the day.

"Naruto!" The door burst open, revealing Sakura. She took a moment to catch her breath, and continued. "Good, you're up. I've been instructed to tell you to get ready; some patrol units sighted Hidan and Kakuzu."

"What of the others?"

"They've already left."

Electricity seemed to light up his eyes as he sprung out of his bed. "Give me some time to prepare," he said, and Sakura nodded and excused herself.

Going like a rocket, he changed his clothes to a simple shirt and trousers ensemble and put on his boots before he strapped on the breastplate and bracers. He threw on the coat over it all, and then slung the crossbow to his back and affixed the broadsword to his belt. Finally, he grabbed the cane, and smiled, at the sudden surge of energy that had been awakened in him.

Sakura was still waiting for him outside, and she handed him a scroll. "That's the location where Kakashi and Team 10 were sent. Are you already done, then?"

"Of course. But Tsunade better be close to finishing that treatment, I doubt I'll have much time left after this battle."

"Don't worry, she's nearly done," said Sakura. "But, don't you need some time to think of a plan?"

Naruto shook his head. "You don't understand, Sakura. I always have a plan."

"What? But you haven't-"

"I have prepared adequately," said Naruto. "What makes someone like me dangerous is that I can see every weakness and exploit. And if I am given enough time to plan and prepare, there is virtually no opponent I could not defeat."

He opened the scroll and scanned it briefly before he rolled it up. "Goodbye," he said, before he turned from her, breaking into a run.

* * *

"You look like crap," Michiko said with a smile.

Takahiro groaned. His head felt as though someone had smashed it in with a crowbar, dried vomit encrusted his lips and was stained across his suit, and the lights were incredibly painful to look at.

"I feel like crap," he said, as he stumbled out of the doorway from his bedroom to the main room. "How much did I drink?"

"Well, when I went to pick you up," said Michiko, "which you still haven't thanked me for, the bar was on fire. So I'm not guessing things went well."

"You carried me home?"

"What? No. Hishou did that. I called him when I realised just how bad it was. Although I did give you a shave."

"What?" Takahiro's hand shot up to his chin- and his fingers found themselves tracing stubble.

"Well, after we managed to wash the vomit out, it smelt so bad I had to get rid of it- are you crying?"

"I had that beard for nineteen years," said Takahiro. "I nearly made it to the big twenty. I'll never forgive you for this."

"…you had it since you were twelve?"

"I started puberty early," Takahiro shot back.

"Quit your eternal bitching," said Michiko. "God- I wish Naruto-kun was here…" She trailed off as she went off into another one of her daydreams. A few moments later, she broke out of it. "We'd need an awful lot of gnomes."

Takahiro blinked as he made his way across the room to get a glass of water, passing Hishou- who he hadn't noticed at first- who was lying back on the sofa without his usual white cowl. Suspecting it was due to his vomiting, Takahiro wisely said nothing.

"That reminds me," said Michiko, pulling what looked suspiciously like a robotic arm out of the satchel she had by her. "Does anyone know where Naruto-kun's chemistry notes are? I wanted to use those compounds he was messing around with a few weeks ago but I can't remember their formulae."

"Where he keeps all his notes," Takahiro replied. He gulped down some water. "In his safe."

"Aw, what? No one's allowed in there- except-" Michiko's eyes lit up. "By the way, Takahiro, I'm really sorry for shaving you. But it is a better look for you."

"I'm not getting the notes for you."

"Oh come on, you owe me after all! Hishou, back me up!"

Hishou looked over at them lazily. "That's right," he said dryly. "You owe her for calling someone else to bring you home and then giving you a shave."

Michiko glowered. "Thanks a lot, Backstabber Mumei."

"Fine, fine, I'll do it," said Takahiro. Something told him Michiko wouldn't stop pestering him if he didn't agree. "I doubt Naruto would mind too much."

He went across the room to Naruto's bedroom, and unlocked the door. He switched on the light, and closed the door behind him as he went to the wardrobe. Inside was nothing more than a collection of coats, but in the fifth from the left, there was a remote in the breast pocket.

Takahiro input a nine-digit-long code into the remote, and it did not make the slightest response. He returned the remote to the coat, and closed the wardrobe as he went this time to the bed, pressing a secret lever that opened a panel in the wall. There was still a metal barrier in between Takahiro and the safe, and he carefully found the hidden button under the desk and pressed it.

Finally, he input the final code into the safe's door, before also leaning forward to put his eye to a scanner to pass a retina test.

"Naruto, you take security far too seriously," Takahiro grumbled angrily as the safe finally opened.

The scrolls and journals held inside were fortunately, not written in any code or cipher, mainly because Naruto knew he may need to pass them on to the others in haste. Takahiro sifted through the masses of papers, skimming the titles as he did so, finding things like "Shiki Fuijin- An In-Depth Study" and "Chakra- What is it?"

Most were studies into techniques, and even Takahiro found his curiosity piqued by a few of them, in particular, "An Everyday Man's Guide to Dealing With Ninja" "Chakra in Civilians". He'd only seen inside the safe a couple of years ago, but then it couldn't compare to just how much Naruto had crammed into here now.

Some were incredibly recent, as "Robotic Prosthetics- In Detail" showed. He couldn't resist opening that one- and to his surprise, but judging from the diagrams it seemed like Naruto had actually improved upon the machines they'd provided Anselm with.

Eventually, though, he found the one Michiko was after- "Chemistry, Part VI- Revisiting Explosives", which seemed to be the most recent into Naruto's studies. Takahiro grabbed it, before he closed the safe, and then he began the arduous process of resealing it and reactivating all the security measures.

It was as he returned he heard the main door open. "Finally, Kenta's back," he said to himself.

* * *

Kakuzu stood over Kakashi, triumphant. "It's over, Hatake. What did you actually hope to accomplish? Avenging Sarutobi?"

The silver haired man coughed. "Not quite. To hold off till reinforcements."

"I don't see any, Hatake," said Kakuzu. "Do you? Hidan will have dealt with those kids by now, and by the time any ANBU show up, we'll be long gone. And even if they did show up, do you honestly think they could help you?"

"I've got something better than ANBU coming," said Kakashi. He spluttered again, but now Kakuzu seemed intrigued.

"Who? The Toad Sannin? I might stick around then, he's got a good bounty and you made a fine warm up- and you'll provide me with a good heart to replace the one you took."

"Nope. Someone else."

"Not another kid," growled Kakuzu. "What's the matter with you Leaf fools, do you honestly think you can take down S-class missing-nin with a bunch of fucking teenagers?"

Despite himself- and how much it hurt- Kakashi laughed. "This one's different."

"Spit it out, Hatake," said Kakuzu, as he pressed his foot down on Kakashi's chest. "Which little kid is coming?"

"Well, he'd be awfully upset if I told you-" Kakashi was cut off as Kakuzu pressed harder down on his chest. His hand went up to his mask, pulling it down as he spat out blood.

"Your ribs are broken and your lungs aren't in a good way, Hatake, and I don't want to have to risk damaging your heart," said Kakuzu. "So, are you going to spit it out or shall I just get bored and rip your heart out?"

Kakashi grinned, his smile visible to the air. "The Detective's coming."

There it was- brief, but Kakuzu was taken completely by shock. "You're bluffing. There's no way he can be in Konoha."

"'fraid so, Kakuzu. He's here alright. He's negotiated an alliance with the Hokage-"

"You're fucking with me, he wasn't going to do that yet!" Kakuzu shouted.

It was Kakashi's turn to be caught off guard. "What do you mean, he wasn't going to do that _yet_?"

Kakuzu paced up and down, almost as though he had forgotten Kakashi was still there. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit," he repeated to himself. "Fucking information- shit, this means the operation will be fucking useless. Got to contact Itachi and Kisame… no."

The ancient man turned to face Kakashi. "Well, I know what I have to do. Thanks, Hatake. You've saved us a lot of trouble. I'm going to save Hidan's hide and kill those kids, and you'll be our bait. You're not getting up."

Despite his experience with pain over his long career, Kakashi couldn't help but scream as Kakuzu stamped viciously on his legs.

Satisfied by his handiwork, Kakuzu left after what had felt like an eternity. Kakashi, however, could not spare any thought to his fractured legs, as Team 10's lives were now depending on him.

He wiped his hand in some of his blood, and ran through several hand seals, summoning his dog, Pakkun.

"Kakashi?" Pakkun said in horror, watching the bloody mess that was his master.

"Get to Shikamaru. Order him to retreat to Konoha. And if it's too late…find Naruto. Tell him to hurry."

The dog saluted as well as a dog could, before running off. Kakashi's eyes rolled back into his head to look up at the skies. The pain was still agonising and he was still bleeding badly. His vision started to darken, till he saw nothing but blurred shapes and soon, he had fallen unconscious.

* * *

Naruto moved like lightning through the trees. Any second he wasted could be the second that it took for the battle to be over. But even running was pushing his body, and he expected by the time he reached the battlefield, he'd only be able to fight all out for a short time.

Well, a battle between two people was never that long.

He rattled off facts and theories in his head, carefully adjusting and perfecting each link in the chain of his plan.

"Naruto!"

A dog appeared before him, who he recognised as one of Kakashi's summons.

"Pakkun," said Naruto. "How are they doing?"

"Badly," said Pakkun, running alongside Naruto. "They desperately need help. Kakashi's down and out, and Team 10 definitely weren't doing so well."

"I see," said Naruto. "Go find a patrol team and notify them. A few jounin might help."

Pakkun nodded, before changing direction and heading the opposite way from Naruto, who forced himself to move faster.

If Kakashi was down already, that placed him at a major disadvantage. He'd have to completely dominate the battlefield from start to finish and ensure Kakuzu was nothing more than following his scripted plan.

Of course, that was assuming Team 10 had already managed to take down Hidan. If they'd failed, then it was already over. Hidan's and Kakuzu's fighting styles complimented each other so well that Naruto's only option would be to grab any survivors and retreat till he'd got some reinforcements, in the form of someone like Jiraiya, or even Maito Gai.

He knew he was in poor condition, and would've been even poorer had he been awoken earlier, but if they had all been together, it would've been easy to follow the plans and kill the so-called immortal team of Akatsuki.

But there was no time for regret, when it was the time to act.

* * *

Kakashi awoke- to someone kicking him.

"Up yet?" It was Kakuzu, looming over him like some towering demon.

"Where's Team 10!"

"Dead," Kakuzu said nonchalantly. "What did you think would happen? Got to give them credit, no sign of Hidan. Guess they got him."

"You son of a bitch!" Kakashi screamed.

Kakuzu kicked him again. "Don't waste my time, Hatake. Still no sign of the Detective. You better not have been fucking with me."

Kakashi glared up at him with a single hate filled eye. Those kids were dead- they were entrusted to him, and they were killed- they were now just more people who were dead because of him. Once again, he had to be the survivor.

His chakra was very low. Using the Mangekyo Sharingan would be incredibly damaging to him, but now, he found he simply didn't care.

His hand jumped up from his side to his headband, ripping it away to reveal that bloody eye. "Kamui!"

Kakuzu moved- faster than Kakashi would've thought possible, even after fighting him prior- but Kakashi saw it all. The Kamui tore off a section of the left side of Kakuzu's head, and no doubt taking a good bit of brain matter with it.

"Now I'm pissed off," said Kakuzu- completely unhurt by losing part of his head. "Fuck this bait shit. I'm going to take your heart now."

Kakashi barely heard those words, the chakra drain already hitting him hard. His vision was darkening, but he managed to make out the black threads came forth. At least he wouldn't have to feel the threads rip out his heart.

The threads reached him- and fell uselessly to the ground. They'd been severed.

"Detective," said Kakuzu. "Uzumaki."

"A pleasure to see you too, Kakuzu," said Naruto, his right hand still holding the cane-blade. "Tell me one thing."

"What?"

"Are you afraid of death?"

Kakuzu laughed. "That supposed to scare me, boy? You may look like a greybeard, but you're still a kid. I've seen scarier things when I go for a dump."

"You misunderstood me," said Naruto. "Are you afraid of death? I wonder because of your cowardly method of prolonging your life, making your body invulnerable aside your heart, which you must replace and have backups in case of their destruction."

"I ain't afraid of death," Kakuzu snarled.

Naruto smiled thinly. "Good. Because you are actually going to die today. After your hundreds of years of life, you're an arrogant fool. You genuinely don't feel threatened in the slightest by me, even though I am the Detective- and all that shows me is more proof of your idiocy and arrogance. You're nothing more than a grunt, a mere obstacle for a much bigger target, and you honestly believe I'm supposed to be inferior to you. And do you want the final piece of proof of your foolishness?"

"What?" Kakuzu said, through gritted teeth. Naruto's words had actually pissed him off more than Kakashi taking off a portion of his head.

"This." The cane-blade went up, stabbing Kakuzu straight through the heart. "You let an opponent get too close to you."

Kakuzu pulled himself off the blade, only for Naruto to use a Wind Jutsu to send him crashing back and put some distance between them. As one of Kakuzu's two remaining hearts merged with his body, Naruto looked down at Kakashi.

"Are you still alive, then?"

"Looks like it," Kakashi said, coughing. "You really think you can take him?"

"Certainly," said Naruto. "He's yet to see the true potential of my greatest power."

"What's that?"

"The power of my mind."

Kakashi looked at Naruto as though he was unable to decide whether that was a joke or not. "Do you think you could send some Shadow Clones to check on Team 10? He said he killed them."

"I can't see what reason he'd have to lie at this point," Naruto replied. But even so, he formed a Shadow Clone and sent it to search as he himself began to approach Kakuzu.

"You'll pay for that, you little shit," Kakuzu growled, as his only external heart took the form of a beast from the black thread.

The cane-blade shot forwards again as though Naruto was trying the same trick, but this time, Kakuzu's hand shot forwards, his reach extended by the threads and it wrapped around the cane before it could reach his heart.

More threads extended, as though to seize Naruto by his arms, but he released his grip on the cane- and unsheathed his claws, tearing through the threads, freeing his cane, and struck forwards at Kakuzu's chest again.

Kakuzu was already gone, forming his own jutsu, as the beast attached itself to him and began to form its own.

Naruto already knew what it was. In an instant, he had dashed back to Kakashi, activated both the Chakra Shields in his bracers- as the ground exploded into a colossal firestorm.

Trees, animals, all organisms were wiped out in mere moments by the maddening flames that consumed everything they touched, the malicious tongues of fire hungry, insatiable as the winds forced the fires to rise and expand, reach out and seize all in a burning embrace.

But, somehow, Naruto weathered them behind the chakra shields.

Kakashi lay there beneath him, sweltering from the heat. "Don't suppose you could do anything about the heat?" He shouted over the roaring blaze.

"Just be quiet!" Naruto shouted back, his own face damp with sweat. "I need to focus on maintaining these shields!"

If he hadn't had to worry about Kakashi, he could've escaped the flames entirely, but there had been no time. His Chakra Shields, although they were more efficient than the first time he'd used them- were ill-suited to dealing with long lasting techniques due to the massive drain they placed on him.

The heat and his rapidly decreasing chakra began to pull at him. Naruto swayed, a slight dizziness to his movements. How long would the flames burn?

But as though they had been waiting for him to think so, they burned out, leaving a ruined wasteland. Naruto stepped forwards, but he wobbled dangerously, and then, he, the formerly unshakeable Detective fell to his knees.

Kakuzu's hands extended, wrapping Naruto in thick thread, subduing him thoroughly. Kakuzu approached, enjoying each step.

"So much for me dying today, kid."

Naruto's head was hung low as Kakuzu continued towards him. But as Kakuzu came only a foot away from, his head shot up again. "Great Clone Explo-"

Immediately, Kakuzu shot back like a rocket, threads retracting to form a shield from the explosion.

Except the explosion never came.

Naruto climbed to his feet, dusting off his coat where the threads had held him. "Apologies, but I'm the real deal."

Kakuzu snarled, realising he'd been tricked. "You trying to make me look like a fool, kid?"

"I'm not trying to do anything," said Naruto. "And I'm tired of playing with you."

Kakuzu inspected the boy. Despite his quick recovery, Naruto was still wracked with fatigue. If he went all out and just unloaded on him, there was no way his body would take it. The question was about his mind. What was that little bastard planning?

"Are you guessing what's in my head?" Naruto asked.

Kakuzu didn't answer as he continued to watch Naruto through narrowed eyes.

"Why don't I just tell you?" said Naruto. "Everything. From how each crack and crevice in the ground around us is a weapon, the type of soil we stand on, each prediction for each different way you will react-"

The beast came forth once more, blasting a fireball towards him. Naruto batted it away with a quick flick of his Chakra Shield, and continued.

"Each tear and rip in your cloak which can be exploited, every little speck upon your person that tells me all of your activities for the past twenty four hours-"

Kakuzu's threads unravelled, keen to seize Naruto, but he wove around them like a fly, and his blade tore through them.

"Every last thread of yours, in fine and intricate detail, every step of the battle ahead. And I see the doubt that has been growing since I arrived, as you are starting to realise your end. I see the fear that has crept into your remaining hearts, as you realise you are closer to death than you have been in centuries. And when you die, all there will be for you shall be nothing. Your prolonged life snuffed out, and all what you did rendered meaningless, your money no use to you or anyone, and all you will be remembered as, is a common criminal."

"Will you just fucking die?"

Kakuzu lunged forwards, his hands extended. Naruto smiled, and the ground shook violently, throwing Kakuzu off-balance. The missing-nin righted himself with chakra, and then darted backwards to avoid another stab that would've gone straight through the heart.

"What was that?" Kakuzu demanded. "An Earth jutsu without seals?"

Naruto smiled, before he pointed the cane at Kakuzu, unsheathing his claws as well. "Let's end this."

"Finally we agree on something," said Kakuzu.

The two met viciously, the cane-blade and claws being too preoccupied with the threads and the beast to go after the heart. Kakuzu easily fended off Naruto, his threads stopping him from making any offensive moves.

"Three," Naruto said.

"What?" said Kakuzu, batting away the claws before the beast seized the cane-blade between its teeth.

"Two," Naruto replied, tugging out the cane-blade as he twisted around, slashing at the beast with the claws.

Kakuzu grabbed Naruto in his threads, spinning him around before he threw him across the clearing.

"One," Naruto said, as he fell through the air, pointing his finger at Kakuzu's chest.

Despite himself, Kakuzu glanced down, to see explosives pinned to the threads just over his heart. "Fuck!"

Naruto landed neatly as he watched the explosion. He sat down cross legged on the ground, taking his pipe from his coat and filling it. As he lit it with a small Fire jutsu, Kakuzu emerged from the smoke, the last mask returning to his body.

"I'm seriously going to kill you, boy," said Kakuzu. "I don't fucking care about the others any more, I am going to kill you."

The ground trembled with each time Kakuzu stamped down as he advanced upon the still sitting Naruto. He came to a stop only two metres away, silently shaking with rage.

Naruto exhaled a ring of smoke. "Goodbye."

Kakuzu screeched out as a crossbow bolt pierced into his back, straight through his heart. He looked around wildly, and saw the puff of smoke that signified the dispelling of a Shadow Clone.

"That first Clone you made when you went to check on those kids-" Kakuzu managed.

Naruto nodded. "You were so blinded by rage, Kakuzu. You could've seen any move I'd prepared- but not one from someone else."

Kakuzu fell onto his front, his head nearly touching Naruto's feet. "To be beaten by a fucking kid-!"

"Don't be ashamed. You're not the first one. Nor you will you be the last."

Naruto removed the ring from Kakuzu's hand, and stamped down on the bolt, ensuring it had driven through Kakuzu's heart. He then returned to the still-wounded Kakashi.

Kakashi managed to roll onto his side so he could see Naruto better. "What happened to Team 10?"

"They seemed alive, barely, when I checked on them," said Naruto. "After all that time has passed without medical attention- and the time it'll take to get them back, things will be very dangerous. I'm impressed with them, all the same. They put up a good fight even after they'd taken down Hidan."

"Then we'd better move soon," said Kakashi.

"Easier said than done," Naruto replied. He reached into his coat pocket to take out his radio, only for it to be in two pieces, connected by a few wires. "Damn, he must've broken it."

"By the way, what was that Kakuzu was talking about?" Kakashi asked. "A sealless Earth jutsu? I only felt the ground rumble."

"Now's not the time, I'll explain later," said Naruto.

He managed to bring three Shadow Clones into existence, and sent them to presumably gather Team 10. He then picked up Kakashi himself, groaning at the man's weight. "What the hell have you been living on?"

"Argh- be careful with my legs, would you?" said Kakashi, as Naruto shifted them into a painful position.

"Don't you have enough chakra left to form your own Clone?" said Naruto.

"I had enough to summon Pakkun, and then I blacked out. I barely survived using Kamui and- hey, where is Pakkun?"

"I sent him to get reinforcements. Hopefully there'll be a patrol squad who'll at least help us out here. I-"

Naruto dropped Kakashi, before stumbling backwards. His vision swam, and although he could tell Kakashi was speaking from the movement of his mask, he could not hear anything. He coughed violently, before he fell to his knees.

Blood seeped from his nostrils and the corners of his mouth. He collapsed as the world turned to darkness, and the last thing he knew was sinister laughter ringing in his ears.

**

* * *

**

"Release me, boy,"

the voice of the Kyuubi rumbled, and Naruto couldn't help but laugh.

"Do you have problems with your memory?" He asked. "You've asked so many times why do you think now should be any different? What can you offer me that you haven't before? You're pathetic, fox. A wretched beast clinging to life- well, I suppose it's fitting that we'll die together."

The wicked teeth twisted themselves into a smile. **"I have offered you the chance to bring back your parents before."**

"That you have," said Naruto. "You have also offered me incredible power, the chance to become a god, the chance to rewrite the universe- am I missing anything?"

**"What about the life of your friend?"**

Naruto froze. "What?"

**"The man you called Anselm Blackwood,"** said Kyuubi. **"If you had my powers you would find it easy to take him back from death's embrace. Your friends, your beloved gang- all safe, all alive. Never having to live in fear, but live everlasting."**

"I will protect them myself," said Naruto, unshaking.

**"You will fail. This is a world controlled by power, not intelligence. You are not strong enough and more are going to die."**

Naruto did not answer.

**"They will die, brat. You will fail. And you already know this."**

Naruto did not answer.

**"My, haven't you gone suddenly quiet, brat?"** Kyuubi said through its smile. **"I wonder why. They will die, and you will die with them."**

"Yes," said Naruto. "And then, you will die with me."

He turned away, so the Kyuubi could not see his face. For it was not the face of one who was unshakable, but rather, one who had been so sorely tempted that it was maddening.

"**I can feel it,"** said Kyuubi. **"You are dying now. Your body has finally given in."**

"Then, my team will be safe," said Naruto. "I will have accomplished that, at least."

**"They are trying to heal you,"** said Kyuubi, ignoring Naruto's words. **"They will not succeed."**

"Accept it, fox," said Naruto. "I am not going to release you. And if what you say is true, then you are going to die with me now. Anything you'd like to say? I'll listen to anything, even something as silly as "Orochimaru fooled me with a genjutsu and made me attack Konoha"."

Kyuubi growled. **"As I said, I can feel it, brat. I can feel your doubt. I can feel your selfishness. You want to live as much as I do. I can feel your hatred towards your parents for choosing your destiny for you. Release me and all your problems will be solved."**

"Apart from the new problem of a massive nine-tailed fox wreaking havoc across the lands," said Naruto. "Do you really think I'm a fool? And not to mention, you're quite reckless. You'd probably get yourself captured by Akatsuki right after I released you."

**"Let them try!"** Kyuubi laughed, baring its teeth**. "You have had no idea just how much power I have been offering you if you believe they could actually capture me!"**

"So you'd take down all of them, then? From Kisame to Tobi?"

**"…who?"**

Naruto couldn't help but laugh at that. "Kisame's the blue shark man, and Tobi's the one with the mask and Sharingan."

**"What? A Sharingan?"** The Kyuubi pressed its face against the bars. **"Who is this Uchiha, then?"**

"I know not. Why, are you scared all of a sudden?"

Kyuubi went quiet, its face resembling something like a frown.

Naruto turned away. "I'm going to find a more peaceful place in my mind to die," he said. "I think I'd rather die alone than with you. No hard feelings, I hope? We did have a good long run, you and me, eh Kyuubi? It's been what, fifteen years?"

**"Stop giving me this act, boy! Release me!"** Kyuubi screeched, its thoughts on this mystery Uchiha forgotten as it slammed its claws through the bars of the cage. **"We will both die otherwise!"**

"No, there's another way," said Naruto. "Let's just see who turns out to be more desperate, shall we? Let's see who wants to live more so they'll cave. Will I release you, or will you use your chakra to help cure me? This'll be a bit of fun, I daresay."

He focused on his mind, before a great hourglass appeared between himself and the Kyuubi. "This hourglass will represent my body. When it runs out, I'll die."

Both of them watched it as the crystals fell, their eyes passing through the glass to see each other.

* * *

"Okay, everyone," said Sakura, somewhat nervous. Tsunade had placed her in charge of Naruto's operation, as Shizune was needed to help her heal Team 10 and Kakashi. On one hand, it was possible Tsunade had a great deal of faith in her, or on the other, it might be because she still hated Naruto and wanted him to die in a botched operation.

"Daisuke, have you given him the dosage?" She asked.

"Yes, ma'am."

She wasn't used to the way she was being addressed by older, more experienced med-ninja and doctors, but she continued. "Good. Kei, give him the injection, and Kiryu, get ready to start channelling enough chakra to ready his body."

Kei swabbed Naruto's arm, but took a last look towards Sakura.

Sakura took a deep breath. "Let's do this."

They began, working in mostly silence as they focused themselves on their assigned tasks. Any slip or mistake could be that one thing that killed the patient, and soon enough, their pace was slowing from the pressure.

"His condition is worsening," said Kei.

"Keep at it," said Sakura.

Slowly, though, she began to see his life force start to slip away. She knew not how she was keeping calm, or how she had kept going when she felt like running to go get Tsunade, but at this rate, it wouldn't matter.

"Give him another dosage," Sakura stated.

The medics followed orders, and for some five minutes, he managed to hold steady, before his vitals began to decrease once more.

She bit her lip. They were close to finishing the operation, at least two thirds done. If Naruto could just hold on for a little longer, they might just get through this.

"Do your best to sustain him," said Sakura. "But we have to continue."

And then for a few moments, she believed it really was possible. But then, he crashed, vitals slipping rapidly. And while they struggled to keep him alive and stable, they knew not of the even deadlier struggle taking place in his mind.

* * *

Naruto lay back against the walls. "Well, looks like this is it." His voice was weak, even in his own mind.

The hourglass was running low. The Kyuubi howled with rage, and Naruto was only laughing.

**"Damn brat! Take it! Take my power and live!"**

Naruto turned his head slowly to look at the red chakra that approached. "No."

For the first time, Kyuubi was actually speechless.

"What you said earlier got me thinking. My team would be safe if I died. Thank you helping me to overcome my own selfishness."

The Kyuubi screamed, thrashing against the cage. **"Never!"**

The red chakra came forwards in a torrent, engulfing Naruto in the demonic energy. He laughed a final time.

"I was just jesting."

* * *

The sunlight shone onto Naruto's pillow, and he groaned as he was blinded by the light. He turned away from the windows, pulling the pillow over his headand chuckled as his memories flooded back into his head. "The look on his face-"

"You're awake!" It was Sakura, and her loud voice probably wasn't the best thing to wake up to.

Naruto raised himself in the bed, his hands clawing out. "A mirror," he managed.

She gave him a small hand mirror, and he stared into it, his free hand running over his face. Although there were patches of his old skin flaking off here and there, the operation had been a success. It was his young face that was staring back at him with a smile.

"Still grey hair?" He said.

Sakura shrugged. "Tsunade-sama wasn't too sure about it. There's only so many cells you're actually able to regenerate, and she wasn't sure if being able to produce colour would be- well, she says it might come back with time. Oh, but in the meantime-"

She gave him a bottle of hair dye.

"Hilarious," said Naruto. "If you ever lose your hair colour, I hope that I'll get a chance to show you the same sympathy."

"Honestly, you just nearly died and you're complaining about your hair? Stop being such a girl," said Sakura.

"I was concerned whether it meant the operation had not been a complete success," Naruto snapped.

Sakura huffed. "You still haven't thanked me," she said, crossing her arms.

"You did your job," said Naruto.

"It was really hard, you know!" said Sakura. "You nearly died!"

Naruto climbed out of the sheets, till he was sitting on the edge of the bed. He rubbed his eyes, as he began to remove the various tubes attached to him.

"If I'd known you'd be such a dick once you woke up I'd have just ignored Tsunade-sama and helped the others," said Sakura, her voice barely above a mutter, but Naruto caught it all the same.

"Why? What happened to them?" He asked, already suspecting the answer.

"Why do you care? You're not part of the village," said Sakura, turning to face the window.

"Turning away won't hide your tears," said Naruto.

The time stretched on as the silence in the room was wracked by Sakura's sobs. Naruto tugged at the clothing he'd been dressed in, it was too large and rather itchy, but he felt some form of kinship with her now.

"Was it Ino who died?" He asked, suspecting her sudden display of emotion to be connected to her best friend.

Sakura nodded. "And Chouji," she managed to say.

"What of the others?" Naruto asked.

"Kakashi-sensei's on crutches, and Shikamaru's still confined to his bed, but they're fine," said Sakura. She pushed open the window, placing her arms upon the windowsill as she looked out to the village. "I went to her funeral, but still- I can't- what I mean is-"

"Even through death and sadness, you can still find strength," said Naruto. "For a medical ninja, that must become a necessary. You have the power to save people from death- but it was not you treating her. It was not you who attacked her. Do not blame yourself."

"I-I don't, but-"

"She was your friend," said Naruto. "And like many ninja, she was cut down before her time. Do not waste your life constantly mourning- there will be more you know who will die. Instead, celebrate her life. She was a good friend to you, and she would not have gone on this mission if she was scared for her life."

Sakura did not say anything.

"And I do appreciate what you did for me," said Naruto. "I know you worked hard to save me. Thank you, Sakura."

"You're welcome."

It was then Naruto recalled something she'd said. "Wait, did you say you've already gone to her funeral? How long ago was this?"

Sakura span around, her gloved hands quickly wiping away the tears from her face. "Crap! I completely forgot to tell you! You slipped into a coma after the operation and-"

"How long has it been?" He interrupted.

"Two weeks."

Naruto almost jumped. "Where are my clothes?" He first asked.

"In that bag- hey, don't start changing in front of me!" Sakura shouted as Naruto started to remove his hospital gown.

"Stop acting so modest, I know you must've seen me when you performed the operation," Naruto snapped, as he quickly changed. His coat was missing, to his annoyance, as was his armour, but he was soon changed into a simple shirt and trousers ensemble.

He turned back to Sakura to see her covering her eyes with her fingers. "Have my friends contacted- no, the radio was broken. Was there any message sent by any other means?"

"No," said Sakura, still covering her eyes. "Are you done?"

"No," said Naruto, rustling his shirt a little. "I need to return- they will be awaiting news from me. If any other Akatsuki members are sighted, as I said, messages sent to The Spiralling Sphere will find me."

Sakura opened her eyes as she heard Naruto move away. "Hey!"

"Sorry," said Naruto, as he reached the door. "Where's all my other equipment, anyway?"

"Kakashi-sensei was holding onto it for you," said Sakura. "Oh, and I got you a present. Even though you've been a bastard since you got up, you ought to have it."

"What is it?" said Naruto, accepting a small paper bag.

"Tapes," said Sakura, twirling a strand of hair embarrassedly. "I recorded the episodes of _The Adventures of Detective Hotaka_ for you so you wouldn't miss them."

Naruto stopped, as his face broke into a small smile. "I see."

"N-Not because I like it or anything!" Sakura protested. "I just wanted to do you a favour!"

"Of course," said Naruto. "I didn't think of anything else." His grin told a different story.

Sakura's face was the same colour as her hair. "Jerk," she said, punching his shoulder, but there was none of her monstrous strength in it.

Naruto smiled again, and headed to the door. "Goodbye," he said, as he left Sakura in the empty room.

She sighed, and then suddenly Naruto stuck his head through the doorway. "By the way, could you tell me where I could find someone else?"

* * *

Shikamaru was in a state Naruto had never seen him. Not due to his undone hair or the hospital gown, but the absolutely defeated look on his face.

"I brought flowers," said Naruto, as he put the yellow flowers into a vase by his bedside.

Shikamaru turned his head slowly to look at them. "I could've sworn I saw a woman give these very flowers to a guy just down the ward."

"What an amazing coincidence," said Naruto, taking a seat.

"Why are you here?" Shikamaru asked.

"Can't a man come and see a childhood friend when he's in the hospital?" Naruto asked.

"If you're here to point out you were right, go ahead," said Shikamaru. "Go on. We were no match for Akatsuki. You're clearly the greater genius here. If it didn't feel like my hands were torn apart, dragged across rocks, stuck in a fire then stitched back on, I'd clap."

"What are you talking about?" Naruto asked. "You were right. Not me. You told me Team 10 would kill Hidan. You succeeded, without a single casualty."

"Are you trying to fucking mock me?"

"Kakuzu never factored into your plans," said Naruto. "That was supposed to be mine and Kakashi's job."

"So much for that," said Shikamaru. "We took out two hearts and we barely did so. From what I hear you only had to use the most basic of techniques to take three."

Naruto exhaled. "I'm sorry. If I'd arrived sooner-"

"We'd received your medical diagnosis," said Shikamaru. "It was best to let you rest so you could fight at your peak. But even still- I wonder if things could've been different."

"One of my closest friends died, recently," said Naruto. "He'd barely been hanging to life. We'd had to amputate one of his limbs and cut away a great deal of flesh and equip him with mechanical prosthetics. We were outnumbered, fighting an army of mutated men the products of Orochimaru's experiments, and then we were attacked by Deidara of Akatsuki. After all that constant fighting, we knew there would be more if we wanted to escape. And he chose to stay behind to buy us enough time."

"Self-sacrifice," said Shikamaru.

Naruto shook his head. "No. He wanted to live even still. And he killed every last opponent. He managed to make it outside to meet us where he spoke to his wife, and then he finally died, standing. We didn't truly believe it till Hishou reached for him and he fell."

"And why are you telling me this?" Shikamaru asked.

"Because, I look at you, a man who has just lost all his teammates," said Naruto. "And I fear that I am looking at my future. I want to help you- because I don't think I'd be able to help myself in that situation."

Shikamaru did not say anything, but his eyes never left Naruto, his mouth slightly open.

"I want to say something, perhaps impart some words of wisdom that will stay with you for your life," said Naruto. "But I do not want to make myself a hypocrite in such a situation and end up being unable to follow those words."

He rose, and headed to the door.

"Naruto," Shikamaru's voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Yes?" He looked back.

"Your team aren't dead yet. Go and protect them."

Naruto nodded. "I will," he said, closing the door behind him, as Shikamaru settled into his pillows.

Outside, Naruto bumped into Shikaku and Yoshino, Shikamaru's parents, who had evidently been about to visit their son. Both looked surprised to see him.

"Mr and Mrs Nara, a pleasure," Naruto said. "I was just having a word with your son."

"Thank you for rescuing him," said Yoshino.

"It was my duty," said Naruto. "Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead," said Shikaku.

"Why is he still in the hospital? He should've at least been allowed to come home by now, even if he's not at peak condition."

"He- he was," said Yoshino. "But he was readmitted."

"Why?"

"He tried to kill himself," said Shikaku. "He cut himself across the throat with a kunai."

Naruto nodded. He had noticed the bandage around Shikamaru's throat, and he hadn't recalled seeing any wound there when his Clone went to check on Team 10.

"Take good care of him," said Naruto.

"He just feels guilty-" Yoshino started, but Naruto interrupted.

"No. He knows full well that he bears no blame. He knows there was nothing he could've done, nothing that could've been done differently. He's too clever to think otherwise. What he feels guilty about- is that a part of him is already ready to move on."

Naruto said his farewell, and left them as they entered Shikamaru's room, leaving the hospital to head to Kakashi's place.

He felt alive. His senses, after being weakened for so long, were back in full force, and it was oddly exhilarating, the sun on his face, the breeze running through his hair, good strong earth beneath his feet and the "green" smell he always associated with plant life.

He was tempted to run, and see the full strength of his muscles, but he was not fool enough to forget that his muscles must've at least partially atrophied as a result of his aging and then his short coma.

Still, the journey back home would no doubt be a good enough work out. Give him a few days, and he'd have power enough to fight against the rest of Akatsuki. Well, he hoped, anyway.

Six S-class missing-nin he fled from that day, but now four were dead, two by his hand, two by the hands of Konoha shinobi.

He was high atop the mountain, but there was much yet left to climb. Atop the peak waited Akatsuki's leader, the same "god" he'd interrogated a Rain shinobi about three years ago.

But still, he was curious about the one called Tobi. Who was he? Naruto suspected his place on the mountain was higher than he could expect, but-

He shook his head. It was unwise to think so hard on things when he had not sufficient information, lest it bias his chain of thought. For now, it was easier to think of his meeting with Kakashi.

* * *

"Coming!" Kakashi called out as he reached for his crutches, picking himself up from the sofa and began to hobble over to the door. He opened it, only to see no one there. "Right, if this is you fucking kids again, I swear, just wait till I'm off these things!"

"Actually, I'm here."

He turned to see Naruto sitting on the windowsill. "I just knocked on the door before I remembered you were on crutches. I thought I might get here quickly enough to stop you getting up."

"And I don't remember you to have had a bad memory," said Kakashi, shuffling over to Naruto. "Help yourself to food or whatever; I'm guessing you came for your gear. Hold up, I'll get it."

"Don't go putting any pressure on yourself, I'll do it," said Naruto, climbing down from the windowsill. "Where is my equipment?"

"Under my bed," said Kakashi.

"Why'd you hide it there?" said Naruto, as he headed towards the bedroom, Kakashi going back to the sofa, picking up one of his beloved books.

"Couldn't think of a better place," Kakashi called back, as he found his page.

Naruto strapped his breastplate over his shirt and affixed the broadsword to his belt. He threw on the coat, and took up his cane and crossbow before returning to the living room.

"Heading back already?" Kakashi asked, not looking up from his book.

"It's been over three weeks since I first left them, and two weeks without me being able to contact them," said Naruto. "I'm worried."

"Well, I'm sure you'll be able to handle anything," said Kakashi. "Still, if you need me, I'll be off these damn things in a couple of days."

"Just one more question," said Naruto. "Has Orochimaru made any move in the past two weeks?"

"No news on that front," said Kakashi. "Although, I've heard a rumour that he's dead."

"Quite an unlikely rumour," said Naruto.

Kakashi shrugged. "Just telling you what I heard."

"Well, I think it likely I'll find out at some point," Naruto replied. "Goodbye."

* * *

The two were clad in garments of black with red clouds upon them. From under the brim of their hats, they looked upon the town. Their handiwork had destroyed a building and its wreckage was still smoking.

"I still don't get it," said the taller one, a blue skinned man who looked somewhat shark-like. "Where the hell was he? We should've interrogated one of them."

"Unnecessary," said the shorter one, a stoic man with crimson irises. "We were to employ a simple strategy to break in and get him. That's why we simply beat his comrades bloody rather than killing him. Besides, there is only one place he could be."

"Konoha? We heading there?"

"Hm. No. We will let him return to the town and see what has happened. He will be emotionally compromise and come after us."

"So we keep watching the town?"

"No, Kisame. There is no need. We already have bait."

"Oh, that's why you insisted The Blacksmith and Inventor come with us. But are you sure it'll work, Itachi-san?"

"Of course," said Itachi, the tomoes of his Sharingan beginning to spin around his pupils. "This time, Kisame, he has nowhere left to run."

* * *

AN:

I had so much weird shit with getting this chapter out. First there was the fight with Kakuzu. Problem? I'd completely forgotten how Kakuzu fights and I never did bother to look it up, so I pretty much just made it up.

So much of this chapter was cut out then new stuff thrown in.

The ending scene itself was written three times. The first time it would just be Naruto returning to see the destroyed Spiralling Sphere, the second time it would be that, but then a bandaged Takahiro shows up and explains the situation, and it ends with Naruto going after Itachi and Kisame. Then the third time is the current one.

Oh, and you may think I've made things in the future too obvious and there's just too much foreshadowing or whatever. Believe me on this one, don't try and guess how my mind works. Shit will hit the fan, but I do my stuff in a way that no one can predict. Btw, this is the last chapter of the Return Arc.

Anyway, I'm in a fairly good mood, for some reason. What's it called when you look around and you're not filled with festering rage? Well, since I realise this fic is past 100 000 words, there's bound to be some confusing shit in it, and if you review or PM me or whatever, I'll respond to whatever it is you have to say. I generally reply to your reviews anyway, although I need a new obligatory line, cos I believe some of you have realised I use the line "Glad to hear you enjoyed the chapter" too much.

If you never realised that was an obligatory reply, well, put something in your damn review that I can actually reply to. And if you reviewed and you never even got an obligatory reply, er, well, if it was a review that came well after the fic was updated, chances are I never pay that much attention. If not…sorry. I try my best to reply to everyone…apart from you, apparently.

Finally, to make some of my oldest, oldest readers happy, I think I may actually get around to updating Reaper of Death sometime soon, hopefully before the year ends. Whoever said your friendly neighbourhood LightningHunter does nothing for you?

Finally, finally. Kudos to anyone who got the Scrubs reference.


	13. Last Bow I The Black Heart

I think this is one of the shortest chapters I've written for this fic, but it's still over ten pages, don't worry about not getting your fix. Enjoy.

* * *

**Elementary**

_the story of a genius_

His Last Bow I: The Case of the Black Heart

After returning to his headquarters after a successful operation and two more Akatsuki members dead, the Detective should've worn the smile of triumph. But that vanished in an instant when he passed a few people discussing a terrorist attack that had destroyed a restaurant in the town's centre.

He hadn't even heard them mention The Spiralling Sphere by name, but he already knew.

And as he finally rounded the last corner to the district, he saw the wreckage, roped off already, but no law enforcement around, in fact, the street was empty. In the centre of the debris, a black flame still burned.

Naruto's hands curled into fists, nails digging into the palms, nearly drawing blood. His body shook as he approached what had once been a place he could finally call his home. He felt heavier with each step, as though he was walking across a swamp, each foot sinking into the mud and threatening to drag him under.

And as he finally reached the ruins, his hands grasped the rope, eyes soft, lips trembling.

He screamed.

And then he jumped over the ropes, heading to over where the underground base had been. He intended to find his companions, even if he had to dig them out of the earth with his bare hands.

The ground had been torn away, easily revealing the staircase that led down to the door of the base. But to Naruto's surprise, the door was just ajar, with not a single trace that it had been forced with strength or jutsus. He stopped outside the doorway, keenly investigating what he could.

"Two people were here," he said to himself. "Itachi and Kisame, obviously. But they knew the code to the door-"

They'd captured someone. Naruto suspected it was Kenta, who had been away for a while, but they could've just as easily got someone else. But if it was Kenta, they must've held him for some time; the ruins looked like they had occurred in the last week, judging by the burning of the Amaterasu, while Kenta had said he was going away for a week, and that would've been nearly three weeks ago.

Unless they'd tortured him for longer, but then again, surely Itachi would only have had to use one genjutsu and that would've been it. But on the other hand, it was possible Kisame had been put in charge of it.

Naruto entered the destroyed room. The furniture was all shredded, the great table was broken into pieces, the fireplace had collapsed, and there was a thick smell of liquor permeating the air from all of the broken bottles at the bar.

And although there were splashes of blood here and there, he saw no bodies. It was possible that they had been found and taken to the hospital or morgue, but Naruto had seen no footprints that would've belonged to any others.

Then he heard a crash above, as though had someone had also entered the site.

"Naruto! Naruto!"

It was Takahiro's familiar voice, and Naruto ran to the doorway. "Takahiro! I'm down here!"

Takahiro appeared at the top of the staircase. One of his arms was in a sling, while he had bandages wrapped around his head, masking his left eye, but it was him and he was definitely alive. He hobbled down the stairs with his own cane until he stood eye to eye with Naruto.

"Thank-"

He was cut off as Naruto drew him into an embrace. "Hey, watch the arm!" He cried out, and Naruto released him.

"You're alright," said Naruto, relieved, until he remembered his other companions. "Wait, what about the others? Tell me they're alive as well! For God's sake, tell me they're alright, Takahiro!"

"They're fine," said Takahiro. "Or at least, I think they're all fine."

"What does that mean? Has someone been taken?"

Takahiro looked past Naruto to the room. "Should we sit and talk in there?"

Naruto caught his breath. "Yes. Yes, that'd be fine," he said. He had to control himself, and if someone had been kidnapped, prepare himself to go rescue them and take down two of the most powerful members of Akatsuki.

They entered the room together. Naruto found a few chairs that hadn't been torn apart and righted them as Takahiro reached into his pocket, finding a pouch of tobacco. They filled their pipes and lit up, although Takahiro required some help with an arm in a sling.

"So how did you know I was here?" Naruto asked.

"I was coming to the base and I heard your scream," said Takahiro. "Anyway, I'll start from the top. This was a good few days ago. Kenta hadn't returned yet, so we were starting to get a little worried about him. Still, we were a little distracted, because Yuzuki had just given birth-"

"What?" Naruto said, almost rising out of his chair.

"Yes," said Takahiro. "A little premature, as the doctors feared, but the twins are perfectly healthy. So, we hadn't really paid much attention to Kenta's disappearance-"

"There's more to it than that," said Naruto.

Takahiro paused. "Well, yes. It was my fault. I was spending all my time in bars and I was causing Michiko and Hishou too much trouble. So they were usually busy spending the days looking after Yuzuki and the nights looking after me."

Something flashed across Naruto's face; Takahiro wondered, was it scorn?

"And then, one day, when I heard the door open and assumed Kenta had returned."

* * *

"Hey, Kenta-" Takahiro's voice died away as he stared at the two men before him. He'd never encountered them before, but he knew full well who they were from Naruto's words.

"We are here for Uzumaki Naruto," said the shorter man, Uchiha Itachi. "Please ask him to come out."

Michiko had looked up from where she had been poring over Naruto's chemistry scrolls while Hishou had sprung up from the sofa, approaching them, his hand already at the hilt of his sword.

"He's not here," said Hishou. "Sorry that finding your way here was a waste of time."

"Can I?" asked the blue skinned man, Hoshigaki Kisame, looking down at Itachi.

"I will ask once more," said Itachi. "Please ask Naruto to come out."

"He's not here," Hishou repeated. "Don't you think he would've come out by himself if you two had shown up?"

Itachi's Sharingan eyes blazed, but Hishou stared dead into them with no hesitation. "Now leave."

What happened in the following few seconds was too quick for Takahiro to keep up with.

He vaguely recalled Hishou's sword clashing against Kisame's, and as he drew his shikomizue, a blinding pain awoke in his arm as he heard bones crunch, followed by a sharp pain going through his head and sending him crashing against a wall.

Hishou had put up a good fight, and it was the result of that which had caused most of the destruction. Michiko had thrown in her explosives, but she was too easily overpowered and knocked out.

Then he had lain there, barely conscious as the two searched the rooms, Kisame being unnecessarily destructive. And then, when they'd finally left, he'd seen them take Michiko, and as he opened his mouth to cry out, he heard the building rumble above them.

He had finally managed to get to his feet in a sudden rush of adrenaline, and help Hishou up, and the two had managed to get out before the restaurant was destroyed. Itachi and Kisame were long gone, and they passed out in the street outside, and were rescued by people who'd heard or seen the explosions.

* * *

"They took Michiko as well? Why?" Naruto asked.

"I don't know," Takahiro replied. "But they had to know Kenta's her uncle. Maybe they think he's withholding information from them and want to use her. Or they just might've wanted bait, but then I don't know why they left Hishou and I behind."

Naruto exhaled smoke as he extinguished his pipe. "I'm going after them."

Takahiro nodded. "I'm coming with you."

"Don't be ridiculous," said Naruto. "You're in no condition to fight, and from your story, you weren't able to keep up with them before."

"Just-"

"Be reasonable," said Naruto. "You would only die if you went up against them once more."

Takahiro sighed. "Yes, you're right. I'm sorry. It's just that- I just- god's sake- I fucking hate this! They came here- and there was nothing I could fucking do! They're mortal men just like me, but there's no way I can even harm them!"

His outburst finished, he leant over, breathing heavily.

Naruto watched him, silent. He'd known for a long time about Takahiro's insecurities about being unable to keep up with ninja- after all, it wasn't like he hid it particularly well. Often he'd wondered if he ought to help him try and bridge the large distance, but at the man's age, it was simply too late through natural means- and artificial means would all have potentially fatal drawbacks.

"Come on," said Naruto, rising from his chair. "I need to collect a few things before I go."

"Your scrolls?" Takahiro asked, as he followed Naruto to his room. "You might have some trouble getting past all the security checks considering how much they smashed this place up."

"No need, I have a failsafe," said Naruto, removing a remote from his pocket and pressing a single button.

Takahiro gaped as the safe appeared in the wall, opening. "What? All that crap- the nine digit code for the remote in the fifth from the left coat in your wardrobe, the button under the desk, the second code and a retina test were for nothing?"

"Well, obviously sometimes I'd be in a hurry," said Naruto, packing all the scrolls and journals into a satchel. "And since I always carry this remote around with me, there was never any real problem."

Once the safe was emptied, they headed back into the main room, Naruto briefly stopping before the broken pedestal that had held Anselm's gear and prosthetic arm. He sealed the numerous items away into a scroll, before looking around curiously.

"Where's the arm?"

"Michiko had it with- oh, there it is," said Takahiro, picking it off the floor. "I could have sworn it wasn't here before."

Naruto placed the arm and the sealing scroll into the satchel, before he passed the bag to Takahiro. "Pass the scrolls around to Hishou and Yuzuki, have a good read. We'll need them for afterwards."

"Afterwards?"

"War, Takahiro," said Naruto. "War is here and even with our losses we have to strike back. Come."

He led Takahiro out of the room, sealing the metal door behind them. "I may be gone for some time. I trust you'll tell Hishou and Yuzuki I was here?"

"Obviously," said Takahiro, and Naruto turned away. "Wait!"

"What is it?"

"You see, the twins haven't been named yet," said Takahiro. "Yuzuki thought you might want to do it. They're a boy and a girl."

Naruto still did not look back. "Give one a name from Anselm's homeland, to honour him. And name one after me, to honour his wishes."

"I don't know any foreign names," said Takahiro.

"Yuzuki will know. Tell her to name him after the man who taught Anselm the sword, one of the few men he respected. Arkell, the fencing master."

"Arkell?" Takahiro repeated it, the foreign word hard to pronounce for him. "That's a boy's name, isn't it? What about the girl then? She gets named after you?"

"Naru is a fine name," said Naruto, with a slight shrug of his shoulders. "If Yuzuki disagrees with any of them, tell her the final decision lies with her."

He walked forwards, and disappeared in a gust of wind that left leaves falling to the ground.

"Good luck," Takahiro said to the empty air.

* * *

He found their tracks on a slope overlooking the town. They had been there twice; evidently they had once stood there to look out at the town, and then returned to admire their handiwork after they'd destroyed The Spiralling Sphere.

Or they had returned to leave a clear trail for him.

He followed them regardless.

They quickly went to a road, to Naruto's distaste. The tracks were not fresh, and they would be hard to see with all the others who had passed over the road. But here, he managed to make out the presence of a third person.

Kenta. But where was Michiko?

Perhaps he was carrying her. Too scared to run away, but that didn't sound like the Kenta he knew. More likely he was hypnotised as a result of genjutsu.

But where did they go? If Akatsuki wanted to force a confrontation with him, they would pick an isolated place that would be good for an ambush.

Naruto racked his brains, thinking about the geography of the region around him. There was a valley nearby, but it could hardly be isolated, as there was a small village located there. But then again, the village was certainly on this route.

He had to think about for less than a second.

If they were not waiting for him at the village, then they certainly would have at least passed through it. It was decided, and he broke into a run. His dark boots kicked up dust behind him as he tore down the road as though he was running on hot coals. If they'd hurt Michiko and Kenta-

No. He couldn't think about it. He had to keep control, and restrain his emotions. Now he was cured, the last thing he wanted would be to let the fox slip out again.

And as he thought that, he felt a burning sensation in the pit of his stomach.

* * *

He rounded the last bend in the road before the village. The valley was just up ahead, and now he had a much better view, he came to a halt. He plucked a pair of binoculars from a pocket, and looked through it at the village.

No sign of Itachi or Kis- actually, there was no sign of anyone. Naruto frowned, and readjusted the focus as he looked around. No people, no people, no- ah! There was one, lying in the street in a red blanket-

Naruto froze.

With a shaking hand, he looked around for people. It was as he feared.

The entire village had been murdered.

He instantly returned the binoculars to his pocket and sprinted the rest of the way. This did not look good for his teammates. As he came even closer, he was hit with a foul stench of blood and flesh, and it was nauseating enough for him to cover his nose and mouth with his hand.

Despite his initial urge to want to find the two as soon as possible, he went on with caution. He still had yet to sense the presence of these two, as well as any genjutsu or any ambush. Was it possible they had simply slaughtered the village's inhabitants and passed through the village itself?

But that could not be possible with Akatsuki's usual secrecy.

Itachi and Kisame had to be near, and so did Kenta and Michiko. Of that, he was sure.

Naruto walked through the empty streets, until he came to a great clearing in the village's centre. There was some sort of temple there, with pillars in front of it. And there they were. Kenta and Michiko.

Michiko lay on an altar between the pillars, her body bloodied, herself unconscious- or at least, he hoped so. On a wooden chair next to the altar, Kenta sat, his head hung low, without making any movement or reaction to his presence.

He ran forwards to them. He detected no genjutsu or traps around them, to his surprise, and that meant Itachi and Kisame were probably lying in wait nearby.

"Kenta, can you hear me?" Naruto said, shaking the man by the shoulders.

"You came," said the Blacksmith, his voice flat. "I was waiting."

Naruto moved over to Michiko, leaning forwards so he could check her for a pulse. "Where's Itachi and Kisame? Why are they not here? What trap are they planning?" He said, finding a pulse on her wrist and sighing with relief.

"Naruto-"

"When they show up, I'll hold them off," said Naruto. "You have to take Michiko back to the town."

"Why would I?" Kenta asked. "After all this."

"Because-" Naruto cut himself off, as he _realised_.

He had blinded himself, once again as he had refused logic for the sake of emotion. But now, no amount of denial and emotion could stop the pieces of the puzzle from being completed, and the chain of thought was finished.

And it was then, as he realised it was his emotion that had been responsible for all of this, he was overcome by anger.

Naruto pulled Kenta up by his collar, despite that the man was bigger than him. "You! You're the spy!" He screamed. "You're the traitor!"

It was then he realised, just how much had he blinded himself? Kenta had sold him out to every enemy, Konoha, Orochimaru, Akatsuki. He recalled all of the missions that went wrong, and how Akatsuki had known their location, the code to the door- they hadn't tortured Kenta! He just gave them the information because he was working for them!

On his way back to the town, Kakashi had sent Pakkun after him to tell him about how Kakuzu had mentioned that Naruto wasn't supposed to make an alliance with Konoha "yet". Kenta's information had been false, as he'd been away on that "trip" to get materials. That was why Michiko's radar machine had kept picking up his location as still in the town, he'd never even left! He'd just hidden himself and waited for Akatsuki to show up.

That was why he'd never been able to completely clear Uzumaki Inc. of spies- the traitor had been at the top, and could've easily brought in more.

And Naruto's breath caught as he recalled the last mission that had gone badly wrong as a result of the enemy being informed in advance. A mission, coincidently, Kenta had been nowhere near, and Akatsuki had shown up to boot- because it was all planned.

Anselm was dead because of Kenta.

That was it.

Naruto's eyes turned crimson, as he hurled Kenta to the floor, and activated the cane-blade. He approached, only to see light reflect of some glass in Kenta's hand. It was a syringe, and Kenta injected himself in the neck.

If it was poison, Naruto wasn't going to let him get off easily. He advanced; intent on driving the cane-blade into the man's black heart- only for Kenta to grab the cane before the blade penetrated his chest.

This newfound strength was enough for Kenta to swing the cane back, releasing it at the end to throw Naruto away overhead, and he rose to his feet, picking up a large hammer that had lain beside the altar.

"That was your reward from Orochimaru, I take it," said Naruto, rising to his feet. "Methods of putting you on par with ninja. Takahiro would be quite interested. But you're a fool if you can't realise such a method will have drawbacks."

"And you're a fool for thinking I'd do such a stupid thing," said Kenta. "With a few upgrades from Akatsuki, the drawbacks are minute."

"Good," said Naruto. "I wouldn't want you dropping dead in any manner that wasn't a result of me disembowelling you."

While none of the Kyuubi's chakra had leaked through yet, he could not suppress its bestial mind, and his crimson eyes remained, slit pupils glaring at the Blacksmith.

"I've been waiting for this for a long time," said Kenta.

"Do you still blame me for the death of your wife?" Naruto asked. "You killed the man who killed her, and yet you'd still seek to punish me and all those who counted you as a friend and comrade?"

Kenta growled. "You took my wife, and you took my niece."

"What?"

"I'm not a fool like the others," said Kenta. "Even though you care for us a little, I can see you pull us around like puppets, using us like tools to ensure your survival."

"I'm not-" Naruto paused. Somehow, he was reminded of his duel with Hishou. "I am no longer that man you speak off."

"And you used Michiko's infatuation with you to turn her into your slave," Kenta continued. "There's nothing she wouldn't do for you in exchange for a kind word and a smile."

"So you've done this for her benefit?"

"Well, let's see," said Kenta, placing his hand to his chin in mock thought. "Ally myself with the bastard who got my wife killed and uses me and my niece like puppets, or the group of powerful shinobi who we'll probably get killed by if we remain like this."

"You think Akatsuki aren't using you? Can you even hear the nonsense coming out of your mouth?"

"Shut it, you-"

"If you've done this then for Michiko, then explain who hurt her," said Naruto, indicating her wounds.

Kenta snarled. "She wouldn't listen, wouldn't understand what I did for her-"

"She is a stronger, better person than you," said Naruto. "She is my friend, one of six people I deeply cherish. And that is why I will save her from you and Akatsuki."

"Six?" Kenta asked. Michiko, Takahiro, Yuzuki and Hishou obviously made four, but Anselm was dead and he doubted Naruto considered him his friend at the moment.

Naruto shifted into a stance, twirling the cane-blade around his body before holding it ahead of him like a spear. "Pick a spot. I'll make sure to bury you there."

Kenta tightened his grip on his hammer. Then he lunged forwards, a scream escaping his lips, the hammer held over his head ready to swing down.

The cane-blade went forwards as to stab the exposed torso, but already Kenta had moved. His hammer swung from the side, and Naruto ducked, his blade going up to try and stab the arm.

Once again, Kenta had moved already.

Judging by the time in which he avoided his stabs, Naruto estimated Kenta's speed to be around Hishou's, give or take a few milliseconds. His reflexes had improved as well, although not to the same degree.

Kenta came forward with the hammer again, but this time, Naruto did not seek to counter attack, choosing to leap back. Kenta pursued him as Naruto ran through the narrow streets and alleys, his hammer smashing through walls and any other obstacles as though they were made of glass.

Naruto led him up to the rooftops, carefully evaluating the man's skills. His strength could now easily rival Anselm's, robotic arm and all. So far, clear increases in speed and strength, but somehow Naruto suspected there was more to it than that.

But the only way to find out the man's other powers would be through battle, and Naruto took up his stance once more.

"Got tired of running away, did you?" Kenta asked. "Well, it's time to-" He cut himself off as Naruto leapt at him, this time taking the offensive.

"Do you want to see real power, Kenta?" Naruto asked him, his voice deathly quiet with silent rage as he forced Kenta to do little more than parry and dodge his blade.

"Fuck you!" Kenta shouted, as he brought his hammer up to knock away a stab at his forehead. He barged into Naruto, forcing him away as he tried to find some distance, but Naruto kept at him, refusing to give an inch.

They fought for frenzied seconds almost right in each other's faces, neither being even able to swing their weapon properly due to the lack of space. Eventually both simply dropped their weapons and brawled with their fists, finding it far more satisfying to beat the other bloody with their hands.

Naruto's head snapped back from a particularly solid punch that shattered his nose, but he kept moving to deliver a flurry of chain punches to Kenta's chest while his guard was down. While the Blacksmith staggered away, Naruto grabbed his legs and forced him to the ground in a takedown.

He grabbed the man's face, his thumbs digging into Kenta's eyes with a sudden brutality he'd never had before.

Kenta screamed, closing his eyes as he did so, his hands in turn lashing out, punching out at Naruto's face, trying to claw at his throat, or trying to pull back Naruto's hands, but all of it was for naught. He managed to reach out and grab his hammer, and swing it at Naruto's head.

Naruto was knocked across the rooftop, rolling away, bleeding now from his nose and the side of his head. Kenta blinked a few times as though testing his eyes, before he took up his hammer in both hands.

Naruto snapped his nose back into place with a sickening crack. His hands came down, and then his claws burst forth from his gauntlets. He leapt forwards, but once again the hammer swung. This time, not for Naruto's head.

It smashed through the claws on Naruto's left gauntlet, but Kenta didn't expect to see Naruto pluck one of the broken claws out of the air and stab it into the Blacksmith's shoulder. As Kenta screamed, the other clawed hand went for his face, and Kenta barely caught his arm in time.

The claws just touched Kenta's face, and Naruto managed to rake them across the skin, cutting down from his cheek to his chin.

Kenta tried to kick out, but his knee met Naruto's, and the Detective tried all the other harder to make the right claws dig in. The left hand was starting to twist the broken claw in Kenta's shoulder, as Kenta's right hand grabbed his left arm as well.

They grappled with each other there, both refusing to budge. Kenta felt the ground under his feet and waited till he had more grip, and spat in Naruto's face. In that second, he used to shove forwards, wrenching the broken claw out of his shoulder, knocking Naruto's right hand away and forcing the Detective to the ground.

Naruto's knee went up, and then his leg, flipping Kenta over him.

He climbed to his feet and retrieved his cane, as Kenta climbed up as well. Naruto turned around to face the Blacksmith; his eyes still crimson, his face streaked with red.

Kenta shifted in his boots, adjusting his grip on his hammer.

Naruto stared at him, and returned the cane to his belt, carefully strapping it against his leg. He then sheathed the claws on his right hand.

Kenta blinked. "What are you-?"

Naruto charged him with the speed and strength of a bull, and crashed into him as Kenta had just raised the hammer. The two went flying off the rooftop, and Kenta felt the full impact as he crashed onto his back.

Naruto's fist smashed into his face, stopping him resisting, and then he was hoisted into the air, Naruto's left hand holding him by the throat.

The crimson eyes turned blue, and for a moment, Kenta almost saw sadness in Naruto's eyes.

"Rasengan."

The ball of chakra slammed into Kenta's torso as Naruto released his throat.

Kenta screamed as he went flying through the air, the chakra burning him, destroying his insides. He crashed through buildings, and still the Rasengan kept going. It took him all the way back to the temple and he finally came to a stop as he crashed into one of the pillars near Michiko, slumping down amongst the rubble, a bloody mess.

Kenta lay there, only twitching as Naruto approached. "The Rasengan has destroyed your insides," said Naruto. "You are already dead."

"No!" Kenta said; his voice a strangled mix between a gurgle and a snarl. "It's not over!" He clawed at the pillar, trying to climb up again, but it was useless. His hand dove into his pockets, searching for another syringe, but when he finally got it out, it slipped out of his trembling hands, and fell out of reach.

"I'm afraid Naruto-kun's correct, Kenta-san."

Naruto looked up to the temple's roof, and there they were. With their show finished, they had finally stepped in.

* * *

"Hey, Itachi-san, the brat looks like he's gotten a little bit tougher than last time," remarked Kisame, leaning against Samehada as he looked down on them.

Itachi did not reply as he gazed over the scene, his face betraying no emotion, as ever.

"You!" Kenta gasped. "You said- if you were here, why didn't you help me?"

"While Akatsuki very much appreciates your hard work, Kenta-san, our interests are only mutual for so long," said Itachi. "You forget we do not actually wish Naruto-kun dead; we are after the demon sealed into him. His death is only an unpleasant side-effect of what will occur when we actually capture the Kyuubi."

Kisame chuckled, evidently having thought Itachi funny. But his laughter only served to infuriate Kenta.

"Then why did you leave me here to face him?"

"Well, there was never any danger of you killing him," said Itachi. "Even after we gave you those boosters, it was still apparent that Naruto-kun is simply superior to you in battle."

"What a wonderful compliment," said Naruto offhandedly.

"But, you insisted on fighting Naruto-kun yourself," said Itachi, continuing as though Naruto had never interrupted. "So we decided to let you, thinking you may get lucky and at least weaken him and hopefully make our job a little less difficult. Sadly, although Naruto-kun did not defeat you unscathed, when you consider his healing ability, none of his injuries look like they'll be hampering him."

"So where the fuck does that leave me?" Kenta screamed.

Itachi raised an eyebrow. "I would have thought that obvious. You're dying. Out of respect for the fine work you did for us, we'll refrain from silencing you and let you live as long as it takes for you to bleed out and your body crashes and shuts down from the damage done to your innards."

Kenta fell back into the rubble, shattered.

Naruto spared him one last glance before looking back at Itachi and Kisame. "Well then?"

In a whirl of their cloaks, the two disappeared and reappeared on the ground, one on either side of Naruto. Naruto took his time to unstrap his cane and activate its blade, while he unsheathed the claws on his right hand.

"Do you want me to fight both of you or one after the other?" Naruto asked.

"Kisame, we'll try and finish this quickly," said Itachi. "If he keeps up for too long, leave it to me. We can't risk you injuring him too severely."

"Sounds good," said Kisame. "Well kid-"

Naruto ducked under the first swipe of Samehada. _He'll swing again, and then a third time vertically._

He stepped back to avoid the second swipe, and as he predicted, Kisame pulled the sword over his head to bring it down with power.

Itachi came forwards in a step as though to stab Naruto in the back, but Naruto trapped the kunai between his claws. He twisted around Itachi, placing him in the path of Kisame's sword, and as Kisame stopped, he stabbed Kisame over Itachi's shoulder with the cane-blade.

Just as he did that, Itachi's hand struck him in the face as the Uchiha twisted around, and Naruto jumped back to avoid a strike to the gut.

He moved forwards, taking care to not look into Itachi's eyes, and attacked Itachi, but his cane and claw were unable to get past the kunai. As they locked in stalemate, Naruto aimed a low kick at Itachi's leg, and as Itachi stumbled away, Naruto grabbed his arm.

He kicked him into Kisame.

"You don't feel as powerful as last time I saw you, Itachi," said Naruto. "In fact, have you actually grown weaker?"

Itachi gazed at him, his face as ever, emotionless. "It is true. I am no longer as physically capable as I once was. But you know as well as I do that is not where my speciality lies."

"Genjutsu," said Naruto. "But that won't work on me anymore. Not after what happened before."

"Really? Perhaps you'd put that to the test."

"Of course," Naruto replied, and he raised his head, looking up from Itachi's torso to his eyes.

Then Naruto was trapped in the vines of a tree that had appeared behind him, but he did not react in the slightest, nor did he change the assured look upon his face.

Itachi raised an eyebrow, his only indication as to his bemusement about Naruto not doing anything to dispel the genjutsu. He shot forwards with his kunai, but once again, Naruto caught with his claws.

He did so, despite not having done anything to stop the genjutsu, resulting in that his arm now appeared to be going through the vines.

"How did you do that?" Itachi asked.

Naruto smiled. "I'm so grounded in logic and reality that I'm fully aware that this is not real. As such, I don't even have to do anything to stop it. My body knows this isn't real, even if my eyes see different, and I can still move through it."

Itachi backed away, dispelling the genjutsu anyway. He looked over to Kisame, who had walked away, going around in a circle to surround Naruto.

"So, you've learnt quite a bit over these years, then," said Itachi. He returned the kunai to its holster, his hands forming the shape of a hand seal.

Kisame ran forwards, with Samehada, and as Itachi only made the second seal in the sequence- the ground rumbled, cracks appearing beneath their feet as the earth shook viciously beneath them.

They both jumped away to escape the tremors, landing side by side.

"What the hell was that? Earthquake?" Kisame asked, glancing over to Itachi.

"No, he's doing it," said Itachi, frowning as he seemed to search Naruto's appearance with his Sharingan.

"Some kind of Earth jutsu without seals then?"

"Not quite," said Itachi.

Naruto smiled, and then it was like the entire earth slanted down, sending them back into the midst of the village. The houses shook as they took began to take the effects of the tremors, and what was first only a fight to keep balance suddenly became a struggle to avoid the falling debris.

Itachi blew a falling house out of their way with a powerful Fire jutsu, and then Naruto appeared through the burning wreckage, his cane-blade and claw readied.

They fought through the collapsing buildings, using chakra to cling to any surface that could give them any temporary foothold. Having to put up with both the falling houses and the earth that shook any time they gained the advantage, Naruto was getting more hits in on them then they would've liked, although they'd defend well enough to avoid any fatal blows.

Eventually the two had cleared the main village and made it back to the temple despite Naruto's efforts. They stood once more in the clearing, and if not for the numerous wounds dotting all three of them, there was little that could've shown their fight to even have happened.

"What the fuck was that?" Kisame asked, once again looking over to Itachi.

Itachi's face, despite being mostly blank, held both shock and even the slightest hint of awe. "Impressive. Most impressive."

"Mind filling me in?"

"Naruto-kun is using no chakra for his technique," said Itachi.

"How is that possible?" Kisame demanded, the man completely taken aback. "If he's not using chakra, what is he using?"

Itachi continued. "Chakra consists of both physical and mental energy." His Sharingan eyes glinted. "Naruto-kun has succeeded in manifesting mental energy by itself."

Kisame's eyes widened, as Naruto gave a thin smile. "You've figured it out, as I would've expected, Itachi."

"How the hell do you only use mental energy?"

Itachi then did something very strange for him; he shrugged. "I am not the one who created this technique, Kisame. But my theory is that due to Naruto-kun's intelligence, he has considerably higher mental energy than the average shinobi."

"But unless his physical energy is negative, his mental energy can't be stronger than chakra," said Kisame.

"That would be the beauty of it," said Itachi. "Despite how much mental energy he has, it is still too weak to be manifested as anything other than movement. To be precise, vibrations. The vibrations pass through his body and to the earth."

"So what? He's creating earthquakes with his mind?"

Itachi nodded. "More or less."

Kisame looked back to Naruto. "Fuck."

"But it is not a perfect technique," said Itachi. "Even this technique has flaws. I should imagine he cannot use it whilst moving, or at least to not such a degree of power. Hence the technique being just only enough to shake the ground when we just fought, even though Naruto-kun managed to use it to shift all the earth in the village before."

"An accurate and valid theory," said Naruto. "But just seeing through this technique does not mean you have defeated me. As you've noticed, I'm full of surprises, and I've been preparing to face you two for a long time."

"That much is apparent," said Itachi, stepping forwards. "Kisame, I shall handle this."

Kisame shrugged, and disappeared. Naruto did not have to look back to tell he had reappeared atop the temple to get a good view.

The ground shook and Itachi leapt up into the air, his hands completing the seals for a complex Fire jutsu in mere seconds- as Naruto shot forwards, raising his cane so Itachi would be pierced by the blade as he fell.

Itachi landed on the blade's point with one sandal, with perfect balance.

Even he did not expect Naruto to shake the ground beneath himself, and as Naruto slipped, so did Itachi, the blade piercing into his foot before it was knocked away by the quake.

"You plan for everything, don't you," said Itachi, as he landed on the ground, unconcerned by the blood coming from his foot.

"Including how you managed to wipe the poison from the blade while we fought through the falling houses," said Naruto, and Itachi looked vaguely surprised. "It explains why you're not rolling on the ground, clutching your foot in agony."

"You have a tendency to overthink things, Naruto-kun," said Itachi. "You must be simple, efficient and brutal."

"Such is what a shinobi strives to be," said Naruto. "But I'm not a shinobi."

"Is that so?" Itachi asked. "You use the techniques of one, you fight like one, and you were trained as one. Why hide from who you are?"

"And you do the same?" Naruto asked. He attached the cane to his belt, keeping the claw on his right hand. His left hand went into a pocket, and came out with his fist closed around something.

Judging by his knowledge of Naruto's fighting style; Itachi estimated that the chances of it being some sort of explosive was high, but then again, Naruto would not go to the effort of hiding it.

"I am Uchiha Itachi, the man who killed his family," said Itachi. "That is who I am."

"Please stop wasting my time," said Naruto. "I have precious little time to kill you and your teammate, and I'd rather not have to make any more idle banter."

Itachi actually gave a light chuckle. "That I can agree on."

Shuriken appeared in his hands, but Naruto had already realised it to be a distraction tactic and leapt out of the way of a Shadow Clone bursting from the ground. As he dodged its strikes from a kunai, he already calculated that Itachi was using this as a setup for a ninjutsu.

He caught the kunai between his claws, before falling backwards to launch his foot into its chin, dispelling it just as an incredible rush of flames ate up the earth as it shot towards him.

Just as he was about to dodge, he realised that the temple, and by default, Michiko was behind him. Itachi, that bastard-

He activated the Chakra Shield on his left gauntlet, his forehead breaking out in sweat as a result of the high temperatures that he was weathering, and jointly with fear- being forced to remain stationary against Itachi?

And just as he had finished bearing the flames, he felt Itachi's left hand on his shoulder.

His right hand stabbed Naruto in the back with a kunai, punching through with enough force it was like the breastplate was made of paper.

"Konoha's Silencing Poison," Naruto heard Itachi say into his ear. "The lips, tongue and jaw are all paralysed, preventing the person from talking, if the poison or wound fails to kill. The hands are forced into fists and lose all feeling, preventing someone from writing down anything in their last moments. The poison itself is very painful, filling a man's mind with pain so even his thoughts cannot betray anyone. In this case, it will serve to make it too difficult to concentrate your mental energy, rendering that ability useless."

Naruto knew this poison, he'd even been writing about in his scrolls lately. It could be treated with another poison- he had it on his person. But with his hands forced into fists, there was no way he could apply to himself.

He fell to his knees, the pain starting to get to him, making it too hard to think. He tried to defy Itachi's words and focus his mental energy, but there was no such luck.

"This kunai has punctured your lung," said Itachi, and as he said so, Naruto could feel blood rising up in his throat. Itachi shoved Naruto forwards, one hand opening Naruto's mouth, although he could not force apart his jaws unless he was intent on breaking them. The blood drained through Naruto's teeth, spilling to the ground beneath him.

"While such a wound would kill a lesser man, with your healing ability, you should be able to survive it," said Itachi. "In a few moments, you will pass out. This fight is over, and you have lost, Naruto-kun."

* * *

AN: Yes I'm such a dick. We got one big cliffhanger last chapter, and we end on an even bigger one this time.

Okay, time to clear some shit up before you start badgering me.

I did not pull Kenta's betrayal out of my arse. I've been foreshadowing it for ages and I even tried to explain most of it. Although I didn't plan his character out with the betrayal in mind, it later became necessary to find something to do with him other than keep him as "Michiko's gruff uncle who hangs around in the background". I'm sorry, I know many of you were interested in... *goes back to the poll he once made when asking for which OC sounded most interesting*. Huh, Kenta was the least voted for coming second to the one sap who had a better idea for an OC. I guess no one ever gave him any of that sweet Blacksmith love.

Naruto's introduced powers- genjutsu resistance and earthquakes from his mind. The former, although not foreshadowed as much, was created from Naruto's fear of Itachi's skill with genjutsu. In the earlier chapters, sometime after their encounter, it's explained Naruto discovered Itachi had placed a genjutsu on him. It's not perfect, as you could see Naruto still tries to avoid the Mangekyo's Tsukuyomi. The latter, was from an earlier idea I had that I discarded originally in thoughts that it would be too superpowered. The original plan was telekinesis, which would've been superpowered. In this, Naruto shakes the ground, with varying strength depending on if he's moving. He can't exactly open up massive chasms, or destroy entire islands, he's not FUCKING WHITEBEARD ...sorry, but when you mention someone like FUCKING WHITEBEARD, you've got to put all that in capitals and put the word "fucking" before it. Since he can only really use it to either throw people off balance and on their arses (which is handy if they're trying to charge you, make seals or if you want an opening for your attack), or try and crush them with debris depending on the environment, it's not really as powerful as it sounds. You'll notice he used the earthquake trick against Kakuzu last chapter to stop his attack, except Kakuzu was too pissed off at the time to try and figure it out.

Oh, and points to whoever spotted Naruto quote Kenshiro and Itachi quote Darth Vader.

**OMAKE:** Anselm Fights On (not really that funny, I wrote it in a rush to get out the next installment of Anselm's amazing ghost arm thing)

What happened in the following few seconds was too quick for Takahiro to keep up with.

He vaguely recalled Hishou's sword clashing against Kisame's, and as he drew his shikomizue, a blinding pain awoke in his arm as he heard bones crunch, followed by a sharp pain going through his head and sending him crashing against a wall.

Then Kisame jumped back as something flew through the air, narrowly missing him and landing on the table.

"What on earth?" Itachi said, staring at the object. It appeared to be a prosthetic hand and arm, all made of metal.

The hand then displayed the "wanker" gesture to them, before it jumped forwards, punching Itachi in the gut, sending him to the ground. It then jumped up and grabbed Kisame's face, causing him to scream like a girl.

"Get it off me! Get it off me!" He shrieked, batting it away with his hands, knocking it onto the fallen Itachi.

Itachi groaned and looked up, the pain in his stomach great enough to cause him not to notice the metal arm on his chest. "Kisame, what are you doing?" He asked, as Kisame loomed over him, holding a chair.

"Itachi, don't move," Kisame whispered as he approached.

"Kisame, what are you-"

"Don't move."

"No, Kisame- listen to me-!"

Kisame brought down the chair, but the arm jumped off Itachi's chest, avoiding the chair completely. Itachi was not quite so lucky.

"Did I get it? Did I get it?" Kisame shouted, waving the chair around like a lunatic as he searched for the arm.

Itachi got up, enraged, his eyes glowing with the Mangekyo Sharingan. "Kisame! Seventy-two hours of being made into shark fin soup again!"

While Kisame started flipping out and screaming about evil Chinese chefs, Hishou looked down at the arm. It seemed to be quite proud of itself, as much as an arm could be. "I'm not saying it," he said, but he swore to God that somehow, the arm managed to glare at him. "No, I'm not saying it."

The metal fingers formed a fist.

Hishou groaned. "Thanks for your help, B- Anselm. And my assassin costume was made for me by my mummy."

The arm fell back, the fingers flailing as though it was laughing itself silly.

"You are such an idiot."


End file.
